How to help a friend! URGENT!

  • Thread starter Thread starter halfracedrift
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Me again,
Mopar Muscle for the record, you have all the subtlety of a bull in a China Shop. Further, you have no idea what you are talking about.
In this conversation, please keep your pie hole shut, as when you open it you appear to stop getting sufficient oxygen to your brain.:irked:
You are not adding to the conversation in any helpful way.

Anyone who verbalizes a desire to end it all, and verbalizes a viable plan for getting it done, should be taken seriously.
Depression of that magnitude should be taken seriously.
Daring someone to go ahead and kill themselves, shows them that one more person doesn't care if they live or die. It does not "call their bluff".
When someone reaches out, and says, "Hey, my life is sucking really bad, I think suicide is about the only way things can get better for me. I think I'll blow my brains out/slit my wrists/take a half a bottle of Secanol...
What you should be hearing is, "You're someone I trust with this. Help me see that my life is worth living."
Halfracedrift has a friend that trusts him, literally, with her life. It's a heavy load, but it is rather significant. Attention-seeking or not, Suicide is not a subject to be taken so lightly.

MM, I usually don't say stuff like this, but I have to say you seem to be wearing your anus as a collar.
 
Hmm.. Thanks Gil... I've been reading this thread quite a number of times... Taken the advice given to me from various people.. She seems to have... calmed herself down a bit.. and.. not keep thinking about it too much.
What I'm hearing from her is.. kinda straddling on both sides...
I won't comment on MM.

Oh, and Shob: It's not a breakup. It's something she's dealt with for the last few years of her life. She thinks that no one cares when we actually do, and when we do the things that show we care, she seems to block it out, or if she sees it, she forgets that we did something like that.
 
Ah, I see. Thanks for clearing that up.
 
Originally posted by Gil
Me again,
Mopar Muscle for the record, you have all the subtlety of a bull in a China Shop. Further, you have no idea what you are talking about.
In this conversation, please keep your pie hole shut, as when you open it you appear to stop getting sufficient oxygen to your brain.:irked:
You are not adding to the conversation in any helpful way.

Anyone who verbalizes a desire to end it all, and verbalizes a viable plan for getting it done, should be taken seriously.
Depression of that magnitude should be taken seriously.
Daring someone to go ahead and kill themselves, shows them that one more person doesn't care if they live or die. It does not "call their bluff".
When someone reaches out, and says, "Hey, my life is sucking really bad, I think suicide is about the only way things can get better for me. I think I'll blow my brains out/slit my wrists/take a half a bottle of Secanol...
What you should be hearing is, "You're someone I trust with this. Help me see that my life is worth living."
Halfracedrift has a friend that trusts him, literally, with her life. It's a heavy load, but it is rather significant. Attention-seeking or not, Suicide is not a subject to be taken so lightly.
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I said "If she tells you shes going to, shes probably not. I can't be entirely sure on this because I don't know her." I simply stated my confrontations with a ''suicidal'' friend and gave my $0.02. Sure I said "Tell her to you will help her hold the gun against her head, it will show she is really faking it, she just wants attention." I'm just a person, and I have value judgements, as do you, but my values don't always match up to yours, nor do yours to mine, and it's beautifull.

Damn it's late.... its like... 4:35 [am] I think i should go to sleep.
 
Originally posted by Tercel_driver
Sorry for what I am about to say but

People like that dont deserve to live so just let them do what they want.
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Why doesn't anyone jump on his damn back. What a world.


Oh yea... the sleep thing. (4:39[am])
 
Yes, indeed it is beautiful that our opinions don't match. That would be quite boring.
However, there should be some similarity in POV regarding the sanctity of Human Life.

I understand the whole "reverse psychology" thing. But in the case of suicidal people, that is not the most helpful of approaches.
It isn't the best way for them to ask for help. But, they may feel that no one gives a tinker's damn about them. Telling them to go ahead and do it, or that you'd be glad to help, firms up their belief that no one cares.
Trust me, adding "fuel to the fire" is not at all helpful in this instance.
 
Woah. I dont really know what do say. Just comfort her and let her know you're with her.
 
There's not much I can add. Gil seems to have most of it already taped.

I would add that it's maybe worth mentioning to the girl that suicide is actually quite a self-centred thing to do, and that anyone who is doing it is completely uncaring for any of those who care for them. It's never the dead person that suffers through suicide, it's always that person's friends or family.

Obviously, pursuing this line of persuasion is fraught with danger. If her home life is disturbed, or if she has very few friends, this may not act as a lever for her continuing life.

You may wish to ask her if she has truly taken stock of what she is giving up by ending her life. Travel is always quite a good one to go with here. Pick beautiful and/or amazing places, and say to her that by ending her life, she ends the chance to see these wonderful sights. To understand the power and beauty of the world and of nature.

It's also about empowerment. A lot of the time, people are driven to suicide by a feeling of helplessness. This is rarely objectively assessed by the person concerned. They short-cut across the idea that they can move on with their lives, allowing the hopelessness to become self-fulfilling. I think it's important to try to re-instil the idea that actually she CAN make a difference, and she CAN achieve the things she wants. It doesn't matter how humble those things are, either.

And you should act to prevent associations. Often someone's sadness is associated with things, most commonly places and songs. Try to ensure that those things do not occur. This one can be very difficult to influence, but it's worth trying. Take her on day trips that break the normal monotony.

Above all, keep on in there. Keep up the support.
 
I agree with Giles and Gil.

Telling him/her to "go for it" worked in your case but think of it this way. If that person did indeed kill themselves, how would you feel? Could you live with the fact that the last words your friend heard from you was "go fo it"? Thats not a risk I would want to take, ESPECIALLY with a friend. These situations show who your true friends really are.

Even IF they are doing it just for attention, who cares? Is that really the kind of attention that will make them happy? No. Maybee if people payed more attention to the people arround them and actually gave a crap, they wouldnt be forced to pull of such stupid stunts.
 
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