Almost jumped the gun?

[McLaren]

This thread isn't about why I requested a ban, but about something that happened during the time. It's quite late, but I really have been thinking about what I almost did.

But to the background.
The reason I requested the ban was because I was going to see a psychiatrist in Europe. Now, you're probably thinking what the psychiatrist thought when I told him. Well, recently, I'd been having a lot of thoughts about life and why I was thinking such things (in simple terms, I felt old. ). But I didn't really feel comfortable talking about such things without someone I trusted next to me. So, I decided to meet Jen. and have her with me when I started talking to the physician.

Well, after I told him why I came, he declared it'd be best I suddenly not come to him for the rest of the week because he felt unless I was prepared to stay longer than a week, I go home and consult a psychiatrist in the US.
This pretty much just destroyed the whole reason I came. But since I had 3-4 days left of the week, I decided to spend them with Jen.

This is where I believe I almost jumped the gun on something that I think I might not be ready for. This time spent with her was so amazing, and got rid of so much stress, that it was like one of those movies where the couple remembers how they came together. Anyways, one night, I suddenly wanted to ask her to marry me. ( ). But as soon as I was ready to actually ask, my brain froze and I suddenly thought, "What the hell am I doing?" Unforunately, I think she had an idea, too, but she didn't say a word.
We spent the last day together for a couple hours, and then I left.

But now to where I need some advice. I think I may have made a big mistake even thinking of doing so. And worse yet, I think she got what I was preparing to do because the last day wasn't as 'romantic' as before. So to you married men, did I possibly just ruin any chance of our relationship going further?

I'm very confused, and I have no idea why the 'excitement' of our time spent together almost caused a disaster. I didn't even have a ring. ( 👎 ) And worse yet, I haven't talked to my psychiatrist here about this.

I've actually become quite upset and saddened over just talking about this, so any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[V1P3R]

I really don't remember but how old are you? I think what 20's? In this day and age to me that's too young. Wait untill you are good, ready, and wise. Put things into perspective, really look at what you're getting into, and what it really means to be married. I know it doesn't sound like it makes sense but you can't think with your emotions and impulses you have to think with your head on this especially when you're young. I also believe when you are young (and I'm repeating this from a quote I heard) Love comes and goes but friendship lasts forever. I really believe that because there were a bunch of times that I lost some friendships that were going well. With that said it's not possible to be friends with the opposite sex. That's about all I got.

 

[McLaren]

I really don't remember but how old are you? I think what 20's? In this day and age to me that's too young. Wait untill you are good, ready, and wise. Put things into perspective, really look at what you're getting into, and what it really means to be married. I know it doesn't sound like it makes sense but you can't think with your emotions and impulses you have to think with your head on this especially when you're young. I also believe when you are young (and I'm repeating this from a quote I heard) Love comes and goes but friendship lasts forever. I really believe that because there were a bunch of times that I lost some friendships that were going well. With that said it's not possible to be friends with the opposite sex. That's about all I got.

I appreciate the advice. 👍 The fact that my age is still so very young is what snapped me out of it, but the only question remaining is if she really knows what I was thinking, or how she feels.

 

[TheCracker]

I think we need a bit more background before any one can give advice.

 

[V1P3R]

I guess I'm old fashoned a bit but I had no clue what I was doing even in junior college. They don't call it blind love for nothing. When you're inside the situation you think everything is fine but outside what others see they see a train wreck waiting to happen. I hate to say it but there is no "your first love is your last". Unfortunately, we have to learn like everything else from our mistakes and only AFTER that will you be better off to actually think about marrying someone. This is at least how I see it. I don't know if I'm a good example to use. lol

As for her... well, I don't know... if she stays then she stays, if not then I guess it wasn't ment to be?

 

[Touring Mars]

I really don't remember but how old are you? I think what 20's? In this day and age to me that's too young.

I couldn't agree more with this - you're 20, right *McLaren*? Well, it's not too young for some people, but I reckon it is for most people. The decision to get married should never, ever be a spur of the moment thing - even if that 'moment' lasted for several days...

