Happy Father's Day!

[Danoff]

I'm aware of, and highly sympathetic to, both parts of your personal situation. But if it is painful, why take the time to remind yourself of the situation by coming into a thread clearly labeled with the subject matter?

The thread didn't remind me of anything I wasn't already inundated with. I came here to talk about what Father's day is like for me because it was already on my mind and there happened to be a thread asking just that very question.

...and note that my post was made AFTER fathers' day. God forbid I soil anyone else's fun.

 

[NLxAROSA]

IMO you spoiled nobody's fun (at least not mine anyway). But you entered the exact thread where the amount of people that probably can't relate to your situation is greatest.

I think it's hard for many people with children to relate to your situation because they simply can't imagine their own lives without them. And I also think that applies to most other situations as well, like being blind, or deaf, or poor, or handicapped, etc. etc. People just can't relate to that unless they have experienced it first or second hand.

 

[Duke]

The thread didn't remind me of anything I wasn't already inundated with. I came here to talk about what Father's day is like for me because it was already on my mind and there happened to be a thread asking just that very question.

...and note that my post was made AFTER fathers' day. God forbid I soil anyone else's fun.

Fair enough, but it seems a trifle I-don't-know-what to come into a thread like this and get snippy because your personal situation on this topic is not a happy one. Since you like analagous conversations:

You: It's my birthday today! Have some cake!

Me: No. I just got diagnosed with terminal cancer and I won't live to see my next birthday, so I'm not celebrating yours.

I repeat, and I hope you already know, that I am sympathetic to your personal issues. It just strikes me as odd that you wouldn't simply stay away from a topic like this (and I'm not even saying you should have, I'm just saying the decision to come in here is surprising) in light of your feelings about it.

But I guess I've never really been a "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" kind of guy.

 

[Danoff]

As always with this topic - this has been a mistake. It's impossible to talk about and counterproductive not to.

Fair enough, but it seems a trifle I-don't-know-what to come into a thread like this and get snippy because your personal situation on this topic is not a happy one. Since you like analagous conversations:

You: It's my birthday today! Have some cake!

Me: No. I just got diagnosed with terminal cancer and I won't live to see my next birthday, so I'm not celebrating yours.

If I got diagnosed with terminal cancer and was told I wouldn't live to see my next birthday you'd expect me to celebrate other peoples' birthdays? Screw that! I think if that were my situation I would be more than justified in refusing to congratulate any and everyone on their survival. I'm surprised you don't see it that way.

And if it were your birthday, and someone with terminal cancer said "I'm not celebrating your birthday because I won't have another one" your response would be a LACK of understanding toward that person? You, who do not have cancer, would be upset at the guy who does and won't survive for something as stupid as refusing to celebrate your birthday? Especially when he says that he's here to remind you to enjoy your life and on your birthday, think of people like him who won't have one?!?

It just strikes me as odd that you wouldn't simply stay away from a topic like this (and I'm not even saying you should have, I'm just saying the decision to come in here is surprising) in light of your feelings about it.

The instinct is to do just that - refuse to talk about it ever under any circumstance. But I've received enough insensitivity on this that I go out of my way to take the time to remind folks that not everyone gets an easy break on this one (even if they're not the ones who bugged me to begin with). I don't think it's a bad thing to hear.

But I guess I've never really been a "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" kind of guy.

Yea... I'm sure the other side of the fence is just the same. I have a hard time imagining a decent father saying that about his kids.

 

[Mrs. Famine]

I'm sorry Dan - you know I'm so very fond of you and I do respect you but I have to concur with Duke's point of view here. Coming into this thread and declaring that it reminds you of the reasons you cannot be a father is exactly the same as going into each and every birthday thread for the hypothetical reasons mentioned above.

I do sympathise with you. I do. And I can't for a second imagine how Mrs. Danoff is feeling about your situation. If you've not been to counselling, I suggest you get there ASAP. You need it.

 

[Danoff]

but I have to concur with Duke's point of view here. Coming into this thread and declaring that it reminds you of the reasons you cannot be a father is exactly the same as going into each and every birthday thread for the hypothetical reasons mentioned above.

I can see some differences - but I agree that there are similarities. I just don't think that such behavior would be so far out of line.

This thread was about Father's day experiences. I shared mine. I apologize that they aren't as peachy and fluffy as the rest of what has been posted here - but that's exactly why I feel the need to contribute. I don't like the pretense that a discussion such as this must be constrained to only uplifting notions. I think such a philosophy separates and isolates people from a reality that people aught to be aware of.

I do not think that coming here and sharing my father's day experiences is an indicator that I need counseling as you imply. I don't think it's petty jealousy as Duke has implied, and I don't think that it is a non-issue as Solid Lifters has implied. I also don't feel that it is an out-of-line point of view for this thread. Yes most of the individual experiences posted here will be positive and lovely, but occasionally you might come across someone such as myself who will have a different point of view. I see GTPlanet as a place to share different points of view. Perhaps I am mistaken.

 

[Duke]

You're allowed your feelings and opinions, as you well know. And I suppose I can understand the activist mentality that would, in effect, picket a "Happy Father's Day" thread. I just find it... I'm not sure what. Antagonistic? Confrontational? But then again, that's what activists are, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. And I suppose I'm reacting the way I react to most demonstrators: I'm irritated by the usurping of something nice that someone else made, in order to promote the agenda of the disruptors.

Of course that is overstating the case and I'm not actually irritated at you for posting in here, and I like to think that I can feel some of your own sadness and anger. I'm sure I don't understand anywhere near fully, but this seems like picking a scab to me.

 

[Danoff]

I'm sure I don't understand anywhere near fully, but this seems like picking a scab to me.

Sometimes it's nice to vent. If someone created a Christmas thread and I had a crappy Christmas, I would probably post in that too.

 

[Duke]

OK, fair enough. Venting is one thing but repeatedly poking yourself with a sharp stick is another - I trust you know enough about yourself to stay on the right side of that equation. I'm not trying to be cavalier about your situation, but there is more to life, so please, as your friend, understand that I'm just trying to remind you of that.