Masterbating; Breaking the law?

[rollazn]

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/advice.asp

 

[emad]

erhm....I hope that was somebody's sick idea of a joke. Otherwise, I feel sorry for you folks down south

 

[CDailey]

Of course its a joke. It's from whitehouse.org, not .gov.


That was funny.

 

[Event]

Wow. What a load...

ACNE: Does your teenager have acne? Masturbation often leads to excessive hormone production, which is the primary cause of acne. Very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne.

this is the only one I believe is true, to an extent. I'm 100% sure that many teens who don't masturbate have acne......

DESIRE FOR PRIVACY: Does your child lock his or her bedroom door? It is not healthy for a teen to want privacy. Chances are he or she is in there masturbating!

The Biggest load of s***! It's unhealthy to have privacy?! It's Unhealthy NOT to have privacy!

"ROCK" MUSIC: Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try masturbation.

This must be Propoganda from a church of some sort...

IDEALISM: Does your teenager have Liberal or otherwise idealistic political opinions? The weakness of mind brought on by self-abuse often leads to left-wing sympathies.

Okay.... Conservative propoganda! Looks like bush is at it again!

EVIDENCE: Have you caught your child masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably masturbating.

No s***, Shirlock!

This thing is total BS, But funny! 👍

 

[rollazn]

Yes, its a joke. All the government sites end with .gov.

Its a joke. Don't worry.

I sure don't want my parents to take my door away!!

 

[Klostrophobic]

That's a great site. And no it isn't real.

 

[ROAD_DOGG33J]

So that's why my parents removed my door.

 

[the_undrtaker89]

that is too funny,

 

[rollazn]

^ Check around your room. Look for hidden cameras, it might be hidden under stuff. So don't be fooled.

 

[Event]

my mom saw this article and I now have to wear these darn boxing gloves... Ugh, i hate them... I'm using my nose to type. It doesn't deter me from doing it, though!

 

[McLaren]

WTF!!!

That first part is little confusing.

"Teens that masturbate have acne. Many teens who don't masturbate have acne."
What?

Anyways, funny ****!

 

[xcsti]

HI larious. That was a good one. You had me going thinking it was a real gov thing.

Oh and read the commonly asked questions section.

 

[Victor Vance]

****ing liberals. When my dad told his father he had nothing to do, his father replied "go into your room and play with yourself. If you got a girl, play with her." Heh, how the times have changed.

(dad grew up in the 50's and 60's, raised by a war-beaten Italian father and 8 brothers and sisters. Most of the people who did that research are softie fags, like Jim McGreevey)

 

[Klostrophobic]

****ing liberals. When my dad told his father he had nothing to do, his father replied "go into your room and play with yourself. If you got a girl, play with her." Heh, how the times have changed.

(dad grew up in the 50's and 60's, raised by a war-beaten Italian father and 8 brothers and sisters. Most of the people who did that research are softie fags, like Jim McGreevey)

Haha, what?

 

[Victor Vance]

What to what? (Dad's story or our soon-to-resign governor)

 

[Klostrophobic]

Everything you said. What does any of it have to do with this satirical web site?

 

[Victor Vance]

Well, normally only those gay liberals will conjer up the kind of bulls*** like masturbation causes acne. I was also comparing what the world was then compared to what it is today. No wonder our country's falling apart.

Also on all that purity bulls***, who else but a gay liberal would say something like that? What next? Are they going to arrest me for having a Jay-Z poster on my wall? Is that against God, too? Free country, people. Get a life and a wife!

 

[Klostrophobic]

You're pretty ****ed up. Nothing you've said makes any sense. Even to an faggy liberal like myself.

HINT: WHITEHOUSE.ORG IS A JOKE.

 

[Victor Vance]

I'm raised old school, anti-liberal, anti-political. I say if the kids need to whack off a load that bad, let 'em. If their parents have a problem with it, then let them deal with it. ****ing idiots.

 

[Klostrophobic]

No. You're raised like an idiot who has no sense of sarcasm, or any form of satire for that matter.

 

[Victor Vance]

If it's sarcasm then fine, if it's real then screw 'em. I'm outta here before I say something I might regret later...

 

[Event]

You shouldn't call people idiots these days, I've seen two or three Warnings form the Duke in the past few days.

 

[Victor Vance]

OK, let me make myself clear: I wasn't referring to anybody in these forums. I was referring to whitehouse.gov.

 

[Klostrophobic]

If it's sarcasm then fine, if it's real then screw 'em. I'm outta here before I say something I might regret later...

You actually thought it was real? Did you even read any of it? You can tell it's fake from the first sentence.

neon_duke can ban me/warn me/yell at me if he wants, but Victor Vance is an idiot.

 

[Victor Vance]

What are you talking aobut? Seems legit to me. Maybe I read too fast...

 

[Klostrophobic]

Look at the banner at the top. It has a fat, hairy, topless man with his hands down his underpants. Doesn't that just scream this website is a joke?

I'm not exactly a genius, and that's what it looked like to me.

Whatever; I just ruined a perfectly good website because I'm an asshole.

 

[rollazn]

Its a joke dude, why else would it be under the The Comedy Corner.

 

[Bahbo]

WTF!!!

That first part is little confusing.

"Teens that masturbate have acne. Many teens who don't masturbate have acne."
What?

Actually the article says "Very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne." Meaning very few who don't, have acne.

Masturbation causes bad eye sight.

 

[Famine]

Actually the article says "Very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne." Meaning very few who don't, have acne.

Figures bear this out.

Very few teenagers don't have acne.
Very few teenagers don't masturbate.
Ergo very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne.

You'd have a hell of a time proving a causative link though.

Masturbation causes bad eye sight.

Prove it.

 

[Omnis]

Prove it.

holy crap. did my screen break?

...........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO