-McClarenDesign's-
Very Serious SLS AMG Review of the Car of the Week N Stuff
"...I can't wait to come back next year." -Dan Wheldon
Week 7: 2004 DMC DeLorean S2
To whom it may concern,
If you have received this letter, it is because my lawyer had not heard from me by a specified time, and likely means that I no longer walk this Earth. What follows is an account of the events that lead to this letter being delivered to your door. I trust you'll know what to do next.
It all started with my usual trip to the office for this week's test. Our producer had informed me that we'd be testing some sort of new DeLorean. Allegedly, this one actually worked, and wasn't produced in the middle of some impoverished war zone, but rather, Texas.
So, technically, it should be the same car then. The difference between Dallas and Belfast is like contrasting the Hatfields to the McCoys- there really isn't any. Aside from "everything being bigger." Both are pint-swilling, rough and tumble territories with a penchant for fisticuffs, and the tooling for the new car is virtually identical to the old... mostly because the oil men have bought it from the potato titans.
No doubt, you'll be familiar with
the story of John Z. DeLorean, and how the most infamous entrapment case in the U.S. destroyed the car company. You'll also likely have heard phrases like "ahead of its time" and "revolutionary," but what many don't know is that this man was the inventor of the "muscle car." During his tenure at Pontiac, he was responsible for the GTO, the Le Mans, the Firebird, and indeed the cars his competition produced just to keep up. By logical extension, DeLorean had just as much say in producing the Mustang as Lee Iacocca, if only as a means to keep up. Yes, he worked at Pontiac, but without his innovations, along with the growing youth market, everyone else was simply forced to keep up.
This isn't that car. This is the car made from those tools, but better. Improved. And it was our job to see exactly how improved that was. Plus, Nike threw in some shoes to match the car. I quite liked that.
According to Polyphony Digital via Translator-san:
Translator-san
John Z. DeLorean, who was the driving force behind Pontiac from the mid 1960's and the vice president of GM at the time, left GM near the end of the 1970's, and established his own car manufacturer.
DMC, or DeLorean Motor Company set up base in Ireland, its first mass production model was the DMC-12.
DeLorean's objective was to release a reasonable, stylish sports car. However, as the recently established DMC did not have the expertise to develop such a car, and the design of the DMC-12 had to be outsourced.
You are aware that last sentence didn't make sense, right?
Translator-san
Hey, I just read the script.
But... okay.
Translator-san
As a result, the chassis was handled by Lotus, while the body design was undertaken by Italdesign. Chassis construction consisted of a Lotus-style steel backbone frame, with a PRV SOHC V6 engine capable of 128 HP mounted on the rear. And of course it's rustproof stainless steel body and gull-wing doors which attracted a lot of attention.
While the DMC-12 recorded sales of 6500 cars its first year of 1981, in the midst of this the company president was arrested for suspicion of drug possession. This matter ended with a not guilty verdict, but DMC tragically went bankrupt soon after in 1983. Total production of the DMC-12 until this time was only 8500.
After this, the entire inventory of DMC-12s were shipped from Ireland to the U.S., and passed into the hands of a newborn DMC which would maintain the DeLoreans. This company, responding to the requests and demands of DeLorean owners, announced a tuning menu that increased engine power to 197 HP. DeLoreans equipped with this engine are known as Series 2.
Everything was going exactly to plan. DMC was kind enough to send out a gentleman by the name of Javier, who would assist us with any technical tomfoolery we might experience. He even brought along a driver, noting how our previous attempts to secure one had gone quite badly. Javier insisted his driver would provide the best results.
What Javier failed to mention, however, was that his driver had a criminal rap sheet that would rival phone books in length. I'm talking about every phone book
ever produced. When we arrived at Dallas Love Field to pick up the driver, we found him outside collecting lunch money from the locals.
Oh dear.
Performance as Purchased: November 27, 2010, Stainless Steel (
Grey)
Displacement: 2,849 cc
Max. Power:
191 hp @ 6,000 rpm
Max. Torque:
205 ft-lbs. @ 4,000 rpm
Drivetrain: RR
Length: 4,267 mm Height: 1,140 mm Weight: 1288 kg
Tires: Comfort (Soft)
Performance Points:
401
Mileage: 0.0 mi.
With our car and driver collected, we headed over to our performance shop for a little fine tuning. Although the car is yet another virgin, we couldn't risk safety in a car designed decades ago. With french parts. During the Leyland era.
In fact, we were honestly surprised that anything at all worked properly on the car. When this car was originally designed, we had just recovered from the oil crisis of the '70s, yet lost all sense in how to actually build a car. The fact that this car only came with 128 bhp isn't too incredibly shocking, since that's around what the Mustangs of the time were producing. Any semblance of horsepower had yet to be discovered because we were too busy fiddling with emissions.
