Fatmouse: Neither problem nor solution.

[Mike Rotch]

It vexes me that someone so apparently disinterested in something feels the need to voice said disinterest so frequently. Surely a better course of action for said individual would be to ignore the thread?

Ouch.

Here we are, in the 21st Century and we still rely on knotted ropes to hold our footwear on

My colleague glared at me for laughing at that.

And what is up with bars naming drinks after obscene bodily functions? Havent they read “principles of advertising”? I know I sure as hell wont be caught dead ordering a ‘waxy ear’ or a ‘<insert word associated with male coital action> shot’.

 

[Zrow]

I work at a movie theatre, so...

When people buy a large amount of tickets, they all come attached to each other. This makes it easy for me, the ticket-taker, to fold them up and rip in them all at once.

Unfortunately, most large families think that it is more convenient for me if they seperate all the tickets before they get to me, which makes it take longer because I can't just do it in one move. Or even worse, they are about to hand me the attached group of tickets, but then say, "Oh, hold on" and proceed to separate them first. This happens all the time.

I guess you have to work there to understand, so this may not count.

 

[donbenni]

Zrow, i can appreciate that. Could come down in part to people trying too hard to please others.

Welcome to my morning:

- Let's say you wanted to look at the BIOS on a pc that's turned off. We all know that the BIOS can only be accessed in the first 2 seconds that the computer is turned on, so it would make sense to have the monitor turned on first. Ingeniusly though the monitor just sits in a suspended state waiting until the pc turns on and then takes 2 seconds to leave the suspended state when the computer is turned on which gives you just enough time to see the POST screen leaving and the Windows loading screen appearing.

- Lorry drivers who seem intent on getting you to rear end them knowing full well that it'll be you that's in the wrong and has to pay up. Berkshire hunts.

- Bits of soured milk in my coffee.

 

[Pupik]

- Let's say you wanted to look at the BIOS on a pc that's turned off. We all know that the BIOS can only be accessed in the first 2 seconds that the computer is turned on, so it would make sense to have the monitor turned on first. Ingeniusly though the monitor just sits in a suspended state waiting until the pc turns on and then takes 2 seconds to leave the suspended state when the computer is turned on which gives you just enough time to see the POST screen leaving and the Windows loading screen appearing.

Quite frustrating, although in the rare case that I can actaully read the POST screen, it's completely distorted because the monitor, motherboard, and graphics card aren't on speaking terms with one another. I suppose it's the price we pay of for faster start-ups.

Max Powers - On the Dole
You are definately not an "asshat thing", to quote Gil. Although I've yet to see the upturned-collar trend here that everyone's talking about. Come to think of it, why the heck do polo shirts have collars, if we never turn them up?

 

[F1GTR]

People who always carry their iPod in their hands, like in the adverts. You can't dance, you're not unique and you have your whole music collection (which is about 2 albums worth) on a 60 gig player.

 

[Duke]

And what is up with bars naming drinks after obscene bodily functions? Havent they read “principles of advertising”? I know I sure as hell wont be caught dead ordering a ‘waxy ear’ or a ‘<insert word associated with male coital action> shot’.

This is in fact a personal vexation of mine, as well, especially considering that they all completely lost the original plot almost immediately. This falls under my general umbrella vexation of "tastelessness promoted as a source of pride" above.

The original origin of the sexual-innuendo drink was this: the Slow Comfortable Screw. This was funny, original, and above all, it made sense. The ingredients were sloe gin, Southern Comfort, and orange juice (hence the Screw reference). 👍 👍 for a great new drink. It was followed by the Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against The Wall, a variant which included Galliano, an anise-flavored liquer that is the primary ingredient of a Harvey Wallbanger.

These were followed by the Fuzzy Navel, which is a delightful concoction of Peach Schnapps (hence the Fuzzy part), vodka, and orange juice (hence the Navel reference). Again, 👍 👍 for a funny and original, and above all, sensible drink name.

Then, the idiots jumped in and trampled the plot to death in a stampede of bandwagon-chasing. The first one I recall being a vexation was the Sex On The Beach, which had nothing to do with any of the ingredients, or anything for that matter. It has since become even more graphic, even less tasteful, and even further from making any sense whatsoever.

 

[Dave A]

^ I totally agree with this, you go out now and look at the list of cocktails available, it's alsmot pornographic, they can't show them to under 18 year olds. I meam you can have a laugh at some of the more obscure names, but at the end of the day I don't want any kids of mine going into bars and asking for half of thoes drinks just because of the names.

 

[Famine]

^ I totally agree with this, you go out now and look at the list of cocktails available, it's alsmot pornographic, they can't show them to under 18 year olds. I meam you can have a laugh at some of the more obscure names, but at the end of the day I don't want any kids of mine going into bars and asking for half of thoes drinks just because of the names.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but since the legal minimum age for solo-drinking in the UK IS 18 years old, so this isn't really a problem, now is it?

