This is goodbye

  • Thread starter Thread starter kikie
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Mista Kellah
Where does he say "suicide"?
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Not specifically, but he's contemplated it.
Another thing I can't get rid off is the thought of killing myself. If I'm low on serotonine and noradrelanine, I get these urges to kill myself. I have to fight these thoughts all the time. It's like these thoughts are taking over my brain and force me to do something I don't want to do. But when I'm down, I want to kill myself. But I always have to wait till evening untill my father goes to bed and around bed time I mostly feel good so the urge to kill myself is over, what a dilemma.
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kikie
Another thing I can't get rid off is the thought of killing myself.
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Right there. I hope he gets rid of those thoughts... :nervous:

CNG

EDIT: *McLaren* beat me to it.
 
...Well, I have nothing to say other than what has been said here already. We all will be looking forward to your return, Kikie. 👍
 
Chris:

I FEEL YOUR PAIN...I KNOW YOUR PAIN...as I battle those same suicidal urges you have on a daily basis myself...and which has been going on for well over 4 and 1/2 years now!

I could sit here and tell you my story, but I'm not going to hijack this thread!

Though I've not yet taken the 1st step in seeing a therapist/counselor, as you have, nor am I on any meds at the moment, I know what it's like to want to kill yourself and can only tell you the reason I'm still breathing after more attempts then most folks have fingers on one hand, is because of my faith in God!

Hang in there and things WILL GET better! Find a reason for yourself to want to live and write it down and tape it somewhere on a wall so you see it everyday without going out of your way!

Tape it on your monitor, or your front door...doesn't matter where you post it, as long as you post it!

I know we don't know each other, but if you ever find yourself needing to talk and or chat to someone who's got the same feelings as you but who has found motivation to continue on in life, don't hesitate to hit me up via PM, as the comments from your fellow GTP members indicate that you are someone in high regard around here and also one who is well liked! I'm so jealous! :dopey:


Peace out!


Ray
aka: SimRaceDriver
 
Best of luck, friend. You have always been a very genuine person on these boards and I don’t think you’d find anyone who thinks otherwise. Please come back when you are ready, you’ll always be welcome.
 
kikie, good luck to you, man! I'm already looking forward to your return. Stay strong, buddy! :)
 
Honesty is at the top of my books.
And you, kikie, are honest.

There is very little that I can add that hasn't already been said, but still:
Hang in there. Depression isn't forever.
I do hope the new meds help more than the previous ones have.
I'm not sure how your social life is, but I think spending time with friends is an excellent anti-depressant. Get out there! Get involved. Join a club.

And kikie, don't be a stranger. We're all here, all the time. And looking forward to your return.
 
Well Chris, what more is there to say. You've got plenty of friends here on GTP, you've always been very honest and open about your 'issues' with us and we all feel for you. You were missed at UKGTP7, other members were generally not talked about over the weekend but you and your welfare were. We were concerned about you and continue to be so.
Keep positive, it will pass.

Best of luck and i'm sure we'll see you again soon.
 
kikie
At this point of my life I have nothing to contribute to GTP and decided to leave. If I get over this depression, I come back. If I have suicide plans, I'll let all of you know.
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It's not worth leaving over. You won't be able to anyway.

I figured I wasn't coming back after that one night. Even if I were alive (which, apparently, I am)

But for some odd reason I am still here, although sort of avoiding certain areas.


Think about this: Is GTP making your depression worse? Is it harming your life in some way?

If not, then there's no reason to give it up, since it's not going to make things better for you.

You have to realize why you're unhappy in order to be happy. But it's really not that easy.. Since most of it is based on the way you see things.


The quickest way to change your life is to change your thoughts on things.

Instead of being sad over what you don't have, be happy for what you do. As a simple example.
 
LEAVING BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE?????!!!?!!

first of all, of course you do

and second of all, I also have nothing to contribute to GTP, but im still here

:D


good luck in the future
 
Kikie, I surely know you though GTP, but I have never talked to you privately, may it be personal or over the net. Nevertheless, I wish you the best of luck for the future. I've been on the internet and on forums for quite some time, and I've always liked one thing: old members coming back to where they used to come regularly. Get your things sorted out, but don't forget about GTP.