I'm not married, but I've had a few relationships and I'm almost certain that you won't have ruined things between you and Jen - think of it this way, if you can ruin your relationship that easily, then it couldn't have been very strong to begin with. Anyway, Cracker is right, a little more info is required, like how old is Jen?, how long have you been seeing each other? etc... And when it comes to your future together, talk to her about it first rather than trying to figure out what she thinks. It's alot easier that way.

 

[Dasildon]

I am married. I got married after a whirlwind romance. I met my wife in the June; got engaged in October; got married the following March; My son was born a year later in the May and my daughter followed 14 months later.

It all happened so quick, but it all felt so right. And four years later it still does. Hell, I even asked her to marry me on our first date (but she had just told me she had a house in France!)

My point being that when you meet the right girl (and vice verse) you will know it. I can't even now explain how I felt or how I knew. You just do!

I had a string of relationships in my younger years and on quite a few occasions was asking myself the same questions you're asking now and in most cases got really upset about it. That pain does go with a bit of time. And all the 'What if..' questions that fill your head will fade.

Like the others have already said, you're still young and have plenty of time to recover from a setback like this. You may well find your friendship with Jen will grow stronger again. But you must talk to her about it.

But when your ready to commit yourself for life and you're with the right girl, you will know trust me on that. I never believed it myself until 'BANG' it happened.

Keep your head up. It'll happen!

 

[TheCracker]

I am married. I got married after a whirlwind romance. I met my wife in the June; got engaged in October; got married the following March; My son was born a year later in the May and my daughter followed 14 months later.

It all happened so quick, but it all felt so right. And four years later it still does.......

.....But when your ready to commit yourself for life and you're with the right girl, you will know trust me on that. I never believed it myself until 'BANG' it happened.

On the flip side of that, i'd been going out with MrsCracker for 7 or 8 years before i asked her to marry me. We'd already being living together for 5 or 6 of those years and were engaged for 3 years before we got around to tying the knot.

You just need to do it when it feels right. Just don't mistake of confusing lust with love. You need to know that you'll be compatible first. That only comes with experience.

 

[GilesGuthrie]

I think that you can suddenly realise that you want to marry the person that you're with, and it isn't always wrong to propose there & then. It's what I did, and I've been married for 7 years now.

However, I think that it's not something you should enter into if you're not in a sound mental state at the time. In other words, on the basis of the antecedent description, I would say that not asking Jen to marry you was the correct thing. Frankly, if you're going to Europe to get help with your mental state, then you're not in a fit mental state to commit to someone or something for the rest of your life.

Get your own head sorted first, then think about falling in with someone.

As to whether your perception that Jen was different with you the following day, and whether this is because she could tell you were thinking of proposing, it's too difficult to tell. I think that you will have been behaving differently the following day, and she will have picked up on it and reacted accordingly. It would all have been subconscious though. And it's usually the sort of thing that a couple of days' separation will reset, so I guess that the next time you see her things will be fine.

 

[V1P3R]

You just need to do it when it feels right.

Ehh... so how do you know when it FEELS right again?

Just don't mistake of confusing lust with love. You need to know that you'll be compatible first. That only comes with experience.

They're a bit similar even with the stuff you said afterwards. I guess maybe it's just a hang up now. I don't even want to start something if I know it's not going to work out. I'd rather say it's better to go off your situation and timing than compatibility and experience.

 

[Diego440]

I'll agree with most people here. When you're ready to get married, you just know it.

I started with my girlfriend who later became my wife, and after being together for about 2-3 weeks we already knew we wanted to marry each other. Nevertheless, we didn't marry until about 3 years later, despite that we lived together for a few months. True, our situation was a bit complicated, since I lived in the US and she lived in Venezuela, so whenever she came to visit me, we'd 'live' together, but once I went back home we lived apart... weird, huh?

But again, we just knew when the time was right, and it was by mutual agreement. The romantic thing is that the guy asks it and the girl puts it together, but we didn't follow anything like that. In fact, I only gave her the ring about 2 weeks before we got married!