 

[Dave A]

Overall it's not a major problem that they can't show them to 18 years olds, but my point was that it's almost pornographic and the fact that these cocktail lists have an age rating backs that up.

 

[Famine]

But that makes no sense.

Minimum legal age to purchase alcohol is 18 years old (in the UK). So why restrict viewing to 18 year olds of a list only available to 18 year olds anyway?

 

[Dave A]

Because if I want to view 18 rated content I'll buy an issue of Escort or Mayfair, not go to a bar. Besides that, you can legally drink alcohol in a bar at a younger age, and on weekend nights you still get a lot of under 18 year olds that go clubbing even if they arn't meant to. It doesn't bother me a whole lot, but that doesn't mean I have to think it's a good thing.

 

[Famine]

Yes, I know. But you cannot buy it unless you're 18. And it's not terribly likely that the purchaser will go "I know. Have a cocktail. Check this list out."

Imagine being vexed because a 15-rated DVD comes free with a pack of cigarettes.

 

[Dave A]

I guess you have a point there, it'd be funny to see some kids mum and dad doing that though, "Hey son, have an insert random adult themed cocktail name here ".

 

[Famine]

"Hey son, have an insert random adult themed cocktail name here ".

Must... resist... urge... to... sig... in... original... form... Hnnnnnnngh!

 

[Dave A]

.

 

[donbenni]

.. and on weekend nights you still get a lot of under 18 year olds that go clubbing even if they arn't meant to.

Do you think they will complain to the bar staff?

"I say good sir, your cocktail names are awfully dirty, and being underaged i find them offensive." 💡

 

[Danny]

You kinda feel silly asking for them sometimes though.

Especially to male waiters.

 

[Zardoz]

Surely you've got a few of your own...

Yes, I do:




The hijacking of the Republican Party by neoconservatives

The hijacking of the Democratic Party by gay rights activists

Polls indicating that 51 percent of the U.S. population actually believes there's something to the creationist "theory".

The tendency of the poorest people to have the most children.

Tattoos and piercings on beautiful women.

Dick Cheney

Howard Dean

Philadelphia accents

BET

Hummers

Neil Diamond

Sci-Fi Channel original movies

The hijacked brains of addicts

Current young women's clothing styles, especially the hideously unbecoming "low-rise" look, which 99.9% of the female population of the world should not be permitted to wear.

Sean Hannity

The incomprehensible success of Bill Pullman's acting career

"Reality" TV programming

Hard, green, sour fruit, which is all that seems to be available anymore

The House of Saud

Coors commercials

The inability of virtually the entire population of the United States to come up with a greeting other than "How are you?"

AOL

Cake (the band)

My wife's perfectionism

The rapidly-increasing passage of time

McDonald's

That fantastic girl I knew (so long ago) who had no interest in me

Dirty air

Dirty water

Dirty land

Armageddon (the movie)

Wal-Mart

The ridiculous idea that participation in sports "builds character"

The ability of the tobacco industry to get away with being a pack of mass-murderers

Televangelists

The Lexus SC430

Watching people get old

The spread of the trappings of street-gang life into cultures worldwide

The way most women just can't let the little things go

The canonization of Dale Earnhardt (Senior)

Harleys that are so loud they set off car alarms as they go by

The fading of blues, R & B, funk, and Motown, and the subsequent rise of hip-hop

The snide, condescending, insolent, sarcastic attitude of every Southern guy I've ever known

The ease with which masses of people can so easily be swayed by media PR campaigns

The cynicism of those who enter politics for "public service" when their real objective is to get rich and get laid

Boston accents

The cruel fact that the saying "Life's a bi*ch, and then you die" neatly summarizes most people's existence

The disappearance of Fiona Apple after she made her phenomenal first album

6000-pound vehicles being used by lone drivers in their daily commutes

Incurable STDs

Michael Moore's personality

The cost of real estate in the major metropolitan areas

The Dave Matthews Band

The steady deterioration of CBS News to a shabby shell of what it once was

Religious zealotry, of any kind

Fox News' cowardly refusal to use the phrase "suicide bomber"

The Speed Channel's NASCAR mania

Talk radio

The cynicism of Bush's fox-in-the-henhouse appointments to head crucial federal agencies

Paul McCartney's entire post-Beatle career

The pitiful inability of the Democratic Party to offer a coherent alternative to the Republican agenda

Hollywood endings

The sorry state of Indy car racing

The mindless stupidity of all those morons in Washington who are still getting suckered by Ahmed Chalabi

Movies about natural disasters

The Chrysler Pacifica

Allowing the Hubble Space Telescope to descend into the atmosphere and burn up

The House of Windsor

Military weapons in the hands of civilians

High Schools with 3000, 4000, and even 5000 students

The news media's cynical hyping of the murders of pretty, young, white women

The advancement of unqualified cretins into positions of authority

My realization years ago that every devoutly-religious person I get to know inevitably turns out to have real psychological problems of some sort

