Beater or Sleeper? GT6 Car of the Week Thread

Discussion in 'Gran Turismo 6' started by McClarenDesign, Dec 29, 2013.

  1. Baron Blitz Red

    Baron Blitz Red

    Messages:
    2,175
    Location:
    Canada


    This is about as much fun as you can have with this car... if you can make yourself believe that you're getting away with something, have fun with that feeling. :lol:

    I can't say it's a sleeper, nor a beater. But by the time you spend the coin to make it drift worthy, you'd have spent enough to buy an Aston Martin, which by the way, weighs as much as this $20k soccer mom's special...

    Cheers
     
  2. MidFieldMaven

    MidFieldMaven

    Messages:
    3,407
    Location:
    United States
    Love the color of your 240, @McLarenDesign.

    Here's my 3:01.465 lap around Suzuka with a stock 240 on Sport Hards.

     
    McClarenDesign likes this.
  3. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

    Messages:
    5,785
    Location:
    United States
    -McClarenDesign's-
    Super Best Friends Super Aguri Super Review of the Car of the Week
    "Mansell will never win a Grand Prix so long as I have a hole in my arse." -Peter Warr


    Week 2: 1988 Volvo GLT Estate

    You'd think that after being gone for so long, there would be some concern amongst my family. Granted, I wasn't captured by some terrorist nation or held as a political hostage, but you'd think there would at least be some celebration that I was still alive and back home. The television shows tearful reunions when others are released from captivity, with wives weeping and children refusing to let go for fear that whomever may never return again. For a brief few seconds before landing at the airport, I fantasized about what my return home would be like, back to the loving arms of an adoring family.

    Instead, what I return to is a list of broken appliances, a lawn that resembles the Amazon rain forest, a stack of bills that would take a team of accountants a decade to sort through, and a note asking me to stop off and pick up groceries on my way back. Since I'll be out running errands anyway, apparently. Rather than a tearful wife sobbing that her hero has finally returned home, my wife acts as though the entire ordeal has been a constant nuisance. What the neighbors will say, or worse, the press? Instead of tears I'm badgered about how, once again, I've managed to ruin everyone's lives. Instead of clutching cheerful children, I find an indifferent daughter more interested in the gibberish spewing from her iThingy.

    It's as if I never left.

    [​IMG]


    Amongst the lengthy list of chores includes finding a car for my daughter, and she's quick to point out that I've already wasted over a year, and that whatever I get her had better be good. Originally I had considered getting her an Audi S3 that we had tested at the time, but seeing that car made me question the sort of gentlemen that might attempt to gain her favor. Remember "The Todd"? I may have been away from home for over a year, but the fact that cocks drive Audis still hasn't changed, and do I really want my beloved daughter married to a tax attorney? Or a dentist? Or a car salesman?

    Flipping through the classifieds, it became abundantly clear that what I really needed was something smart, economical, safe, and able to carry other iThingy-obsessed teens without stuffing them into a telephone booth and without attracting the Alpha-self-obsessed twits that she normally brings home. I checked with my daughter, and again she pleaded and begged for a new Scion FR-S, which I promptly reminded her that I would be happy to purchase for her should she stumble across $30k in the near future. Or she could simply wait the 8-10 years that it'd take me to scrape up the money. If she didn't mind walking to and from college and after, I had no problem waiting with her. This then lead to several hours of screaming, the replacement of a few doors, cleaning up a few broken bits of whatever was handy to throw at me, and finally the acceptance that life was indeed unfair. If I wasn't going to get her the FR-S, she finally didn't care what she got so long as it allowed her to leave here.

    So far, everything was going exactly to plan.

    [​IMG]

    A few days later, while discussing it over with The Super Best Friends and our producer, we had an epiphany. Rather than focusing on the short-term practicalities of convincing my offspring to get the hell out as quickly as possible by means of psychological torture, we also needed a fallback plan. Something we could use when she eventually tires of it and buys her own car, as I'll invariably be stuck with whatever I purchase until the return of Jesus. She might be satisfied in merely getting from point A to point B because she's never previously had a taste of the unencumbered freedom that comes with owning an automobile, but since I'm going to be stuck with it, it had to be something I could get use out of well after its shelf life had run out.

