Unpopular Opinions - General Thread

[Joey D]

Have you been hanging out with Capon?

 

[Daniel]

I am of the belief that both online dating and speed-dating are attempts at using incredibly simple answers to an incredibly complex question. In actual practice, I'm convinced that such a complex question deserves an equally-complex answer. Perhaps it's like saying pi equals three, in that some can indeed perform well with that approach, but many of us will be far more content in the longer-term if we offer the answer that the question deserves.

That is to say, I think both methods of trying to find a partner are based on snap judgements insofar that they feel ineffective, but not necessarily "rigged" nor broken by design. People totally find love through these methods, yeah, but I'm not inclined to think they're necessarily the most efficient way to observe anything even close to the greater gestalt of someone. Maybe I'm just projecting based on my own experience?

Could you not argue that meeting potential partners through mutual friends, work, or other third places involves the exact same snap judgments?

When someone says, "Hey, let me introduce you to Sarah!" to you at a work event, you're invited to judge them as a potential colleague, friend, or more. When your regular barista writes his number on your coffee receipt, you're invited to make a judgement of "do I text him" or "do I not text him"? Mustering the courage to ask out the woman you see every morning at the dog park and make friendly conversation with invites her to make a judgement. None of those judgements will immediately turn into a deep and romantic relationship.

Neither will any snap judgements made on dating apps. They can be a little inorganic, sure. But in the same way that you chatted with Sarah at work, or the barista, or the dog walker to see if it's something worth pursuing; you do the same with people you match with on dating apps.

---

Also, I don't know about you, but I wait for at least the third date before showing off my greater gestalt.

 

[MIE1992]

Could you not argue that meeting potential partners through mutual friends, work, or other third places involves the exact same snap judgments?

Perhaps so. Maybe online dating and speed dating are the logical extreme of what already exists under "more typical" circumstances. But couldn't one still say that the world outside of those two methods are more merciful, in a sense?