Jokes!!

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pokemonfan58
Boy isn't it strange that 86% of my jokes *counting the jokes I made on my status posts, maybe even a little bit more then 86%* have been negativiely received? Well I've tried my best on this one. Someone should train me for jokes. :p
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Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda?
A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

Student: "Should I get in trouble for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "No."
Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
 
V0RT3X
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
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Damn you for making me picture that and have it be all for naught. :lol:
 
Q : "What's the difference between your opinion and pizza ?"
A : "Everyone asks for pizza"

Yeah i know lame joke.
 
daan
Well, you don't. Welcome to 5 posts ago.
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Oopsies.
In my own defense, this was the very first post I've made in the jokes thread. Ever. So I do not know what was a repost.
 
I'm sorry but I prefer eating at Burger King more rather then McDonald's because I don't want to be a burger loving clown hippy.
 
@W3HS:
Hippy. I prefer eating more at Burger King, then McDonald's because I don't want to be a burger loving clown but[t].

I'm rather sorry.
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Better? :p
 
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he had his seatbelt on.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the backseat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get very far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and another guy calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
 
TB
And your feelings about leaf blowers or air compressors?
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:lol: you already know the answer to that one. :D
 
Since the general election, Ed Milliband, Nigel Farage and Nick Clegg have all resigned. The leaders are quitting left, right, and centre.
 
Shame Cameron let the side down and didn't quit too. Talk about not being a team player.
 
Who's that limbless guy floating in the pool?

That's Bob.
 
Who's that guy lying in front of the door?

That's Matt
 
Who is the guy with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.
 
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