Let's read each-others essay's!

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Well, I don't think there are that many really recent threads on this idea.

I've been wanting to make a thread like this every time finals week or every time an essay pops up.

Anyways, just post your essay and I'll try and give advice, because I'm a pretty damn good at writing.


Don't be afraid to give advice of your own on others essays, too.

This is mine so far. It's messy, it's pre-mature, it's probably not at all accurate, it's not done, but this is what I have :P It's a 4 page essay due on Tuesday, November 18th.



Want-Need-Privilege
In America you’ll probably hear company advertisements bragging about how they’re giving you the best of the best, the max amount that there is. There aren’t really many experiences that can give you the true feeling of desperation, the feeling of having something that is absolutely worthless at a moment’s notice. Edan Lepucki’s book California and Max Brooks’ World War Z allow for us to fanaticize through their realistic, yet fictitious novels. We love having the fastest computer We have become so dependent on technology and when the dominos start falling, they’re going to hit hard and it doesn’t matter if it’s man or nature that starts kicking them down.

Frida, one of the main characters in California finds a striking turkey baster. Hoping for it to be a gift or a bribe to get out of a potentially dangerous situation, she keeps it. In this post-apocalypse world, a stranger sees the baster, and since they’ve been living in a world that has been destroyed through various events, they eventually forgot the name of it. When they finally come across new civilization, a man searches her to end up finding it. Frida mentioned that the baster was a gift and the man say’s “We’ve got one of these already in the kitchen” after he’d remembered the name. What Frida thought would be useful in her world was useless in their world, and the world that was molded by the events that took place.

In the same case of Fridas , there are many events that could take place which could possibly render our various mobile phones, desktops, information systems such as servers, useless, which spawns the question of how much of this technology which is great now, can be useless in the times of struggle or desperation? What is also alarming is how much of this technology we are constantly producing instead of straight forward concrete products that are known to be basically concrete in the concept of human survival.

On September 19th 2014, Apple’s iPhone 6 came out to the public and Apple sold ten million of their phones by September 22nd. Statistics were brought up which show, in retrospect, Apple sold 91 million units of the iPhone 5 and the percent of buyers who were upgrading were upgrading from a previous iPhone (iPhone, iPhone 3GS or iPhone 4) (Statistic Brain) Simply put, there are more iPhone cellphones floating around than the popularity of some small countries. I have had many people nearly run into me because they were on their phone while walking and I’ve seen people run into static objects such as stop-signs because they were so drawn in by their phone. We put so much faith into our phones that sometimes you have people who can’t fathom the life without the small, but large ecosystem in their hands.

With the iPhone 5/6, you have people who are simply infatuated with having the newest, the best, and one of the most sought after electronic devices in the world. When advertisements pop on TV, there isn’t much of a scale on how some think. A simple scale of want-need will help people sort out and stamp their instant desires.
 
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Got it
 
I'm not great at writing, but I'm damn good at pointing out errors in a text like a grammar Nazi.

I honestly can't see the attraction of reading other peoples essays...for entertainment, which is why I visit GTP. Entertainment. You know, for fun and recreation. Not to read essays.

But each to their own.

Also, OP's 'essay' is shorter than most of FoolKillers's post. :lol: I wish my teachers at school would have accepted that length essay for my course work.
 
It's a 4 page essay due on Tuesday, November 18th
I don't know the subject, question or context here, but to be perfectly honest, I'd probably give this 9 out of 20 if it crossed my desk.

First, your tone is not appropriate for an academic essay. You rely on colloquialisms and informal language, which do not fit the purpose or the audience of the essay.

Secondly, you have no centralised thesis. Your essay needs a theme or an idea that reflects your understanding of the relationship between want, need and privilege.

Thirdly, you do not demonstrate any textual analysis. You reference "World War Z" and "California", but you never present any evidence of your understanding of the aforementioned relationship or how these ideas are shown in the texts.

Finally, you show no synthesis. We are looking for your ability to take ideas from multiple sources and combine them to create something new. You don't do that at all; all your essay does is demonstrate that you can comprehend a source by referring to statistics.

When writing an essay, you need to remember STEEL. When you start a new paragraph, make a STATEMENT about your text. Then, name a TECHNIQUE the composer uses while demonstrating this. Provide an EXAMPLE of this technique in use, then describe the EFFECT that this has on the audience. Finally, you need to LINK this back to your central idea.
 
Fine you want an essay.

This was my first ever uni essay that I did last year. Got a low 2.1 for it.

Critically assess the claim that the anarchic structure of the international system determines the behaviour of nation states.


The theory of neo realism states that the nature of the international system is anarchic and that this is the driving force behind international relations and that a states self interest is often pursued and conflict happens regularly as a result. As such realists claim that states cannot trust other states as the lack of international order makes them self seeking and as such are likely to deviate from agreements to suit their own purposes. However many realists fail to account for matters where the system isn't necessarily anarchical such as trade which requires trust of both parties and where selfish actions by a state will often result in other states refusing to trade with them.

