Fatmouse: Neither problem nor solution.

[Kylehnat]

Why am I supposed to feel sorry for homeless people? Most of them have dug their own grave through a life of terrible decisions, drug addictions, and/or crime. Furthermore, most bums spend the change people give them on alcohol or heroin. Many carry signs which say "trying to pick up life and become clean and sober." Then, after conversing with them for a couple seconds, it is obvious that they are drunk or high, invalidating any claim of trying to get their life back on track. People often ask me why I don't spare change to these poor people, when I clearly don't need the 67 cents in my pocket. Here's a news flash: That change is MY money. I earned it by working, and I'm sure as hell not going to give it up to some creepy lowlife who sits on a street corner all day instead of serving some purpose in society like everyone else. Plus, even though I never spend my change directly, there is a wonderful thing called CoinStar. Every year or so, I take all my change to the market, put it through CoinStar, and receive a voucher which I can then use to pay for groceries! Hey, that money wasn't worthless to me after all! Besides, last time I gave money to a person on the street, he chased me down 3 blocks later and said in a weak, quivering voice: "Come on dude, I just need 50 more cents to get some heroin!" Touched by his honesty, I glared at him and told him to **** off. When I told this story to a friend, she said "that was rude, you shouldn't talk down to these people, they're human beings just like you and me" Just like me? No. If homeless people were rounded up and harvested for organs (well, the ones they haven't destroyed with drugs), that cute little 8 year-old boy in the hospital could have the chance in life that these people threw away.

I'll come up with two more later; I've got to get to class

 

[Kylehnat]

Vexation #2: I call them bus snipers. I always make it point to be at the bus stop 5 minutes early. When the bus comes, i get on, find a seat, and begin to relax. The bus starts creeping a bit, then BAM, on go the brakes, and the bus lurches to a stop. Why? Because some jackass two blocks away is running down the street, flailing his arms, and pointlessly screaming at the bus. Apparently they would also like to board said bus. Now, I chose to find a way to be at the stop early, so that I could make sure that I caught the bus, and get to wherever I am going on time. Bus snipers, you on the other hand, fall into one of two categories. You are either too late or way too early. If you are too late to catch the bus you want, this is your fault. You have poor time management and deserve to left behind as punishment. Why do you feel that you have the right to inconvenience everyone else who bothered to show up on time? Now quit crying. Another bus will be along in 20 minutes, and then you can explain to the boss at McDonald's why you are 20 minutes late. Alternatively, maybe you are actually 20 minutes early to the bus stop, and just happen to catch an earlier bus on the same route. You also have poor time management, and deserve to be left behind. You really have nothing better to do than to wait for a bus for 20 minutes? You planned to catch the 12:50. If you just miss the 12:30, your plans have not been effected. But, by needlessly throwing yourself in front of the 12:30 in your selfish quest to be 20 minutes early, you are making others late. You are inconveniencing our lives so that you can have a slight convenience in yours. I hate you. Bonus points if the bus sniper is in a wheelchair, as those take an extra 2-3 minutes to load and secure. And damned if I have to give up my seat in the front so that you can wheel yourself on two minutes late. Can you give me back those 3 minutes? Didn't think so. What? Can I give you back your legs? No, of course not. What a stupid question. You always say you want to be treated equally, and so I'm being as big an asshole to you as I would be to anyone else.

(takes a deep breath)

Vexation #3: "How are you?" This shallow, inane question is only meant to be a filler after "hi", so why do people take it as a chance to ***** about everything wrong in their life? When I ask "how are you?" in passing, all I want you to do is smile and say "just fine". The question is only three words. The answer should be three words or less. "Good", "fine", and "ok", are acceptable. I'll even take "I'm getting along just fine", but that is starting to get a bit too fluffy. If I really want to hear about your life, I will call you on the phone later and ask "so what's going on in your life?". Elderly folk are the worst offenders. Upon hearing "how are you?", they immediately launch into a 20 minute speech detailing every procedure they've had done in the past week. Thanks for offering, but while I'm eating lunch, I'd prefer not to hear about how you had 10 pounds of fluid drained from your back, how your bones are deteriorating, or how your toenails are falling off. All of that stuff is on a need-to-know basis, and for God's sake, I don't need to know. The bottom line is that 99.5% of the time "how are you?" is asked, the person posing the question does not actually care about the answer.