Tony Stewart

The breakdown of cognitive function that occurs in the minds of suicide bombers

The wasting of Whitney Houston's superhuman ability on that insipid, schmaltzy, corny crap she chose to sing

The adolescent brainlessness of my adolescent son

The Creation Museum

The frantic rush by U.S. corporations to export every job they can to the Third World

The myth that Republicans are for "less government"

Smokers

The Arab world's inability to drag itself out of the Middle Ages and embrace democracy

The absolute certainty that those who have the quality known as "charisma" will inevitably abuse it

Spokespersons

The stupidity of those who don't realize that Ann Coulter is a complete phony

Sushi

Sean Penn's ability to insert his entire foot into his mouth

Corporatespeak

The deplorable state of the American health care system

The NRA

Saying "I'm like" instead of "I said"

Osama Bin Laden's success at making life noticeably worse for almost everyone on this planet

Steroids

Korean cars

American arrogance

French arrogance

British self-loathing

Saying "no problem" instead of "you're welcome"

 

[RSCosworth]

People who press both up and down buttons when ordering an elevator.

People who rush into a classroom or any else crowded place before letting the people who are leaving to leave, thus blocking the door and causing inconvenience.

People who ask questions and then answer them by themselves.

People who answer questions directed at you because they obvioulsy know better what you think.

 

[Pupik]

Zardoz - On the Dole.
I shouldn't have asked. Nah.

- Tattoos and piercings on beautiful women.

These are the same people who think the Mona Lisa "shoulda had a more revealing outfit on."

- Hard, green, sour fruit, which is all that seems to be available anymore

Harvest 'em while they're young. But not necessarily ready.

- Armageddon (the movie)

I voted this the worst movie of all time on our poll. Placated to every trashy, half-assed American ideal.

- The Lexus SC430

Trust me, many of the the owners are truly a vexation unto myself.

- The spread of the trappings of street-gang life into cultures worldwide
- The fading of blues, R & B, funk, and Motown, and the subsequent rise of hip-hop

See! Rap really did die in 1992!

- The canonization of Dale Earnhardt (Senior)
- The Speed Channel's NASCAR mania

Couple the 2005 USGP with all that, and I smell a conspiracy by Michelin to foil attempts for open-wheeled racing to suceed in America. Who's giving you kickbacks!?! Is it Goodyear?! I want answers!

- The myth that Republicans are for "less government"
- The mindless stupidity of all those morons in Washington who are still getting suckered by Ahmed Chalabi
- The news media's cynical hyping of the murders of pretty, young, white women

The media doesn't want to confuse people with the truth.

- Allowing the Hubble Space Telescope to descend into the atmosphere and burn up

After all, it might tell us a little bit about the way the universe formed. We don't need any of that mumbo-jumbo confusing our kids, when Pastor Smith has a "science" lesson for all of us.

- The Creation Museum

Better yet, see the Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida.

-The snide, condescending, insolent, sarcastic attitude of every Southern guy I've ever known

Are you sure about that? After all, sarcasm is an advanced trait.

 

[Zardoz]

Zardoz - On the Dole.

Thank you. I'm deeply honored.

*sniff*

 

[Gil]

Yeah, but I still like Comicview on BET. I don't always agree with it, but I do find it to have most of the qualities of good stand-up.

Politically incorrect

Racially insensitive

Sexually inappropriate (and that's the women)

Still funny in spite of it.

Everything else, pretty much right on the money.

 

[GilesGuthrie]

Official Senior Executive Cynics (For work above-and-beyond the call of duty)
Milefile
Giles Guthrie
Duke
donbenni

I am truly honoured.

 

[Famine]

A couple of spoken peculiarities vex me currently.

1. The tendency of sportsmen to speak in past/present tenses simultaneously.

"I've seen Smeggsy on the left and he's crossing the ball in. So I've leapt like a salmon and the ball's in the back of the net."

2. The tendency of idiots to speak about themselves in the 3rd person - instead of using "I" ("I'm going to the toilet") they use their name ("Mohammad Al-Zarqawi is going to the toilet").

 

[Mike Rotch]

Well, as stated somewhere in great Fatmousian mandate of 2003, the entry period was a limited time only offer. The random period is up, and the response has been of quality and in healthy quantities. Letters of thanks and containing monetary contributions can be sent to the Chancellor for his steady hand and unwaivering eye.

Fatmouse congratulates himself! Too!

However, now the door must be closed once more so that we may all reflect of the irritations in life, having hopefully found comfort that you aren't the only person who find certain situations and items (and minute monetary denomations) in life, lacking purpose.

Until next year, be strong in the face of naggers and incompetants.