Fatmouse: Because there is a 'me' in 'team'

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People above you that have trouble grasping copy/cut/paste concepts, but still want a detailed explanation of what caused the glictch in the database yesterday evening.

People above you that appropriate themselves others's work, passing for geniuses.

People above you that just refused something you suggested, but will come back in a few months to you with the exact same proposition with trivial (or even without) changes.

People above you. (did I mention I'll become my boss next month? :D)

Walking toward someone while the "I move this side to avoid him" area of your brain are telepathically connected, in mirror mode. This side. No, this side. No, this side...
Same when you arrive at an intersection at the same time as another driver. You go. No, you go. No, you go...
(there is actually a rule for this, but no one seems to care about it)
 
Fatmouse Delaware has recently run afoul of the following vexations:
  • Excessive literalness - the majority of people are completely unable to grasp the slightest abstraction, as manifested by a building committee who cannot recognize a warm, inviting, and carefully detailed brick building because it lacks a large assortment of stuck-on fake plastic Georgian bits such as window shutters that are screwed directly to the wall and are not even intended to ever close, painted styrofoam moldings that are too flimsy to maintain a straight line over their own length, and empty dormer windows that let light into completely unoccupied and inaccessible spaces.

  • Wistful nostalgia - see above. Many people yearn for the Good Old Days, regardless that they themselves are too young to ever have lived in the days for which they pine, and which in any event were not so Good in reality. This manifests in many many ways, from the simpleminded building committee above to the mega-million-dollar production of not one but two Scooby Doo movies, despite the fact that the original Scooby Doo cartoons were an insult to the intelligence of the average 6-year-old and were produced as cheaply as possible short of actually forcing a sweatshop full of Korean animators to paint cels at gunpoint.

  • Fundamentalism - in all its forms, everywhere. I've been staring at this portion of this post for several minutes, starting composition with a few small vexing events, yet the scope continues to widen inexorably until I am filled with bitter irritation and a longing to smite anyone who claims to see a shining vision when they are in fact completely and willingly self-blinded, and who revel in that blindness. I prefer to keep an edge of humor to my cynicism but sometimes it is impossible in the face of the monumental stupidity of a species capable of such moments of intelligence...

Nonetheless I am delighted to herald the triumphant return of Fatmouse and I hope to contribute a few smites here and there in the name of the greater good!
 
Famine
People who classify beavers and capybaras as "fish" because they're scaly-ish and live in the water.
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I didn't know fish had...what's the word I'm looking for, you know...feet? And thus, Snorks are definately not fish. No siree.

jpmontoya
People above you that just refused something you suggested, but will come back in a few months to you with the exact same proposition with trivial (or even without) changes.
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No, they usually just take my good ideas and implement them later, without any credit. Well, I did sign my life away for my job; the business cards were free, anyhow.
 
There's at least one species of fish that I can think of, but not name, which has feet. Besides, it's the Roman Catholic Church's problem, not mine.
 
Joggers who insist on jogging in the road, even though there's a damn sidewalk two feet next to them.

People who believe that if it's in the newspaper, it must be true.

People who hit the "Send" button seven times if Hotmail is slightly unresponsive.

Those who think that other people's food is "public domain".

People with disgusting keyboards that have 10 years of grime encrusted on the keys.

Drivers who ride their brakes on the freeway.
 
The phrase "Intelligent Design" or "Creation Science", used by a particular branch of deity-worshippers who have no concept of what science really is.
 
DQuaN
The way people blind you with their fog lights at dusk when there is no need for them whatsoever.
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I, like millions of other people, have extreme trouble seeing at dusk. I have made left turns directly in front of vehicles with no lighting when practically every other car has their lights on, likely because the driver doesn't think he needs his lights to see. Newsflash: it might not help you, but to a guy like me, it can truly mean the difference between me seeing you or me pulling out in front of you. My car has sixteen airbags, antilock brakes, reinforced side impact pillars, and four traction controls. Does yours? The next time you question whether it's dark enough to put on your lights, please consider that.

I only have one cynical complaint: ALL OF YOU. Get over imperfections and just live. How freaking hard is that? Sage is likely the worst offender, but a lot of you are similarly bad. Teach yourself to not let stuff get to you and enjoy life - it goes a lot better that way. 👍
 
You can't tell me that grimey keyboards aren't disgusting! Can't can't can't!