Neo realists claim that the international system is mostly kept in order by the balance of power with a unbalanced system resulting in conflict. However even if there is a balance of power conflict can arise 'asserting that an international system is in equilibrium does not mean there are no conflicts'.[1] This can explain conflicts such as the First World War where the Triple Entente and the Triple Alliance had roughly similar power. The system being anarchic also means that sovereignty is the most important issue for neo realist. The Falklands war is a classic example of this 'it was not the war itself, but the principle over which the war was fought, and which still characterised international disorganisation'.[2]

However even if the system appears to be in complete anarchy a state might not completely focus on military policy or act selfishly. 'In Japan, the warlord Kuroda Nagamasa (1568-1623) noted that "The art of peace and the art of war are like the two wheels of a cart, which lacking one will have trouble standing."'[3] Considering that Kuroda was a Daimyo during what could be considered the most anarchic time in history, as during the Sengoku Jidai every clan was effectively acting as a state with its own borders but every Daimyo had their eye on the same goal, the Shogunate which could only be claimed by one clan. This naturally led to a lot of mistrust and selfish actions yet Kuroda still praises the art of peace leading to the idea that even if states cannot trust each other conflict does not always occur and that cooperation can be achieved. Long term partnerships during the period help cement that idea such as the Oda and Tokugawa partnership. The fact that the Oda had liberated the Tokugawa from being Imagawa vassals at Okehazama (1560) (meaning there was a strong power advantage in favour of the Oda clan) yet still went on to form an alliance suggests that even the if the balance of power is heavily biased, cooperation is still possible. This also suggests that the system is not completely anarchic as in an anarchic system the way neo realists describe the weak will almost always get overpowered by the strong and states will always act selfishly which in the case of the particular alliance seems not to be the case.

The world economy has a strong role in preserving order as well. Trade is needed to keep a state's economy strong and this creates a need for agreements and peace. The fact that trust is needed for such trade agreements shows the system to have order rather than being in anarchy. If one state acts selfishly and does not keep their side of the deal then this will cause future trade to be under threat as other states will not trust them enough to make deals thus causing the state's economy to decline. 'Strange calls the traditional concept of power relational power. It is the capacity to make someone else do what one would not otherwise have done. Yet, this concept of power cannot account for the power or dependencies that derive from the capacity to provide the societal needs of a global economy.'[4] States forcing other states to do as the state wishes can have a major impact on as well not only in distrust over the trade itself. An example of this would be the trade embargo placed on Japan by the United States in the lead up to World War 2. The embargo placed was due to the United States not being happy with Japan's actions in Asia. The result was that although Japan had not, not kept their side of the deal, the country suffered. Although this particular example led to war it shows that countries acting selfishly can ultimately cause them harm and thus makes cooperation a more rational and desirable choice, which in turn leads to world order rather than anarchy.

Past relationships can also have an impact on the situation. If two states have a long term cooperative past then this can result in increased trust. Likewise a hostile past can result in distrust 'States that trust each other sufficiently can cooperate; states that do not may end up in conflict.'[5] This trust system when combined with other factors such as the global economy can create world order. If 2 states have a positive past relationship with one another this can create the basis for a stronger trade relationships and thus make more out of trade. A positive past relationship can also mean that even if the balance of power is biased, the weak will not always be overrun by the strong. For example the United States of America is easily in a position to threaten many of their allies such as Japan. However since the end of the Second World War the two states have been friendly to one another and that has strengthened their ties, trust and ultimately led to cooperation and order between the two. Another would be Germany and the United States. 'The European states were able to cooperate with each other, the United States and Germany after World War II because the United States, as a trustworthy hegemon, enabled them to overcome serious mistrust problems.'[6]

Another point to consider against the idea of international anarchy is states being given independence after being defeated by a state that has every reason to distrust them. Under an anarchic system surely the United States would have taken control of Japan permanently rather than give the country and independent government as this, although regulated by United States military presence allows the state to become a problem if not dealt with quickly where as permanent occupation would remove that risk entirely thus the United States giving Japan and independent government shows that the system is not completely in anarchy. 'Not even the occupations of Japan and South Korea, successful as they were in installing governments friendly to the United States, assured the continuance of peace in the Far East. Japanese expansionism had not been the only threat to the West's historic hegemony in the Orient. Asian nationalism was another.'[7] This shows that the international system is not anarchic in two ways. Firstly Asia remained stable. Secondly the United States did grant independence despite there being a threat according to the theory of an anarchic international system from both Japan and South Korea.

International aid also shows that countries are not always self seeking and also show the system to not be anarchical. States don't have to give aid and thus the fact they do shows that they are not as selfish as realists claim they are. 'Foreign aid has been the largest financial flow to most less developed countries (LDC's) over the past 40 years.'[8] Also it shows there is global harmony. Money sent in aid is sometimes given to the government of a state. In an anarchic system surely this would be a very bad move unless the state receiving the money was of strategic importance as the state could spend it on arms.

