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Discussion in 'GT4 Race Reports' started by Lucas, Dec 1, 2008.
I don't fully understand. Gonna need Ch. 17 to clear up some of my confusion
You can only hope next chapter will clear your doubts, though. It will likely introduce more of then. Don't worry. As I said, Volume 2 is coming to an end, and after that, a chapter dedicated to resume the most important things of the entire story so far. Then you will understand (hopefully).
Wow. This is getting really deep.
I have to thank you for writing this awesome stuff.
Awesome chapter as always. This is really getting interesting. I just love this story!
It is, isn't it? It has become something new that I have to post a short story between chapters, so I have to work in that to keep you guys reading something. It won't be here today, or tomorrow. I need time, and I'm lacking it right now.
Coolio By the by this is getting pretty complicated I remember when it was just "elise drift now!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHH" That was easier to understand. But these short stories are nice.
Short Story Nº6
Conan Adams & Johann Ferdinand Möller
February 7th, 1991.
(Inside Aaron's house, in Ethan's bedroom to be precise, Conan is sitting on a chair, while Ethan rests on his bed. The room is covered with posters, picturing mainly muscle cars, including the 1970 Dodge Challenger T/A, 1971 Dodge Charger Super Bee, and a two meters long and one point seventy five meters wide poster of a 1969 Ford Mustang Mach 1. Some of the other posters in the room include cars such as the 1981 Porsche 911 SC Targa, 1985 Ferrari 308 GTSi Quattrovalvole Front, and the 1990 Lamborghini Diablo, released just a year ago. The room is all messy: clothes and papers all over the floor. On one side of the room, there's a small desk. Over it, dozens of Hot Wheels can be seen. Apparently, Conan is taking care of Ethan, who seems to be ill.)
Conan: Do you want water... or something?
Ethan: A beer would be nice.
Conan: You won't be having a beer until you feel better.
Ethan: In that case... I feel better now.
(Conan starts laughing.)
Conan: Nice try, buddy.
(While they talk, somebody rings the bell of the house. Both Ethan and Conan look surprised. They don't seem to have visitors that often.)
Ethan: Who is it...?
Conan: I don't know. AARON!
(Conan yells for Aaron to open the door. Outside of the room, Aaron replies.)
Aaron: KEEP WATCHING ETHAN, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!
(Aaron then proceeds to the gallery, to open the door.)
Ethan: ...Did you really needed to scream like that?
Conan: I could have gone and opened the door myself. But Aaron told me to keep an eye on you, and that's what I'll do.
Ethan: I'm not questioning anything.
Conan: Then why are you complaining?
Ethan: Aww, forget about it.
Conan: Whatever you say...
(Both stay in silence for a couple of seconds. Ethan looks at the roof, while Conan looks the TV nearby, at one side of the room.)
Conan: Do you mind if I turn on the TV?
Ethan: Suit yourself.
(As Conan raises to turn it on, he stops moving.)
Ethan: What happened? You look like a statue.
(Conan gets closer to the wall nearest to the living room.)
Conan: Do you hear it?
Conan: Listen carefully.
(Aaron can be heard speaking with someone else through the walls of the room. Most of his words are unintelligible, though, making for a hard to understand conversation.)
Aaron: Fine. Always (...) you?
Aaron: Anyone (...) would.
Aaron: I didn't (...) about (...).
Aaron: You are (...). I gave up (...) a long time ago.
(Conan, glued to the wall, looks towards Ethan.)
Conan: If you don't mind, I would like to know who's there.
Ethan: I can take care of myself, go ahead. I give you my word.
Conan: You better not be lying to me.
(Conan leaves the room, and proceeds to the living room. As he gets closer, he can hear the conversation better.)
Aaron: Did you have any trouble doing so?
???: Nah. Piece of cake. However, Jack refused to open his door to me.
Aaron: He has been through a lot. When his sister died, he was devastated.
(Conan then approaches, and Aaron, along with the stranger, stop talking. Conan finally arrives to the living room.)
Conan: Well, well, well. What do we have here? If it isn't Johann!
Johann: Nice to see you, sir.
Conan: Same here.
(Conan and Johann shake hands, then Conan proceeds to take a seat.)
Aaron: Could you go back with Ethan?
Conan: He will be alright. He gave me his word.
Aaron: As you say. You know, I didn't wanted to bother you, that's why I didn't told you he had arrived.
Conan: Don't worry, it's okay. So, Johann, what brings you to Italy?
Johann: When I was in Hong Kong, Aaron gave me a call, and I decided to come here and say hello.
Conan: Are you sure that's the only reason you are here?
Johann: Well, why would I come here otherwise?
(Conan thinks for a second, and though he feels Johann is lying, he decides to give him the benefit of the doubt.)
Conan: You are right. How are things doing in Ahrweiler?
Johann: Pretty good.
Aaron: Johann, I'm sorry I didn't asked you before. Do you want a cup of coffee?
Johann: No, thank you.
Aaron: I've got some tea. Are you sure you don't want anything? It's not a problem, really.
Johann: No, thanks Aaron. I appreciate it.
Aaron: You are welcome. If you boys don't mind, I will make myself a cup of coffee, then.
(Aaron leaves the living room, heading for the kitchen. Johann and Conan are left alone.)
Conan: How are family and friends doing?
Johann: Great, as always.
Conan: Good to hear that. How's your girlfriend doing? Alena... was it?
Johann: Yes. She's doing good. Actually...
Johann: Actually, we are gonna get married.
(Conan jumps in excitement, much to the dismay of Johann.)
Johann: Yes. In a couple of months, though we actually don't have a set date.
Conan: Sounds magnificent! I'm so happy for you, Johann!
Johann: Thank you, sir.
Conan: Oh, come on. No need for courtesy.
Johann: I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I was educated that way.
Conan: I was just joking, don't worry. It's nice to be called sir once in a while.
(Aaron returns from the kitchen, cup of coffee in hand.)
Aaron: Well, gentlemen, here you have it. The perfect cup of coffee.
Conan: Can I give it a try?
Conan: How can we know that it's the perfect cup of coffee, then?
(Aaron takes a sip of the coffee, and seemingly ignorant of Conan's comment, talks to Johann.)
Aaron: ...I couldn't help listening you will get married, Johann. Are we invited to the wedding?
Aaron: We ARE you friends after all, don't we?
(Aaron claps his hand in Johann's right shoulder.)
Johann: Anyways, what's wrong with Ethan? When I entered here, you said Conan was taking care of him.