I should get My Cro— I mean Mike Rotch to add you to the Registry just to spite you. 💡
 
If you think I was cynical before...
My hospital has gone from a perfectly awful, but workable windows based program for putting in labs, looking up results and reports, etc. (Of course, it was a Cerner program)
To a new MS-DOS program.
In 2004, after using windows in some form or another for 12 years, including on my Commodore 64 in the guise of GEOS, I'm now working in the world of DOS, and my bosses are telling me how much better it is than the old program.
I wish they'd stop blowing sunshine up my ass!!! Just tell me the truth. MEDITECH was the absolutely cheapest program available, It discourages actual charting, leaving prosecuting attorneys little to use in a malpractice case.

I'm also right there with duke on the Scooby-doo thing. I like the old cartoons for truly mindless entertainment, but a live action movie!?!?! If they EVER make a live action Scrappy-Doo movie, I'm sending Klos to Hollyweird with a bat to kneecap the mastermind behind it.

It's these people and situations that have convinced me that there is a good reason behind the 7-day waiting period to pick up a handgun.
 
wtf is a fatmouse. lewis black-ism?
vexations? how bout reading that whole friggin thing to not comprehend any of it.

i dont know what a fatmouse is...does that mean i do not know myself? does that piss me off? yes. then therefore, am i truly pissed off if i dont know any better?

yeah, and it goes back to the original vex.

people who are deemed cool because they FOLLOW other influences.
being one of your worst vexations.
MTV. music television with.....*cough* barely any music.
the classic....diet coke at fast food restaraunts.
teachers who are babbling friggin morons and dont do a damn thing but assign work.

ok....i'll stop.
 
Professors who are being paid a minimum of $100k per year and yet they still can't speak proper English

people who call the elevator during rush hour in order to move up or down 1 floor

students in their first year of university who still have the high school mentality and think that university will be a similar experience to what they did through high school. These people can usually be spotted from a mile away. As annoying as they are, it's still fun to give them the wrong directions when they're running late to class :).

The people who gave me the wrong directions to get to class in my first week of university ;)
 
Angry middle aged mothers from the midwest with butch haircuts complaining about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that could be "offensive" for their children to witness or hear.
 
People who drive in their convertable with the top down and their windows rolled up.

People who play counterstrike and spend more time typing in 1337 then typing normally during the heat of battle.

AutoCAD teachers who have AutoCAD 2005 for Dummies sitting on their desk. (My teacher :rolleyes: )
 
Woa :scared:

Great response. It will take a little bit of time to note all responses and make appropriate retrenchments/ promotions to the Registry. It will be done today, i.e. whenever my boss leaves me alone for long enough to do it :grumpy:

In the meantime, keep em coming (even Registered members).

I hear what M5Power is saying about letting it slide, but see it this way. Someone pouring a teaspoon of water on your head is barely noticeable. When 100 people pour 100 teaspoons on your head every day, it becomes harder to ignore ;)
 
M5Power
I, like millions of other people, have extreme trouble seeing at dusk. I have made left turns directly in front of vehicles with no lighting when practically every other car has their lights on, likely because the driver doesn't think he needs his lights to see. Newsflash: it might not help you, but to a guy like me, it can truly mean the difference between me seeing you or me pulling out in front of you. My car has sixteen airbags, antilock brakes, reinforced side impact pillars, and four traction controls. Does yours? The next time you question whether it's dark enough to put on your lights, please consider that.
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Fog lights are much brighter than normal lights and dazzle oncoming traffic. They are meant to be used in fog (hence the name :dunce: ) or poor visibility. In this country it is illeagal to use them unless visibility is 20 feet or less. Normal lights work just fine, I said there is no need for foglights. If someone is coming towards me with their foglights on I can definatley see them, but I can see bugger all else because I have been dazzled and will probably end up in the bush. There is a right time to use them and a wrong time. I'm talking about people who use them when there is no need, just because they think it looks cool.

Please consider that. ;)
 
Righty.

The following members have achieved:

Placement on the Dole 👍

emad: It was looking doubtful for a while, but you scraped a position. There is potential for cynicism somewhere in you.
DQuan: Also looked iffy at one stage, but warmed up to Fatmouse in an encouraging manner.
Zrow: Crikey man, where have you been? Sailed onto the Dole effortlessly. Potential for late nights at the office with no thanks exists. Future looks rosey.
donbenni: Another encouraging soul. Reasons could be some sort of SA connection, which may explain a great deal.
JPM: Good contributions. Work needed to maintain consistency and jadedness.