Overall the evidence suggests that the international system is not only non anarchical but also that not all states are selfish as a neo realist interpretation of the international system implies.





Bibliography

Niou, Emerson MS, Peter C. Ordeshook, and Gregory F. Rose. The balance of power: Stability in international systems. Cambridge University Press, 2007, pg 8.


Gustafson, Lowell S. The sovereignty dispute over the Falkland (Malvinas) Islands. Oxford University Press, 1988, pg 120

Yamamoto, Tsunetomo. Hagakure [eng.] The book of the samurai. Shambhala Publications, 1979. pg 18

Guzzini, Stefano. Realism in International Relations and International Political Economy: the continuing story of a death foretold. Vol. 6. Taylor & Francis, 1998. pg181

Kydd, Andrew H. Trust and mistrust in international relations. Princeton University Press, 2005. pg 4-6

Graebner, Norman A., Introduction: the sources of postwar insecurity, Graebner, Norman A ed. The National Security: Its Theory and Practice, 1945-1960: Its Theory and Practice, 1945-1960. Oxford University Press, 1986. pg 28

Lumsdaine, David H. Moral Vision in International Politics: The Foreign Aid Regime; 1949-1989. Princeton University Press, 1993. pg 4



[1]Niou, Emerson MS, Peter C. Ordeshook, and Gregory F. Rose. The balance of power: Stability in international systems. Cambridge University Press, 2007, pg 8.


[2] Gustafson, Lowell S. The sovereignty dispute over the Falkland (Malvinas) Islands. Oxford University Press, 1988, pg 120


[3]Yamamoto, Tsunetomo. Hagakure [eng.] The book of the samurai. Shambhala Publications, 1979. pg 18


[4]Guzzini, Stefano. Realism in International Relations and International Political Economy: the continuing story of a death foretold. Vol. 6. Taylor & Francis, 1998. pg181


[5]Kydd, Andrew H. Trust and mistrust in international relations. Princeton University Press, 2005. pg 4


[6] Kydd, Andrew H. , 2005 pg 6

[7] Graebner, Norman A., Introduction: the sources of postwar insecurity, Graebner, Norman A ed. The National Security: Its Theory and Practice, 1945-1960: Its Theory and Practice, 1945-1960. Oxford University Press, 1986. pg 28


[8] Lumsdaine, David H. Moral Vision in International Politics: The Foreign Aid Regime; 1949-1989. Princeton University Press, 1993. pg 4


Sorry the footnotes are at the bottom but I am not spending ages assigning them to each paragraph. Also I started this at 3am and submitted it at 9am same day so it clearly isn't the best I could do.

Alternatively if you want one on the media. Also done last minute because I was stupid last year.










Using a news story of your choice critically analyse the role of the media in today's society.


The war in Afghanistan has been a focal point of the media ever since the conflict started in 2003. The coverage of this story has changed over time as it has gone from being very supportive of British intervention to just reporting deaths as time has passed. The war is important as it has highlighted the many different areas of the media. This essay will cover how the war is political, why it is news, the different actors in the story and the role technology has played throughout the conflict.

The war in Afghanistan is very political. Primarily it is a conflict with soldiers fighting on behalf of the state. The state intervention on this matter means that it involves the top levels of government as well as the military hierarchy. The debate on whether it was justified continues and this makes it political on all levels both in Afghanistan and at home as the public and the individual state governments try to justify their claims. The public initially supported the war '92 percent supportive of the war on terror' (Wolfe, 2008, p42) The media initially tried to increase this support for the government action by publishing stories such as 'A Merciful War' (KRISTOF ,New York Times, 2002) Which contained words such as 'By my calculations, out invasion of Afghanistan may end up saving one million lives over the next decade' (KRISTOF ,New York Times, 2002) Related to this is the issue of state security. On the 9th of September 2001 the security of the United States was compromised which triggered the war. One of the aims of the conflict was to deal with this threat. In the National Security Strategy of the United States in 2010 it has a subtitle as 'Deny Al-Qa'ida the Ability to Threaten the American People, Our Allies, Our Partners and Our Interests Overseas' (Obama, 2010). Another reason this story is political is that it directly affects the lives of civilians. Civilians in Afghanistan will be relying on their government to help them and thus create domestic pressure on the government. Another way is the idea of war crimes. What is and is not considered a war crime is down to international diplomacy.