Aaron: That reminds me... Conan, go check upon Ethan, to see if everything's okay.
Conan: Right away.
(Conan almost trips over as he starts running towards Ethan's room.)
Conan: GOD DAMMIT!
Conan: I'm sorry! couches...
(He finally leaves the living room. As he arrives to Ethan's room, he sees him halfway wrapped in his sheets, sleeping.)
Conan: You finally could sleep, huh?
(Conan starts wrapping him with his sheets, and sees a small piece of paper in one of Ethan's hands.)
Conan: What is this...?
(Conan grabs the piece of paper, and starts reading it.)
Conan: "Whoever grabs this is a ". Ha, ha. Very funny, Ethan.
(He then tears apart the paper, and finishes wrapping Ethan.)
Conan: Have a nice sleep. Get better.
(Conan leaves the bedroom, and he heads for the living room. As before, he hears Aaron and Johann conversating.)
Aaron: Do you think so? I don't give (...) more than one month (...).
Johann: How can you be so sure?
Aaron: Believe me. I have experience when it comes to this kind of things.
(Conan arrives to the living room, and sits in one of the couches.)
Aaron: How is he?
Conan: He is sleeping.
Aaron: What took you so long, then?
Conan: I wanted to make sure he was carefully wrapped to his sheets.
Johann: Will he be alright?
Conan: Don't worry, he is a strong person. One of the strongest persons I know of.
Johann: It's funny that you say that, because Ethan precisely means "strong, firm, steadfast and safe".
(Conan looks at Aaron, surprised.)
Aaron: Where do you know so much, Johann?
Johann: My father taught me.
Conan: You mean, the teachers your father has for you.
(Johann looks kinda depressed. He suddenly stands.)
Johann: If you don't mind, Aaron, I thank you for your hospitality, but I have to leave now.
Aaron: No problem, I will open the door up for you.
(Aaron stands also, followed by Conan.)
Conan: Nice to see you against, Johann.
Johann: My pleasure... Conan.
(Conan smiles, and both shake hands. Aaron leaves with Johann to the gallery. A few minutes later, Aaron returns.)
Conan: What were you two talking about before I returned?
Aaron: The Gulf War, not big deal.
Conan: Not big deal?
Aaron: Trust me. In one month or less, it will all be over.
Conan: I doubt it. It will take, at least, two months.
Aaron: Johann said something similar.
(Both sit in different couches. Aaron takes a moment to relax.)
Aaron: Ahhh... What a nice kid. I wish I had a son like him.
Conan: It's never too late, Aaron. There are always fishes in the sea.
Aaron: Not in Capri's sea.
Conan: It's your fault, you choosed this place. Anyways... very good boy, indeed.
Aaron: And a wonderful driver, none the less. That Yellow Bird he has matches him perfectly.
Conan: More than you and your Superbird?
Aaron: If it's even possible.
In case you haven't realized by now, the first part of this short story is exactly the same as the one seen on Part 1 of Chapter 13, Volume 2, but told in a different point of view. Whereas Part 1 of Chapter 13 was focused on Johann, this one is focused on Conan.
This just keeps getting better and better. I just 7 more posts then bam! 150 >_<
When you did the pictures at the Las Vegas drag strip, one thing puzzles me - how did you get them ?
Save replay + use the replay theater.
This is a great story, I was reading the 5 part yesterday, I can't believe Argentina houses so many good writers!
Thanks for the exaggerated compliment.
Things are going very, very slow here... as usual, relatively speaking. More so, it's trivial to write this part of the story well, for it is going to be the base for what it's coming. Chapter 17 will be as long as possible, without getting tedious.
Well how about Mr. Borges?
Huh. I was for about a month gone and now I'm back. It's good to see you've continued writing this story and I enjoyed the text you've written and posted while I was away. Keep it up.
Glad to see you are back, Nenad. I was already missing your posts around here.
Anyways, I have yet to put up another chapter. I am taking my time, and got to say that I'm pretty happy with the progress of chapter 17. Much more time is being spent in details, like a true novel.
Chapter 17 - Hold on...
November 3rd, 2005.
In case you don't remember, my name is Charles Williams, and if you recall correctly, I'm being your narrator through these chapters. Who better than a narrator than a true witness of the events? I'm certainly sure you will agree with me here. If you have been paying attention to what I'm telling you, you will know that the events happened in 2005. We are currently in 2007, so my memory (as expected) may be slightly off. Luckily, this is not a broken telephone game. Apart from the original witnesses, you are the only ones that have been told (and are been telling) about this, so don't worry, no much will change from what happened originally. Anyhow, let us continue.
Out of his house, Aaron tried to get a response from Ethan, who almost ran over him and myself with his Mustang.
Aaron: What the were you thinking, Ethan?!! That was nowhere near 50km/h!! Are you crazy?!!
Ethan didn't replied, and so Aaron shakes his body with his hands, to force the replies out of him. As he did that, however, the door leading to the gallery was open, and Eric, who was the one that opened the door in the first place, was taking a peek to see what the fuss was all about. Of course, we were all oblivious to his presence.
Aaron: Tell me, Ethan!! Are you out of your mind, you lunatic?!! Why were you going to do that?!! You aren't supposed to drive that fast here!! There are civilians on the streets, it was not a goddamn race!!
Aaron, furious, repeatedly shaked Ethan, yet he didn't seemed to mind about it.
Aaron: Why were you about to do it, Ethan, why?!! You almost killed us!!
Seeing as his words weren't going anywhere, Aaron was forced to take drastic measures, and punched Ethan right in his jaw, falling down to the road. Aaron's hands were clinched in fists of rage...
Aaron: Son of a !!
Ethan, apparently regaining consciousness, decided to speak. What he said, however, didn't make Aaron anymore happy than he was.
Ethan: ...Hadn't it been for me in the first place... you would not be here today. You would be buried already.
Aaron: How can you say that...
Unable to bear with the show anymore, Eric finally took his part in the conflict.
Eric: HEY, EVERYONE!
We all turned around to watch Eric standing right besides the door leading to the gallery. He walked a few steps towards Aaron and Ethan, who were quietly watching him doing so.
Eric: What's going on here?
Aaron: It's not of your business.
Eric: Oh, hell it is. Why did you punched John?
Eric, at the moment, was oblivious at the fact "John" was, in fact, Ethan.
Eric: Or should I say... Ethan?