Placement as an Officeworker

Famine: Good work thus far. If we knew whether a Platypus was more akin to a Beaver than an Otter, this would aid in future ponderations.
Sage: Promotion? Already? Struck a cord with the noisey laugh person. Can the form persist?
Duke: On the precipice of promotion to greatness. Smition (?) or additional entries can increase levels of Fatmousianism.

Oh wells

Omnis: One more attempt permitted for the current period. Odds of entry look long. Some people are just not cut out for it ;)
Dorifto: Was that an effort?!
Event Horizon: Akin to fading cinders in a hearth. We need more fuel! 1/3 good, need 2 good ones from remaining attempt.

?

sn00pie - Trying to cut corners like a good sn00pie would ;) . Try again if you would like to, and remember this old saying as inspiration; "No leg is so short that it cannot reach the ground".

M5Power is hereby voted to Fatmouse Emeritus. But in a controversial decision by the "Board of Trustees" membership is revoked due information received stating, "damnit period he was serious period period".

Overall, 👍. But lest we forget - "Less is more", rather bombard poor old Fatmouse with dodgey vexations, think a few out carefully, and your entry will be smoother into the Fatmouse fold :) If I have mistakenly omitted someones attempt, please notify me and attach a $5 postal order for admin fees.
 
People that try to teach you something, then go off and do it wrong...
People that "sample" fruit at a grocery store...
People that go to WAR in the name of their worshipped god/deity...
 
Actually, what really vexes me is re-written 4/4 time theme-tune music for re-made films. Mission: Impossible, for instance, which was originally composed by the great Lalo Schifrin in 5/4 time, then royally screwed over because Tom Cruise hadn't had a hit film for years.
 
People who walk by my desk and comb thier hair in my door or adjust themselves in other ways seemingly unaware that,, ITS GLASS FOOLS NOT A MIRROR , I see you and I am laughing, you are taking all the fun out of my day by using up my laugh quota. Go away or bring windex with you next time and some donuts laughing makes me hungry.
 
MdnIte: Er, Definitely 1 out of 3. Give Fatmouse 2 more quality ones to establish your credentials

ledhed: Thats only one! Read MdnIte's comment ;)
 
So here's my other two ;
All the people who come into my place and ask where Social Security is ...My place says something else on the door and in VERY LARGE print. When I tell them its not here ...I get a response 4 out of 5 times that " I was told its on BROAD st" ...On my door in large letters at eye level is this address..; 1417 Moyamensing ave....I have not killed yet.
The pin heads that walk by and pick up my news paper or walk up and pick up my phone like they own it.
I HATE PEOPLE AND I WORK IN PUBLIC.
The world has been warned...one day I will declare Jihad on stupid people who I cant for the life of me figure out how they can even BREED being so stupid as to start sucking thoughts from surrounding minds like black holes of intellect that they must be.
I feel much better now.
 
DQuaN
Fog lights are much brighter than normal lights and dazzle oncoming traffic. They are meant to be used in fog (hence the name :dunce: ) or poor visibility. In this country it is illeagal to use them unless visibility is 20 feet or less. Normal lights work just fine, I said there is no need for foglights. If someone is coming towards me with their foglights on I can definatley see them, but I can see bugger all else because I have been dazzled and will probably end up in the bush. There is a right time to use them and a wrong time. I'm talking about people who use them when there is no need, just because they think it looks cool.

Please consider that. ;)
Click to expand...

This problem's been considered by manufacturers and altered, but there's one other problem: fog lights only operate with full headlights on, so saying people who drive with their fog lights on are stupid is the SAME as saying people who drive with full headlights on are stupid at dusk. Also, you'll be happy to know that my fog lights and the fog lights of most new cars point to the ground (though even if they didn't I'd use them, indeed, because it looks cool and I probably paid extra for them).
 
People who take a full shopping trolley to the "Express" checkout for 10 items.

People who claim illegal immigrants are being oppressed in there own country. Really? Was you there? Are you sure they don't just come here for free living?

People who claim benefits, yet they smoke, drink alcohol and take drugs. In my opinion, those are all a luxury and shouldn't be funded by the tax payer.
 
