Fatmouse

jay wilkie · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by Atomic Wedgie

2: The fact that sensitivity, talent, and an honest desire for personal evolution and expression are considered negative traits,

not everyone would think that these were negative traits.. how can anyone think that talent is a negetive thing to possess? or sesitvity? I guess the type of people that think this are the people that don't possess any talent or sesitvity. Or they do but are too lazy to use them...

jay wilkie · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by Ghost C
buzbo, I've got a solution to your spelling problem. What I need you to do is take your keyboard and your monitor into the bathroom, run a bathtub full of water, and making sure the monitor is plugged in, jump in holding the monitor and keyboard.

This will make you spell much better.

so then mr dictionary, how do you suppose electrocuting himself wil cure his spelling? so after his brain has been burnt to a crisp will he suddenly learn the entire dictionary in that instant? maybe parents should start to do this with all their kids.. save themselves money on tuition.. does that little stunt also teach you math or do you have to stab yourself in the stomach for that? man you've really cracked it here !! you should write a book about this my man... Na I'll tell you what ghostC, you just concentrate on stealing sign posts.. :dopey:

Ghost C · Nov 8, 2003

I've never stolen any signs, or sign posts for the matter :odd:

.

I do have a golf course flag I liberated last year though.

jay wilkie · Nov 8, 2003

quote of ghost C's... "and then I attempted to steal a sign from the city park saying "Theft from this park will result in a $5,000 fine"

See if you concentrate next time you might succeed with your lifetime ambition...

Ghost C · Nov 8, 2003

Uh, I was out riding around pulling all kinds of shenanigans and decided "What the hell, why not take a sign", but then was deterred by the fact there was a cop around.

I didn't actually attempt to steal the sign, otherwise I would have the sign sitting in my bedroom right now.

I thought you were Mr. Sunshine on my mother****ing shoulders, why're you trying to start arguements?

jay wilkie · Nov 8, 2003

sorry man... just seeing if i could...

jay wilkie · Nov 8, 2003

plus your a bit of a d##k

Ghost C · Nov 8, 2003

Hi, my name is Edit Button. Have we met? I don't believe so.

[Edit: ARRRRRRR matey boom. I'll leave, since my decent contribution to this thread is non-existant after the first post.]

boombexus · Nov 8, 2003

Back on topic please.

And quit bickering.

KosmikFool · Nov 8, 2003

People who take sarcasm way too heavily.

People who blame their problems on everyone but themselves.

People who are fat and blame it on everyone else.

jay wilkie · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by Ghost C
Hi, my name is Edit Button. Have we met? I don't believe so.

[Edit: ARRRRRRR matey boom. I'll leave, since my decent contribution to this thread is non-existant after the first post.]

you like that joke don't you ghostboy? Im sure I seen you type it before ... I hate it when people use the same jokes over and over.

Ghost C · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by boombexus
Back on topic please.

And quit bickering.

Famine · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by jay wilkie
so then mr dictionary, how do you suppose electrocuting himself wil cure his spelling?

It won't. But it can't make it any worse, can it? In fact, of the 0 words he types after that, 100% of them will be spelled correctly. Possibly.

I am vexed by:

People who think "The Fast And The Furious" is a documentary, or an instruction manual. And live their lives 1/4 of a mile at a time...

I am irked by:

Native "English" speakers who treat their language with so much disdain that people who learn it as an extra language are actually better at writing AND speaking it.

I am troubled by:

The fact that my girlfriend is indescribably clumsy, yet anything she breaks in her ham-fisted, klutzing about is always mine. And often expensive or evocative of memories.

GilesGuthrie · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by Famine

I am troubled by:

The fact that my girlfriend is indescribably clumsy, yet anything she breaks in her ham-fisted, klutzing about is always mine. And often expensive or evocative of memories.

Totally with you on that one! And why is it that they keep walking into the same item of furniture, even though it hasn't moved in THREE YEARS?

Famine · Nov 8, 2003

My girlfriend is better that that even. She doesn't "do" stairs. She contrives to fall up them, down them, off them to one side, anything... Baffling.

Pupik · Nov 8, 2003

Overwork
Life is work, nothing is free. Non-work sets you free, yet you have no money for anything. Money is thus the object that can't be put into words.

