Jokes!!

  • Thread starter DQuaN
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A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."

I saw it on wikipedia :P
 
Whoever said nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.

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With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
 
Rage Racer
- We have a lot of free, unused land in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone. Any way we can use it?
- I have an idea! We'll plant tobacco there, and when we put it into cigarettes and pack them, we'll sign the packs: SMOKING KILLS! THIS IS THE LAST WARNING!
Click to expand...

That's the cutest evil plan I ever read...

*cries of joy*
 
adamp93
Awkward.
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The Ukrainian government told the Russian military forces to leave the territory of Ukraine. And the Russian government answered: sure, the Russian forces will leave Ukraine on March, 16.

And an older joke, I head it a few years before the crisis:

When the ships of the Russian Black Sea Fleet once left their base in Sevastopol for a manoever, the Ukrainian government refused to let them back to Crimea. And the Russians answered: if the Russian fleet doesn't get back to Crimea, then Crimea will get back to the Russian fleet.
 
mister dog
Read this page; didn't laugh once :grumpy:
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What about this one...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World's_funniest_joke
 
Old classmates

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old??

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes... Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang" he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!” I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly,

Old,

Bald,

Wrinkled,

Fat-assed,

Gray-haired,

Decrepit

Son-of-a-bitch

Asked,

"What did you teach???"
 
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I have a girlfriend!!! :D

:lol:















Got it? Me? Girlfriend?... No???

:lol:

Rage Racer
- We have a lot of free, unused land in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone. Any way we can use it?
- I have an idea! We'll plant tobacco there, and when we put it into cigarettes and pack them, we'll sign the packs: SMOKING KILLS! THIS IS THE LAST WARNING!
Click to expand...

TOMACCO!!! :lol:
 
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