I am the anonymouse and the anonymouse has the following vexations:
  • People who use imperial measurements to make their own and my life difficult, the metric system is clearly superior.
  • People who try to be trendy and hip by replacing s with z's in particular wordz.
  • The old who have mobility scooters and insist driving down the middle of the footpath so that there is no room for others to get past.
  • People who find the joke "Why did the chicken cross the road" funny.
  • Those who claim that driving on the right hand side of the road is the correct side.
  • The fact that when you buy three you don’t actually get another free.
  • All in one utensils, tools, appliances, houses, cars and/or anything else that claim to do a better job but fail miserably.
  • When people say, "Oh nobody will notice".
  • Infomercials selling outrageously useless and pathetic exercise machines, cosmetics, painting systems, sun glasses, kitchen tools, cameras and anything Tony Robins related.
  • People who try to be the last clapper.
  • Those who think they are good at specific things when actually they are too blind to see that they are useless.
  • That the word sucks really sucks.
  • People who don't like me.
  • Everything.
  • Oh and you.
 
M5Power's making this tough.

You see, Doug...as much as I could explain away the nuances of each vexation, we at Fatmouse choose to be vexed. 'Twer we not vexed, the entire human and automobile race wood d'cent in 2 kayos. U sea WOT eye mean?

*Psi...*

The phrase "There is no I in team".
But there is eat and meat.

The bastardization of the English language through, like, evasive superfluousness.
Yes, I concur and agree. I could write a paper and get an A+ on it too.

The redundant and circular "logic" of the free-floating, ornemental term "proactive".
Pro=for, active=for. Kind like the Group 44 Jaguars of the mid 1980's.

People who simply do not get sarcasm and accuse sarcastic people of being "negative".
We mock what we do not understand. Mmmm...do nots...

Small women who drive SUV's that have wheels taller thay they are.
Half my customers. Half my height.

People who ask me how I am. Just say hello, and I'll do the same. You don't really care how I am. And I don't really care to tell you. If you mind your business, you'll be too busy to mind mine.
Small talk for small-minded people. The other half of my buisness.

People who laugh inappropriately loud and long over small, mundane things, as if their laughter is making it funny.
An itch that can't be scratched might as well be on another's back.

"The wrong promotion". It's "a challenging new position". This means more work, same pay.
Now you are a juggler and a plumber, too.

Being told that your salary "will be reviewed in the near future" (why not just tell me I'm not getting a raise now).
If I promote you, I'll take the heat if you screw up. (No wait, this only happens in the wolrd of sport, and maybe in Japan.)

"Our staff are our most valuable asset".
Cars, homes, and investment portfolios are plentiful, too.

People who don't know what they're talking but insist on talking anyway.
Tongues still don't come with anti-lock brakes.

People who mosey up to green lights knowing that they'll get through even if it goes yellow, but refuse to speed up that extra 4 mph that would mean you could get through it also.
Seek what is in front, not behind ye.

People who are fat and blame it on everyone else.
Everyone needs a cause to go with their side-effect.

Native "English" speakers who treat their language with so much disdain that people who learn it as an extra language are actually better at writing AND speaking it.
Ever taken Japanese?

People who insist on being the first into an elevator, and then proceed to let the doors close on you as you enter.
How about the schmucks that force their way in before letting the people inside the elevator/bus out first?

People who walk slowly.
Fine for National Parks, but evil at all other places. Don't move to Florida, then.

People who talk loudly.
Don't move to Florida, then.

People who walk into your sidemirrors in parking lots, leaving you with a reflection of your door handle when attempting a lane change on the motorway.
There goes the neighborhood.

Word spell checks that want to replace "Fatmouse" with "Farmhouse".
I'll drink to that.

People who put their email address in their Outlook signature.
Hello my name is: Hello my name is.

Regards,
Pupik, G.T.
 
People that believe this place makes no sense.

The phrase "It'll look good on your CV."
Like arse it will.

People that can't just listen to music and appreciate it for being that instead of "a blatent rip off of some old The Who hit".

The constant changing of one's displayed name on MSN messenger.

The ignorance of some. (sums up many things i would like to include here in one neat package).

The way you're other half gets mad at you and upon questioning cannot say why.

Procrastination is a nasty habit that must get kicked. Tomorrow.
 
People who insist on having every program on their computer represented on the desktop.

People who try to act "ghetto."

People who top everything you say

-Man, I have aterrible headache
-Yeah? Well I spent 20 years in Albanian prison chained upside down.

Props to Dilbert for the example.
 
oh yeah...

people who pronounce -ere as -urrrrrr
 
Chipmunks who think it's funny to run in front of your car. Jerks.
 
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