Unemployment
In the United States, if you don't work for more than 60 days, you're not comsidered unemployed. What a paradox.

"We'll keep your resume on file"
We too, can be equal-opportunity bullshitters.

People whose cell phones ring at movies and funerals
Further proof that the gift of conversation isn't valued, because it's free.

Being ridiculed by your inferiors
If you've never criticized anyone before, and you've never been criitcized in return, then you're not Fatmouse.

Wondering if you're inferior to your inferiors
Humility has huimbled many a superior. After all, our President is a former coke-head.

Going bald, especially if you're a woman
A cleanly shaven head is something all people should try at least once in their life.

Getting stuck in a bad career
Communism isn't all it's cracked up to be. Neither was oat bran.

Realizing that a bad career makes a bad life
There are no bad careers, just bad pension plans.

The demise of Western civilization
Eastern Civilization isn't a bad substitute.

The triumph of degeneracy, barbarism, evil, and MBAs
Without it, there would be no newspapers.

Cheesy books that stay on the bestseller list for 187 weeks
Not as bad as network TV shows that stay on the top 10 for 187 weeks.

Chronic disappointment
Yeah, that skiier from the Wide World of Sports.

Eating bean sprouts and dying young anyway
Asbestos lead asbestos...

Eternal damnation as your final reward
That which doesn't kill us, merely prolongs the inevitable.

And here's three of my own:

GilesGuthrie · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by Famine
My girlfriend is better that that even. She doesn't "do" stairs. She contrives to fall up them, down them, off them to one side, anything... Baffling.

Where does she stand on the mug thing. I have been vexed on a number of occasions by this:

I leave the house at 8am. The night before, I took all the clean mugs out of the dishwasher, and put them in the cupboard. There are, therefore, no mugs at all in the house at large, as all mugs are in the cupboard.

I return from work at about 6:30pm. There are 14 mugs in different places, all with varying amounts of tea in them. Why can't she understand that mugs are not a one-time thing?

Pupik · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
Where does she stand on the mug thing. I have been vexed on a number of occasions by this:

I leave the house at 8am. The night before, I took all the clean mugs out of the dishwasher, and put them in the cupboard. There are, therefore, no mugs at all in the house at large, as all mugs are in the cupboard.

I return from work at about 6:30pm. There are 14 mugs in different places, all with varying amounts of tea in them. Why can't she understand that mugs are not a one-time thing?

Are you dating my wife? I can handle it...really, I can. Because my lady does the same sort of thing. And gues who washes the dishes...

milefile · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
Totally with you on that one! And why is it that they keep walking into the same item of furniture, even though it hasn't moved in THREE YEARS?

Too true. My wife bruises her leg on the coffee table once a week. I've never bumped it once, even in the dark.

milefile · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
Where does she stand on the mug thing. I have been vexed on a number of occasions by this:

I leave the house at 8am. The night before, I took all the clean mugs out of the dishwasher, and put them in the cupboard. There are, therefore, no mugs at all in the house at large, as all mugs are in the cupboard.

I return from work at about 6:30pm. There are 14 mugs in different places, all with varying amounts of tea in them. Why can't she understand that mugs are not a one-time thing?

Now you sound like my wife talking about me.

the_cobbinator · Nov 8, 2003

Originally posted by Famine
My girlfriend is better that that even. She doesn't "do" stairs. She contrives to fall up them, down them, off them to one side, anything... Baffling.

It's funny, my friend Kalie falls at least once every time she's at my house on the stairs. We have bets now.

Famine · Nov 9, 2003

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
Where does she stand on the mug thing. I have been vexed on a number of occasions by this:

I leave the house at 8am. The night before, I took all the clean mugs out of the dishwasher, and put them in the cupboard. There are, therefore, no mugs at all in the house at large, as all mugs are in the cupboard.

I return from work at about 6:30pm. There are 14 mugs in different places, all with varying amounts of tea in them. Why can't she understand that mugs are not a one-time thing?

She doesn't "do" hot beverages either.

But she does fill glasses with orange juice once. Then leaves them strewn about the house - usually having homed in on expensive wooden furniture. I've even found a glass in a wardrobe, under the sofa (and I mean UNDER) and behind the TV.