Or not... I swear that the word "", which was a word used so often in my vocabulary, virtually replacing any word in a sentence, crossed my mind the moment I heard Eric pronounce Ethan's name. I bet I wasn't the only one who thought that the moment Eric vocalized it. I could clearly see an expression that I had never seen before, and that I haven't seen since then in Eric's face. He was angry, but at the same time he showed compassion. I can deduce where did each one came from. Angry, because he didn't expect to meet Ethan in a situation like that one. And compassion... well, anyone who gets hit by Aaron deserves it. Eric walked closer to Ethan, and gently grabbed his jaw.
Eric: Are you okay... buddy?
Ethan: Yeah... thanks.
Eric: No problem.
Eric, relieved, turned around, finding Aaron standing right in front of him, defiant.
Eric: Why did you do that for...?
Aaron replied agressively to Eric's question.
Aaron: Why don't you ask him? You've been wanting to meet him since the very first moment you arrived.
Eric: Yeah, why not?
Eric then turned around once again, and began to talk with Ethan.
Eric: Why did he do that?
At first, Ethan vacilated, until he could finally answer.
Ethan: Because... I almost ran over him and Charlie with the Mustang.
Before Ethan could continue, though, Aaron decided to intervene in the duo's conversation.
Aaron: Hadn't I decided to move in the first place, both of us would be on the front of that Mustang right now. Not so sure about me, though, but you can be sure Charlie would be splashed all over the windshield.
Eric: I asked you, and you told me to ask Ethan. Now that I'm doing so, why don't you shut up, and let Ethan speak?
I could already see Aaron throwing a fist to Eric, just as he did with Ethan a moment before. This time, however, Aaron realized he wasn't going to solve anything with brute force.
Aaron: As you wish.
Eric: Good. Tell me, Ethan, why did you wanted to run over Charlie and Aaron?
Ethan: It wasn't my intention to do so.
Eric: Then why were you about to do it? Please don't say "insanity".
Ethan gave off a slight smile, but denied it.
Ethan: No... The truth is---
How many times have I heard that...
Ethan: ---that I was... I was angry.
...just to be followed by something utterly stupid. Eric then turned his head towards at Aaron, implying he was the reason Ethan was angry.
Aaron: I didn't do anything.
Eric: Did you hear me say something?
Eric then looked back at Ethan, who had a visible bruise on his lower jaw.
Eric: Tell me, Ethan.
Eric: I assume it's "Ethan Norton", right?
Once again, Ethan doubted for a second, but even under pressure, he answered.
Eric: What do you say if we go inside... and solve our issues there?
Aaron immediately walked a few steps, and forced Eric to look at him, using his right hand to turn him around.
Aaron: He ain't going inside. Not this time.
Aaron's voice wasn't that of an old, yet at the same time healthy man which I heard the first time I saw him in Capri, or that of a southern american, like the first time I saw him in my life, when me and Chester stayed in the Grand Canyon. This time, his voice had much more meaning, was deeper, and much more powerful. Compared to it...
Eric: Says who?
...Eric's voice was just a little girl's.
I don't exactly recall where have I heard the expression before, but the atmosphere was so tense that you could cut it with a knife. There may be more than one source for the expression, but honestly, I don't care that much. Much more interesting was the way the day ended, but until that part of the story, let me go on. Both (Aaron and Eric) stayed in silence for a while. If I had to guess, I would say for about 10 seconds. The conflict was going nowhere, so I did what I do best in those kind of situations: interfere.
Charlie: Are you sorry, Ethan?
Everyone looked at me, surprised. Ethan was the last one to do so, raising his head slowly, until we both made eye contact. I couldn't see depression anymore in his face.
He walked closer to me.
Ethan: Yes, yes.
Each "yes" was louder than the preceding one. Once he was directly in front of me, he kneeled down, as if begging for his life.
Ethan: I'm deeply sorry for what I've done, and for what I almost did. I'm truly sorry. I didn't meant to do it.
Without intent to humilliate him further, I gave him a rest.
Charlie: ...That's good enough for me. Come on, get up.
He didn't have any intention to do so, however. I tried and I tried, but I just couldn't make him. I even went as far as to grab him from his shoulders, but with a body that seemed to weight around 85 kilograms, he sure was heavy as hell. Eventually, Eric decided to help me, not without first giving a fierce look to Aaron, highly disapproving of our compassion for Ethan. The three of us walked towards the gallery, while Aaron stood alone on the road. As I closed the door leading outside, I could see Aaron staring at me. Those eyes were unlike any other pair I had ever seen before. They didn't blinked, not even after a sun ray hit directly their retinas. It was the first, but not the last time, I would see those fiery, blazing eyes. Once we were inside of the house, in the living room, Ethan sat by himself in one of the couches. I decided to sit right next to him, while Eric went for a coffee (or a tea) in the kitchen. I never remember which one was it, until later.
Anyways, right then, all I could do was to think about Ethan. I tried my best to comfort him. A shame that Chester wasn't there, because I'm sure he would have done a much better work with Ethan than I did.
Charlie: How are you?
What a stupid question... I look back then, and now I realize about it. Ohhh, Charlie! How naive were you when you were just 19 years old! The man just got punched in the jaw by a boxer, how do you think he is?
The answer wasn't what I expected at the time, and I don't even believe it today.
Charlie: What about your jaw?
Now THAT was stupid... What was the previous question about? The stupidity of my younger self is killing me... And I'm not even sure those were the exact same words I used back then. Maybe, I'm consciously changing some words to not make it sound as stupid as it originally was.
Ethan: It hurts... a lot. Just looking at Aaron you can figure out how much one of his punches hurt.
Charlie: Yeah, I wouldn't want to be hit by him...
Don't worry, Charlie, you will be hit by Aaron's Mighty Right sooner or later.
Charlie: So... why were you angry?
Ethan: It hasn't anything to do with Aaron, if that's what you mean.
First, I was perpexled. If he wasn't mad at Aaron, who was he mad at? That's if he was mad at someone, of course. I went for the "mad at someone" hypothesis.
Charlie: Then who were you mad at?
Ethan: I believe I haven't told you about this before, but that Mustang you see outside...
The suspense was killing me.
Charlie: ...What about it?
Ethan: ...it's tuned.
Oh, no. Everything except that. Please, don't tell me that's truth. The Mustang has been tuned. Oh, no. The 2000 Ford Mustang SVT Cobra-R has been tuned. Oh, no! Ethan's 2000 Ford Mustang SVT Cobra-R has been tuned. OH, NO! Ethan's 2000 Ford Mustang SVT Cobra-R has been tuned! Holy mother of ! Holy ! ETHAN'S... 2000... FORD... MUSTANG... SVT... COBRA... HYPHEN... R... HAS... BEEN TUNED!
