Jokes!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter DQuaN
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My mate told me this one at work the other day:

I love it when its dark outside, I'm settled in for the evening and my wife puts on a nurses uniform ;)

It means the fat 🤬 is off to work :D
 
A hipster and a bogan jump off a building to see who's fastest. Who wins?

Society.
__________________________________________________________

Where does a King keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.
___________________________________________________________

What do you call a bunch of Caucasians in a snow field?

Rice bubbles.
___________________________________________________________

That's all I've got for now folks!
 
Will you remember me tomorrow?
*yes*
Will you remember me in a week?
*yes*
Will you remember me in a month?
*yes*
Will you remember me in a year?
*yes*

Knock Knock
Who's there?
YOU SAID YOU'D REMEMBER ME!!!
 
spunwicked
I love it when its dark outside, I'm settled in for the evening and my wife puts on a nurses uniform ;)

It means the fat 🤬 is off to work :D
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Reminds me of:

Husband: "Get your coat, love."
Wife: "Great, where are we going?"
Husband: "Nowhere, I'm turning the heating off."


Baddum... and indeed, tish! :D
 
I finally found out how to get a fat girl into bed... it's a piece of cake.
 
What's the difference between an Eagle F1 GSD-3 and oral love for 365 days?

One's a Goodyear, the other is a bloody good year!
 
...hmmm, my posts have disappeared, as well as the replies...I sense a PM from an Admin?

I just remembered a joke that I used to say as a kid:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to be a car wheel.

-----
I think I was really, really, really lame when I was 6. 👎
 
Not just 6. :lol:

That reminds me, Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.
 
axletramp
Not just 6. :lol: ...
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c239.jpg
 
spunwicked
My mate told me this one at work the other day:

I love it when its dark outside, I'm settled in for the evening and my wife puts on a nurses uniform ;)

It means the fat 🤬 is off to work :D
Click to expand...

:lol:! That was good. Made my dad laugh a lot. Mom didn't like it though... :lol:
 
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.

"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
 
^:lol: A LOT!!!

The problem I have with this thread / myself is that I can not often resist looking at the punch line halfway through the joke. I managed not to for that last one. Go me.
 
shem
^:lol: A LOT!!!

The problem I have with this thread / myself is that I can not often resist looking at the punch line halfway through the joke. I managed not to for that last one. Go me.
Click to expand...

Didn't you post a joke about pink fluff? I swear I just saw it.
 
I guessing it wasn't up to standards.

I swear that I've had my brother on the floor, in bulk after telling that joke. It seems as text it's not so funny.
 
shem
How many puppies does it take to paint a room?

.....Depends how hard you throw them.
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Reminds me of this,
What's the difference between puppies and watermelons?

I don't have 70 dead watermelons in my garage...
 
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What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of puppies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
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Whats worse than ten dead dogs in a bucket?

One dead dog in ten buckets.
 
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How do you stop a puppy crawling around the floor?
Nail one of it's hands to the ground.
 
Whats the difference between a puppy and melons?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other ones a melon
 
Two dyslexic guys share an apartment and one day one says to the other;

"Hey can you smell gas?"

The other replies

"I can't even smell my own name"
 
So New York has built a 'Park in the sky' then?

Hope it works better than their 'Airport in a skyscraper' idea.
 

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