Women..A fable..and other foibles

  • Thread starter Thread starter ledhed
  • 19 comments
  • 40,352 views

ledhed

Ultraextreme sanity
Premium
Messages
3,425
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The Question: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur as horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question:

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.

Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached.

Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament:

During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

......................

.....................

....................

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself!

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

Isn't that beautiful?

But really now, what is the moral of this story?

It doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, underneath it all, she's still a witch!
 
Success


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man!


***********************
Men are Like Fine Wine


Men are a lot like fine wine.
They start out as grapes.
Then women stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they become something that they would like to have dinner with.


***********************
Married by the Judge


I was married by the judge.

I should have asked for a jury!


***********************
Stolen Credit Cards


A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.


***********************
Buying a Fur Coat


Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, young Jackie said unhappily, "Mom, do you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?"

The woman shot her an angry look, "Jackie, how dare you talk about your father like that!"
 
Hearing Aids


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."


***********************
Driving


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"


***********************
Married by the Judge


Morris, an 82 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days after that the doctor spoke to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' "

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you've got a heart murmur. Be careful!"
 
Originally posted by ledhed
Top Ten Things Men Know About Women

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.


1. Women have boobs.

I have a shirt that says exactly that. 707
 
Originally posted by Red Eye Racer
Women are from venus,...... right? I read that somewhere.
I thought they were from Uranus? Guess I took the wrong turn at Albuquerque when they taught that...
haudrauf.gif
 
ledhed
I can think of something more vital than boobs.

I'm sorry, but, apparently, we can NEVER begin to understand something that facilitates the ever-mysterious menstrual cycle.

BTW, Miata, I SO want a shirt like that.
 
miata13B
1. Women have boobs.

I have a shirt that says exactly that. 707

I too, want that shirt, it would be funny as hell at a school reunion! When I was in Primary school, I actually said to a chick who was in my class "you've got boobs!" and she slapped me, and we all laughed, *sigh* good times! Anyway, yeah, that kinda stuck all through high school as my most famous quote I guess.
 
FatAssBR
Wow, talk about digging an old thread out.

I know, but I had an experience today that I was going to post a new thread about in the Rumble Strip but decided against it because it could have been considered sexist (even though I didnt intend it to be that way). I found this thread when searching for a similar thread.
 
Omnis
I'm sorry, but, apparently, we can NEVER begin to understand something that facilitates the ever-mysterious menstrual cycle.

BTW, Miata, I SO want a shirt like that.

Yep. Never trust something that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
 
Back