...I guess I let myself be carried away... Do you remember I previously told you that the word "" "was a word used so often in my vocabulary", that it could "virtually replace any word in a sentence". Well, I meant it. For the sake of argument, let me go on. Please keep in mind that what I answered to Ethan wasn't what I was thinking at the moment. You can easily notice that.
Charlie: No, you haven't told me. But what does that have to do with your "anger"? Moreover, what does it have to do with anything?
Ethan: You see... I'm a person that lives by the old rule that says, if you want something done right, do it yourself.
Charlie: That's great and all, but still... I have no idea what are you trying to tell me.
I scratched my head several times during the first part of the conversation. If he doesn't understand words, at least he has to understand basic body language.
Ethan: What I'm getting at, is that I did not tuned this car myself. Someone else did this for me.
Charlie: Oooooooooh, I see now... And I suppose you are not happy with the result, right?
Ethan: I wish I was just "not happy"! To be honest---
"The truth is", "to be honest", etcetera (or et cetera, if it suits your fancy). I hate those expressions with a passion, though I do use them myself from time to time.
Ethan: ---I'm pissed with the guys who tuned my car.
Charlie: So... it all comes down that some guys screwed your car.
Charlie: I'm sure this will make Aaron happy.
Ethan's response got me laughing in the inside.
Ethan: No, no, no, no, no! You cannot tell that to Aaron, he is going to kill me!
Charlie: And what are you going to do, then? Lie?
Ethan: No, it would make things worse! You can't tell it to Aaron.
It's funny. I did not spent a single day in Capri without hiding something from someone. Not that I remember, at least.
Ethan: Do you promise me you won't tell it to Aaron?
Charlie: I said "yes"...
Ethan: Great! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Excited, he shaked my hands, much to my dismay... He continued shaking them for about 8 seconds, and I was already getting tired, so I asked him to stop, which he did afterwards. However, I had some doubts left.
Charlie: I don't understand...
Charlie: If you knew the risk you were exposing your car to when you decided it to be tuned by someone else... why did you let it happen, then?
Ethan: That is a good question.
Charlie: Which you can't answer...
Ethan: Actually, I can.
Usually, when someone says "it is a good question", they are also saying "...so good I can't answer it". This wasn't the case, though.
Ethan: So far... None of my cars have been tuned, except, of course, the Mustang.
Charlie: But you have few cars.
Ethan: Yes, I believe I mentioned them to you. The Focus RS, the Lightning, and the Mustang. There's one more car that I have that I haven't told you of. The day you arrived, I told you something along the lines that anyone that keeps a car a secret, is an idiot, didn't I?
Charlie: Yes, you did.
Ethan: Well, but this car is especial. So especial, that it has been tuned.
Charlie: But you just said...
Ethan: I said none of my cars have been tuned.
Charlie: And you told me you only had three cars.
Ethan: And I didn't lied.
How 3+1=3 is something Ethan will have to teach me someday. Actually, he did.
Ethan: Because that isn't a car of mine.
Charlie: Then... who's is it?
Ethan: That's something you will know... if you gain Aaron's confidence before you leave, of course. Anyways, we are going off-topic! Point is that these two boys---
I instinctively knew something was wrong.
Charlie: Did you just said "two boys"?
Ethan: Yes, why? Something wrong?
Charlie: Just how bad was the car left... after it was tuned?
Ethan: Hmmmm... very bad, bordering undriveable.
Charlie: Do you remember the names of those two boys?
Ethan: Why, do you know them?
Charlie: I hope I don't.
Ethan? Why do you ask, then?
Charlie: I'm curious, that's all.
Ethan: Oh, okay. Let me see... It was something like...
With his head locked facing me, he looked to the ceiling above, left to right, right to left, around four or five times, like someone who is trying to remember something.
Ethan: I believe one was called Mark... Marv... Matt...
Ethan: Matthew... Yes, that's the one! That's one of the guys that tuned the car.
My worst fears were increasing by the moment, as Ethan remembered the second guy's name.
Ethan: Stan... Steve... Steven. Which one was it?
Ethan: Steve... Aha! That's his name. You DO know them, don't you?
Charlie: I'm afraid so...
While we were talking, Eric came walking from the kitchen with a cup of tea. I remember now that it was tea, because as he was walking towards us...
Eric: GOD DAMMIT!
...Eric took us by surprise.
Charlie: What is it, what happened?!
Eric: Es este té de que me quemó la mano.
Eric: It's this tea, that's what. It's too hot.
The only times I hear Eric speak spanish are when he is alone, and when he curses. However, he has to be taken by surprise to curse in spanish, just like now.
Ethan: Are you okay?
Eric: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine... What were you two talking about? Nothing I need to know, right?
Eric looked at me, intrigued. For the next couple of minutes, both me and Ethan explained to him what happened to Ethan's car, tuned in hands of Matthew and Steve, and the fate of my Elise, tuned by the same two man team. Finally, Eric recapitulated what he had been told so far.
Eric: So, you guys are basically saying that, because of an error---
Ethan: A terrible one.
Eric: Yes, let me continue. Because of a terrible---
And when he says that, he opens his eyes wide at Ethan.
Eric:---error, you are not going to trust them anymore?
Ethan: That's basically it, yes. If they commmited a mistake once, they can do it again.
Eric: Don't you make mistakes from time to time, too?
Ethan: Yes, but I don't go ruining a person's car one after another.
Eric: That's a whole different story, it is unique for each person. Besides, it was you who gave them the car to work with. It's not like they breaked into the parking lot and stole it for themselves to tune it.
Something quickly came to my mind when he say "parking lot":
Charlie: I'm sorry to interrupt you, Eric, but did you just say "parking lot"?
Ethan: He did, why?
One of my biggest doubts in three days living there was about to be answered.
Charlie: Because, ever since I have arrived here, I have not seen my Elise, except before and after my race against Aaron.
Ethan: That's true.
Charlie: Then, where the hell is it? I haven't seen Eric's Mercedes either since we departed from Monaco.
Eric: It was parked outside the house when Conan and me arrived on tuesday.
Charlie: Where is it now, then?
Ethan: In the parking lot, of course.
Then I was left to ask the obvious.
Charlie: But where is the parking lot?