    Again we raided the local classifieds, and each member of the team selected a car based upon the aforementioned criteria and then plead their case. Amongst the entries were Beetles, Golfs, Corollas, Malibus, Escorts, Town Cars, Civics and equally as many variants of SUVs and crossovers. One by one, like a World War II fighter ace, I shot them down nearly as quickly as they were presented. One poor chap was even fired by Super Aguri for having the gall to suggest a Chrysler product, apparently a Best Friend no more. Beetles required too much seasonal maintenance... The Golf was ruined by the ending of License to Drive... Finding a proper Corolla is nearly impossible... The Malibu is made by General Motors... I'll be damned if I let my daughter drive anything called a Escort!... If I buy a Civic, I'll just have to buy another one next week... And the problem with SUVs and crossovers is that you're never getting what you actually purchased. It's either a van built on a truck's frame, or a truck built on a car's frame, and giving one to a teenager would be akin to giving them the launch codes to America's nuclear arsenal. Someone's going to die!

    The situation seemed hopeless... until lunch arrived.

    [​IMG]

    According to Polyphony Digital (via Translator-san):
    I didn't say a word.

    Sitting in our car park was a 1988 Volvo 240 GLT, slightly modified to accept a small-block V8 engine although you couldn't tell that just by looking at it. While stuffing our faces, the delivery driver lectured to us about the transformation from grocery-getter to pizza delivery rocket ship, and then told us about the local track racing that he uses his tips to fund. In just a few short months he was able to acquire nearly everything he needed to pass scrutineering at the track minus the roll cage, fire extinguisher and a few other minor bits of safety kit which took a little bit longer. Surprisingly most of the stock components were more than capable of coping with the increase in power, the necessary parts for the swap were salvaged so the cost was ridiculously inexpensive, and the wealth of knowledge on the internet quelled any remaining doubts. Toss in a set of lightweight composite wheels, stickier rubber and a spoiler, and it was job done.

    But that's not the best part. When asked how many dates he's been on in the Volvo, our delivery driver, Phillip, responded with the car's number one feature: "girls won't go near it." Instead, he'd had to rely upon another car for everyday use other than delivering pizzas, which of course includes attracting the opposite sex. "I have to park it behind the house so that girls won't immediately run in horror when they come over. My neighborhood thinks it's an eyesore and I've been ticketed 13 times for illegal dumping, even after I explain that it's car and not a lump of scrap metal trash." Before he left we were treated to the sound of a howling V8, the exhaust note replicating the sound Satan makes when he's constipated. It was heavenly!

    [​IMG]
    (Pictured left to right: William Perry, Phillip, and our turd.)

    Performance (as purchased): January 5, 2014, Beige Metallic (Brown)
    Displacement: 2,300 cc
    Max. Power: 127 HP @ 6,000 rpm
    Max. Torque: 140.2 ft-lb @ 3,000 rpm
    Drivetrain: FR
    Length: 188.6 in., Height: 57.5 in., Width: 67.3 in., Weight: 1890 kg
    Tires: Comfort (Medium)
    Performance Points: 314
    Mileage: 0.0

    With the help of Phillip we were able to locally source our own 240 GLT for more testing. As a comparison, Phillip's agreed to tag along and allow us the use of his modified GLT for a few track events as well in exchange for some tuning from our Super Best Friends. Even with the modifications that Phillip has added, there's very little distinction that anything has been altered other than the lowered suspension, a common upgrade popular with today's youths yet sensible considering the car's actual track use. For our car, we'll be keeping it completely stock, only with fresh fluids and proper tyre inflation. We were warned, however, not to have high expectations for what we were getting ourselves into. Despite the changes that Phillip has made, no amount of tips was going to magically transform the handling into that of a Porsche, and no amount of talented labor could mold it into looking like a Ferrari.

    But instead of having superb handling or drop-dead aesthetics, what we have in spades is safety and ugly. I can rest very comfortably knowing that my daughter has a far greater chance of wrapping a telephone pole around the car instead of the other way around, and without massive power, the only way she'll get a speeding ticket is with tailwinds equivalent to Category 4 hurricane speeds... down a very, very steep hill. I like that, but the enormous amount of space in the boot reminds me of when I was a teenager, and that's definitely something I'll need to address before she takes delivery of the car. While I can't guarantee her virginity until my death, the very least I can do is not contribute to it's loss, and that massive amount of space in the back is currently only occupied by air and opportunity.
    *For those keeping score at home: Cargo space- 41 cu. ft.

    [​IMG]

    Before handing the car over to the Spawn av Helvetets, we first needed to establish a baseline of performance. After all, she's expected to beat this already-mostly-dead horse around for a few more years, so we needed to know what it could do before she had the chance to inflict further damage. While the Superest Aguri began examinations of our patient, I booked travel and freight to the only sensible place to test a European econo-barge... the Nurburgring Nordschleife. Although it's known as "The Green Hell" and kills many drivers each year, I'm assured that no harm will come to me simply because I'll be going as fast as allowable, or as the Swedish speedometer indicates, Lagom. With the innovative crumple structures, I'll be protected by the same safety technologies employed on today's cars rather than wrapped in a lead coffin.