 

[donbenni]

Less = More

 

[Famine]

Vexation 4: The concept that selfishness is always a negative.

 

[xcsti]

Selfishness is survival (well not in excess)

Tacking on to one of gil's.

Girls who say they have a crush on you, then say they can't be in a relationship but would like to be friends, then say they could never see themselves with you, then say they need some time to straighten things up but would like to try, then suggest you try and get together with one of their good friends...

People who are wusses at pulling out into traffic. Yes, I know you must drive defensively but if you sit there all day I'm sure everone behind you is going to turn more than a bit offensive.

Having to spend four years at a university to prep for a job you may ****ing hate. Four years and mad cash and I still might end up flipping burgers.

 

[Omnis]

I hate it when my balls hit the water during the morning whizz.

 

[Sage]

Vexation 4: The concept that selfishness is always a negative.

Somebody’s ready for some Ayn Rand!

Vexations? Plenty.

• Girls who tell you that they just had their period. Christ, find your tampon and don’t tell the world about it.

• 18-wheeler drivers who seem to organize a barricade in the slow lane so that nobody can get to the off-ramp without getting stuck behind this huge line of trucks.

• Passengers who fiddle with the radio and HVAC – hey you, there’s a reason I have the climate control set to what it’s at.

• The total lack of legal U-turns anywhere in the city I go to school in. You have to make ten left and right turns in order to complete what one U-turn would accomplish.

• The genius who decided to make my school a quarter mile long and two hundred feet wide.

 

[gt_masta]

Vexation 1 : People (especially girls) who tell you they're bad or not pretty just because they know you will tell them what they want to hear.

Vexation 2 : People who tell you something that they find funny and watch you like if they were waying : Well, what are you waiting to laugh???? and you need to at least make a smile just to make them happy. Hey! It's not my problem if you're not funny! Don't blame me.

Vexation 3 : The fact that on a computer, things almost never work the first time and you always need to find and fix the problem.

Vexation 4 : When you order food, about 3/5 of the time they will have something wrong and you'll a) eat it like it is or b) order another pizza just to eat 45 minutes later.

 

[Duke]

I hate it when my balls hit the water during the morning whizz.

Vexation #umpteen-one: Tasteless people who conspire to find ways of promoting their own tastelessness as if it was something of which they should be proud.

I am in fact tempted to recycle a prior vexation, on the strength of yet another meeting I had this afternoon with said vexation. Said vexation is a client who believes that my job skills include bending the laws of physics to allow me to make each individual room in her building larger, while simultaneously reducing the overall size of the building to something which she can afford. However, this vexation was part of Fatmouse's previous visit, so we will simply note the continuing reccurance at this point. Instead, we shall offer another vexation highlighted during this afternoon's 'productive' activities.

Vexation #umpteen-two: People who do not do what they say they will; or who say they did something they did not.

Examples abound in this afternoon's dreary business meeting: the client who says that our contract has been on her boss's desk for 6 weeks awaiting signature (whilst my expensive yet unbillable time piles up) when in fact I have a phone message from said boss informing me he just got it 3 days ago and he will sign it immediately; consultants who were supposed to have detailed information to discuss at said meeting yet either fail to bring said information, or fail to show up at all (one of each type, this time); and project managers who are needed for valuable input to the design yet who refuse to commit until the design is complete because they "don't have enough information to decide".

Vexation #umpteen-three: The State of Kansas Board of Education.

 

[Omnis]

Vexation #umpteen-one: Tasteless people who conspire to find ways of promoting their own tastelessness as if it was something of which they should be proud.