I expected Eric to stay numb, and Ethan to talk to me about it. But it was totally different.
Eric: There's a wide parking lot on the top of this island. It has the shape of a big square, measuring around 100 meters at each side, making for a total of 10.000 square meters. The lot is divided in small squares of 100 square meters a square, therefore, the lenght of one of the sides is of 10 meters. Depending on the size, you can fit around six cars in one of those squares. As you may have realized by now, not many people drive cars here.
Ethan: Which is why it takes so few time to clear the streets during a race, since people doesn't have to take the time to park them.
Eric: And why so many vandals street race here during the night, since they don't have to worry about other cars crashing into them.
Ethan: Much to Aaron's dismay...
Eric: Also, Ethan, Conan, Aaron, and everyone who is a very close friend to them, get an especial lot, measuring 20 meters wide by 30 meters wide, making a total of 600 square meters.
Ethan: These lots are also closer to the lot's entrance than the rest of them, except Aaron's, whose lot is located at exactly 100 meters away from the entrance.
Eric: He says it's healthy to walk from there to his house.
Ethan: And so, he does that every day, two times a day, except when he is very busy.
Impressed by the information Eric supplied to me, which at the moment I didn't know where did he got it from, I closed my eyes and started massaging my forehead.
Charlie: So... where is my Elise once again?
Ethan: In the parking lot, along with Eric's Mercedes, and all of the cars in this island. You two got one of our especial lots, of course. I hope you don't mind they are sharing it.
Charlie: No problem. After all, you guys have to save as much space as possible, right?
Ethan: It's hard to answer that when, apart from you two, Conan, Aaron and me, only 16 or 17 other persons drive cars here, with one car each. We are planning on reducing the lot's surface with Aaron, but we will have to wait and see.
Charlie: Well... Out of curiosity... Could you take me to see it?
I smiled as I never did before. The idea of an open, wide parking lot sitting at the top of an island was enough to make me smile.
Ethan: Sure, it won't be a problem. You mean the parking lot, right?
Charlie: I was thinking that after taking a walk at it, maybe I could drive the Elise.
Eric: Good luck in doing so.
My big smile faded away in a matter of seconds. Or were they milliseconds? It faded away quickly, because I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know what.
Charlie: What are you talking about...?
Eric: Check your pockets to see if you find something interesting. Or better, if you don't.
I instantly put my hands in both of my pockets (I was wearing jeans, if I recall correctly), and started picking around to see if there was something missing. To my surprise, Eric was right.
Charlie: My keys aren't here.
Eric: I thought so.
Ethan: You must have lost them. Check your room.
As I was about to leave the leaving room, Eric talked to me.
Eric: Don't do it, you won't find them there.
Charlie: How can you be so sure?
Eric: I'm saving you time, Charlie. If you don't believe me, be free to go and search around the entire room. Turn it upside down, if you want to. You won't find them there.
Then, Ethan started with the accusations, something that I was about to do.
Ethan: You have them, right?
Ethan points at Eric. I knew that he was right.
Eric: No, I don't.
Charlie: Yes, you do. Otherwise, how would you know I don't have them?
Eric: Maybe because I saw the person that stole them from you?
When he said "stole", I could hear a slight difference in pronuntiation compared to the rest of the question. I stopped looking Eric, and started looking at Ethan.
Charlie: It was you, then.
Ethan: That's what he is trying to make you thing.
Eric: Neither of us was it.
Charlie: Then who did it? Aaron?
Eric: See? It wasn't so hard to draw a conclusion.
It was a random answer, but with only two choices left (Aaron or Conan) it was hard to miss the correct choice.
Charlie: So all I have to do is to find him, and ask him for the keys, right? No big deal.
Eric: It won't be so easy, considering you basically stood up against him out there. If I was Aaron, why would I want to give the keys to you? They would be deep in the Tyrrhenian Sea by now...
Ethan: I don't believe Aaron is capable of doing such things, so don't worry, Charlie.
Charlie: Thank God...
I was starting to worry back then, as anyone would, honestly.
Eric: What are you going to do, Charlie?
Charlie: I guess I will head outside, and ask him for the keys myself.
Eric: If he's still outside, that is.
Charlie: Right... I will try my best to persuade him, then.
Ethan: Do or do not. There is no "try".
I saw Eric look at Ethan in an odd way.
Eric: Did you... did you just quote Yoda?
Ethan: He has a point, and I though it suited the situation perfectly.
Ethan then looked at me.
Ethan: Listen to me, Charlie. A great man once said, "whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right". If you think you can do it, then you will ask Aaron for the keys, and get them. If you think you can't, then we will stay here until he decides to give them to you. Do you think you can do it? Or do you think you can't?
I meditated for a second. Ethan was serious, and I was impressed at him. Nobody talked to me like that before. He was confident, he knew what he was saying. And I perfectly knew what to answer.
Charlie: I can do it.
I looked at Eric, with newborn eyes.
Charlie: I can do it.
Eric: If you think you can...
He looked at Ethan, and smiled at him. Ethan returned the smile, and Eric looked at me again.
Eric: ...then do it, Charlie.
Ethan: Well, we are going out then. Are you coming with us, Eric? Or will you stay here?
Eric: I will wait for Conan.
Ethan: He may take a while, though. You would do better with us.
Eric: Nah, it's alright.
Ethan insisted at Eric to come with us.
Ethan: Don't say that, you can come if you want to.
Eric: Really, it's no problem. I'm fine by myself.
Ethan: If that's what you want to do... I can't stop you.
Ethan grabbed some keys from a table nearby.
Ethan: These... we may need them.
He then looked at me, while heading for the door.
Ethan: Are you ready?
Ethan: Good. See you later, Eric.
Eric: Good luck with Aaron. You guys will need it. I have known him for thirty years right now, so I'm qualified to say he's a difficult person to deal with.
Ethan laughed a bit.
Ethan: Just thirty?
Eric: Yes, why?
Ethan: Boy... it takes more than thirty years to know Aaron. I have known him for forty-five years already, and I still have much to learn of him.
Ethan then left for the door at the end of the gallery, leaving me to say good-bye to Eric.
Eric: What a strange man... Take care, Charlie.
Charlie: You too, Eric.
While I was leaving, however, I turned around. I had something to say before I departed. I catched Eric off-guard going to the bathroom.
Charlie: You can call me Charles, if you want to.
At that moment, I could see my father's eyes in Eric's.
Eric: Will do... Charles.
Charles: See ya.