All the best mate! 👍
the Interceptor
 
I don't know you at all, not even all that familiar with your posts, but I, too, can understand what you're dealing with. My wife suffers from depression, as well as from schizophrenia. When she loses it, she's truly lost in some alternate reality of her own construction. What's incredible to me is that afterwards she remembers everything from the interval.

I said I understand, but I truly can't imagine the fear that such a condition evokes in the sufferer. My wife's breakdowns (there have been 3, 2 since I've been with her - the first one sent her previous husband packing) put her in mortal fear for her very soul. Every incident that she sees is some sign of a terrible fate or punishment she will have to endure.

With correct medication, she leads a completely normal life. She gets to points where she says she feels better and wants to stop the medicines. I have to be in charge of administering medicines to make sure she gets them. We even keep them in a locked case so she won't throw them away (which happened in one paranoid episode - she believed they'd turned to poison).

What I'm getting at is to echo the point I've seen before in the thread, to stay on the meds they give you. It's very common for patients to stop because they "feel better" and think they don't need it any more. That's a reversal of cause and effect. The fact is that they feel better because the medicine works, and removing the medicine is a sure path to disaster.

So stay on what they give you. I didn't understand this fact at all until I went through it with my wife, but this is an illness, not an attitude problem, and it can't be fixed with counseling, any more than a bad heart valve or an infected wound. It takes the right medicine and it takes staying on the right medicine.

I hope that you get on here to see the outpouring you're getting from the community, and that we're not just posting to blankness.

Best wishes, I truly hope you get the help that you need so that life turns out to be pretty sweet after all. It really is, you know.
 
Good luck and best wishes chris.👍
serge
 
Thank you all for the support. I had to come back to read what the reactions were.
Maybe this is going to sound stupid but the thing I was reading about, which got me in this depression is electromagnetic radiation and micro waves and the electrical fields created by 50/60 Hz devices which could cause cancer (not been proven yet).
I live close to two big antennas for cell phones. That's why I wanted to know as much as possible about the radiation these antennas produce and how far you have to live from these antennas to be "safe".

4 Km from where I live there is a nuclear powerplant and several storage depots of highly radioactive material. So you can understand why I hate radiation.

I had a radiation specialist from this power plant to come over to my house to measure the electromagnetic radiation coming from these antennas (it was less than 0.3 µT), so I live at a safe distance, thank God :) , cell phone radiation from the neighbours, cordless telephones with a base station (which transmit a powerfull pulse) and the electrical fields in our house.


This is the whole story. It may sound stupid for most members and I think that some off you are going to have a good laugh if you read this but for me, it was a big issue. And the more I read about this on the internet last year in april, the more I got depressed. If only I had this person come over to my house before I started to read about radiation for 3 whole weeks, I probably didn't get a depression.
I grew up with stories about radiation (my parents worked at this power plant) and the knowledge that if something should happen with this power plant, the inhabiants of Mol (Where I live) could die from radiation sickness.


That's all folks ;) I'm going to enjoy watching F1 in half an hour. I had a good day, I even went back to the gym to work out.

:)
 
So now you're all happy go lucky?
 
Heck, if I lived near stuff like that I'd be pretty worried as well, it's good to hear that everything is getting a bit better for you, hope to see you around here a little more often now.
 
This last year has been very hard for me. Every morning without any exception I wake up with a strong depressed feeling.
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Welcome to the club that has more than 10 million members.

Good luck with finding the right medicine, I haven't found it in 4 years of intensive searching in hospital and doctors.
 
For me, it's the weather. I live where it's gray skies most of the year(not London though). It's not enough to depress me (I guess) physically, but I am tired of it.

I wish my favorite team, Blazers would move to New Mexico or something, so I can follow them. :sly:
 
I thought the radiation from those antennas is transmitted more sideways and you can't get a decent signal when you're standing right under it, because the antennas are designed to give a wide coverage.
I think the radiation level a couple of hundred metres away is higher than when you're standing close. I could be wrong offcourse.

The only advice I can give you is: don't worry and be happy :)
there's no point in worrying, everywhere you go are unhealthy things, like we had a zinc factory 2 km away and the effects of the pollution are still present in the ground water located deeper into the ground.
 
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