The story is news because it constantly grabs the public's attention and also it is easy to write about without having to spend lots of money trying to get the information. The war in Afghanistan falls under 9 of Galtung and Ruge's 12 points of what makes a story news worthy. These 9 points are frequency, threshold, meaningfulness, unexpectedness, continuity, reference to elite nations, references to elite people, references to persons and referencing to something negative. (Harcup, O'neill, 2001, p262, p263) The frequency is important in this story becoming news as although the overall story of the war is a long process the stories within that often develop at a similar pace as they are being reported. Events battles are often reported as they unfold. The threshold matters as well as the story of war often means that there are deaths. Sometimes a horrific war crime is uncovered which also grabs people's attention. This also makes an impression on those who select the stories to be published meaning that it gets published rather than discarded. The meaningfulness in this story is high as it affects United Kingdom soldiers and also American soldiers. This means that the news selector and news readers share a culture with those involved and thus the story is meaningful. The story keeps a high level of unexpectedness as stories constantly evolve from the war. The trigger on the 9th of September 2001 was hard to predict and so are many of the other stories that unfold throughout the war as war is an ever evolving thing with new events happening 24 hours a day. Continuity also applies as the war was front page news when it started and also when the story starts to get too repetitive the evolving nature of war has often refreshed interest and started the cycle off again where the story is news because it is familiar and the new stories and the lasting coverage justify why the story deserves so much attention. There are always references to elite nations in the Afghanistan war as the United States is directly involved. The news in Britain will refer to United States as it shares a similar culture to the United Kingdom and thus makes it a more important state for the British public. Also the actions of the United States often have far reaching consequences. The story also covers elite people as it involves top politicians who are known to the public. For example the media were particularly interested in the account of Tony Blair and his views on whether going to war was the right thing to do. For example 'Tony Blair denies military action 'radicalised' Muslims' (BBC News, 2011) although at the same time it could be just because Blair was the person to enter us into the war and thus it is natural to question him rather than the news covering him because he is an elite figure. However there are also other elite figures who go to Afghanistan which raise s the interest the public has in the war. For example when the royal family visit Afghanistan the public are interested and this fact gets published. For example 'The Princess Royal has visited Afghanistan to see the work of British troops.' (BBC news, 2012) The media also talk about persons individually in the war. Deaths are regularly reported and they are reported individually by name. An example of this would be 'A British soldier who died at Camp Bastion in Afghanistan has been named as Sapper Adam Moralee.' (BBC News, 2014) and this makes each and every death a new story. It is also increases sympathy for those affected and thus creates interest. The story is referring to negativity constantly. War is often filled with things that are not very nice such as deaths and people losing limbs. Also if it is judged that a group of people should be questioned at least over a suspected war crime then this also boosts interest as the public want to know what awful crime the accused had committed and whether they were guilty.

There are many actors and institutions in this story. These are split into two sections. Formal actors who wield state sanctioned power and informal actors that do not have state sanctioned power. The military for example is a formal actor as it usually wields a state's aggressive power. The media can be both. It can be heavily regulated by the government to serve their own needs 'For the invasion of Afghanistan (2011), many editors, bureau chiefs and correspondents regarded the Pentagon's reporting rules as some of the toughest ever' (Tumber, Palmer, 2004, p3) This ultimately results in the media reporting the government line as they are restricted in what they themselves can see or report. This shows a complex relationship between the media and the state and the military. Civilians also have a large role to play. In the Afghanistan war the civilians which are most often acting as non formal actors will speak out about their suffering. Also civilians can become formal actors as the civilian death count rises. As civilians are murdered or beaten by one side or the other they may sometimes join the opposing side in an attempt to gain some power and a better life free of the misery caused by their oppressors. The suffering caused may be accidental as strikes against suspected targets sometimes later become 'confirmed strikes on civilians'. (Cordesman, 2002, p33) Civilians are actors in another way as well. Civilian contractors are often hired to help with the management of a military establishment such as an airfield like Kandahar airfield or a military camp like Camp Bastion. These contractors then act under the state's rule which means they can become formal actors but rarely go outside of the establishment in which they have been assigned during working hours thus making that scenario unlikely and confining contractors as non formal actors with links to the state and the military of which they serve. The media play a key role in all this as they have a large amount of power over public opinion. The governments around the world have increased regulation to try and stop public opinion ever since the Vietnam war as there was 'the belief that television had somehow "lost the war" in Vietnam' (Tumber, Palmer, 2004, p2) leading to the media showing more of what the government wants it to and less of what it wants to report. On the other hand the media which is outside the western states control is more free to publish anti war messages. Al Jazeera is one such news organisation and more frequently publishes anti war messages.

Technology has played an ever increasing role from social media to drones and round the clock news. The technology available has changed rapidly as well during the war. Since the war started social media has become a lot bigger with websites such as Facebook and Twitter coming in and this has opened more avenues for communication. With this the civilian voice has been stronger but the unreliability of the news has also gone up, as more of the public look at Facebook and Twitter and citizen journalists to replace traditional journalism. The problem with that is that tweets and Facebook posts are often unreliable and as the news if presented as each source of news is chosen and posted as soon as the individual hears about it and you get a lot less filters on what becomes news and what does not. Also more extreme views are put across as less filters between the public and the internet mean there is a much bigger chance for a member of the public to put forward extreme views.

The subject of drones has become a hot topic during the war. As the war has gone on drones and drone technology has become more widely used. This has caused a lot of controversy and it has helped keep the story fresh. The public have been protesting on a large scale about the use of drones since the middle of the decade 2000-2010. Some consider it worse when there is no pilot in the seat of the aircraft as there is no physical connection with there being no pilot, just an electronic one back to a man in front of a television with a gaming controller to control the drone.