Getting any car back to its original design is an exacting science. The car must be ripped apart, measured, twisted, contorted, pounded, aligned, and re-measured. Because of this, it is indeed quite costly. In our case, with
DMC assisting, our performance restoration put us back 262,500 Credits. From a 0 mile car, that simply isn't acceptable.
Apparently the panel gaps are larger in Texas as well.
Thankfully, only a simple oil change was needed for the engine. I don't know how running a Renault engine in the '80s was a good idea back then, because it sure isn't now. Even with an oil change, we only picked up
10 hp and
7 Performance Points, for a total of
201 hp and
408 PP. However, while this was going on, I noticed a few of the mechanics reaching into the fender wells for some inexplicable reason. Perhaps that's where they keep the real power.
It's at this point where our story starts to go south. Knowing full well of Mr. DeLorean's fate, you'd think the last thing on Earth anyone would want to do is smuggle drugs in one of these cars. It'd be like passing out free samples right on the door steps of the DEA. Like smoking pot at the desk of your parole officer. Yet that's exactly what these men were doing.
I thought about going directly to the authorities, but Javier and his attack-driver reminded me that only silence would ensure a safe trip home. Thanks to my drivers license, they now knew where I lived, and could get much quicker access to my family than I could.
So
this is how 'ol John-boy felt.
At the track, some of Javier's friends lightened the DMC before we could begin recording our data. I've never been so glad to see such excess removed from a car, and theoretically, my conscience. Still giving me a threatening glance, the driver hopped in and planted his foot down. Meanwhile, we monitored screens and stopwatches while at gunpoint. Nothing ensures accuracy like a fully automatic weapon.
Launching hard, the DeLorean squealed out a 0-60 mph time of
0:06.326 and a quarter-mile time of
0:14.966. Not terribly impressive, but then again the DeLorean never was. Without the stainless steel body to weigh it down, it likely would be faster. However, by following Dr. Emmett Brown's logic and thinking in the 4th dimension, you simply wouldn't be able to picture where this car would be in 50 years. Without that shiny body, it'd be rust in the wind. Happily, we would retain the ability to travel in time, should the good folks at DMC ever feel the need to offer a
Flux Capacitor upgrade.
For those keeping score at home, other notable data includes: 0-1 mi.: 0:37.756, 0-100 mph: 0:16.464, Max. G-Force: 0.71G, Top Speed: 140.6 mph
Next up was a test of the car's handling characteristics, and for that, we headed west to sunny Monterey, California. We packed up our gear, while our friends packed their gear
into our gear. Normally, I'd take the laps around the course, but Javier was quite insistent that his driver do all the work. Apparently, he'd be making some stops along the way to deliver some packages hidden within our test mule.
And I do mean mule.
Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca has always been a favorite track of ours, and we really did look forward to time spent with this car on this track. However, our enthusiasm could only go so far, and it turns out that distance is exactly 50 feet short of an AK-47's bullet. Normally we'd beg for some track time, but in this instance, we were in no position to bargain. While the Mexican Mafia
Sergio Perez-wannabe lapped the track, we could only sulk at his lap times.
We should be out there, dammit.
In 1995, Casino magnate Stephen Wynn brought the
DeLorean Motor Company back to life. Having recently been in one of his casinos, and given recent technological
announcements by the company, it's easy to use Doc Brown's sight into the future and imagine his new car company thriving. The choice to invest in such an iconic car, and continue to develop it, proves that performance can sometimes take a backseat to style and fashion. After all, if you're going to build a time machine, why not do it in style?
Then, perhaps you could go back in time, and prevent my death. No doubt, my remains should be found somewhere in the desert between Los Angeles and Las Vegas, or perhaps on the way back to Texas.
When asked if I wanted to review cars for a living, I never imagined I'd be so desperate as to result to such measures.
Now I
do know what John felt like.
And Uwe Gemballa.
Week 1: 2001 Alfa Romeo Spider 3.0i V6 24V
Week 2: 1966 Alfa Romeo Spider 1600 Duetto
Week 3: 2000 Toyota Sprinter Trueno GT-APEX (S. Shigeno Ver.)
Week 4: 2007 Audi TT Coupe 3.2 Quattro
Week 5: 1983 Nissan Silvia 240RS (S110) and 1985 Nissan 240RS Rally Car
Week 6: 1973 BMW 2002 Turbo
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GTKitty4Prez . Please consult doctor before use. Some assembly required. Wardrobe provided courtesy of Nike. McClarenDesign registered very serious SLS AMG. DO NOT ATTEMPT. Consult manual before use. Your mileage may vary. Some restrictions may apply. All stunts performed on public roads without law enforcement supervision. Void where prohibited. Offer not valid to those that breathe air. Some portions of this show have been filmed before a live studio audience.
Ed. Note: RIP Dan Wheldon (6/22/78 - 10/16/11), Uwe Gemballa 6/28/55 - ?/?/10)
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