    When we eventually get there, I'm sent off without any fuss. None of the usual coaxing that you have to give supermodel hypercars before they'll come out of their dressing room, and no last-minute oil leak that you'd typically find on most other American-sold used cars either. As with the styling, the preparations after the initial inspection back home yielded a no-drama start to our track rental, and finally I was free to roam the German countryside in the safest Estate in Europe. While the AMG and BMW boys make a fine estate, finding a driver that can pilot one around here without crashing is roughly the same winning the lottery while being struck by lightening while watching a shooting star on a new moon on a Monday. The only person I know capable of such a thing is Sabine Schmitz, and her contract with rival BMW specifically requires that she be alive the following day and uninjured. While I don't doubt Volvo's safety rating, I do understand Sabine's speed... and although I don't fully comprehend physics, I don't have to be Steven Hawking to realize that having someone crash here at those speeds will turn this tank to tinsel. It isn't that I don't think she'll survive, it's that we simply cannot afford to battle BMWs lawyers should she happen to break a nail. Although I'm no Sabine, I pushed the car enough, and my white knuckles acknowledged that the time we set would have to do.
    *For those keeping score at home: Best Lap (no modifications)- 10.32.941


    When we returned home a few days later, I found the adoring daughter I originally expected upon my release from incarceration, albeit with an ulterior motive. It seems my wife had inadvertently let the cat mostly out of the proverbial bag by endlessly complaining about my wasteful travel expenses while I was away, and one of those expenses included the car. Luckily and frighteningly, none of the receipts she was able to track down told her exactly what I bought, so as far as she was concerned it was yet another expensive and pointless toy that I'd use to assert my masculinity and superiority to anyone that would pretend to give a damn. Because the whinging had been so constant and loud and unending, my daughter assumed that I had screwed up pretty big, then became a mathematician and deduced that I bought her a car instead of one for me. Only instead of the $900 I had originally spent, she was under the impression that Daddy had gotten "his perfect little angel" that FR-S she wanted and that it was outside with a lovely pretty pink bow on top just for her.

    The initial minute home was enjoyable enough, with squeals of "DADDYDADDYDADDY!" the moment I opened the door. As soon as I entered, she leapt into my arms in the same manner that she did when she was 6 years old on Christmas Day. Being the father of Verruca Salt, I instantly caught the look in her eyes the moment they made contact and began assembling a battle plan for when the bombs began raining from the heavens. The disappointment of a six year old I can handle, it's the hormone-filled berserker rages of teenagers that earns fathers the Victorian Cross, and the moment she left to check the driveway I dove into the trenches. Sirens began their wail... priests began their prayers... even the neighbors hid behind fortifications worthy of George C. Scott, board included. Providing explanations to the blitzkrieg of questions and accusations was as pointless as lighting a match while drowning, but at least she hadn't found out about the car because it was still back at the office, and that meant we still had more time to play test.

    [​IMG]

    Two weeks later I was in sunny and beautiful Monterey, California, a stark and drastic contrast to the frozen and bitterly cold environment I'd left at home. Along with Turd Ferguson, Phillip had brought along William Perry, so named due to it's uncanny resemblance to the appliance that the American football player is nicknamed after. While we chatted and waited in line for our respective technical inspections, we were greeted by another old friend that I hadn't seen in quite some time, and had changed so much that I nearly didn't recognize him, Formula One World Champion Lewis Hamilton (@Lewis_Hamilton_). The puzzlement on Phillip's face came as no shock since Formula One hasn't yet developed the same following in the States that it has in the rest of the civilized world, but then again America is last at practically everything anyway. Why should motorsport be any different?

    Being World Champion provides plenty of incentives, but what it doesn't provide is year-round excitement. Although Lewis has been known to ski and rock climb during the off season, he keeps mentally fit by participating in small amateur events, and since Formula One doesn't have the same audience in America as NASCAR, Lewis has the anonymity that he wouldn't get over in Europe. Having a home in Colorado keeps these events close by so that none of his regular fitness training is interrupted. While I recounted our previous test with Lewis in the Mercedes to Phillipe, he introduced us to his entry for the event, the Vodafone McLaren Volvo deliciously nicknamed "The McGLT".

