Does it suck to be married?
Depends.
I know quite a few people who are miserable being married, and I know quite a few people who are not. I also know quite a few people who are miserable being single, and a few who are not.
Marriage has been the single greatest positive impact on my life. I would trade almost anything else in my life for it. My marriage has made me happier than I thought possible. But you need to understand yourself (and potential spouse) to know whether that will be the case for you.
Does it suck to have kids?
I can tell you it sucks not to have kids when you want them. Currently my wife and I are 6 surgeries, ~$60,000, estranged friends, and estranged family into what is approaching 4 years of pretty much unmitigated ongoing disaster.
So I can't really answer the question about whether it's nice to have kids. Again you need to understand yourself to answer that question. My dad was miserable having children, and I think to a certain extent he still is. To his credit he didn't abandon his family over it, but it was threatened on two occasions.
Most parents you talk to will bitch and moan about cleaning up diapers or getting up at midnight. They'll complain about runny noses, skinned knees, and whether they like their daughter's boyfriend. You'd get the impression that they were miserable, but ask them if they'd give any of it up. Most of them would like to punch you in the face for even asking.
Does it suck to be married and have kids at the same time?
By contrast, that's pretty much the only way to do it. I can tell you from all personal experience (listening to others) that it can VERY much suck to have kids and NOT be married... especially if you don't have exclusive custody. I do know one or two people who have managed to have kids and make unmarried life look reasonably easy. Those are unusual people, and in all cases (based on what I know) they had exclusive custody.
I would definitely recommend not having children unless you're very comfortable with your marriage AND you want children. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is to have children in an attempt to fix a marriage. Also people often have children very quickly into a marriage without getting to know each other well. In some cases these people struggle to find their relationship in their 50s when the last kid leaves the house.
) we get along very well. it majorly helps that we were best friends THEN we dated. i married my lover AND my best friend.
