Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get ****ed up when they're on their back.
Q: What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
A: Darling.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why does the blonde stare at the juice packet in the morning?
A: It says "concentrate".
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everybody has been in a 747.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (Regional joke -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits (teats for all the purists) go in first.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces herself. A2: Walks home.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says after having sex?
A: Oh, who were those guys?
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's Tipp-Ex on the screen.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
Q: What does a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?
A: They both have a black box.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because you wash vegetables there!
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Five, one to make the batter and four to peel the smarties.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
Q: What to do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: How is a screen door and a blonde the same?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: How do you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Thursday!
Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up .
Q: What's the advantage to being married to a blonde?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.
Q: If a Blonde and a Brunette both jumped off a bulding at the same time, who would land first?
A: The Brunette.....the blonde would have to stop and ask directions.
Q: Two Blondes were walking along, and came to some tracks. One blonde said, "Those look like deer tracks," and the other said, "No, they look like Moose tracks."
A: They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Q: What did the blonde call her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: Because the cow fell on her.
One blonde can make a difference! At least that is what the blonde in this joke thought.
She was tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.
In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.
A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight!
Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
"It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is."
Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
"Ok, how about Arizona?"
The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer,
"A"!
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunet running from the cops. They hid in some potato sacks in a barn. The cop goes to check the sacks out. Kicks the first one and the brunet says,"Meow." then the second one, the redhead says,"Woof, Woof." then the third one, the blonde says,"Potato!"
The blonde woke up to find her house on fire...she dialed 911 and said "come quick my house is on fire"...the 911 operator said "how do we get there?"...the blonde said "on the red fire truck, duh...."
New father-in-law to his blonde daughter-in-law...Honey I was going to give you a new computer as a wedding present .... Why didn't you .... I hired a new blonde secretary and she couldn't get the "White Out" off of the screen .... What's "White Out"?
Three blonde women stand in front of a wide river and thinking of how they could get to the other side. Suddenly a ghost appears to them and says each of them has one wish. So the first one says, I wanna be a hundred times as smart as I am now. Then she cuts a tree and rows over the river. The second looks at that and says, I wanna be one thousand times as smart as I am now. Then suddenly she jumps to the next group of trees, cuts them all and builds a boat. Then she sails over the river. The third one says, "Fine. I wanna be a million times as smart as I am now." She looks up, sees the bridge, and walks to the other side.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blondes are walking down the street when they spot a $100.00 bill. Who picks it up? .... The dumb blonde because there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or a smart blonde.
There were three women walking across the beach, there was a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde and they found a magic lamp. So they rubbed it and of course a genie came out. The genie said" I'll grant you each 1 wish. The brunette said "I wish to be prettier." The genie said "POOF your prettier." The redhead said "I wish to be smarter "The genie said "POOF your smarter." The blonde said "I want to be dumber" The genie said "are you sure." The blonde said "yes I want to be dumber." So the genie said " POOF" and the blonde turned in to a man
The blonde and brunette are tossed off a 50 story building. Who hits the ground first .... the brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies .... I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica
Why did the blonde couple freeze to death in their car at a drive in theater .... they went to see "closed for the winter".
What do you call 10 blonds tied together at the bottom of the ocean .... an air pocket
The blonde painted an X on the bottom of the boat, so she could find the same fishing spot again .... and her blonde friend called her and "idiot" because they may not get the same boat again
Two blonds were walking through some woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks" While they were arguing over what kind of tracks they were a train came by and ran over them.
A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?" .... "Oh, I'm sorry .... do you want me to start over and talk slower?"
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down and there were only 4 parachutes. So the pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. The pope told the brunette to take the last one. The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left .... the blonde took my backpack
A blonde goes into the hair parlor with her walkman on .... I need to take the walkman off .... you can't I'll die .... but I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears .....you can't take it off, I'll die .... Flustered the hair stylist grabs the walkman and takes it off of the head of the blonde .... the blonde dies. The police come and listen to the walkman .... it is repeating "breath in", breath out, breath ....
A blonde was driving through Iowa, past some corn fields, when she looked over and saw another blonde. She was setting in the corn rows and was rowing like she was in a boat. The blonde called over to the one in the corn field and said "It is stupid blondes like you that gives the rest of us blondes a bad name. I would come over there and knock your head off .... if I could swim."
A policeman pulled a blonde over while she was driving the wrong way on a one-way street .... cop: Do you know where you are going? .... blonde: No, but whereever it is, it must be bad because all the people are leaving.
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 1/2 hours .... the directions said "cook it for half an hour per pound, she weighted 125 pounds.
How to confuse a blonde? Ask one, "How do you confuse a blonde" and walk away .... they will bug you for the answer all day
Nice... Some mods may not necessarily agree with some of them though.