    [​IMG]

    In the race, our stock tune ensured that I launched off the line with the energy of a tortoise anchored by an anvil, comforted only by the gleaming little yellow Diahatsu Copen directly behind, and that's only because the sanctioning body limited it's allowable modifications since it isn't legal for street use here. Had this been Japan, I'd be in serious trouble, and although it has considerably less weight, my little pony doubles his. When I enter the first corner, the racer within takes over, and the comfort I took a few seconds ago becomes as significant as being a celebrity's caddy, which is to say none. I muscle the girth of the Volvo out of the third corner and into the twisted carnage ahead, cars bashing about in a gladitory battle for automotive real estate. Think 300 meets Oklahoma.

    Despite a poor ending to the first lap, I was able to make up a few positions and settle into the track's rhythm. The squishy tyres announced their protest to my shenanigans at every turn, but my course knowledge and swift reflexes kept the car in a positive, forward attitude, and by the third lap I'd managed to pass a Canadian who'd loaded his Volvo with a full-sized spare wheel in the boot for traction and balance. At least I think he said it was in the boot. At the end of the third lap a bit of bafoonery just ahead granted me another position, followed quickly by another thanks to the same sort of decision making that turns high school hopefuls into college dropouts. Senna I'm not, so it should be no surprise that I was stalked and eventually challenged a short time later, fending off the advances of a white Estate and eventually losing that position just before the infamous corkscrew drop. Going through the corkscrew felt like a piloting a submersible, handling just as nimbly upon the exit and spewing smoke out the back while the protestors (read: the tyres) lit themselves on fire. In doing so, the bastards failed to keep up the pace, and I watched as that final position disappeared like the Lone Ranger upon his horse. No one driving this should expect a win, and I was prepared for that, but the oddity of it somehow made it fun.

    The following week the three of us competed at Grand Valley, only this time Lewis had managed to wrangle some equipment to record various bits of data throughout the race. Despite lots of contact and many individuals of questionable morality, we now had scientific proof that the car could take a hit without passing it onto the driver. The extra hours Volvo had put in meant that although I'd be roughed up and bruised, the other guy would look much worse, and isn't that how you determine a fight without a knockout? After that we battled torrential conditions in Belgium, then the desert conditions on the streets of Willow Springs on our way to the final race at Fuji, Japan. While Phillip, myself and the rest of our crew looked like extras from The Walking Dead, Lewis maintained the usual bounce in his step, going from place to place, country to country just as easily as if he were an international spy on holiday. It all seemed very par for the course for him, which I supposed comes from being acclimated to F1.

    Meanwhile we'd spent the entire week patching, fixing, mending, and banging on our Estate to cover up all the damage we'd inflicted, and me with the understanding that I could very well be back to pounding a week later when I hand over the car to a teenager. My daughter's well aware of the delicate inputs needed, as well as the attentiveness required to drive, but I'm still not convinced that she actually cares to do so. Given the evil genius at work, she could intentionally set to write this poor little Volvo off in a misguided attempt to obtain something better, but my evil genius has already prepared the list of my remaining chores that she could just as easily accomplish as a form of retribution.

    ...and then it hit me...

    [​IMG]

    What on Earth happened to the station wagon? While I have been gone a year, it's been far too long since I've seen a station wagon on public roads. Sure, there are the occasional gems like the one we've purchased, but aside from a few tarted up luxury cars, it's become an endangered species. Along with the proper manual transmission, the modern station wagon is being phased out in favor of something that completely lacks Sport and/or Utility. Much like DVD to VHS, the minivan is also dwindling in numbers thanks to a rise in crossover sales, which to any non-enthusiast sounds like a clinic for sex changes. After driving them, the description isn't that far off, either.

    Honestly, most crossovers are nothing more than extra fat with lipstick, yet you put those same ingredients on an actual woman and she's unattractive? Well I suppose that if you like watching men in high heels walk across a room, that would make sense because it's the same way that crossovers handle the slalom! And while SUVs aren't exactly cross-dressers, they aren't honest about what exactly they are. They're more like closeted pickup trucks, trying to convince the world that they're a soccer mom's minivan while trying desperately not to drive like they've had all that extra weight added upon their shoulders. Just say you're a truck with a roof over the bed and we'll still hate you just like we do now, but at lease we're honest about it! Then there are mini-SUVs, the niche within a niche that apparently couldn't be filled by the Legacy or any other station wagon. I know the oil crisis and Chrysler's introduction of the mobile lunchbox didn't help, but who decided that wagons weren't good enough anymore and why aren't they dead yet?!


    At the final race in Japan, we posed that same question to Lewis (Editor's note: To clarify, we asked Lewis "Where did station wagons go?", and not "who was the guy and why isn't he dead?") and he put things into perspective with four simple words: "Wagons had no swag, man." He's right. Despite a few funky incarnations in the 1970s, wagons had lost a lot of they're appeal from a combination of poor designers, overbearing accountants, and perceived negative social status. Having a wagon meant that you had a family, which meant that any fun you might be interested with anyone else was well beyond your capability now because of your responsibilities. Wagon owners don't bring home questionable members of the opposite sex from the pub! They don't gamble their savings on a wheel with some numbers and ball! No, wagon owners are at home by six o'clock and in bed by nine. Letterman or Leno? Forget it, those days are over! That's not how wagon owners "roll".

