The Webber collection. . . . .

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Ok, I'll tell you.

No.

The afghanis can start complaining afte they've been bashed for hundreds of years like the blacks or even the Poles.
 
Originally posted by Klostrophobic
Ok, I'll tell you.

No.

.....
Click to expand...

Then I would suggest that they not support American Car trade in their country... ;)
 
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop
when Easterners and Californians visit the Midwest,
the Minnesota, Wisconsin and surrounding states Tourism Council has adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders
understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list
will be handed to each person as they enter the Midwest.



1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work
before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. How'd you
like to go home and tell your momma you got your
butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I
have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it
or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a muskie breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish
for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at
the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one
drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
turkey.

Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be
brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar
combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight
in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish,--and turtle. You really
want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 94 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the
other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday
before Thanksgiving. You can get breakfast at the
church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
over for driving like an idiot...his name is
"Sir"... no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit and then go home...ASAP!
 
Health Tips

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal,
mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table
of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger
and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress
yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want
a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Have a cookie... flour is a veggie!
 
Income Tax time approaches.....

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words

"The" and "IRS" together it spells

"THEIRS"?
 
What A Difference 30 Years Makes ...not a Webber, but none the less, it's still good.

Then: Long hair
Now: Longing for hair

Then: The perfect high
Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund

Then: KEG
Now: EKG

Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux

Then: Moving to Calif. because it's cool
Now: Moving to Calif. because it's warm

Then: Growing pot
Now: Growing pot belly

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz
Taylor

Then: Seeds and stems
Now: Roughage

Then: Popping pills, smoking joints
Now: Popping joints

Then: Killer weed
Now: Weedkiller

Then: Hoping for a BMW
Now: Hoping for a BM

Then: The Grateful Dead
Now: Dr. Kevorkian

Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
Now: Receiving a new hip joint

Then: Rolling Stones
Now: Kidney Stones

Then: Being called into the principal's office
Now: Calling the principal's office

Then: Screw the system
Now: Upgrade the system

Then: Peace sign
Now: Mercedes logo

Then: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
Now: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

Then: Taking acid
Now: Taking antacid

Then: Passing the drivers test
Now: Passing the vision test

Then: Whatever
Now: Depends
 
Originally posted by Pako
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop
when Easterners and Californians visit the Midwest,
the Minnesota, Wisconsin and surrounding states Tourism Council has adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders
understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list
will be handed to each person as they enter the Midwest.



1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work
before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. How'd you
like to go home and tell your momma you got your
butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I
have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it
or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a muskie breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish
for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at
the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one
drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
turkey.

Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be
brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar
combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight
in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish,--and turtle. You really
want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 94 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the
other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday
before Thanksgiving. You can get breakfast at the
church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
over for driving like an idiot...his name is
"Sir"... no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit and then go home...ASAP!
Click to expand...

The truest thing I have seen!
 
Something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain
on your parade:

A New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental, was the reply. We got a great rate!"
"Continental?", exclaimed the hairdresser. That's a terrible airline.

Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left bank called Teste..."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to tour the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich, laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful, explained the woman. Not only did we arrive on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked so they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now
it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well, muttered the hairdresser, that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really...What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the 🤬 hairdo?"

Enjoy..... ;)
 
ENJOY IT! GOOD TO LOOK OUT OF A CHILD'S EYES


I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the con-vertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,
"The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy
watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter --haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
 
:lol:
Those were great. :D

Only one problem with the trip to Rome one... The Salon was in New York which is Crowded, Dirty and full of Italians (Like me ;)), so that wouldn't have been a complaint. ;)
 
Hummm... Interesting

[a] The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a
lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

[c] Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's
speaking English that kills you.
 
PROFILING
To ensure that we Americans never offend anyone [particularly fanatics
intent on killing us] airport screeners will not be allowed to profile
people. They will continue the random searches of 80-year-old women, little
kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who
are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen
with metal hips, and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors.

-0-

Let's all pause for a moment and take the following test.



1) In 1972, at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and
massacred by:
(a) Olga Corbutt
(b) Sitting Bull
(c) Arnold Schwartzeneger
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

2) In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Lost Norwegians
(b) Elvis
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

3) During the 1980s a number of Americans were kidnapped in
Lebanon by:
(a) John Dillinger
(b) The King of Sweden
(c) The Boy Scouts
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

4) In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy
(b) Pee Wee Herman
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

5) In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked, and a 70 year
old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a) The Smurfs
(b) Davy Jones
(c) Canadian Nationals
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

6) In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy
diver was murdered by:
(a) Captain Kid
(b) Charles Lindberg
(c) Mother Teresa
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

7) In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Scooby Doo
(b) The Tooth Fairy
(c) Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

8) In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
(a) Richard Simmons
(b) Grandma Moses
(c) Mexican Nationals
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

9) In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers
(b) Hillary Clinton
(c) The World Wrestling Federation
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

10) On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked, destroyed and thousands
of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida
(c) Mr. Bean
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

11) In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
(a) Enron
(b) The Lutheran Church
(c) The NFL
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12) In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a) Bonny and Clyde
(b) Captain Kangaroo
(c) Billy Graham
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
[Webber]

Not to mention the USS Cole

Hmmm . . . nope, I don't see any patterns here to justify profiling.
 
I mean, I'm against prejudice of any kind. But hasn't this one group given us more than enough evidence of their intentions? I think that means it's no longer prejudice at that point. :ill:
 
:lol::rotfl::lol:

Oi! I'm Lutheran thank you very much, and I dont take too kindly to be in the same catogory as them others;):p
 
OMFG, all of these are so gawd-d•mn funny... too bad I don't have time to read every single one. ;)
 
They were together in the house.
Just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night.
The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched
her
jump..
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished
that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the
storm..
She wanted that...more than anything.
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out..
She screamed.
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on...as did their growing passion.
And there came a moment when each knew that they had to be together.
They knew it was wrong.
Their families would never understand.
So consumed were they in their passion that they heard no opening of
doors...just the faint click of a camera......
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