How to mess with telemarketers.

  • Thread starter Thread starter SupraFly
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SupraFly

SupraFly

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There are many things you can do when you get a telemarketing call. Most of them piss you off, am I right? Well here i have created a simple guide to get back at them when they call you.

The "idiot approach"

Example:
"Sir/Madam, we would like to offer you unlimited internet-"

"Seriously? WOW! Is that for the compulizer?! You know, mine hasnt worked for a while. Maybe when i stuck a pop tart in that cd-rom thingy is the problem. Do yow think?"

"well, the pc isnt used as a toaster."

"are you calling me an idiot?!"

"No sir, im just offering you unlimited internet for one low price."

"Really?! For the computater? I heard about that internet, how you can surf. Ive heard of those TV games, but surfing? I can even watch my pitcher shows!"

By then, the conversation would be over.

Next on the list is the "Im not interested approach"

"Hello sir/madam, we'd like to offer you a _____"

"Really now, do I sound interested? How about this, ill give you a call when i want _____"

Next is the "over-excited approach"

"Hello sir/madam, we'd like to offer you _____"

REALLY?! ARE YOU ****TIN ME?!?! How about this, im going to call some of my frineds and tell them about this!!! This sounds GREAT!

Ever get those morgage calls?

"Hello sir/madam, we are offering you a second morgage."

"Um, can i morgage somethign i already lost? Do you have something like that? Then go into a big story of how you lost a house, make it a good 15 minutes at least. :D

How to deal with the scam telemarketers.

"Hello sir/mada, if you send us $500 we will send your one million dollars youve just won!"

"ONE MILLION DOLLARS?!?!?! WOW?!?!?! Do me a favor, just go ahead and take that 500 out of my winnings, in fact, im busy, can i get your number and extension?" Report their ass.

Then the final for now, is what i like to call, the music approach. When you think its a telemarketer, blast the music.

"Hello sir/madam, we'd like to offer you ____"

"HELLO?! HEY MAN, DO YOU LIKE THIS SONG?! (start singing it in a horrible singing voice) HOLD ON, LET ME TURN IT UP!!!"

It should be over by then.

As soon as they start calling my house again, ill post more :D.
 
I prefer to just hang up when I can't get a word out in the first 5 seconds. Or put the phone down for a minute or ten and let them babble.
 
Once a gas company phoned up my dad, he played along with them for about 1 hour acting really dumb, saying stuff like, "So are you gunna send gas through the water pipes" etc. In the end he said, "I'll think about it, call me tomorrow" and they never did. Good way to make them stop calling you i guess.
 
or you could just say nothing, and when they ask you a question like, "are you alright, sir?" or "are you there, sir?" just say yes to those questions. Or put your number on the do-not-call list...
 
here's an elaborate one that was executed by some old comedian-

The person answers and trys to sound interested, but is distracted. an old man in the backround trys to talk to the guy (not the telemarketer) and the guy yells at him, yelling "Shut the **** up!" and various obsenites. He trys to keep talking to the telemarketer but the old man keeps talking. finally, guy makes hitting noises and the old man screams. the screaming eventually stops and a lady screams, "Oh my God! you killed him!" and then the guy gets abck on the phone and says, "Im sorry, what were you saying?"
 
*Shamelessly stolen from elsewhere* *Warning: Foul Language*

[ring]

me: "hello"

telemarketwat: "Hello, are they any women in your household from age 18-25?"

me: "Why? You going to send some if I say no?"

tmt: "."

[2 seconds of silence]

me: "How about one of each?"

tmt: "."

[2 seconds of silence]

tmt: "Thank you for your time sir."

me: "No problem, are they coming 2nd day air?"

[click]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ring]

me: "hello"

telemarketwat's brother: "Hello, I am from the Fraternal Order of Frefighters."

me: "."

tmt's bro: "Would you be interested in making a tax deductable donation to the Burned Children's Fund?"

me: "No."

tmt's bro: "But sir, don't you want help burned an crippled children?"

me: "Little ****ers learned the dangers of playing wth matches didn't they?"

tmt's bro: "."

[5 seconds of silence]

tmt's bro: "Thanks for your time sir."

[click]
---------------------------------------------------
[ring]

me: Hello?

tmt: Good evening, sir...

me: No thanks...

[me/ hangs up]

5 seconds later...

[ring]

me: Hello?

tmt: You were rude on the telephone...

me: Twice...

[me/ hangs up]
---------------------------------------------------------

"I just repeat everything they say.

"Hi, this is Jane from PCS Sprint."

"Hi, this is Jane from PCS Sprint."

"Um... Is Mr. or Mrs. Jordan there?"