    Which is perfect. The last thing my daughter needs now that she's reached byxmyndig is to be out every night partying with strange men, playing cards with the college tuition that I'm paying and gallivanting about till morning. She should be studying, preparing herself for the rest of her life, not having a one night stand with a complete stranger. Of course, since I'm her father, she'll never listen to me. So that's precisely why I'm currently busy spreading dead animal intestines and feces all over the rear boot. Sure, the smell will eventually come out, but not until after she gets the car. Once she gets that first whiff, any notions of impurity will be exercised as quickly as they begin. This car is practically the best form of birth control a father could hope for, and that makes everything absolutely worth it.

    Evil genius? Who do you think taught her everything she knows?

    *The views and opinions expressed in this review do not necessarily reflect those of the manufacturer, the publisher, GTPlanet.net or it's members, nor anyone with an IQ above 3. If you have a history of epilepsy or seizures, consult a doctor before use. Certain patterns may trigger seizures with no prior history. Before using see the instruction manual included with your system for more details. For previous reviews, please visit: McClarenDesign's Very Serious SLS AMG Reviews of the Car of the Week N Stuff. All videos were filmed before a live studio audience. Car setup monitored by Dark Lion Racing's GT6 Tunes and Tricks app on Android, as administered by Super Best Friends Super Aguri. No goats were harmed in the making of this review that we are aware of. Best wishes to Michael Schumacher!

    -Super Previous Super Reviews-
    Insightful... but bollocks: Introduction To Failure (or How I went from a Very Serious SLS AMG to Super Best Friends Super Aguri)
    Week 1: '10 Peugeot RCZ
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2014
  4. un4givn85

    un4givn85

    Messages:
    134
    Location:
    United States
    Just ran a "grueling" 11 minute lap at the 'ring. Stock with cm tires.
    And I pulled a 3:13 out of the same settings at suzuka.
     
    no1pal and SuzukaStar like this.
  5. JackRyanWMU

    JackRyanWMU

    Messages:
    527
    Location:
    United States
    The Station Wagon, the family mover of choice before it became uncool and people started buying minivans....which subsuquently became uncool and people started buying SUVs....which also eventually became uncool and people started buying crossovers. But these vehicles seem to share a common trait (with a few notable exceptions to the rule, such as the Subaru Impreza Wagon), these are utilitarian vehicles, made at the altar of practicality, for the sole purpose of getting from the proverbial Point A to Point B with nothing in the way of thrill, pointed directly at the market of Soccer Moms, College Professors, and your average Toyota driver (the ones that steadfastly keep their vehicle with gold trimmed badges in the passing lane 5 to 10 MPH below the speed limit.)

    Which in turn brings me to the '88 Volvo 240 GLT Estate, which I took bone stock to the Ascari Circuit for a thorough review, donning a Tweed Jacket to try and get fully into a College Professor mindset. From a dozen laps and a best effort of 3:12.858, I could in fact find several positive qualities of this vehicle that its target market will appreciate. If you wish to draw no attention to yourself and simply disappear in the sea of traffic, the car's boxy and bland styling will ensure no eyes dart your way. If safety is your top concern, Volvo has always had a sterling reputation for it. In this car in particular, it's 1800 kg curb weight will allow you take take a rear-end collision without so much as spilling your Starbucks latte, and pairing that heft with an underpowered four cylinder engine ensures you'll rarely ever be in danger of breaking the speed limit. On the off chance you take a corner with too much gusto, its comfort medium tires will scream, "NO! NO! NOOOO!" in protest, reminding you to turn at more sensible speeds.

    In fact, the only thing remotely extreme about this car is the body roll. The car will resemble a listing ship in a high speed corner and a panic stop is liable to make you feel like you're going over the first hill at a Cedar Point roller coaster.
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    So then, for the car enthusiast, the Volvo 240 seems to have little to offer. But with a price just under 16,000 credits, perhaps it could just be a sleeper, a car that could represent a real bargain with the right amount of credits spent on parts and time spent on tuning.

    Problem is, it's not really a bargain at all.