But my advice to you is that if you're not sure, don't. However, if you do go ahead, be ready to doubt yourself many times. The month previous to my wedding I doubted everyday whether I should go ahead, but at the same time I was very happy about doing so.

Personally, I'd think that before getting married you have to enjoy being single. At 20 you're just starting the single life. My guess is that by the time you're 25, you'll be much more mature, will have a better view on life and a better mind to make such decisions as marriage and the future. For now, just enjoy the moment.

That doesn't mean that people who marry before 25 are miserable, but just my view on maturity and life. However, it really sucks when you're 25 and have already gone through a divorce (a friend of mine is 28 and has already gone thropugh two!)

 

[Boundary Layer]

I'm really kinda intrigued what it is that you could possibly have been in the middle doing that would ever give her the idea that you were about to propose. I mean, unless you were down on one knee staring deep into her eyes and were mouthing "Will you..." and then came to your senses at that very moment, then I doubt she suspects anything.

 

[FoolKiller]

Well, part of it depends on how long Jen is in Europe for? Is she there forever or just temporarily? I don't know all the background here.

I've been in a bad engagement so I know it can be a mistake sometimes, no matter what you think you feel because you don't always know a person completely. If you backed off in your own head then maybe you just weren't ready.

That does not mean that Jen isn't the right girl. She could be, but now might not be right for you.


And while I don't need any more details about your psychiatrist meeting, you may want to work out whatever is going on there first. Especially, if it really is you started pondering life and felt old. That mindset leads to rash decisions, like getting married.

And if it makes you feel any better, you aren't old. You are at a point where life is really just getting started. I thought the same way when I was your age and I look back on the eight years from then to now and think I was such a kid and really had no clue. It's a confusing age and I find it no wonder that it is when most cases of life altering behaviours (good or bad) happen.

 

[Danoff]

I started with my girlfriend who later became my wife, and after being together for about 2-3 weeks we already knew we wanted to marry each other. Nevertheless, we didn't marry until about 3 years later

That's almost the exact same thing that happened for me. I was 21 when I proposed, and I had been with her for a few years. I knew from way early on that she was the one though. We had one really good conversation and I pretty much knew from then on.

 

[Diego440]

That's almost the exact same thing that happened for me. I was 21 when I proposed, and I had been with her for a few years. I knew from way early on that she was the one though. We had one really good conversation and I pretty much knew from then on.

Looking back, I'm kind of surprised she didn't run away when I mentioned that to her

 

[FoolKiller]

That's almost the exact same thing that happened for me. I was 21 when I proposed, and I had been with her for a few years. I knew from way early on that she was the one though. We had one really good conversation and I pretty much knew from then on.

Yeah, with my wife I knew at the party, when I met her. That would be the same party where I stole her from a friend.

 

[Famine]

I think that you can suddenly realise that you want to marry the person that you're with

And vice versa.

Every silver lining has a cloud.

[/Bringing everyone down]

 

[McLaren]

I guess I'm old fashoned a bit but I had no clue what I was doing even in junior college. They don't call it blind love for nothing. When you're inside the situation you think everything is fine but outside what others see they see a train wreck waiting to happen. I hate to say it but there is no "your first love is your last". Unfortunately, we have to learn like everything else from our mistakes and only AFTER that will you be better off to actually think about marrying someone. This is at least how I see it. I don't know if I'm a good example to use. lol

As for her... well, I don't know... if she stays then she stays, if not then I guess it wasn't ment to be?

I've heard that before as well. I guess I feel so inclind to be with her is because she's actually the first one that's stayed with me for more than 4 months. (I never was a lady's man.)

I couldn't agree more with this - you're 20, right *McLaren*? Well, it's not too young for some people, but I reckon it is for most people. The decision to get married should never, ever be a spur of the moment thing - even if that 'moment' lasted for several days...

I think that's now what caused me to stop from asking her.

I'm not married, but I've had a few relationships and I'm almost certain that you won't have ruined things between you and Jen - think of it this way, if you can ruin your relationship that easily, then it couldn't have been very strong to begin with. Anyway, Cracker is right, a little more info is required, like how old is Jen?, how long have you been seeing each other? etc... And when it comes to your future together, talk to her about it first rather than trying to figure out what she thinks. It's alot easier that way.