I am in fact tempted to recycle a prior vexation, on the strength of yet another meeting I had this afternoon with said vexation. Said vexation is a client who believes that my job skills include bending the laws of physics to allow me to make each individual room in her building larger, while simultaneously reducing the overall size of the building to something which she can afford. However, this vexation was part of Fatmouse's previous visit, so we will simply note the continuing reccurance at this point. Instead, we shall offer another vexation highlighted during this afternoon's 'productive' activities.

Mission Accomplished. I figured someone would go for the fodder.

 

[Duke]

Mission Accomplished. I figured someone would go for the fodder.

Even when obvious, some things cannot be ignored. Besides, it is rather a microcosm of how a number of our less mature members have been behaving lately.

 

[Sage]

Vexation #umpteen-three: The State of Kansas Board of Education.

As part of the decision, the Board of Education also went so far as to redefine science itself, saying that it is “no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena.”

Great, so we have Board members writing the definition of science instead of, say, scientists. Cue the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Mark Twain:

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

 

[Gil]

I hate it when my balls hit the water during the morning whizz.

If you'd set them down when you finish playing whatever sport it is, before you take your morning whizz, you'd not drop them in the water.
Here's a nickel. Buy a clue. Immediately.
If you are holding golf balls (plural) it's nearly impossible to "do your bidness". Up the ante to tennis balls or footballs and you are ****ing with the laws of physics and good sense.
Duke already said the laws of physics are not bendable.
Vexation eleventy-six: People not paying attention.

Vexation eleventy-seven: people that come in my office while I'm trying to work for the express purpose of complaining that someone took too long a break, didn't do this or that, or some other piddly complaint. If you are in a position of authority, tell me how you handled it. Otherwise...
I remember that I'm the manager, I will deal with it in my own way and my own time. Do not come to me with this crap again today. Can you not see I'm working while trying to eat my lunch?
I try to leave you be whilst you are eating. I haven't *****ed at you yet for disturbing my obviously working lunch. That means you're disturbing my work and my lunch. Don't press your luck. Get the hell out of my office till I finish effingham eating.

 

[TheWizard]

Native "English" speakers who treat their language with so much disdain that people who learn it as an extra language are actually better at writing AND speaking it.

1 - Being Italian, going to college in the U.S., speaking, writing AND spelling better than any of my native-English-speaking friends.

2 - People that cruise in the passing lane and, in a more general fashion, people that can't drive. To elaborate some more on the subject: people that pass you on the highway, only to slow back down once they get in front of you - this way you get to pass THEM now, because you are the only smart one that can figure out how that button that says "Cruise Control" works. Once you passed them, they speed back up and cause for this process to be repeated ad infinitum (or at least until you get so fed up that you speed to 85mph for a couple of miles and put enough distance between you and the driver who doesn't know what the cruise control is for).

3 - The phrase "There is only I in team": when I get assigned a team project by one of my teachers I end up doing all the ******g work, because if I want it to get done and if I want it to get done the RIGHT way, that's the only possible solution.

4 - People that are in said team(s) and get all their part of the work done by me and don't even thank me (or take it for granted) when they receive the assignment back with "100" + "Excellent" written on the front cover.

5 - The first semester of my senior year: it seems all the teachers involved in the mandatory senior courses decided to give one massive project due at the end of the semester (6 courses, 6 cynic teachers = 6 massive projects). To make things even better, these courses are only offered in the Fall semester, therefore making it impossible for you to split the load in two adjacent semesters. The only way to solve this would be putting some of the courses off until the following Fall semester, with the obvious drawback that you will be delaying your graduation by a whole year.

6 - Not having enough time to play GT4 anymore due to aforementioned teachers+courses+projects.

7 - People that don't like Pink Floyd and dare to say some modern bulls**t bands are better.

8 - People that can't do simple algebra without plugging it in the calculator and have it solve for as simple an expression as "3x + y = 0" for a given value of x (and such people are in their senior year of an Engineering curriculum).