Another way that technology has played a part is round the clock news. As the ability to report 24 hours a day has come about the news on the story has become more readily available. However this has also brought with it some issues regarding accuracy. Journalists are expected to know information the minute it comes out when there is often little to go on at that moment in time. Journalists are being increasingly asked to try to make judgements when the story is not clear and this leads to mistakes.

In conclusion therefore the story of the war in Afghanistan is very news worthy as it meets several criteria and it is a constantly evolving news story that is changing both with the rate of technology advancement and with it the way it is reported and as the political scenarios change.



Bibliography

Cordesman, A. H. (2002). The lessons of Afghanistan: War fighting, intelligence, and force transformation (Vol. 24). CSIS.

Harcup, T., & O'neill, D. (2001). What is news? Galtung and Ruge revisited. Journalism studies, 2(2), 261-280.

'A Merciful War' KRISTOF, N. 1st February 2002A Merciful War - NYTimes.com http://www.nytimes.com/2002/02/01/opinion/01KRIS.html?action=click&module=Search&region=searchResults#3&version=&url=http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&region=Masthead&pgtype=Homepage&module=SearchSubmit&contentCollection=Homepage&t=qry327#/war+in+afghanistan/from20010101to20020505/allresults/4/

[Last accessed 28/03/2014]

Obama, B. National Security Strategy of the United States (2010). DIANE Publishing, 2010

Tumber, H., & Palmer, J. (2004). Media at war: The Iraq crisis. Sage

Wolfe, W. M. (2008). Winning the war of words: selling the war on terror from Afghanistan to Iraq. ABC-CLIO.


.'Tony Blair denies military action 'radicalised'' Muslims 10th September 2010

BBC News - Tony Blair denies military action 'radicalised' Muslims http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-14858265

[Last accessed 28/03/2014]

'Princess Anne visits troops in Afghanistan' 18th December 2012

BBC News - Princess Anne visits troops in Afghanistan

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20772932

[Last accessed 28/03/2014]

'Camp Bastion fatality named as Sapper Adam Moralee' 6th March 2014

BBC News - Camp Bastion fatality named as Sapper Adam Moralee http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26474457

[Last accessed 28/03/2014]


I hated that essay as the lecturer demanded I use Harvard and I hate Harvard. I use footnotes when I can.
 
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Did an essay on Shutter Island, explaining different film editing techniques used in a particular sequence. I doubt anyone will want to read it, given it's in spanish. 3588 word essay.

Got a 10 out of 10 for it, though. :D
 
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I understand the criticism, though I went through my essay and revised many of the things myself and even added many of my points and sources before I remembered to open this thread,. I'll have the final draft up here when I'm all good to go. I said the essay was pretty damn messy and was incomplete. Really, this is what most of my essays look like when I start writing them, a jumbled pile of thoughts that I have to put in order for most to make sense.

Also, grammar Nazi away. I make too many grammatical errors when just typing stuff on this site. You can probably see that :P

^^

I don't know the subject, question or context here, but to be perfectly honest, I'd probably give this 9 out of 20 if it crossed my desk.

Right after this was posted, I went into my essay and added my sources.
 
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This thread made me want to go dig up some of my old essays.

This is one I did a couple of years ago. Posting because some people might find it interesting. It's kinda about how you pick a phone. Apologies for the lack of brevity.




The current crop of Smartphones in the Western market is indicative of the increasing aspirations of today’s consumer, a change that can arguably trace its roots back to the post-war shift from purely logical marketing to a more emotion-based model. The days of simple, utilitarian mobiles are gone, all but replaced by high-tech, high-cost devices that act as much more than a mere telephone. Acting as social technology, personal assistants and administrators, they integrate into our lives in a way that would make George Orwell cry.

It’s extremely telling of the market direction that so many brands have created products that on the surface look remarkably similar. There’s a distinct style that has become popular, and as more and more Smartphones are released, this long, wide design has become somewhat of a social norm. One of the market leaders is currently Apple’s iPhone, despite a recent dip in sales (BBC, 2011). The Apple brand is extremely strong in social equity terms, with a solid foundation of products and image. This gives the brand a very defined brand expression, with which the consumer can interact in their own way. It’s been suggested by van Gelder (2003) that brand expression is a combination of three elements.

The first element, positioning, it perhaps the most important. The positioning of a product says a lot about it, as well as the brand. The iPhone is currently positioned at the very top of the market, in the luxury product bracket. At £499, the iPhone should have priced itself well out of the mainstream market. However, the product itself has proved exceedingly popular, showing that a lot of people are willing to spend a large amount of money on a product with a relatively short life cycle.