    To underscore that point, I brought another car along to Ascari....an '88 Nissan Silvia Q's. It was made in the same year as the Volvo, it's also rear wheel drive, and it's also powered by a naturally aspirited four-cylinder, making a similar amount of power. But there are some key differences; the Nissan weighs significantly less, is shod with Comfort Sports tires, and it allowed me to lap Ascari in 2:51.386 on the very first try, a huge improvement over the Volvo. And on top of all that, it actually costs a couple hundred credits less than the Volvo.
    [​IMG]
    Faced with these realities then, the only reason I can see someone buying a Volvo 240 is....if they really, really wanted one; either to use it for practical purposes, or impractically pour a lot of credits into tuning it into a beast. So while the car may have a Ph.D. in cargo space and safety, it's more akin to a Beauty School Dropout in the "Fun to Drive" subjects. Which is why I'm giving it a flunking grade of "Beater."

    Then again, if you're just looking for a car to drive while blasting this song on the radio....this pretty much is the car to do it with...

     
  6. Turismo.M.G!

    Turismo.M.G!

    Messages:
    160
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Apologies to McClarenDesign for missing last weeks review, but the epic adventures of top independent car reviewer Rex Whips will hopefully make up for it. Due soon.

    Great work to all by the way, this is definitely my favourite 'sub-community' of GT planet!
     
    McClarenDesign and no1pal like this.
  7. Turismo.M.G!

    Turismo.M.G!

    Messages:
    160
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Life in the fast lane - with Rex Whips


    "First thing I noticed was the shouting. It was loud, angry and indecipherable. I couldn't identify the language, but at a guess would suggest something Eastern European or Russian. Then came the bumps. I was being shaken, thrown about like a rag-doll and bounced on my every limb. It was this that helped me figure out I was in a vehicle, a vehicle that was being driven with some urgency, probably over surfaces that were never intended to be used as roads.

    At first, my eyes did not appear to be working, all I could 'see' was black, but I quickly guessed from the fact that my hands and feet were bound with what felt like zip ties and the itchy feeling on the bridge of my nose, the blindness came from being blindfolded.


    I guessed at first the vehicle I was slumped in was a van - I was lying down and had plenty of room to be flung around violently every time we hit a bump, it wobbled and swayed like a van too. I then revaluated this when my head bounced off a window and a doorcard and decided it was most likely an estate. It didn't seem to matter how hard I struggled against my binds, I couldn't get loose and from the throbbing I was feeling in the back of my head I guessed that whoever had tied me up had intended I didn't get away. So I took the time to recollect what I could about what I had been up to before it all went black.


    I had been at Brands Hatch for a track day run of a little French car we lovingly nicknamed 'the bumhat'. It wasn't a high-end motor by any means and dynamically it left a lot to be desired (front wheel drive, understeery and very underpowered) yet there was a 'flow' to how it handled which did manage to coax quite a smile from my lips. And even I had to admit it was a bit of a looker. I remember thinking I was going to give it a nice write-up in L'eurobox, a French motoring magazine I occasionally review for, when I got home. It was then I got the call from my agent telling me that Classic Caravans (a cable only tv show I occasionally reviewed for) were doing a feature on the Volvo 240GLT, the randy Catholic's favourite. Not only that, but there was coincidentally one for sale or loan opposite my office. The phrase 'for sale or loan' did seem suspicious to me, but sometimes the planets align just right and things can sometimes unexpectedly work out well for you. So I tucked my mobile back into my underpants and set off.


    When I got back to the office I decided to check it out. It was a glorious hearing-aid beige machine with no rust and only a relatively small number of large dents on bonnet, parked in the secluded alleyway next to the nondescript office block that was my base. By some happy coincidence, the slightly shifty looking young chavvy skinhead standing next to it happened to be the owner so I went over to negotiate a loan for the shoot. He said that would be fine in his thick Eastern European or possibly Russian accent, as long as I left a credit card as a security deposit. As I reached into my jacket, the young man appeared to shout something to someone who must have been standing just behind me. That was all I could remember.


    Suddenly there was a huge bang as the car must have hit something solid and unmoving. I was thrown up and forward and hit the headrests of the seats in front hard. Then there was silence. I was winded, but relatively unhurt by the impact and the rag that had been tied around my head had come loose enough for me to move it off my eyes, via some expert nose and forehead scrunching. I surveyed my surroundings and saw I was indeed in the back of the Volvo tied up with cable ties, but what I supposed were my captors in the front seats were out for the count. Everywhere you looked there was blood, but most of it on the outside of the shattered windscreen. I passed out.


