How "Jason Bourne" could you be right now?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Public'sTwin
  • 33 comments
  • 3,829 views
Public'sTwin

Public'sTwin

Messages
1,015
Canada
Canada
Messages
DismissiveClOCK
The premise is as follows:
You have Jason Bourne's training and are in a dire situation completely unforeseen and of great surprise. No weapons - anywhere. You have two options, both of which need to be infallible:

1. Fight. Look around you, note the various things that are nearby. You are un-armed and, as necessary, resort to using anything at your disposal. A towel? A chair? Neck tie? Anything is a weapon in the right hands - use it.

2. Flight. What is your most proficient means of evading your immediate threat? A window, a door, a wall, a roof, a ladder, is anything nearby to immediately separate yourself from this threat? Or have you trapped you trapped yourself or placed yourself in a compromising situation? A chair can effectively thwart a knife, a television stand can keep your assailant out of arm's reach.

Let's assume our threat is not wielding a gun, but rather, is something physically threatening: a zombie, an assassin with a knife, or a giant.

Wikipedia's knowledge
The Jason Bourne is a very quick-thinking, linear type of person who moves quickly and brutally towards his goal. He is highly adept at hand-to-hand combat. He shows an immediate ability to utilize lateral thinking to solve problems. He sometimes uses improvised weapons, for example a pen to stab an assassin in The Bourne Identity and using a book & a towel in The Bourne Ultimatum. He uses tactical improvisation such as a fan, torch light and tape to fake his location (The Bourne Ultimatum) and gas, a toaster & a magazine to cause an explosion (Bourne Supremacy).
Click to expand...

So- how would you do if you were attacked right now?
 
Last edited:
To provide an exemplary response, this is my situation:

I have a door behind me and to my left, which presumably would be the entrance of my threat. Unfortunately, it means he'll approach with my back turned. . .

I could use the door as a weapon, quickly slamming it in his face. Potential weapons nearby are a very solid wrench on my desk, a gougey screwdriver, and possibly the heavyish curtain rod on my window. I would probably take my screwdriver - it's stabby, and the wrench or curtain rod don't leave much room to swing in these confined quarters.

If necessary, I could use one of these flat panels as a shield, and the edge as a striking object.

Escape would be near-impossible, as my window isn't big enough to quickly escape through, so my only option is fight. I also have a can of WD-40 I could potentially blind someone with. A zombie would be fended off fairly easily in this room, but I would be toast if it were someone big.
 
Depends on the attacker, where they approach from, and the distance from which they approach.
Attacker from long range: I have an empty bottle of Hank's gourmet rootbeer sitting next to my laptop. it's in easy reach and the glass would make a good projectile. I would then reach for the corkscrew in my drawer to use as a stabbing implement of sorts in case I need a weapon while I escape (more on that later)

Close-ish range from behind: First thing, I'd reach for my pen and pencil. Both heavy metal implements made by cross. Both should make effective stabbing weapons. If I'm being strangled, I'd grab my telescopic desk lamp (halogen bulb hot enough to melt plastic) and aim for the assailant's face.

Once the attacker is impaired, I need to escape. I have two options:
1) out the front door, down a flight of stairs and onto the street.
2) Out the front window. There is a coffee table and sofa situated right in front of it. Perfect for hopping onto and making the leap of faith and praying to land on top of a delivery van on the street below me.
 
If I were to be held up in a barn say I would do the following;

I'd cobble together some typical farming tackle; stuff like some 1/4 inch steel plate, a scaffold pole and a hose pipe attached to a pressure pumped container full of gas. I'd then grab the oxyacetylene welding gear and set about the old pick up with the half-tracks that the farmer left lying around and I would make a tank/off-road hybrid with full armour plating, slotted look outs (gotta see where I'm going) and a flame thrower for good measure.

I reckon I'd cruise by the rouge army in their Willis Jeeps as they fall into the surrounding duck ponds and I'd escape home for dinner.

I love it when a plan comes together. (smokes cigar. :sly: )
 
Fastas
If I were to be held up in a barn say I would do the following;

I'd cobble together some typical farming tackle; stuff like some 1/4 inch steel plate, a scaffold pole and a hose pipe attached to a pressure pumped container full of gas. I'd then grab the oxyacetylene welding gear and set about the old pick up with the half-tracks that the farmer left lying around and I would make a tank/off-road hybrid with full armour plating, slotted look outs (gotta see where I'm going) and a flame thrower for good measure.