I gave Eric a thumbs up, and I left with Ethan to find Aaron...
Once outside, I saw Ethan looking at his Mustang. Aaron was nowhere to be seen. I approached Ethan, and spoke to him.
Charles: Where is he?
Ethan: I don't know. I'm not surprised that he left, though.
Charles: Do you know where he may be?
Ethan: Not at all. Capri isn't such a big place when you think of it, but it certainly takes a while to get through all of the shops of the island. I say we should start looking at the bars, mainly the one there.
Ethan raised his hand and pointed at the hairpin at the end of the downhill.
Ethan: If he's not there, he may be at the parking lot.
Charles: Why don't we split up?
Ethan: It's useless to do that.
Ethan then opened the door of the Mustang, and got inside it.
Charles: Are we using the car to find him?
Ethan: Unless you have a better idea...
He opened the passenger door from the inside. I hopped in immediately, the sooner we got a hold of Aaron and by extension, the keys, the better.
Charles: Do you really think he will be at the bar?
As I spoke, I fastened my seat belt.
Ethan: It's only a possibility, we shall see in a couple of minutes.
Afterwards, I closed the passenger door, and Ethan proceeded to start the car. The way he did it didn't resemble the way I start my Elise at all.
Thus, we started our search for Aaron...
Ethan: I will wait for you outside with the car, Charlie.
Ethan started braking, shortly after he started the car.
Ethan: If he's not there...
Ethan: Then he must be at the parking lot.
Charles: What if he's not there?
Ethan parked the car gracefully, in only one try. He looked at me.
Ethan: Then I guess we will need some help. Wait for me here, I'll be back in two minutes.
Ethan left the car, and entered the small bar. I waited for around 10 minutes, more than Ethan told me to wait for him, but time didn't matter to me. I spent those 10 minutes looking at the interior of the Mustang, and my surroundings. Capri is indeed a beautiful place. Living here is a wonderful way to spent one's last days. I know that, when I get older, I will come and live here for my last years, just as Aaron does.
While I was distracted looking at some of the women in there, Ethan entered the car.
Charles: What took you so long?
Ethan: Aaron's not here. Lucius, the bartender, says that he ordered a drink, but left before he received it.
Charles: Did he tell you where did Aaron go?
Ethan: Nope. He told me that Aaron only ordered the drink, watched TV while he was attending the other clients, and when he was about to give him his drink, he wasn't there anymore.
Charles: Dammit. And... what took you so long?
Ethan: I needed a beer, but now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't have payed so much attention to my throat.
Ethan, worried, adjusted his seatbelt again.
Ethan: That leaves us with one place left.
Charles: What makes you think he's there?
Ethan: Nothing. But being the most isolated place in the island, I would go there if I needed time to think.
Ethan started the Mustang once again, our next destination was the parking lot.
Charles: I hope he thinks the same as you do.
Ethan: Don't worry, I think I know him enough to say he will be there.
Charles: Is there any reason why he left like that without even telling us?
Ethan: Other than the fact we stood against him, particularly you, a foreigner to him...
Ethan: ...nope, I don't have any idea why he left!
In a time like that, sarcasm was the last thing I wanted to hear, but I was distracted at the views of Capri, along with the mezmerizing and comfortable ride Ethan provided me with. If the car was truly a mess, as Ethan had put it previously, I didn't see exactly where. That was one of the main reasons I was starting to care less about the Elise's condition, yet I was still caring about driving it once more.
Ethan: I know he is athletic, but he can't walk so fast. He's 67 for Christ's sake!
Charles: Maybe he entered one of the shops here.
Ethan veered slightly yet at the same time roughly left. I was becoming an annoyance, but as a 19-year old, I couldn't tell.
Ethan: No, he wouldn't do that. He doesn't do the shops, Conan and I do. And we have already done them, so there's no need for Aaron to buy anything.
Charles: What if he entered a house here?
Ethan: He knows everyone's names and faces, but he isn't a friend of them, as he is with me and Conan, along with you and Eric.
The Mustang was speeding up from its current 50km/h, and I was getting worried we could run into something, or even worse, someone... Ethan was a good driver, but as far as I could tell right then, he had very little patience.
Charles: Aren't you going a little fast?
As I spoke, the speedometer was reading 100km/h, and when we went over the small bump before the hairpin, I hit the roof of the car with my head.
Charles: GOD... DAMMIT!
Ethan then started braking before we crashed against the wall. Everyone at our surroundings were looking at us, as we turned around to the last two corners before the straight.
Charles: You can slow down whenever you want, did you know that?!
Ethan: Don't lecture me in how to drive, boy!
Ethan: I have been driving since before you were born!
He braked hard before the second to last hairpin, and even with the seatbealt on, I could feel I was about to get thrown off the car through the windshield.
Ethan: Hang on to something.
Charles: What do you think I'm doing?!
The story may sound funny as I speak, but the actual experience wasn't so funny. It's common sense that if you are going to tune a car for racing, you must also upgrade the seats accordingly. Well, these guys didn't seem to have common sense at all, 'cause I was resting my butt in a stock seat. As Ethan exited the last hairpin, I felt confident enough to speak again.
Charles: I assume we are heading for the parking lot, right?
If I recall correctly, everyone told me how big the parking lot was, how were the lots arranged, and other things. They also told me where was it located. But no one told me how was I supposed to get there.
Charles: Ethan, do you mind if I ask you something?
Ethan: You have asked so much today, what difference does another question make?
Charles: Right... Well, so far, you and Eric have described me parking lot, right?
Ethan: Indeed, why?
Charles: I would like to know how are we going to get there, because that's all I have left to know about it.
Ethan: That's easy. We will just---
Ethan stomped the brakes as he speaked.
Ethan: Hold on to something!
I wasn't as fast as Ethan, my head ended in the windshield. I would say that was one of the worst days my head has been through.
Charles: Dammit! Why the hell did you do that for...?
Ethan: Can't you see?!
Ethan: Damn...! What kind of idiot parks a car in the middle of the road?
Charles: It had to be an aussie!
Ethan: Nah. Just because the car is australian doesn't mean the driver is one. After all, you are american yet you drive a british car. Eric is spanish yet he drives a german car. I could go on.
Charles: I understand.
Ethan: Wait for me here, I will ask the driver to move it.
Ethan then turned off the car, and removed his seatbealt. He then opened the door, and got out of the car. Afterwards, he closed the door, and gave me a sign to wait for him. He then inspected the car.
