Dreams, Life, and Memories

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Now, recently I saw the Jim Carrey movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind -> http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=info&id=1808457310 <- It blew my ****ing mind. I must say due to recent events in life it really struck me at home. One of the biggest reasons why I am up here was because I thought I met the person of my dreams. Every quality I was searching for I found. All the pain from the past was lifted away from me. As everyone knows things did not work out. Some know more details then others. I left a lot of true friends behind in the process of moving up here. Everyone has at one point or another either lost a friend due to moving or had their friends move away. It sucks to tell the truth. When I was in Orlando, I vowed to never pick up and leave like I have done to Connecticut and Fort Lauderdale. It is funny How history repeats itself, but the circumstances are always different. I moved to Orlando following a girl, and I left Orlando because of a Woman. One day that will be a book and everyone needs to buy a copy. Whether you laugh at it or not, doesn't matter. Beleive it or not, I had this funny freaking idea the other night. (speaking of writing a book). I am going to call the book -> "Would You **** Me" -> The point behind this book is the local bar and club scene. Everyone at one point or another has observed people interacting at the bars and you see the pathetic braggers, the sueve chaaches, the quiet and lonely, etc. Well, I am going to start out the book with asking 100 women "Would you **** me?" and from the general reaction of this I am going to write a detailed observation of what it is like getting slapped, getting drinks spilled in my face, maybe getting lucky, who knows how one will react. I brought this idea up to Heather and Shelly and they literally were pissing their pants when I got detailed by it. My only question is, should I bust out the vaseline to reduce the impacts? So if you guys ever see a book labeled "Would You **** Me?" please buy it : ).





How fragile are humans? Do you consider one strong because physically he or she can lift so much weight? Is it based upon being emotionally strong? Does Will-power have an affect with it?



The human body, mind and soul truly are fragile things in life. It is the root of our Lifeblood. Mind you without our body, mind and soul we would be lifeless. Just an entity of existence as a vegetable. Basically, taking up space as a lifeless piece of matter.



Physically what makes a human strong? Is it endurance? Are you able to withstand extreme torture towards your body over an extended period of time? Well, with my tests and results I would say it does not matter how much you can lift or how long you can lift it makes you strong. It is the fact of being able to put pain and hurt of the body in a separate place and existence versus what you feel. Perfect example was last weekend at the Skate Park by the beach. The first time I ever had the guts to try something new and un-trained for. I tried to do a back flip off the half pipe. The first few times I busted my ass, but perseverance kept me at it. The end results of trying this are a ton of aching bones and muscle, a fresh new scar on my face and basically defeated in my attempts. So, am I a strong body? It is perspective that will tell you that. I think I am, because I am going to go right out there again this weekend and put my body to the extreme. The problem lies here though. . . I don't think without my mind or soul would I have been able to bear the agony of punishing my body the way I have. Thus, I believe you need to be strong in every aspect to be a strong person.


Mind, without it we have no thoughts, no questions, no answers, nothing. We simply take up space without a mind. There are those out there that can't make a decision and simply go with what others want. That sums up the weak from the strong. Mind you, even the strong sometimes show signs of weakness. I actually like to call it stupidity. We have all had our end-user moments. But, why would one subjectly put their mind into a situation where they could harm themselves? Better yet, why would someone want to keep something that not only Taints them because it will remind them of a bad memory, but it will also make the scars last longer. These people I look upon with sadness in my eyes, because they simply can't let go of something that never truly was. Things happen and we all get hit with a baseball bat once or fly into a concrete barrier next to Universal at 30 to 45 mph and then get T-boned. That is life and those are consequences that our actions project. Mentally speaking, what makes us strong is the willingness to endure greater feats right after a bitter defeat. The ability to not lose faith in the goodness of humanity when things are in the **** of the ****.
 
I had a pretty disturbing dream two nights ago, although the description never seems to fully express the feeling of dread I woke up with.

Put simply, civilization had failed. All the buildings, infrastructure, things associated with modern life, things taken for granted like electricity, water, etc. were all usless things. Faucets were dry. Light switches no longer did anything. Cars sat dormant; there was no gas.

No reason was given. That was not in the dream. It had just happened.

Everybody knew it, and was slowly comming to terms with it. The tension was mounting and the world was approaching a state of panic, and, most likely, self destruction. The deam was like the stunned period before one reacts to some major affront.

I woke up feeling like I had seen the end of the world. It took me a good hour to shake it off.
 
I have been having pretty vivid dreams lately. Many of my recent dreams seem to be concerned with a certain group of friends I consider quite close, with a few people in particular. My dreams only occur, or are only memorable at least, when I am at a less than happy point in my life. I can kind of use it as a indicator to know when I am really unhappy or incontent, not that it serves any purpose and is usually fairly obvious.

If you're interested in my opinion on dreams: They are the result of what is occuring in your life at that particular time, and are produced from past experiences or emotions. I don't feel that they mean anything per se, but they might reveal the true feelings or emotions that you have consciously or perhaps subconsciously towards a certain person or subject. My dreams are rarely "good", and stem from what I am most unhappy about at the time.
 
Lately I have been having a hard time just sleeping for more then an hour at any given point in time. I have had a lot of anxiety and fear creep up on my and destroy the progress that I have been working so hard for. I believe that when I finally get to the point where I am starting my next evolution, I will not hesitate anymore. We shall see.
 
I was smoking cigarettes in my dream last night, and I haven't smoked in 7 years. I could taste Flavor Country, and yet I was sleeping. Kind of disturbing.

Ever try to read in your dreams? Whenever it's more than a few words, it just turns to gibberish. Odd.

Sadly, I don't dream as vividly as I used to. The past four years haven't poduced the amazing, life-changing dreams I used to enjoy having. Maybe it's because I'm much more skeptical than I used to be; shallow visions don't guide me the same way I used to, I tend to be more empirical with day-to-day events, and evolve and adapt as necessary.
 
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