I reckon I'd cruise by the rouge army in their Willis Jeeps as they fall into the surrounding duck ponds and I'd escape home for dinner.

I love it when a plan comes together. (smokes cigar. :sly: )
Click to expand...

Rather than preparation, the focus of this is improvisation: the opposite of your situation. If I were to ambush you right now, what (hypothetically) would you do?
 
I carry a fine point Zebra F701 or F402 with me most everywhere I go.
I'm also a throat punching, eye gouging, multiple knee/foot to the groin kind of guy.

Escape!?!? Why do I need to escape from a downed enemy that is gagging for breath from the throat punch, can't see me due to the eye gouging, and is likely barfing up his toenails from repeated brutal crushing of his breeding tackle?

And a fine point Zebra pen is an optimal stabbing weapon, that can also be used to sign the complaint when the cops come to pick up my assailant and take him to jail.
 
I'd be doomed. I'm sitting in a dead end, in order to get to the window to escape, I'd either have to face the attacker, where I'd be killed, or perform some sort of maneuver that isn't physically viable for me.

That said, at home, I can smash my window and leap out onto my driveway.
 
Call for my mommy and she'll come give the bad person spankings for being a meanie.
 
I can run fast, but not for very long. My best chance at survival would be to stun and evade, and then ambush, incapacitate, and escape.
 
The only point of entry for an attacker to take me by suprise is the door way 2 metres to my left rear... I can see the door in my peripheral vision. Between me and the door is my acoustic guitar, within reach of my left arm. I'd use this as my immedeate weapon, possibly if the guitar breaks up (which I'm sure it would) I may choose to use the E string to cheesewire attackers neck... either way once I'm past attacker I have a 32" Rapier at the end of the hall - grab it (back-up weapon in case attacker had accomplises in hall way), exit front door.. down one flight of stairs... exit fire door, jump 5 feet to ground level, 30 second sprint though pathway onto industrial estate (this gives good cover of darkness), I'm then 100m from work - a good place to lay low of defend myself.

Fight AND flight.
 
The only way to get to my floor is by badge access to the elevator and then badge access to the floor and to the storage room.
I work in the Facility Department, There are two places where I would be, in my cube or in the Facility closet. At either location I have access to any of these: short & long screw drivers, nail guns, saws, sticks (metal and wooden) hammers, scissors, straps, hooks and most importantly I can defend myself standing or ground tactics.
If there is more than say 5 people, then most likely run down the stair that are withing 20 feet from each location.
 
Cue Indiana Jones making a WTF face and shooting the guy with the knife.

But personally, I'd be doomed. I qualify for none of the Jason Bourne attributes listed. I'm in my 50's, overweight, unskilled in anything involving physical combat, but I have a 1.5" pocketknife with which I could annoy any attacker willing to give me time to deploy it.
 
wfooshee
Cue Indiana Jones making a WTF face and shooting the guy with the knife.

But personally, I'd be doomed. I qualify for none of the Jason Bourne attributes listed. I'm in my 50's, overweight, unskilled in anything involving physical combat, but I have a 1.5" pocketknife with which I could annoy any attacker willing to give me time to deploy it.
Click to expand...

No strangely deadly paraphernalia laying around you? Nothing heavy, sharp, or distance-creating (long, pole-like objects) within grasp? The key to your survival, after all, is how inventive you can be with ordinary things around you. ;)
 
I shall jalop them( urban dictionary it) LOL ......... but in all seriousness I would be like wtf and then either run or die.
 
I forgot, I have a small pick hammer next to me, and at home, I've got two knives, a sharpened file, and a Nerf gun modified to shoot my specially made poison darts, I.E. darts with a thumbtack in them, dipped in rat poison.

So, fight to get away, then flight.
 
The attacker would have to approach from behind, as the only entry/exit to my office is directly behind my desk. I have a fork laying here, enough to stop the ineviatble chokehold, and give me time to grab any one of the 10kg metal objects on my desk to swing at their head. Once they are groggy, down, throw them down the flight of stairs or over the balcony, then down the stairs, out the door to my car, and gone.
 
Flight isn't possible for me since my windows have burglar bars on them and the door is the only way out of my room and will be blocked by the attacker.