She's the same age as me, and I believe it's been about 2 years. However, it technically is a long-distance relationship, and people like to say these things never work out.

My point being that when you meet the right girl (and vice verse) you will know it. I can't even now explain how I felt or how I knew. You just do!

I know many people say this, but I feel as if I felt this way at a very wrong time.

I had a string of relationships in my younger years and on quite a few occasions was asking myself the same questions you're asking now and in most cases got really upset about it. That pain does go with a bit of time. And all the 'What if..' questions that fill your head will fade.

Well, there's a lot of "What if" questions in my head. I'm not so much hurt, but just terribly confused at what I did.

Like the others have already said, you're still young and have plenty of time to recover from a setback like this. You may well find your friendship with Jen will grow stronger again. But you must talk to her about it.

Talking to her is what I plan to do today. I just hope all goes well. Another what if question though came to when I decided to do so. I now keep thinking what if she didn't get an idea I was up to something, and if I tell her what I was going to do, will she be surprised or know....

However, I think that it's not something you should enter into if you're not in a sound mental state at the time. In other words, on the basis of the antecedent description, I would say that not asking Jen to marry you was the correct thing. Frankly, if you're going to Europe to get help with your mental state, then you're not in a fit mental state to commit to someone or something for the rest of your life.

That's what the psychiatrist said. Going to Europe was a bad idea. I want to blame my current state on this whole thing, but I don't think it's right. I just want to think I was in a depressed state, being with her cheered me up and then made me want to ask the questoin.

As to whether your perception that Jen was different with you the following day, and whether this is because she could tell you were thinking of proposing, it's too difficult to tell. I think that you will have been behaving differently the following day, and she will have picked up on it and reacted accordingly. It would all have been subconscious though. And it's usually the sort of thing that a couple of days' separation will reset, so I guess that the next time you see her things will be fine.

You pretty much got it right. The day before I last, I started becoming extremely generous to her, getting her anything she wanted, taking her somewhere nice. And that's more than likely she thought something was up.

But my advice to you is that if you're not sure, don't. However, if you do go ahead, be ready to doubt yourself many times. The month previous to my wedding I doubted everyday whether I should go ahead, but at the same time I was very happy about doing so.

This is actually one of the things that made me feel "old". I was doubting myself about situations I wasn't even in like being a father.

I'm really kinda intrigued what it is that you could possibly have been in the middle doing that would ever give her the idea that you were about to propose. I mean, unless you were down on one knee staring deep into her eyes and were mouthing "Will you..." and then came to your senses at that very moment, then I doubt she suspects anything.

Well, as I said above, I was going beyond the usual things I do for her. I usually do everything the typical boyfriend will do for his girl. But I started overdoing it, and she must have caught on.

Well, part of it depends on how long Jen is in Europe for? Is she there forever or just temporarily? I don't know all the background here.

That's pretty much where she lives, but it doesn't put a big strain on us at all. But after this, I think it will.

I've been in a bad engagement so I know it can be a mistake sometimes, no matter what you think you feel because you don't always know a person completely. If you backed off in your own head then maybe you just weren't ready.

Yes, but I backed off because I was wondering why I was doing it. I knew this wasn't me to do something like this.

That does not mean that Jen isn't the right girl. She could be, but now might not be right for you.

Like the typical answer, I'd like to wish she is. But that's just coming out because we're together.

And while I don't need any more details about your psychiatrist meeting, you may want to work out whatever is going on there first. Especially, if it really is you started pondering life and felt old. That mindset leads to rash decisions, like getting married.

And if it makes you feel any better, you aren't old. You are at a point where life is really just getting started. I thought the same way when I was your age and I look back on the eight years from then to now and think I was such a kid and really had no clue. It's a confusing age and I find it no wonder that it is when most cases of life altering behaviours (good or bad) happen.