I've come to the conclusion that she is descended from extremely clumsy cats.

Vasco · Nov 9, 2003

Well I got one more:

When people sue...when they're not right at all, in fact they only sue when they're totally wrong.

Mike Rotch · Nov 10, 2003

After some nervous moments in Fatmouse culture, all is well. Fatmouse thanks Der Alta.

That said Fatmouse is pleased with the response to his generous hand of cynicism. The mission statement on page 1 has been updated to reflect the new members.

Fatmouse had a lump in his throat regarding all the new member interest. But it was actually just the result of corporate capitalism selling him an apple to choke on. Not sentimentalism. Fatmouse is no sentimentalist.

Note:

Jay Wilkie - you have failed to detect Milefiles sarcasm. You are not a President. If you chose, you can be Fatmouses person who waves a leaf at Fatmouse to keep him cool. Otherwise follow protocol.

Der Alta · Nov 10, 2003

Originally posted by pupik
Are you dating my wife? I can handle it...really, I can. Because my lady does the same sort of thing. And gues who washes the dishes...

I think he's dating mine as well. Yet, she'll get grumpy if I grab one that's been sitting near her for an hour claiming that she hadn't finished it. So I return it to her, only to throw it out an hour later. :confused:

Originally posted by Mike Rotch
After some nervous moments in Fatmouse culture, all is well. Fatmouse thanks Der Alta.

Who in turn, with a good handshake, thanks Fatmouse.

AO

Mike Rotch · Nov 10, 2003

Rant time:

Our division has a new-years party in two weeks time. Of course, it wouldnt be a proper company function without it being fancy dress. Our department called a "meeting" last week to decide if everybody wanted to go as a theme :rolleyes:

, or to do their own thing. So I made my voice heard, and said I wanted to do my own thing, and of course, all of a sudden everybody thought that would be a smashing idea.

So I went out and got a costume this weekend. One hour again another meeting is called.

"Does everybody want to go as a theme?"

:grumpy:

What has happened to people's individuality? Are they so insecure in their own imagination that they have to form a herd and rattle around together? They finally decided to go as the Mafia. I'm going as the Grim Reaper, so there is a sprinkle of irony, but it just makes you want to tear your hair out.

When will people realise not being inside the herd is more rewarding then being in it?

Those of you that think you know everything are beginning to bother those of us who do.

- Gil

. A classic. Even in Fatmouse's book.

GilesGuthrie · Nov 10, 2003

Originally posted by Mike Rotch
Rant time:

Our division has a new-years party in two weeks time. Of course, it wouldnt be a proper company function without it being fancy dress. Our department called a "meeting" last week to decide if everybody wanted to go as a theme , or to do their own thing. So I made my voice heard, and said I wanted to do my own thing, and of course, all of a sudden everybody thought that would be a smashing idea.

So I went out and got a costume this weekend. One hour again another meeting is called.

"Does everybody want to go as a theme?"

What has happened to people's individuality? Are they so insecure in their own imagination that they have to form a herd and rattle around together? They finally decided to go as the Mafia. I'm going as the Grim Reaper, so there is a sprinkle of irony, but it just makes you want to tear your hair out.

When will people realise not being inside the herd is more rewarding then being in it?

Your division is so appallingly incompetent that they organise a New Year party for six weeks prior to the arrival of the New Year? Excellent! You are a pearl before their swine.

Still, if the girl you've got your eye on is there, you'll certainly catch her eye in your different costume!!

Mike Rotch · Nov 10, 2003

Originally posted by GilesGuthrie
Your division is so appallingly incompetent that they organise a New Year party for six weeks prior to the arrival of the New Year? Excellent! You are a pearl before their swine.

I like the cut of your jib.

Yea, about That Girl.....

:grumpy:

GilesGuthrie · Nov 10, 2003

Oh dear...

Oh well, <insert cretinous platitudes here>

Gil · Nov 10, 2003

If at first you don't succeed, try one of her friends, and be an absolute prince.
It'll make the first one green with envy.

Fatmouse

GTP Editor, GTPEDIA Author

GTP Editor, GTPEDIA Author

dig the bolts in my neck

dig the bolts in my neck

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