Fight it is. I'm in my bed which so happens to be facing the door so the attacker can't sneak up behind me. The two most useful items on my bed with me are my laptop and a Phillips screwdriver that I bought today for work. As much as I don't want to break it, I'd have to throw my laptop at the intruder to distract him. Then I'd lunge forward with the screwdriver and use that to cause as much bodily harm as possible.

I actually do have a couple swiss army knives and a 3 inch blade on my desk but they aren't within arms reach and would therefore be useless at the time. 👎
 
Right here, I have two possible ways they could come in, and that could dictate the way I react. If the person gets in through the patio door right beside me, I would try to use the copper rod we use as a "redneck lock" on him, but if they came in through the front door of the house, roughly 7 metres away, I would run out of the aforementioned door, and jump the fence over to my neighbour's house with all the guns :p


Basically, my survival depends on which door they come through. If they come through the patio door, I'm toast. But if they come through the front door, I like my chances. Also, there is a fork on the computer desk I could use. Oh, there's a metal hose for the vacuum I could swing with too. But I still think that if they come through the patio door, I'm done. Although that door would be tough to get through, metal bar wedging it in place, and it's not fun to break a glass door.
 
Bolt to my left and out the bath room window if I opted for flight. But I have several metal pens on my desk, and I sleep with a combat knife in a drawer next to my bed, and I can see down the hall from my bed, so yeah.

The fact of the matter is this though - even if you know you can use a pen for a weapon, using it effectively in combat against a person requires training and the mental willingness to seriously hurt someone. A lot of people have issues with that at some deeper level. Flight is the logical option for most people.

More or less Bourne just exemplifies lateral thinking for problems.
 
The door to my bedroom is about 16 feet (just over 5 meters) away from me, and is basically directly behind. The hinges squeak, though, so I have a bit of warning.

As that's my only way out, my only option is to fight. I have a bicycle peg and a hand-held air pump next to me. The peg could be used in the eye (it fits well around an eye socket), and I might be able to use the air pump to stab a blood vessel and inject air.

Once I get across my room, grab my airsoft gun (only effective in the eyes, but better than nothing) and make my way to my dad's room, where my real gun is. Take out anything that moves from there, and get to my car and go.
 
Guitar strings at my disposal to use as strangulation devices, my metal spike bracelet as makeshift brass knuckles and a window directly in front of my computer that leads to the backyard.
 
ND4SPD
Guitar strings at my disposal to use as strangulation devices, my metal spike bracelet as makeshift brass knuckles and a window directly in front of my computer that leads to the backyard.
Click to expand...

By the time you got the guitar strings off, you would be dead, Jeff. ;)
 
Fastas
I'd attempt humour as a way of diffusing the situation.
Click to expand...

Jason Bourne, not Chris Tucker.

-

I'm sitting at a cubicle behind a half-wall, with the door to my right, just in my peripheral vision.

I've got a (small) stapler I can throw at the door. If I actually hit the guy properly, I can give him a nasty staple-mark on the forehead. Then I start throwing serious stuff... envelope, envelope, stiff-board calendar... oooh... hope you like that paper cut over your jugular. Bleed to death, sucker!

Around the side of the table, assailant number two is shooting now... he gets a coffee cup full of paper clips to the face... out past him to the other side of the office, behind some cabinets and a sliding door, where the only un-barred window is... guy follows, wallop him with the sliding glass door till he drops the gun. Blow his brains out.

There are more? Blast open window in a spray of gunfire... jump through onto the balcony then down to the first floor... (gently... I've got a bum knee) and run for help... I'm getting too old for this 🤬.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GettingTooOldForThis
 
I am sitting at my computer, but I have my fieldcraft gear right next to the desk. This includes a mirror for getting changed (which also points towards the only door) a machete (good in the bush, equally good if attacked in the style this thread implies) my 2 muela hunting knives, a zippo, and enough tinned food to last me a week long standoff.

I just realised, if people didn't know I go camping a lot, they would think I am paranoid!
 
Door is about 80 degrees to my left, range of 10 feet within my peripheral vision. One window behind me.

Immediately available weapons:
-10" dagger/letter opener
-Leatherman (carry with me at all times... So very handy)
-One heavy glass
-Wireless keyboard
-Tripod


Attacker enters through the door. I throw some bills at him as a distraction, shove my computer chair his way as an obstacle & throw my wireless mouse at him. Letter opener comes out of its' sheath, window is opened and I cut through the screen onto the roof.

I can then either run to the top of the roof, where I've got the high ground, or make the long jump to the ground & evade.
 

Latest Posts

Back