Thanks. This is something I should more than likely hear by people I know, but it just makes me wonder why I'm thinking about all this. I'm just hoping it really is natural to wonder what will happen to me in the next few years. It does scare me to think what could happen.

I thank everyone for their advice, though. I feel like maybe I should be consulting you guys instead of psychiatrists for advice. But perhaps I should actually talk to mine before making that statement (no offense). I only hope now is if she knows, she understands. If she doesn't...well, I guess I'll be truthful and tell her what was up, and then hope she understands.
Right now...I just wonder why and how I managed to get my life to this state.

 

[FoolKiller]

That's pretty much where she lives, but it doesn't put a big strain on us at all. But after this, I think it will.

A long distance dating relationship isn't a strain if you are happy knowing you are there for each other. But when you go for that kind of committment you must ask yourself if you will give up everything here for her and go there, or if you can ask her to give up everything she has there to come here.

Like the typical answer, I'd like to wish she is. But that's just coming out because we're together.

What is the point of a serious relationship if you aren't looking to find that someone? If you didn't think she might be the right girl I would tell you to call it all off now. But you actually seem happy with her just from how you talk/type about her.

The moment I realized I couldn't see myself with the girl I was dating long-term I ended it. Usually they got hurt and sometimes I didn't want to because I was having fun in the moment, but I was wasting my time otherwise. I don't prescribe this course of action for everyoen because I spent a lot of time single.

Thanks. This is something I should more than likely hear by people I know,

Anonymity is a wonderful thing. It takes about four beers to get me talking to my friends about this kind of stuff.

I'm just hoping it really is natural to wonder what will happen to me in the next few years. It does scare me to think what could happen.

Can we hear from everyone in their upper 20s and older please?

Yes, this is normal. My best friend wound up sleeping with his boss and doing drugs, my brother would drink a case of Guinness a night, I failed a few classes and transferred schools. My mom married my dad (they're divorced now). Tons of girls willingly do Girls Gone Wild videos.

It is a confusing time and we all do stupid stuff.

I only hope now is if she knows, she understands.

If she doesn't understand that shoudl be a sign. I actually doubt she knows.

If she doesn't...well, I guess I'll be truthful and tell her what was up, and then hope she understands.

To quote Bill Cosby from a rerun last week, "No! Never tell her the truth. Men have spent generations learning how to lie to women so we can keep them happy."

 

[McLaren]

A long distance dating relationship isn't a strain if you are happy knowing you are there for each other. But when you go for that kind of committment you must ask yourself if you will give up everything here for her and go there, or if you can ask her to give up everything she has there to come here.

I'm surprised I never gave that much thought. As much as I'd like to say I'd drop everything here, I don't think I actually can. There's a lot of things here I've realized I can't have in Europe, a lot of people I've become close friends to.

What is the point of a serious relationship if you aren't looking to find that someone? If you didn't think she might be the right girl I would tell you to call it all off now. But you actually seem happy with her just from how you talk/type about her.

Oh, I am happy with her. I could honestly say she is the love of my life. I suppose what I meant before is I could say she's the one, but folks could guess I'm just saying that. I do feel she is a lot though.

The moment I realized I couldn't see myself with the girl I was dating long-term I ended it. Usually they got hurt and sometimes I didn't want to because I was having fun in the moment, but I was wasting my time otherwise. I don't prescribe this course of action for everyoen because I spent a lot of time single.

My relationships usually ended with me being the one hurt even if I was the one who decided to call it quits.

Anonymity is a wonderful thing. It takes about four beers to get me talking to my friends about this kind of stuff.

If only my friends were like you. 4 beers and they'll say anything, except when they talk about love, it's not usually good advice.

Can we hear from everyone in their upper 20s and older please?

Yes, this is normal. My best friend wound up sleeping with his boss and doing drugs, my brother would drink a case of Guinness a night, I failed a few classes and transferred schools. My mom married my dad (they're divorced now). Tons of girls willingly do Girls Gone Wild videos.

It is a confusing time and we all do stupid stuff.

After reading this, I have lost a bit of tension about the future. I thought, stupidly, this was something happening to me. I think my mind just took a bit too far on thinking what the future will be like.