    I awoke shortly after and busied myself with sawing at the zipties with a plastic school ruler I found buried in between the folded down seats and managed to free myself. I then jumped out of the car and saw where I was and what had happened - we were in the middle of a field, miles from anywhere and a few yards in front of the car sat a large, bloody cow looking very sorry for itself. In the distance I could see another car bouncing over the field towards us at some speed and it was clear it wasn't a police car. So my self preservation instincts kicked in and I opened the drivers door, pulled out the unconscious body of a rather large and scary looking man with a big bushy beard and no left ear and hopped in. Despite the damage caused by the cow impact, the lumbering Swede kicked into life on the first turn of the key so I shoved the unconscious passenger - the 'owner' from earlier on - out of the door, slapped it into reverse, did the most unspectacular J-turn in history and slipped it into drive to put my foot down and head off.


    I soon reached a quiet little windy country b-road, where I could really put the hammer down and get away from my unknown pursuers. This required me to ram through a small knee-high dry-stone wall. The impact would have killed virtually any other car on the road, but only served to slightly delay the Volvo, as well as make it look more rugged. On the road it became quite clear that hitting things at speed was what it was best at, as the handling was woefully sluggish, suffered both terrible over AND understeer and was so slow it made it seem like every road you drove was a massive hill.


    Still, it had kept me alive.

    For now."
     
    un4givn85 and no1pal like this.
  8. un4givn85

    un4givn85

    Messages:
    134
    Location:
    United States
    ^that is awesome story telling
     
    no1pal and Turismo.M.G! like this.
  9. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

    Messages:
    5,785
    Location:
    United States
    Why does Rex sound like Hunter S. Thompson in my head?

     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2014
    no1pal, Turismo.M.G! and 88FoxBodyFan like this.
  10. Lellep

    Lellep

    Messages:
    239
    Location:
    Sweden
    What the hell? They still didn't fix the 240s weight for GT6?....
    In real life it was much lighter than 1800 kg...
     
  11. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

    Messages:
    5,785
    Location:
    United States
    Nominated for Best Line, 2014!
     
    Baron Blitz Red likes this.
  12. Ameer67

    Ameer67 Premium

    Messages:
    10,959
    Location:
    United States
    The 240 is definitely a car that I would just pass without bothering to even take a slight look at it. The way the car is shaped is like taking a cardboard box and adding a smaller one in front of it.

    That's how I looked at it at first. But then, I searched it up on the internet. I see this:

    [​IMG]

    OK, it's not bad maybe. So I decided to give it a spin at The Stowe Circuit, my usual testing grounds. I leave everything stock and give it an oil change at the local GT Auto. All set to go.

    My first thing that I noticed was the understeer. Gotta take the corners a bit slower then.

    [​IMG]

    Hitting the gas is not the best sensation in this vehicle.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    End up with a 1:16.055. Not bad, but can do better probably.
     
  13. Ryoku75

    Ryoku75

    Messages:
    51
    Location:
    United States
    Nope, 1800kg is what one of these weighs fully loaded, and stock 240-wagons have a weight dist of 50-50, not the impossible 65-35.

    As a 240 owner I have to say that GT6's barely feels like the real thing, only with a re ballast does it get close to real, but even then you have to deal with extra weight.
     
  14. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

    Messages:
    5,785
    Location:
    United States
    -REMINDER-

    Tomorrow is #GranTurismoTuesday (G+, ladies) and I'll be recording races from 10p-11p CST. If you're on at that time, join us!
     
  15. Lellep

    Lellep

    Messages:
    239
    Location:
    Sweden
    Kerb weight should be around 1300-1400 kg... PD uses the kerb weight for 99% of the cars ingame but some cars like the Volvo and I think the Enzo (atleast in GT5) are based on their weight fully loaded.
    This doesn't make sense to me :confused:
     
    Matserati45 and McClarenDesign like this.
  16. Leonidae@MFT

    Leonidae@MFT Premium

    Messages:
    5,302
    Location:
    Finland
    AW11's weights are messed up as well.
     
  17. Turismo.M.G!

    Turismo.M.G!

    Messages:
    160
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    There may have been some inspiration there, but I assumed all freelance reporters were at least a little gonzo when writing their memoirs.
     
    McClarenDesign likes this.
  18. watermelon punch

    watermelon punch

    Messages:
    6,377
    Location:
    United States
    I've heard several times now people complaining about the Volvo Estate in GT, weighing more than their Volvo Estate in real life. And usually it is people in Scandanavia or the UK who bring this up. :odd:

    Is it that Scanadanavians don't tend to get their cars "fully loaded"? :lol:

    And what percentage of people had power windows & power seats in the 80s anyhow?
    I mean that's what we're talking about, right, that supposedly would bring the car up to the GT weight? :confused:
    Or what is it that puts up the weight so much?
    My first car (1989) had manual windows. I didn't know many people in the 80s who had power windows. I mostly remember that people who had power windows back then were usually old people who drove Cadillacs or Lincolns. :rolleyes: :lol:

    Anyway, I designed the Mixer Makeshift Shuffle Low Power Car list around the Volvo Estate, because I think it's such a fun inclusion in Gran Turismo, & wanted to get it into play. :D
    It's cars like this that really hooked me on Gran Turismo.