9 - People that get the wrong answer for the aforementioned expression and can't figure out that they just punched it wrong in the calculator and spend the following 5 to 10 minutes trying to fix it, when it would take three and a half seconds to solve it by hand.

10 - Everything and everybody in general.

The Wizard.

 

[Saleen Man]

Although use of the color burgundy is quite acceptable in a sea of unreadable colors, Fatmouse is unmoved.

If you can't tell the burgundy apart from the rest, you may be mildly "challenged".

Fatmouse is unmoved.

Fatmouse doesn’t care if you think we are a fad or not. But Fatmouse will ask you to perform a search before posting what is already known.

Allow me to apologize for not knowing about the existence of this so called Fatmouse club. Or better yet, allow me to not apologize for not knowing, since I don't care.

I am unmoved.

 

[Emohawk]

👍 Saleen Man. This thread is uselessness flying the false flag of absurdity.

 

[GilesGuthrie]

Personal Vexations:
The four seconds of elapsed time, usually between 03:01:22 and 03:01.26 on a wet Tuesday in March, during which you pass from "I don't know you well enough to consider a relationship with you" to "I know you so well you're more like a brother/sister (delete as appropriate) to me, and a relationship with you would be inappropriate".

People who cannot walk in a straight line, and thusly block your attempt to pass them on the pavement.

Scientific skin research 86% of women agreed!!14 women tested

Personal Injury Lawyers: obviating an idiot's duty of care by needlessly penalising citizens for failing to anticipate the combination of stratospheric stupidity with mindless greed.

Glorified loan sharks. "One easy monthly payment". Yeah, right. Every damn month of the rest of your miserable life! Borrow £10,000. Total cost of repayment: £22,531. Nice! A shiny television ad does not make you a reputable company!

Door-to-Door Salesmen. You've just woken my child, in what way are you going to compensate me?

Professional Vexation:
The man who would not accept a £4,000 quotation for a Contract Change, in spite of the fact that his delaying acceptance was completely preventing a team of 20 from doing any work at all. In the light of the fact that they're on £300 per day each, minimum. Just pay the damn bill! It's costing you seven grand a day!

 

[Touring Mars]

My rant is about the English football league... It used to be Divisions 1,2,3 and 4 ... simple. Then Division 1 became 'The Premiership' , and Div 2 became Div 1, Div 3 became Div 2 etc... but then, Division 1, (formerly Division 2) became 'The Championship', and now Div 2 (formerly Division 3) is now Division 1, and the old Division 4 is now Division 2 ... to complicate matters, the division below Division 4 (sorry, Division 2) is called 'The Conference'... so it now goes, 'The Premiership', 'The Championship', Division 1, Division 2, 'The Conference'...

 

[Famine]

Allow me to apologize for not knowing about the existence of this so called Fatmouse club. Or better yet, allow me to not apologize for not knowing, since I don't care.

I am unmoved.

Fatmouse is not a club. Fatmouse is Gestalt.

 

[donbenni]

People who think this thread is uselessness flying the false flag of absurdity.

People who claim to be 31337, but you know that all it means is they can't spell. So i guess also the people who don't even begin to make an effort to bloody type complete sentences leaving us confused, their statement unanswered, their grasp of the english language at an all time low, and anyone who tried to read their statement with a heavily reduced number of braincells.

People who find the video "All your base" only 'mildly amusing'. It's epic.

The way i seem to end up getting no work done because of some internet based 'slightly overweight mouse'

 

[Pupik]

👍 Saleen Man. This thread is uselessness flying the false flag of absurdity.

Fatmouse has no flag; even it it did, it would be unmoved, and therefore, nobody could see it. How could something be false, yet have more than a grain of truth to it? There is nothing absurd about being a cynic; it's difficult to hold in one's frustrations at the world forever.

If you can't tell the burgundy apart from the rest, you may be mildly "challenged".

I never took a course in wine-tasting. Therefore, I must be a peasant serf due to my close proximity to Boca Raton.