If she doesn't understand that shoudl be a sign. I actually doubt she knows.

I'm at a 50/50 point right now on this. My gut hopes she doesn't know, but...

To quote Bill Cosby from a rerun last week, "No! Never tell her the truth. Men have spent generations learning how to lie to women so we can keep them happy."

...our relationship is (corny, but true) based on trust alone. I kind of want to tell her, but perhaps as I once heard, "Not everyone should know the truth of a thought."

 

[///M-Spec]

So to you married men, did I possibly just ruin any chance of our relationship going further?

TM's right. If you're worried about what she might be thinking right now, you should talk to her about it. It sounds like the two of you got "weirded out" over the incident. You need to clear the air with her and explain that you just got carried away in the spur of the moment and that you don't want what happened to affect your relationship.

Otherwise, she's going to be feeling some fear, uncertainty and doubt; she might think that you want to get married and she's not ready to make that commitment. Or she might be willing to consider it, but because you bulked at the last minute, she might think its a reflection on her. You never know what she's thinking unless you ask her about it.

Talk it through. Make sure you understand each other. Be clear with yourself first and foremost --you can't have a heart-to-heart with her unless you've got your head on straight. And if it turns out the two of you want different things, you can deal with that when it comes.

If the two of you have a strong relationship to begin with, this sort of thing shouldn't have a long lasting negative impact on it.


M

 

[///M-Spec]

[/Bringing everyone down]

Right. Time for one of these, then...


M

 

[McLaren]

Thanks for the advice, ///M.

I did get in touch with her today, but only through e-mail which meant I had to wait for her reply, but if her e-mail is any thing of good news, it's that she didn't know.
She says she acted "differently" the last day because I was leaving, and she had had a good time as well. Of course, my e-mail to her wasn't exactly very truthful as it was more based around asking her why she was being different, not if I did anything.

But even though this should be "Stress off my back", I feel I should still be honest with her, even though my message wasn't exactly honest.

I guess now I don't feel confused anymore, just more of a jacka** for my message being worded as if she was to blame. 👎
I suppose that means I broke one of the rules of relationships.

 

[Danoff]

Thanks for the advice, ///M.

I did get in touch with her today, but only through e-mail which meant I had to wait for her reply, but if her e-mail is any thing of good news, it's that she didn't know.
She says she acted "differently" the last day because I was leaving, and she had had a good time as well. Of course, my e-mail to her wasn't exactly very truthful as it was more based around asking her why she was being different, not if I did anything.

But even though this should be "Stress off my back", I feel I should still be honest with her, even though my message wasn't exactly honest.

I guess now I don't feel confused anymore, just more of a jacka** for my message being worded as if she was to blame. 👎
I suppose that means I broke one of the rules of relationships.

Calm down. It's totally legit to ask her why she was acting differently - she was wasn't she? You were wondering weren't you? That's a legitimate question. Sure you didn't volunteer everything on your side, but you will at some point. I posted earlier that I was thinking marriage very shortly after meeting my wife, but that didn't make me rush off and tell her that I thought that. It probably would have scared her off, even though later on she confesses to have thought the same thing.

Of course there's a difference between:

"Hey, why were you acting so stupid?"

and

"I noticed something different about your mood."

 

[McLaren]

Calm down. It's totally legit to ask her why she was acting differently - she was wasn't she? You were wondering weren't you? That's a legitimate question. Sure you didn't volunteer everything on your side, but you will at some point. I posted earlier that I was thinking marriage very shortly after meeting my wife, but that didn't make me rush off and tell her that I thought that. It probably would have scared her off, even though later on she confesses to have thought the same thing.

Of course there's a difference between:

"Hey, why were you acting so stupid?"

and

"I noticed something different about your mood."

I'm going to say you're very right, then. More so than my psychiatrist who told me I should tell her straight up what I was preparing to do, but the advice that she had to give after that made me leave.

Out of your 2 quotes though, I can say mine was closer to #2. In the end, I guess I dodged a big bullet that I actually caused to begin with, but I think sometime in the future, or very soon, I will come clean. I feel she does have a right to know what I was thinking of doing, but how I'll tell her will be the tough part.

