- 89,902
- Rule 12
- GTP_Famine
Oooooooo-kay then.
Timeline - a time travel film starring Billy Connolly. Decent enough start.
Oh no! Downhill fast!
We start off with someone cropping up dead and it's quickly covered up by a hush-hush corporate plot... Only it turns out that the company actually only make a 3D fax machine (read "teleporter") and have accidentally found a way to go back in time to a specific point (in 1357).
Handily a group of archaelogical students is doing a dig at a site where a huge battle between the French and English will take place, 6 hours ahead of the specific time the Fax Machine sends things to. And even more handily, the company is funding the dig. Then, oh no! The head of the dig site - Billy Connolly - gets teleported back in time accidentally to 1357 France.
Yep - that's precisely the level of sophistication we get here. Everyone's aware that the English are at war with the French, Scots and indeed anyone else, but nonetheless send back a party consisting of a Frenchman, two Scots ("I'm from Scottish"... oaf) and several Americans, whose accents are never mentioned. Everyone apart from the girl, Billy Connolly, that bloke out of F&F/2F2F and the bloke who is apparently from Scottish gets killed in the next 25 minutes, which is a bonus because the director can't cope with more than one storyline at a time.
Lots of things happen that were predestined to - someone breaks a mural, just as they found at the dig site! The professor leaves his glasses behind, just as they found at the dig site! Marek (great Scottish name, Andre Marek) gets his ear cut off, just as they zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Paul Walker gets some great lines in - "We've got 650 years of technology on these guys, we'll be out of here in no time". Yep, except you're not carrying any technology and they use big-ass weapons you have no knowledge of. And there's TWO (count 'em) armies.
Key questions for anyone who had anything to do with the movie:
1. A Fax machine that accidentally opens a wormhole? Come ON.
2. An archaeological student who naturally knows all about time travel...
3. Paul Walker?
4. What was with the grenade? When the machine was blown up it didn't ADD to the tension - it made me actually happy that they weren't coming back. And what was wrong with the second machine in New York, precisely?
The film was directed by the guy who did Lethal Weapon, written (well, the book was) by the guy who wrote Jurassic Park and cost EIGHTY MILLION DOLLARS (compare to LOTR:TTT which cost $90m).
Utter, utter dross. And unlike the Matrix: Revolutions and Kill Bill, which I expected to be awful and wasn't disappointed, this film had no preconceptions attached to it at all. Don't. Under any circumstances.
Timeline - a time travel film starring Billy Connolly. Decent enough start.
Oh no! Downhill fast!
We start off with someone cropping up dead and it's quickly covered up by a hush-hush corporate plot... Only it turns out that the company actually only make a 3D fax machine (read "teleporter") and have accidentally found a way to go back in time to a specific point (in 1357).
Handily a group of archaelogical students is doing a dig at a site where a huge battle between the French and English will take place, 6 hours ahead of the specific time the Fax Machine sends things to. And even more handily, the company is funding the dig. Then, oh no! The head of the dig site - Billy Connolly - gets teleported back in time accidentally to 1357 France.
Yep - that's precisely the level of sophistication we get here. Everyone's aware that the English are at war with the French, Scots and indeed anyone else, but nonetheless send back a party consisting of a Frenchman, two Scots ("I'm from Scottish"... oaf) and several Americans, whose accents are never mentioned. Everyone apart from the girl, Billy Connolly, that bloke out of F&F/2F2F and the bloke who is apparently from Scottish gets killed in the next 25 minutes, which is a bonus because the director can't cope with more than one storyline at a time.
Lots of things happen that were predestined to - someone breaks a mural, just as they found at the dig site! The professor leaves his glasses behind, just as they found at the dig site! Marek (great Scottish name, Andre Marek) gets his ear cut off, just as they zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Paul Walker gets some great lines in - "We've got 650 years of technology on these guys, we'll be out of here in no time". Yep, except you're not carrying any technology and they use big-ass weapons you have no knowledge of. And there's TWO (count 'em) armies.
Key questions for anyone who had anything to do with the movie:
1. A Fax machine that accidentally opens a wormhole? Come ON.
2. An archaeological student who naturally knows all about time travel...
3. Paul Walker?
4. What was with the grenade? When the machine was blown up it didn't ADD to the tension - it made me actually happy that they weren't coming back. And what was wrong with the second machine in New York, precisely?
The film was directed by the guy who did Lethal Weapon, written (well, the book was) by the guy who wrote Jurassic Park and cost EIGHTY MILLION DOLLARS (compare to LOTR:TTT which cost $90m).
Utter, utter dross. And unlike the Matrix: Revolutions and Kill Bill, which I expected to be awful and wasn't disappointed, this film had no preconceptions attached to it at all. Don't. Under any circumstances.
. I don't think, in the past year or so, I've seen ANY movie that I can just go off on a limb and call "great". LOTR was a cinematic masterpiece but was in no way an original idea. There were LOTR movies prior but none recieved international recognition the way Peter Jackson's did. Minority Report was only ok and IMO very overrated b/c of Speilberg and Cruise, same with the entire Matrix trilogy......wow, no matter how hard I rack my brain, not one hollywood movie from the last several years comes to mind as being a great movie (Braveheart and one or two others whose names I forget excepted).
wow, I've been forgetting a lot of things lately