Ethan: If it isn't a Holden Commodore... you don't see these cars here too often. Wonder who drives it. He's not from here, that's for sure.
(Ethan inspects the car's wheels.)
Ethan: They are very clean... This guy knows how to treat a car. He can't be such an idiot, then. Probably around the same age as Eric, maybe a bit younger.
(He then peaks into the interior.)
Ethan: Looking good. Fairly new, too. Not even a scratch on the body, he is a normal driver, then. Can't say the same about Conan or Aaron. What could bring a guy like that to this place?
(Finally, he looks at the front of the car.)
Ethan: Why... Why are you here, if there's nothing you can enjoy in a place like this, other than the wind, the climate, and the beautiful view? You are a car, so I doubt you are interested in any of those things. And where's your owner? Do I know him already?
From my point of view, the car looked excellent. I have no idea what it was, but it sure looked good. I'm not too kind of big cars, but this one had this certain appeal to it, similar to Ethan's Mustang. While I was distracted admiring the car, someone approached Ethan from behind.
Ethan: Perhaps your owner is interested to sell it...?
Voice: What are you doing?
Ethan turned around to see a tall, slender man. He wasn't taller than Aaron, but he did seemed strong. To me, he seemed to be in his thirties or so. I don't know what did the two talked about in that moment, but it wasn't a good thing, because once they were finished, Ethan's expression wasn't the same one.
Man: What are you doing to my car?
Ethan: It's yours? I was just looking at it.
Man: What for, are you going to steal it?
Ethan: No, it's just that we don't see this kind of cars around here.
Man: Well, stay away from it if you want to see a car once again.
Ethan: You see, I happen to be one of Capri's most respected persons. So if you think you can come here and intimidate me, why don't you just---
Then it happened.
Voice: Ethan, is that you?
Ethan turned to his left to see an old man, even older than Aaron judging by looks, walks towards him, with the aid of a cane.
Old man: Is it you, Ethan?
Ethan: How do you...?
Man: Do you know him, dad?
Old man: Yes I do, Daniel.
Ethan looked at the old man.
Ethan: Are you...?
Old man: Yes, I am.
(The man can barely speak, but his words are intelligible. He puts his cane away, and salivating, speaks.)
Old man: I am Joshua Sheperd, Aaron's brother.
To be continued...
Wow. I know I've said this a tone of times, but I really enjoyed reading this chapter. It's two months you last posted a chapter and this newest one really brings me back and remembers me of how great your story is. The characters, their cars... Everything fits together and I can now say that this is the best story which has ever reached any forum without any doubt. I truly love this story. You're a great guy, Lucas, and I hope you'll go on writing this story and posting a new chapter as soon as possible. If you need my help, I'm here for you.
Ethan: ---I'm pissed with the guys that tuned my car. -> who
Voice: What you are doing? -> What are you doing?
Ethan: You see, I happen to be one of Capri's most respected persons. So if you thing you can come here and intimidate me, why don't you just--- -> think
Great chapter but I have to force you to make more. Soon.
As much as you seem to like the story, I like as much that you read it, because even though I have said before that I write it because I like it myself, I would also want some criticism. I know what Smallhorses said once, and you know my opinion on the matter. Views can mean that someone entered and read the story, or that they entered and left before finishing the first chapter. It can happen, and that's why I want people to comment to let me know their opinion. Even if it's just a "it sucks" or things like that, I want to know.
I also took notice that it felt great to post a new chapter after so long (two months! ), so I'm glad we feel the same.
Though I do agree that the cars fit the characters (and I try to do my best in that aspect, I swear ), I think is subjective whether the story is the best one or not. Juan Manuel Fangio once said that you must always try to be the best, but you must never believe you are. Well, I'm following his advice, and I feel I'm doing great, improving with each chapter. This one, particularly, was a massive step in the right direction, in my opinion.
You are a great and awesome guy as well, Nenad. Hadn't been for you and the regular readers that actually make me know about their opinion, I would have given up a long time ago.
Kyle, your compliment has been noticed, don't worry about it. I'm, aswell, eager to post a new chapter.
In case you guys haven't noticed, our Charlie has becomed Charles, hence the title change.
By the way, could someone tell me when was the last time we had a race in the story?
Rethorical question: DO NOT ANSWER!!
Yay! He's back!
That post says a lot, Parnelli Bone.
It's all poking around in good fun, tho.
Short Story Nº7
Johann Ferdinand Möller & Ethan Norton
November 11th, 1999.
(Costa Di Amalfi, Capri, south of Italy. A car is swiftly approaching the light side of the road, in direction to Aaron's house.)
(The car, a Ruf CTR2, moves through the corners at an incredible pace.)
(Even at those speeds, the driver seems to have perfect control over it.)
(The car then starts to descend through the right handed corner.)
(The driver inside downshifts, and starts braking.)
(Braking and turning at the same time, but in complete control, the car begins clearing the turn.)
(After clearing it, he starts diminishing his speed. The driver is reaching his target: Aaron's house.)
(On the distance, a bigger island watches over Capri.)
(The driver continues to diminish the speed of the car by lifting the throttle, maintaining the car straight at the same time.)
(He then starts braking before he reaches Aaron's house.)
(Once he is there, he sounds his horn, and afterwards turns off the car. He unlocks his seatbelt, and opening the door, he gets out of the car. He is a tall, blond man, around his early thirties. He is wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath, and brilliant black shoes. On his right hand's ring finger, he wears a golden ring decorated with diamonds, with the name "Alena" carved on it. On his right hand, he wears a Rolex Yacht-Master platinum watch. With the door still open, he grabs a set of glasses inside the car and puts them on. He then closes the door, and as he does this, someone walks out of Aaron's house. It's no one else than Conan, who is followed by Ethan.)
Conan: Good Lord! If it isn't the prodigy himself!
Prodigy: How's it going?
(Conan runs towards the prodigy, and lovingly embraces him.)
Prodigy: No need for so much love, Conan!
Conan: I haven't seen you in years! You look espectacular!
(Conan, still hugging the "prodigy", grabs his right arm to find the ring. He then starts crying.)
Conan: It's... it's beautiful!
(He embraces the stranger even harder, tears pouring from his eyes, while Ethan watches from the door of the house.)
Prodigy: Thank you, it means a lot to me.
Conan: It... it sure does, boy. It sure does.
(Ethan then approaches both, and tapping Conan's shoulder, he tells him to move aside. Then he speaks with the stranger.)
