If there's a hell, and you wind up going there, what are you stuck driving?

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Balocco

Balocco

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So, what would you have to drive when it was time to stop burning in the lake of fire and you had to travel 666 miles on a completely straight road through a completely flat and open plain with nothing of visual interest and no radio so you can get to your appointment in the dungeon where demons pull off your skin?

I'd be stuck in my first car, a base model 1995 Pontiac Bonneville, in sun-magnet black with an interior of unrelenting mid-90s GM flimsy grayness that smelled like the previous owner was Swamp Thing and he loved to smoke cherry-vanilla Swisher Sweets, complete with an interior fan that would rattle every time you turned the blower knob one micron beyond off, suspension that was so soft the force of the air would actually make the car pitch and rock like a boat at highway speeds and an engine that wasn't quite powerful enough to move the car but, oddly, caused massive amounts of torque steer, which you'd have to correct with steering that was so numb it was like you were driving after injecting your hands with novocaine.

I am pretty sure that my particular car was the single worst car ever made by General Motors.
 
^A Prius with a broken electric motor.

My "fire-lake chariot" would be a PT Cruiser (any year, any color). I had one for six days, and it made me hate driving.
 
Dodge Rampage, absolutely the most useless vehicle ever made.

It's a Subcompact elcamino looking thing with a 4banger and front wheel drive.
 
Justin
Dodge Rampage, absolutely the most useless vehicle ever made.

It's a Subcompact elcamino looking thing with a 4banger and front wheel drive.
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I used to know a guy who had one and had put a Turbo II and a 5-speed in it. It also had a pair of bed seats he ripped out of a junkyard Subaru Brat and had crudely installed into his Rampage. Riding in the bed was equal part exhilarating and terrifying. You'd be squeezing those handles on either side of the seat so hard that when you let go your hands would ache for hours.

It was such a great car.
 
I already experienced something like that driving I-70 between Columbus and Indianapolis in a rental car PT Cruiser. I even wound up getting a speeding ticket, a 20 over speeding ticket, even. (Evidently, there's a section that drops from 70MPH to 50MPH near Indy.)

Still, the Pinto, Chevette or '77 Olds Cutlass Supreme would be worse.

Edit - My ultimate hell car would probably be either a smart or a Tata Nano. In fact, some Nanos apparently transform into infernos on their own:
nanoflames.jpg
 
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Come on, just look at it:

beige_ital.jpg

Not enough?

Performance

1.3/1.7 litre
Top speed: 91/98mph
Acceleration: 0-60mph 15.2/14.0s
1/4 mile: 19.6s/18.7s

And they made them in beige.
 
Famine
Come on, just look at it:

beige_ital.jpg

Not enough?

Performance

1.3/1.7 litre
Top speed: 91/98mph
Acceleration: 0-60mph 15.2/14.0s
1/4 mile: 19.6s/18.7s

And they made them in beige.
Click to expand...

And they named it after a design house that had nothing to do with it, and insisted in advertising that they did. It's already evil. It lies!
 
If I drove to hell, the skin-tearing thing would be a lot less painful then driving this… The lovely Hyandai Excel. Maybe in that Gumby purple colour, with the fancy colour vinyls on the side… and faded bumpers.
If it broke down along the way, then they’ll probably have a Mazda 121 bubble for a replacement vehicle.

1_600.jpg
 
Jim Prower
feet.jpg


oh, hohoho. You think they'll actually let a car enthusiast drive...
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Yes, they'd force them to drive a horrible, boring car. Go rent a previous generation Malibu and take it for a spin. It's so dull and lifeless it becomes incredibly frustrating. It drives you insane because you're in this instead of something you love. It's torture. It's like falling completely in love with somebody and then being forced to marry someone else.

And it's exactly what Satan would do. It's him mocking you. "Oh, you like cars, do you? HERE! HAVE A CAR! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" It's like how people are really big into beer will only be able to drink MGD 64 when they go to hell.
 
My idea of hell? Pick anything from Toyota made in the last 12 years. Better yet, throw in a GM made after 1992.

If I had to pick one and only one I'd pick the Toyota Prius.
 
One thing I can see happening to me in hell is when I'm given the keys to my car, the devil hands me the keys to an Alfa. I go giddly into the garge, thinking that I must actually be in heaven, only to open the door and discover an Arna. It's more than just a bad Alfa, it's a car that is the exact opposite of what all logic, reason and sanity says it should have been. And it's more than that, having Alfa do the styling and chassis and having Nissan do the drivetrain and electrics would have made something amazing: a car with Italian style and character and Japanese reliability. It would have been, quite simply, a perfect car. But instead we got a Nissan Cherry that they made even uglier by awkwardly sticking an Alfa shield grille on it with Alfa's hideously unreliable flat-four under the hood.

Satan would pull a cruel joke by using the most cruel automotive joke. I am now convinced that this is exactly what is going to happen.
 
Car%20on%20fire.jpg

BURNING-CAR_s1-274.jpg

Detroit-Car-Fire.jpg


To Sertsa's photo
Tata-Nano.jpg

This is the car before all the color melted off, and the leather bumper disintegrated.

NICE!
robo.jpg



EDIT:
10650d1216925442-prius-a123-battery-fire-report-prius_a123.jpg
 
Some sort of 60's american car with a big block V8 under the hood. Except, it's only running on 4 cylinders and has a 2speed powerglide auto where 1st is broken.
 
I'd probably be stuck with a unicycle. It would take me 1000 years just to figure out how to ride it!

But if it were a car, it would probably be a Chevy Cavalier, or a Pontiac Aztek.
 
Balocco
You'd be able to entertain yourself by giving rapid, violent side-to-side steering inputs and feeling the car wobble like it was going to topple over, so this won't even be an option.
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If I could get into it and be able to use my feet to brake or accelerate without mashing all the pedals at once with my wide ass feet.
 
Citroen 2CV.
Not only do I not get to drive.
I'm riding with a myopic 90-year old grandma...That just passed her driving test....with an 80%.
 
ND4SPD
Some sort of 60's american car with a big block V8 under the hood. Except, it's only running on 4 cylinders and has a 2speed powerglide auto where 1st is broken.
Click to expand...

I was thinking of something like this, but maybe with the least powerful Civic engine ever made.
 
jacoja06
If it broke down along the way, then they’ll probably have a Mazda 121 bubble for a replacement vehicle.
Click to expand...

Oi! Don't knock the bubble....that car can be a very lethal weapon, after you shove a BPT/BPD in there. ;)


For me in hell, it would have to have to be a busted up 3cyl Daihatsu Mira or something like that.
 

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