Reading this thread makes me feel guilty but also sad about what others experience. As a person who got bullied by students, got hated by plenty of people, got physical abused by other students and sometimes even from some of my family. A person who lost almost every friend and no longer talk to his (my) only remaining friend that much and struggles to find any new friends at school or on internet, feeling disconnected from others. I feel somehow guilty for feeling a bit depressed when i hear you guys and especially when i look at places filled with ongoing wars or poverty. Doesn't help that i actually got people replying to me about why i'm b:censored:ing about my problems when some people have far worse life's. (Looking at these posts, turns out i'm not the only one who felt guilty about that. At least i'm not alone).
Life used to be much better when i was at 5th grade and before. The moment i reached 6th grade and a riot/uprising provoke over here, things started going south. Of course there were some up points between that and now but still from that point on, problems started to occur for me. Student started spreading fake rumors about me and started bullying me, people started fighting over their religion believes, note that i'm not trying to insert religion here but some students from other side of these believers happened to started attacking me. Some teachers were hostile towards me. Got involved in some fights ever then and now. I Lost most of my friends due to a simple misleading. Lost some family members over the years and some of my families started to get some diabetes & blood pressure effects. A thing that pissed me off back then was when i explained the reason behind not coming school due to spending my time at a funeral for my late aunt to students and guess what? they started to make fun of her.
My brother got some slight DVT right now and i haven't seen him for some time.
Apart from School, i spend most of my time at home alone (Not pun intended) with no one to hang out or talk with. I started to spend much more time on GTPlanet and some other places because i didn't wanted to feel alone and simply make some friends. Unfortunately that didn't work because i felt out of place and i made some pretty stupid mistakes in the past. I tried to get together with someone locally including at school but that didn't work ether because my interest were far away from their's and thanks to those fake rumors that got spread all the way to this day, making people who's first time meeting me hate me immediately.
I don't see my parents often apart from morning, launch and night time when they about to go sleep due to occasion visits to my brother at hospital and me spending half of my day at school. There were times where i got blamed for some actions and even threatened to be getting hurt, some of which indeed happened. I don't want to go further about my family because i find it to be a bit more private thing, probably it's just my culture who view things like privacy differently but almost my entire family group'd up against me for some small things at some point in my life. Another thing is that i was complaining several times about having no friends to my dad and he respond by "Oh don't worry, just wait until University and maybe you would have friends and even a girlfriend". He doesn't seems to care about that and just give any answers to go "oh it's not that bad" instead of actually helping me. Remember how some people say why i'm feeling bad and starts complaining about what i'm saying? He along with one of my second brother are one of those people. I mean like University? the time where it would gone worse for me since i don't like spending my entire day studying for something. I'm already started panicking about some of my classes especially maths and some Business subjects..etc. My dad was also angry at me last Monday for not getting the results he wished for even thought i improved myself over the last few grades. That's School, not sure about you guys but i always assume University is way harder than School. That and i doubt i'll have friends any time soon. I always tell him about students annoying me and he says "Oh ignore them, they will stop and move on" which's a total BS IMO because i still have this thing going on from 6th all the way to now, it's 12th Grade now! I spend most of my time quiet yet they (Students) somehow stayed the same and never grew up. The School doesn't give a s:censored: about me and just starts blaming me when a fight broke out between me and some group. I no longer have friends at school yet when i used to have them, they didn't give a s:censored: when i got involved in that ether.
To be honest, the only thing is worth mentioning here is all i wanted is someone to relax with and have fun especially when i have some problems or have some hard times. I keep asking why no one wants me? I keep saying why everyone else i see seems to have friends while i'm not? especially at school? Why they seems to have fun while i'm not? Why my family always request my help at everything yet they get angry and starts shouting at me for simply not knowing how to do it? Why students make fun of my mental condition? Why they like to harm me? Why no one is defending me at school? Where those friends who claimed that they will step up whatever i face problems? Why they left me alone? Why the students hate me? Why the people at the internet hate me for being
different from them? Why some people wants me or my parents to die? What did i do wrong for these to happen? I just wanted some friends and a family that actually care about me.
Living alone isn't fun. Sure there's people who doesn't give a F:censored: about being alone but i can't. It hurts to experience that. I assumed that spending time at GTP might makes things better. I thought i'll be having fun here and feel a bit more happier. Yet i feel disconnected from everybody else, i feel like no one really cares. I'm just some random members who posts nonsense to them. This post is probably stupid nonsense to every one else. I just feel ignored over here. Already people don't want me in real life and now one of my daily sites i visits happens to be the same.
At least i want something like a bird, a dog or a cat, something to take care of as my pet. I think i better end this right here. I can't take this anymore, weekends isn't that fun anymore. Most of my day usually be anger, frustration, sadness or depression.
. For those who I had problems with in the past on GTP (and IRL), I hope you forgive me for what I have done. I'm a bit easy to get angry but thankfully this became less of a problem.