 

[RSCosworth]

Slow people. When I'm in great hurry, at school for example, someone just has to get in my way and walk really slowly and when you try to pass them they just change direction and ta-da, he or she is right infront of you again. You have to constantly alter the lenght and pace of your steps 'cause the person in front of you is walking all over the place.

People who butter their bread in the cafeteria line thus making the whole line wait.

People who withdraw 40€ on an ATM by withdrawing 20€ twice. Apparently it's too difficult to just click the "custom amount" button and type in "40". Instead of doing this they put their card in, take 20€,take their card out and repeat.

People who block aisles at supermarkets by stopping in the middle with their shopping carts to chat with somebody.

Old people who seem to be unfamiliar with the concept of paper money. They carry like 9000€ worth of pennies in their little purse and just unload them all on the desk for the clerk to count.

Old people who think they can cut you in line just because they're old. "Sir, I believe it's my turn next." "No no, I'm old you see!"

People who are being ridiculously overprotective and hysterical about their health when something is going on. Like in 1999, people here were buying loads of iodine pills in case there would be a nuclear meltdown. Most of them didn't even know why they were buying them but they thought the drugs were needed 'cause everybody else bought 'em.

The "I AM MICROSOFT! I KNOW BEST!" attitude of Microsoft programs today. Windows once blocked explorer.exe 'cause it could slow my pc down. MSN has also done similar things to me. Numerous times it has deleted a file I received from someone and it tells me by saying "This file could be harmful for your pc therefore I have deleted it."

The integrated firewall on Windows. On numeral occasions when something's wrong with the network the problem was solved by turning off the firewall, which shouldn't have been on in the first place. Apparently Microsoft really knows best and turns it on once in a while.

Dentists. They're always middle-aged women who always talk about picking berries or something else food related. If not, they're gossiping about their workmates. Like I cared. I don't want to know how to bake a blueberry pie or why somebody I've never heard of broke up with someone.

Meh.

 

[Mike Rotch]

Allow me to apologize for not knowing about the existence of this so called Fatmouse club. Or better yet, allow me to not apologize for not knowing, since I don't care.

You sound oddly like a newbie. Which your profile says you arent.

How 2002 is that.

 

[Gil]

I was answering MdnIte's question. Have you lost the ability to read and reply to more than one post at a time.

So was I, really.
I was too damn lazy to find his post and quote it. So I quoted you as you were closest to the bottom at that time.
I'd ask for forgiveness, but since we are cynics here I'll just say SiUDO.
Suck it up, Drive on

 

[Zrow]

People who withdraw 40€ on an ATM by withdrawing 20€ twice. Apparently it's too difficult to just click the "custom amount" button and type in "40". Instead of doing this they put their card in, take 20€,take their card out and repeat.

People do this?! I think I'd have to kill somebody if I ever witnessed that.

 

[RSCosworth]

People do this?! I think I'd have to kill somebody if I ever witnessed that.

Oh yes. I also know some people first check their account balance, then take the card out only to put it back in and withdraw some money.

There should be a restriction that prevents people from doing this. Like, if the ATM simply refused to accept the same card twice in a row or something.

 

[Saleen Man]

You sound oddly like a newbie. Which your profile says you arent.

How 2002 is that.

Yeah, I must not be cool if I don't keep up with everything that happens on the internet. Stupid me.

 

[donbenni]

"Worst comeback ever"

 

[Saleen Man]

"Worst comeback ever"

And I suppose calling someone a "newbie" would be the best comeback ever? Especially calling someone who's actually been here for a year longer a newbie.

 

[Famine]

Yeah, I must not be cool if I don't keep up with everything that happens on the internet. Stupid me.

I believe Fatmouse would be unmoved by considerations of "cool".

Fatmouse is not a club, or a secret society, nor even a clique (pronounced "cleek", not "click". Actually, I must add that to my vexations). Fatmouse's existence allows those cynics amongst us to, once a year, air their vexations in an act of catharsis and spend the rest of the year unencumbered by such considerations.


Now, if you want to talk about clubs, you're talking about Pass & 'll.

Hard!