 

[Ram-Rod]

In reply to McLaren post 1

I don't think you ruined it. Before I got married I made a few of these mistakes as well. If you think you should try to get back with her, try it, if you feel you shouldn't, don't, but always trust yourself. Relationships are ment to have times when you feel like your stepping out on a limb and taking a chance, the end result depends on how you handle it.

Hope I helped you. 👍

 

[McLaren]

In reply to McLaren post 1

I don't think you ruined it. Before I got married I made a few of these mistakes as well. If you think you should try to get back with her, try it, if you feel you shouldn't, don't, but always trust yourself. Relationships are ment to have times when you feel like your stepping out on a limb and taking a chance, the end result depends on how you handle it.

Hope I helped you. 👍

It has, thank you. I appreciate any help.

 

[Azuremen]

McLaren... bah, be helpful to know your real name given this a real issue.

As the guy that is getting divorced from getting married too quickly and too young, I've probably got some advice to give as well.

First and foremost - that awkwardness happens after stuff like that. Kinda like when you want to kiss a girl, pause to consider it, then decide not to. I think most every guy knows that awkwardness. The real trick is to talk about it and figure it out.

About the proposing thing. Make sure you aren't having a mental crisis, which it sounds like you were. Proposing varies from person to person, but generally some planning should be given to it. Regarding the "Is this the person for me thing, well I dunno quite on this issue..." mentality, the engagement period helps on that... given time.

Just my key advice is, to keep from ending up where I currently am, is always make sure how you are around her is how you really are. In other words, make sure you act how you want, not how she wants. Especially when it comes to religion.

Good luck with it all, just be yourself and when you have a question, ask it. You maybe surprised where it goes.

 

[McLaren]

McLaren... bah, be helpful to know your real name given this a real issue.

Rick.

As the guy that is getting divorced from getting married too quickly and too young, I've probably got some advice to give as well.

First and foremost - that awkwardness happens after stuff like that. Kinda like when you want to kiss a girl, pause to consider it, then decide not to. I think most every guy knows that awkwardness. The real trick is to talk about it and figure it out.

Sorry to hear about your divorce.

But for the awkardness, do I talk to her about it, or to someone else? I've really never talked to someone when something awkward happens.

About the proposing thing. Make sure you aren't having a mental crisis, which it sounds like you were. Proposing varies from person to person, but generally some planning should be given to it. Regarding the "Is this the person for me thing, well I dunno quite on this issue..." mentality, the engagement period helps on that... given time.

That was one of the things I realized when I wondered what I was doing. I had just decided to propose without actually giving it any thought.

Just my key advice is, to keep from ending up where I currently am, is always make sure how you are around her is how you really are. In other words, make sure you act how you want, not how she wants. Especially when it comes to religion.

Well, I usually am, but would that also mean not always actually attempting to get her what she wants? Not that she's greedy, but she does like it when I buy her something. Religon though, is another thing we've never actually had a problem with. Of course, that probably will if her parents know I'm agnostic.

Good luck with it all, just be yourself and when you have a question, ask it. You maybe surprised where it goes.

Asking questions is something I really should be doing. But I have to admit, I sometimes worry that I'll get a bad answer.

 

[Azuremen]

The bad answer is what lets you know if the relationship is what you want If you can handle a "bad" answer and work through it.

The buying her stuff is not what I am talking about. Its the how you react to a situation, etc. Reason why I mentioned that is that is what is causing the divorce. I thought I was more religious than I really am, and the reason I thought I was is because it is what she wants. Tricked myself good there, and now I am paying for it. The hard part is doing the introspection required to analyze yourself.

In regard to the awkwardness, talk to her about it is what I would do. Eventually its going to to come up, better it be on your terms than doing a bad day or an argument of sorts. And if you are considering marrying someone, you better damn well be able to talk about awkward stuff.

But at the same time, everything is unique to everyone. So, you'll have to figure some of it out yourself Rick, thats half the fun of life