The second element is identity. Apple’s identity is one of cool sophistication and simplicity. Apple products have a tendency to carry a corporate design, and so are instantly recognisable. The history of the Apple brand carries a legacy that forges a strong character for the brand. The logo has remained largely the same since its inception in 1976 and is one of the most recognisable logos in recent memory. Identity is linked closely with the third element; personality. As a brand, Apple’s personality is high-tech but accessible. This is evident through their persistent use of black and white in designs. Following the iPhone’s initial success, the market quickly became saturated with alternative Smartphones. Before the iPhone came along, Smartphones suffered from a somewhat of an image problem. Being not only large and bulky, they were seen as geeky and sensible. Examples such as the Orange SPV C500 were the previous leaders in what was then a small market. The iPhone was introduced in 2007, and as it dominated sales, competitors such as Samsung brought out similar models in an attempt to gain a foothold in the market. Samsung’s Galaxy range was quickly rolled out in 2008, in what some might see as an attempt to ‘cash-in’ on the iPhone’s success. This proved to be a very wise decision, and the Galaxy range has enjoyed considerable success in terms of both sales and critical reviews. The Galaxy is an example of a ‘me-too’ product. By almost imitating the industry standard, Samsung managed to position their product extremely closely to the best-selling product, and took a considerable market share. Samsung’s corporate image is considerably different to the image Apple have. Based in Korea, Samsung are seen as a more complex high-tech brand. The simplicity of Apple’s product is a world away from the Galaxy, which, operating on contemporary Android technology, allows unprecedented levels of modification and personalisation. The Android system is what is known as ‘open-source’, meaning independent developers can create their own software and features. The Galaxy price range starts are £99 and the top-of-the-range model is priced at £179.99. This pricing wildly undercuts Apple’s iPhone, however sales show a smaller gap than one might expect. Over the last couple of years, Samsung’s Smartphones have overtaken Apple’s in terms of worldwide sales, with Samsung recording a market share of 20%, compared to Apple’s 15% (IDC Figures, see Appendix). The personality of the Samsung brand is less humanised than Apple. Samsung often appear to be more corporate, and perhaps a little bit clinical in their approach to the market. Where Apple go out of their way to build a connection not only with the consumer, but with the community, Samsung appear on the surface to do very little connecting as a brand. This perhaps comes from a cultural difference. Samsung’s origins are in South Korea. The South Korean market is vastly different from our own, and products are sold largely on logic, rather than emotion. This could be one reason for iPhone sales being as strong as they are, despite large premiums on the price. Van Gelder (2003) disagrees with this view, and instead believes that since the late 1990s, Samsung have become more creative and innovative. However, examples such as the original Galaxy model would seem to disprove this.

Another major brand, although almost exclusive to the UK market, is BlackBerry. BlackBerry add another dimension to the Smartphone landscape. Owned by the RIM (Research In Motion) company, BlackBerry have been selling Smartphones since 2002 (Reed, 2010). Despite this, the brand didn’t really catch on until the iPhone became a big seller. Following this, BlackBerry redesigned their range to be more in line with the standard look and technology. Additionally, BlackBerry made their Smartphones unique by employing a QWERTY-style keyboard on the front as tangible buttons, opposed to the touch-screen iPhone and Galaxy. The BlackBerry prices range from £119 to £319, pricing the BlackBerry range almost squarely in the middle of its two main competitors. The BlackBerry has a very different image as a Smartphone. It is marketed as a business tool, and the software it has is very much geared towards businessmen and women. As a company, BlackBerry is rather aloof. Their marketing, particularly advertising, is few and far between, and is squarely aimed at the high-end market. Despite this, for reasons I will discuss later, BlackBerry Smartphones have become popular with a younger, more mainstream audience.

BlackBerry phones currently hold a 10% market share in worldwide Smartphone sales. Whilst not as impressive as Samsung and Apple, this is still a considerable market share, particularly since BlackBerry is in comparison a relatively small company.

The target market for Smartphones is vast, owing in part to their many roles and abilities. It has been estimated that half of the UK population currently possesses a Smartphone (White, 2011), and this number is set to rise.

To identify the main target markets on Smartphones, it is imperative that we understand the nature of sub-cultures. We need to understand how the smaller groups of buyers make decisions, rather than the extensive total target market. Apple’s iPhone has a large following with the younger audience. This is contrary to the widely held belief that younger consumers have much less disposable income. However, there are multiple reasons for this adoption from a younger audience. The main reason stems from who uses the product, and what it says about you. There is a process that Jenkins (2006) termed as Participation Theory that states that one of the main drives to acquire a product is to take part in it. This implies that ownership of a particular product is akin to being part of a group, or society. This is a sound theory, especially since the Esteem need Maslow proposed as part of his hierarchy (Insert date here please) is particularly important to younger consumers. It therefore makes sense that this would be a driving force for purchasing the product. Additionally, the integration of Social Networking software tends to suggest that the iPhone may be geared towards a younger audience. A younger audience is likely to use the product differently to a more mature audience, and this is reflected in Apple’s marketing campaigns, which typically feature younger models. Being part of this social group affects how consumers value the brand and product, and ultimately it can help to shape the brand itself.