Ethan: Nice to see you, Johann.
Johann: Same here, Ethan.
(Ethan smiles at him, and then hugs him like Conan before he did.)
Ethan: I'm so happy for you, kiddo.
(Johann closes his eyes, and hugs Ethan too. He then starts crying.)
Johann: Thank you... I really mean it, thank you so much.
Ethan: You are a grown up, now. Don't let her down, you hear me? Never make her cry.
Johann: I won't... I promise.
(Ethan stops hugging Johann, and grabbing his head, he kisses his forehead.)
Ethan: I'm so sorry, Johann. I'm really sorry. I tried my best, but I just couldn't make it.
Johann: Don't worry about it, Ethan. I know you wanted to be there, along with Aaron and Conan.
(Both rub their tears off their eyes, but they can't avoid to continue crying. After a minute or two of crying, with Conan trying to comfort the two, things go back to normal again.)
Ethan: Ohh... God...
(Ethan finishes rubbing his last tears, and starts speaking.)
Ethan: Okay. I'm fine, I'm fine. Well... How is everything going, Johann? How's Alena?
Johann: She's doing great, fortunately. She's in Ahrweiler right now, taking care of her father.
Conan: Is he sick?
(Ethan looks down to the floor.)
Johann: He is getting old, that's all there is to it. Everyone gets old.
(Ethan looks up again, to Johann.)
Ethan: Speaking of getting old.
Johann: Yes. Could you buy it?
(Conan, previously looking at Johann, looks at Ethan.)
Ethan: Of course. What kind of friend would I be otherwise?
Johann: That's great. Is everything alright, or...?
Ethan: Perfect conditions. I've checked it myself, and I didn't find any trouble with it.
(Conan looks at Johann.)
Conan: Thank you for giving us the money to buy it, Johann. We really appreciate it.
Johann: Hey, he is my friend too. The least I could do was return him the favor.
Ethan: You are noble indeed. You don't see people like you nowadays.
Johann: Please. I know you would have done the same for him if you had the money.
(Conan takes a closer look at the CTR2 the group is standing next to.)
Conan: Now this is nice... Model 1997?
Conan: Turbocharged, right?
Johann: The way to go.
(Ethan smiles at the car.)
Ethan: That's nice and everything, but... can this thing be put to use on the track?
Johann: I don't have this car to race it. Otherwise, I would have better tires on it. No, I use the CTR for racing.
Ethan: The one you were tuning? How's it coming?
Johann: Fairly good. In fact, I don't think there's something else I can do to it.
(Ethan peeks to the interior of the car. Recaro racing seats with Simpson five-point belts are visible.)
Ethan: If you say so... you are the prodigy, not me.
(He then looks back at Johann.)
Ethan: The car will arrive later today.
Johann: Good. Conan.
(Conan, who was inspecting the car's exhaust, walks towards Johann.)
Johann: It's nothing, I didn't want you to get burned when I left for the port.
Conan: You have changed, Johann... You didn't make any jokes when you were younger.
Johann: Perhaps Aaron's influence?
Ethan: Conan, why don't you enter the house? If friends are calling, which happens always this time of the year, someone better pick up the calls.
(Conan meditates for a couple of seconds.)
Conan: Good idea. I have a better one. Why don't we all enter the house? Johann barely visits us, so whenever he does, it's a very special visit.
Ethan: If Johann agrees...
Johann: I will have to pass the offer, Conan.
Johann: I have to go in a matter of seconds.
(Conan, confused, looks at Johann.)
Conan: Are you sure?
(Conan then smiles at him.)
Conan: If that's true... then I guess this is good-bye.
Johann: Don't worry, I'll be here tomorrow for the birthday. Ethan, I have one last question I would like to ask you.
Ethan: Go ahead.
Johann: What color did you choose for it?
(Ethan smiles slightly.)
Ethan: Red with white stripes, Aaron's favourite colors. As we agreed.
Johann: Glad to hear it.
Conan: It will be a good birthday, huh?
Johann: Yes... too bad we couldn't buy a GTS for his 60th birthday. It would have been the ideal.
Ethan: Of course it would, and if we could have been able to, then he would be driving it non-stop already.
(Ethan looks at Conan.)
Ethan: Are you going inside, or what?
Conan: As you like. Goodbye, Johann.
(Conan kisses Johann goodbye.)
Conan: See you tomorrow. Oh, and... you can dress casual, if you want to.
(Johann laughs slightly, he is blushed.)
Johann: Well... let me say, I will do my best.
Conan: You sure will. Bye bye.
(Conan leaves the duo alone, and enters the house. Ethan is left speaking with Johann, who looks at his watch. It's 2:32 P.M.)
Johann: What was so important that you needed to talk with me in private, sending Conan inside in the process?
Ethan: You don't miss even one detail, huh? That's why you are a prodigy, I asume.
Johann: As much as I am flattered by the term, I also despise when it is used incorrectly. In my specific case, you are only calling me a prodigy, along with Conan, because I'm one of the very few persons Aaron has been interested in because of my driving.
(Ethan looks at the Ruf CTR2, and closes his eyes.)
Ethan: Isn't that reason enough to be called a prodigy?
(He opens them up again, and looks at Johann.)
Ethan: What if I just wanted to prove you wrong once?
(Ethan walks towards the door, and stops before he enters the house.)
Ethan: I had nothing to tell you. See you tomorrow, Johann. Take care, and don't be late.
(Ethan then enters the house, leaving Johann alone. Johann opens the door of the car, and before entering, he looks at the house once more.)
(Johann then enters the car, closes the door, and after fastening his seatbealt, he drives off to the port...)
LOVELY! Really lovely short story you've written, Lucas. You really keep this story interesting with those things! But... I know you're trying to make your written text easy to understand and I think you're succeeding in that point. You're using many adjectives, which is a great thing, because this way the story gets more figurative. But to come to the problem: Looking from the liguistic point of view, you're placing the subject too often at the beginning of a sentence. You should try to fix that with forming some of the sentences into the passive. Hope you got my point.
Point taken, Nenad. I knew something was going wrong everytime I wrote a new sentence, as you have noticed.
Glad you liked this story, Nenad. I'm currently working in Chapter 18, as to not let the story fall behind like before.
Good. I notice even the little things... That because I love this story.
Chapter 18? Sounds great, buddy. Can't wait... Huh, you know what I want to say...
delete this post
Another nice short story! Keep it up, Luke!
Nice story mate,my favorite part is with the Mopar at Vegas.