Men vs. Women

[oosacker]

The last ten things a man would ever say:

10. I think Barry Manilow is really cool.

9. While I'm up, can I get you a coffee?

8. I think hairy legs are really sexy.

7. Her tits are too big.

6. Sometimes I just want to be heard.

5. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a fat.

4. Sure, I'd love to wear condom.

3. We haven't gone shopping for ages...Can we go now?

2. Screw monday night sports, Lets watych Murphy Brown!

1. I think we're lost. I'll pull over and ask for directions.

 

[oosacker]

The last 10 things a woman would ever say:

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.

9. Go ahead and leave the toilet seat up. I like it better that way.

8. I think hairy bums are sexy.

7. Wow, get a whiff of that one! Do that again.

6. Please don't throw that T shirt away, the holes on the armpits are just too cute.

5. This diamond is much too big!

4. I won't even put my lips on that unless I get to swallow!

3. Wow, it really is ten inches!

2. Does this make my bum too small?

1. I'm wrong. You must be right again.

 

[oosacker]

They've just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie". It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

 

[oosacker]

What's the difference between a Computer and a 21st century woman? A woman won't accept a 3.5 inch floppy.

 

[oosacker]

How does a man help with making the bed? He gets out of it.

 

[oosacker]

Man "God, why did you make women so beautiful?"

God "So you would love her."

Man "Why did you make her so dumb?"

God "So she would love you."


NOTE: Sorry, I made a spelling mistake...

 

[oosacker]

The rules according to women:

1. The woman makes all the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change at any time without any prior notification.

3. No man may possibly know all the rules.

4. If the woman suspects that the man knows the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.

5. The woman is never wrong.

6. If the woman is wrong, it is due to misunderstanding, which was a direct result of what the man did or said.

7. The man must apologise immediately for causing said misunderstainding.

8. The woman may change her mind at any time.

9. The man must not change his mind without the express written consent of the woman.

10. The woman has every right to be angry and/or upset at any time.

11. The man must remain calm at all times unless the woman wants him to be angry and/or upset.

12. The woman must, under no circumstances, let the man know whether or not to be angry and/or upset.

13. The man is expected to mind-read at all times.

14. The man who does not abide by the rules cannot take the heat, lacks backbone and therefore is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document the rules may result in bodily harm.

16. If the woman has PMT, all the rules are null and void.

17. The woman is ready when she is ready.

18. The man must be ready at all times.

 

[SandStorm]

Originally posted by oosacker
The last ten things a man would ever say:

9. While I'm up, can I get you a coffee?

Actually, I just made my girlfriend a coffee two minutes ago...

7. Her tits are too big.

I say this all the time; massive jugs are a right turn-off.

4. Sure, I'd love to wear condom.

Actually, yes, I do... Think I'd prefer a jilted lover to call me in 20 years' time and say "your son wants to meet you"?

1. I think we're lost. I'll pull over and ask for directions.

As a matter of fact, I do say this, I'd prefer to get where I'm going in plenty of time for dinner...

 

[AltF8]

SandStorm, are you gay?

Just kidding.

 

[Acid X]

Hah.

 

[under18carbon]

SandStorm, are you gay?

I think he is.

 

[oosacker]

I'd be scared if someone agrees with #8.

 

[Jpec07]

Originally posted by oosacker
7. Her tits are too big.

I agree with SandStorm, there is such a thing as "too big"

1. I think we're lost. I'll pull over and ask for directions.

What's wrong with asing for directions? If I'm lost, I'll just say "hey, how do I get here?"...

 

[Formula1racer]

whats wrong w/ harry legs i luv it when u cant see their skin j/k the def. gottta be silky smooth

 

[Acidman]

1. I think we're lost. I'll pull over and ask for directions.

Yeah, i always ask for directions, i deliver pizza's sometimes in town and if i don't know where some place is i'll just kncok on anyones door and ask where the said person lives........ but then again i live in a small town so they'd problably just get in the car with me and tell me where to go

 

[Gil]

I'll ask for directions too. Mostly, because I'm cheap. I'd rather ask someone who knows, rather than spend an hour and 6 bucks worth of gas driving around trying to find some place, that happens to be right around the corner.
My wife is extremely "blessed" but there is such a thing as too big.
I won't ask if she wants coffee. But, if I make myself a cup of coffee, my wife will just "nick" it, and I'll end up going to make a cup for myself.
As far as Monday night sports...I get up at 4:45 in the morning. The game is over around midnite. I'm in bed, no condom.

The first rule of foreplay has nothing to do with physical contact.
If you want to turn your woman on, let her catch you vacuuming the living room. (I don't get it either, but let me tell you, it does work.)
Let her catch you cleaning up the kitchen, or making dinner. If it happens to be edible, you don't have to give her a massage, but doing so will add to your cool points.
Trust me, I am, after all,the father of six kids.

 

[oosacker]

NOTE ON THE "LAST TEN THINGS" POST:
They are stereotypes told by the opposite sex,

 

[Gil]

Originally posted by oosacker
NOTE ON THE "LAST TEN THINGS" POST:
They are stereotypes told by the opposite sex,

I know, I was just giving my take on the sitch.

 

[oosacker]

ok.

 

[Cobraboy]

Dammit Gil, your posts are big and hard to read when one is tired.

 

[TarnishedAngel5]

Originally posted by oosacker
Man "God, why did you make women so beautiful?"

God "So you would love her."

Man "Why did you make her so dumb?"

God "So she you love you."

Oh ha ha ha... Then again...with some people I do wonder...

 

[sn00pie]

Originally posted by TarnishedAngel5
Oh ha ha ha... Then again...with some people I do wonder...

You left.

Go away.

 

[Squid]

Originally posted by oosacker
Man "God, why did you make women so beautiful?"

God "So you would love her."

Man "Why did you make her so dumb?"

God "So she you love you."

Thats funny

 

[NamZycad3]

Originally posted by oosacker
What's the difference between a Computer and a 21st century woman? A woman won't accept a 3.5 inch floppy.

yeah yeah, u are right hahahhahah and its funny hahahhah

 

[oosacker]

Originally posted by Squid
Thats funny

Sorry ppl, its meant to be 'would love you' I made a mistake...typing late at night is hard.

 

[Gil]

BTW, as far as the Barry Manilow statement. I bet Barry Manilow has gotten almost as many men laid, as Barry White.

 

[Kelly]

Originally posted by Gil
If you want to turn your woman on, let her catch you vacuuming the living room. (I don't get it either, but let me tell you, it does work.)

Naked?

Originally posted by Gil

Let her catch you cleaning up the kitchen, or making dinner. If it happens to be edible, you don't have to give her a massage, but doing so will add to your cool points.
Trust me, I am, after all,the father of six kids.

👍




The rules according to women are spot on!

but Barry Manilow is

 

[oosacker]

UPDATE!

Why did Adam come first?
Men always do.

What do women and cow pats have in common?
The older they get, the easier it is to pick up.

Whats the differemce between a woman and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn't cal you constantly after you've left a load in it.

 

[oosacker]

Eve was the first carpenter...she made Adam's banana stand.

 

[oosacker]

(hahaha...good one)He was very suave as he slid up to a blonde at the singles bar, he thought he'd try out his new pick up line. "Hi beautiful. I'd love to get in your pants." "Why?" She replied. "There's already one asshole in there."