Participation itself takes multiple forms. As well as being a community, the concept of participation allows ‘Collaborative Problem-solving’ to take place. This in turn both helps and hinders Apple. On one hand, they receive less money for making repairs and refurbishing older phones, however on the other hand, they will spend less money on warranties, and can afford to cut back on their customer service resources. The benefit to the consumer is that they can solve complex issues a variety of different ways, often for free, circumventing the need to deal with customer services. In addition to the personal connection they have with Apple, the consumers also have a personal connection with each other, creating a voluntary network. Apple themselves have acknowledged the younger following. In 2007, AT&T, and American Telecommunications Company planned to create business accounts that would provide office executives with iPhones (Gohring, 2007). However, Apple did not recommend this, and stated that the iPhone was unsuitable for business users. This comment alone shows that the iPhone is almost exclusively for a younger, more spontaneous user. The gender of iPhone buyers is almost split down the middle, 51% are male, 49% are female (Inneractive, 2011). This is a very non-gender specific product. The advertising is gender-neutral, and the product itself is only available in White or Black. These qualities make the iPhone a blank canvas, and this has translated to a wide spread in buyers.

Samsung have a much different target market. The audience for Samsung products are less likely to fall into the Participation pattern. For Samsung users, the product itself is the main selling point. The age range for Samsung products is widely similar to the iPhone, however it could be argued that the Samsung range is also geared towards management level businessmen. The applications are numerous, and much of the content is user-generated. This allows a personal connection with the phone, but not so much with peers who have the same product. Samsung users rely less on collaborative problem-solving, largely in part to Samsung’s impressive customer service record, winning several awards (Dawn.com Business, 2003). The trade-off theory proposed by Tuck (1979) is exemplified here. In exchange for the ‘cool’ factor, and the community integration, the consumer gets increased reliability and customisation. This makes the Samsung range appeal to another audience. This audience is likely to be more concerned with quality and value. In the UK’s current financial state, it would be unwise to assume all the target market would be comfortable paying £500 for a Smartphone. The dramatic undercutting pricewise is a major draw to many, and may explain the strong market position Samsung have. Trait theory (Solomon, 2007) is a measurement of individual personalities and characteristics. To this end, we can boil down the buyers of iPhones and Samsungs into two categories; Extroverts for the iPhones, and Introvert for the Samsung. Of course, it’s never going to be as black and white as this, but as a general overview, it says as much about the product as it does about the consumer. The problems with Trait theory are that the scale is not reliable. It’s difficult to measure someone’s personality traits, when personality by its very definition is objective. There is also a split in the gender demographic for BlackBerry users. 59% of users are male, with 41% of users being female. This could be for image reasons; BlackBerry Smartphones are very much still seen as the staple of the businessman. Office work still has large connotations of masculinity, and the ‘glass ceiling’ effect, defined and analysed by Cotter (2001) still has an effect on the image of business product sales.

To analyse the user base of Smartphones, we would need to analyse market segments. This involves splitting users into set categories. The most useful segments to analyse for this research would be segments organised by lifestyle, location, income and age. However, with regards to age segmentation, this may well be of little importance. Stroud (2005) argues that the marketing segmentation by age is becoming less relevant, as the older generations are becoming the ones who grew up with more provocative, emotional advertising, and are thusly more perceptive towards marketing that would traditionally appear to be aimed at the younger market segments. This is an understandable viewpoint, and one that is increasingly difficult to argue. Stroud also goes on to say that segmentation, particularly for mature consumers, is often the result of guesswork and stereotyping, rather than first-hand research. An example of this is apparent. While an increasing amount of social network marketing is taking place, a very small amount is aimed towards older users. Despite this, 32% of social network users are over the age of 45 (Pingdom figures from 2010).This shows a discrepancy in between who is using Social Networks, and who is being targeted through them.

The decision-making process is affected by multiple factors. Each Smartphone tries to differentiate itself to make the process of guiding the consumer towards their own product easier. As consumers, the way we make decisions can be complex. Our choices are usually governed by background influences, cultural, social and financial factors. Smartphones tend to be a more social product, and so are less likely to be affected by household influence, and more by peer groups and friends. Herbert (1957) used the phrase ‘bounded rationality’ in ‘Models of Man’ to condense the decision-making process down to its basic factors.

He argues that the rationale behind making decisions is simply limited to the information they possess, finite time spans in which to make a decision, and the cognitive limitations in the consumer’s mind. While this covers a wide range of factors, it doesn’t take into account the influence from peers, nor the ease of which information can be sought in this generation.

To make decisions, the consumer has to set, sometimes subconsciously, objectives for the purchase. They need to know what they want the product to do, what features it must have, and an idea of how much they are willing to spend to reap these benefits. It is the job of Marketers to get as much information about this objective as possible. It is possible to split the options for purchase and decision-making into a number of sets depending on the consumer’s exposure to the market.

To begin with, the Total Set lists all the available options, whether the consumer is aware of them or not. This is the vaguest set, as there is no guarantee that the consumer knows all the options, if any.

Total Set

BlackBerry
HTC
iPhone
Motorola
Orange
Samsung
Sony Ericsson

The next set is the awareness set. This is the group of products that the consumer is at least aware of, often through marketing efforts or word of mouth.

Awareness Set

BlackBerry
iPhone
Orange
Samsung

Following this is the consideration set. This is the set of products that the consumer deems appropriate for their needs and desires. This separates the awareness set from the products that the consumer may choose.

Consideration Set

BlackBerry
iPhone
Samsung

The next stage is the Choice Set. This is the set of products that the consumer feels positive cognition towards, and would be more likely to choose. This is the stage most affected by brand loyalty.

Choice Set

iPhone
Samsung

The final stage is the decision stage, where the consumer has all the relevant information they require to make a purchase decision. It is then that a product is selected. The marketing of a product can affects all but the first stage directly.

Value plays a large role in decision-making. Where price is a set figure, the idea of value is individual to each consumer. As stated, the iPhone costs a lot more than the alternatives, but the value proposition is different. By buying an iPhone, you’re also buying into a social group. It fulfils Maslow’s theory of needs on the esteem level. A large proportion of the decision-making process is identifying a problem. By creating an exclusive group, Apple have tapped into Marketer-Induced Problem Recognition, creating a problem you never knew you had. You are basically paying not only for a modern, high-tech phone, but also integration. This reason alone will drive many to purchase the iPhone over cheaper alternatives. That isn’t to say that the iPhone is poor quality, it may well be that the price is just too high to justify the product alone. The value proposition for Samsung is very different. While the quality of the product is almost identical to the iPhone, the price undercut makes the Samsung a much more financially viable product, if one only considers physical price. The peer-pressure that drives some iPhone sales has a directly negative effect on competitor sales. For some, the money saved will act as a driving force alone, and will be enough of an incentive to motivate a purchase. However, the mere fact that it isn’t an iPhone, might put people off. This reason is a result of the community that exists with the iPhone. It’s a sort of ‘either you’re in or you’re not’ situation, and many would rather pay the premium to be in, especially in society today where technology seems to make us further adrift from each other, rather than connected.

The BlackBerry, positioned between the two in price, offers a third value proposition. Being very much geared towards a business environment, as a consumer, you’re buying more of a tool than a phone. It’s been well documented that the BlackBerry functions less as a social tool (Sutter, 2010), and the marketing strategy makes this all too apparent. By positioning itself as a business tool, the BlackBerry almost moves itself out of the mainstream market, and the value proposition for business seems to be well thought-out. Being so focused on one task allows it to be a specialist product. The fact that it’s bought by more than its target market may damage its reputation somewhat. The quality is solid, but functional, a lot like both the product itself and the brand.

With such a fast-moving market, full of innovation, it is difficult to recommend any product-based strategies. Therefore, to get a greater share of sales, BlackBerry needs to create more of a community-based strategy than they have previously. Currently BlackBerry utilises a chat-system known as BBM. While it is a popular system, it has never been properly marketed as a selling point for the phone. What this boils down to is BlackBerry seems unwilling to acknowledge that a younger audience purchases their phones in such great numbers. It would be prudent to begin a large-scale marketing campaign to entice more iPhone and Samsung users to the BlackBerry by explicitly targeting them in advertising, and creating a large community that users are able join. Additionally, the recent London rioting proved to be extremely negative press for BlackBerry, as it was discovered that the BBM system was being used to organise much of it. It would therefore also be necessary to promote the social elements of the BBM system, as well as how safe and secure it is, despite the increased security measures. The final major change would be to redesign the phones, without changing the software or feature. The BlackBerry Interface has become popular with a large variety of consumers; however my primary data shows users of many alternative Smartphones see the BlackBerry design as outdated. Of these, the biggest reason was the keypad, which was seen as ‘old-fashioned’ and ‘bulky’. Additionally, the keypad reduced the screen size. Removing the keypad and using a more conventionally accepted touch screen keypad with increased accessibility and the responsiveness required for office duties would be more likely to appeal to the younger market with minimal risk of alienating business users.
 
I said the essay was pretty damn messy and was incomplete. Really, this is what most of my essays look like when I start writing them, a jumbled pile of thoughts that I have to put in order for most to make sense.

My suggestion would be to not post it, then, at least if the goal is to have people really get the gist of an essay. @haitch40 and @Danny have posted essays. I'm not sure yours qualifies as one at this stage yet. I understand it being in a rough stage right now, but if you don't have a thesis (as @prisonermonkeys mentioned), there's not much point in going further. You can't build a house without a foundation.

Also, grammar Nazi away. I make too many grammatical errors when just typing stuff on this site. You can probably see that :P

You should probably work on that, then.

I'm getting the feeling this isn't really about sharing essays, but more about getting free peer review. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but someone who is "a pretty damn good at writing" should maybe start by setting the bar a bit higher.
 
lol this thread made me look like a dumbass. I had so many typos in this thread.

Well, just to follow up, I ended up getting an 89% on the essay and the teacher liked it. It didn't follow much of the essay I had here.
 
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