"Is Mr. or Mrs. Jordan there?"

(Pause)

"Sir..."

"Sir..."

*click*"
------------------------------------------------
tmt: hello, is there a female over the age of 18 in your household?

me: well....technically not a female YET, but after this next operation...

tmt: click
 
I like letting them talk for a while while i watch TV or cook or something. Then when they stop talking I hang up. PR some of those are damn fine.
 
see, but the problem with repeating what they say is they talk so fast.. "hiiam______fromattwouldyouliketobuyournewfreelongdistanceprogramthatwehavegoingonrightnow." "what"....
 
Originally posted by PunkRock
tmt: You were rude on the telephone...

me: Twice...
Click to expand...
Haha! :lol:

I usually tell them the person who they're looking for isn't here (that includes me... I got a call a couple days ago for anyone between 13-18 in the household, and I told them "he" wasn't here), and if they ask when they should call back, I'll say I dunno when "he" will be back. That usually works, though that backfired on SBC... they called us back every week for another 6 months until my mom finally yelled at the guy.

Too bad hanging up on them usually doesn't work, since they call right back... no stupid, the phone line just so happened to get disconnected when you were calling. :rolleyes:
 
if my mom isnt home, i just go carl style on their ass. that or an oglethorpe voice.

i especially hate it when they mispronounce my easily said name. lmao. i remember one time, this stupid ass lady called. it seemed as though she could have been illeterate. My mom's name is sharon. the tmt calls and says, "Hello, may i speak to Cheronn please?"

-pause-

i go to my mom and say, "Hey, is cheronn here yet?", then tell the marketer that i was terribly sorry that cheronn was not availible.

the carl soundboard works great when you cant do his voice though.

tmt: may i interest you on a way that you can save 40% on your car insurance?
carl: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FREAKIN CAR!!!


rotfl
 
See, if they call you- their fare game to be messed with.
but once in awhile me and my friends will prank call the "home shopping network" or "QVC" :
Lady; hello, what is your order number?
me (in a heavy southern voice) actiually, i gots a question. See, i ordered a toast maker from you guys. but when it gots here, it didnt work
Lady: what was the problem you were having?
me:i askeded my friend to take a look at it and he said it need some 'lectricty (les-tris-ity). But i aint got's no lectricty
Lady: ohh I see.
Me: so i was wonderin how many gallons of lestricy i need for my toaster.
Lady: oh i'm sorry, we dont sell electricty. You nee- me: Well do ya got any in pints or cups?
Lady: no it has to be ordered from your local provider.
Me: now, i read the advertisment- it didnt say nothin bout 'lectrisity bein sold seperately.
Lady: oh well i'm very sorry (went on telling me [for like 10 minutes] on how i can check if my house has electricty)

It was one of those you had to be there things, me and my friend almost crapped ourselves laughing when we hung up, that lady was so nice:)
 
A telemarketer just called me heheheheh.

Hello sir we would like to offer you a mortgage.

REALLY?! Man that would be swell!

Well sir we'd just need some information and-

Hold on i have a question.

Ask away.

Could i mortgage something i already lost? About a eyar ago i losy my house to repo, im not too happy about it and id like to know if i could maybe get my house back. I grew up there.

Really? Well we do have reverse mortgages.

REALLY, THAT WOULD BE SWELL!!!

So if we could just get some information we could get started.

Uh, if i told you my information id have to kill you.

(Laughs)

No laughing matter, I work for the CIA and need to be protected from anything.

CLICK!

:lol:
 
:lol: those are halarious

if i pick up,....im just like oooh im taking a crap can i call you back then i start making groaning sounds then i hang up...

or other times ill be like...hello?? what?? your breaking up...then i start making like staticy sounds then hang up

usually works
 
I feel sorry for the telemarketers that call you people.
I mean dang. Better hope it's never you.
;)
 
TMT: Hello sir, would you like to order a subscription to our magazine?
ME: OH sure, but can you hold on a second? I need to get this body under the floorboards and the blender's acting up again.
[CLICK]
 
You could always moan.
Like if you were having sex.

But it would get weird doing that in front of your friends or parents. Or if the marketer actually stayed on the line.
 
Two words

AIR HORN

I saw this one on Sienfeild:
"TM: hello sir,
Jerry: Could you hold on, I'm busy right now. If you left your home number I could get back to you later.
TM: I can't give you my home number.
Jerry: So you don't want people contacting you at home?
TM: Exactly.
Jerry: Well now you know how I feel!"

It was just hillarious!
 
Another Seinfeld one:
TM: Are you interested in ______?
Jerry: Yes I am interested!
*hangs up phone*
*studio audience cheers*
 

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