    I wish they had the Rambler station wagon in the game, that my mother drove in the 70s. :lol:
    (I think it was a 1969 (or late 60s model at any rate), and looked pretty much exactly like that picture, including the colour.)
    Not as cool, she had it replaced later with a Dodge Aspen. I can't find a picture of one in the colour she had... But since it looks like this one, I guess it must've been 1980 or thereabouts.
    My mother's was metallic blue - and every time I race with @GTsail290 who paints all his cars WR Blue Mica, I'm reminded very much of my mother's blue Aspen station wagon :lol:

    I mention the Dodge Aspen because it's an 80s station wagon that my mother had in the 80s, and it definitely didn't have power anything.
    In fact, my most vivid memory of my mother's Aspen station wagon is that it did NOT have an indicator to tell you the hatch was unfastened! :scared: :sick: :lol: An unfortunate incident occurred because my sister did not close it securely. Worse, my sister had blamed me for the incident, claiming I'd been distracting her when she was closing the hatch! :boggled: :tdown: So I know there couldn't have been an indicator to tell my mother the hatch was not closed properly.
    That Aspen wasn't loaded with much of anything. :lol:
     
    Lellep likes this.
  19. MustangManiac

    MustangManiac Premium

    Messages:
    2,110
    Location:
    United States
    1988 Volvo 240 GLT Estate

    1-Syracuse - Night.jpg
    I would turn my back in shame if I were you to buddy :sly:

    I would have to give this car a 0 in the styling department, I mean, it's a box on wheels. At least Chevy made a Chevelle wagon with a 454 and my dad had an early 70's Pontiac wagon that had a 455 V8, these cars could get up and move. How much were you supposed to hall with an inline 4? Apparently not much given the performance (or lack thereof) in this car. Don't even get me started on the trans, if it weren't for the engine noise you would have thought she died when going from 2nd to 3rd. I guess there is Volvo's legendary reliability and safety going for her, but that just means you are going to be stuck with her that much longer since she will refuse to die and need replacing :sly:

    2-Autumn Ring - Mini.jpg
    Beating up on the little guys.

    She came in bone stock at 127hp/314pp and with my mild tune reached 166hp/345pp. I started out with the IB race I used last week so we could compare apples to apples. I ended up being too embarrassed to post my times, finishing dead last with the lead cars about a third of a lap from lapping me on their cool down lap! The lowest power race I could find was the Novice level Sunday Cup race, an event for cars 430pp and less (much less in this case). I was able to power my way to P2 with the stock ride using a bit of argy bargy (to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite commentators). It was a fairly easy win with the tuned version.
    stock: finish P2, total - 2:45.915 best - 0:54.834
    tuned: finish P1, total - 2:36.355 best - 0:50.213
    Goodwood Hillclimb.jpg
    Those two on the left aren't snickering at me are they?

    At Goodwood-
    My best of five runs:
    stock: 1:18.102
    tuned: 1:09.348
    Nürburgring Nordschleife.jpg
    Just about went red here, but somehow managed to save it.

    Since everyone seems to be doing the Nurb I figured I might as well give it a go. I am sure I left some on the track in each case, but I was too bored to go for a second lap so I got what I got...one hot lap, no practice!
    stock: 10:54.447

    tuned: 09:57.518


    So I spent all of about 70K for this car with the tune, even splurged on the full custom shocks so I could lower her some. Not that I thought it would do any good aero wise, but it did allow me to dial out some of that body roll for better handling. This car is just plain...umm...plain. It should only come in white and off white, for vanilla and French vanilla :sly: Sorry Volvo, it's a beater vote from me.
     
    watermelonpunch, no1pal and ameer67 like this.
  20. un4givn85

    un4givn85

    Messages:
    134
    Location:
    United States
  21. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

    Messages:
    5,785
    Location:
    United States
    yep.
     
  22. Nurburgthing.

    Nurburgthing.

    Messages:
    1,997
    I s there a 240 meet tonight?
     
  23. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

    Messages:
    5,785
    Location:
    United States
    Doesn't have to be only 240s... but the more the merrier. 10p CST
     
  24. un4givn85

    un4givn85

    Messages:
    134
    Location:
    United States
    what the pp limit going to be? 350?
    how many cars fit that category?
     
  25. McClarenDesign

    McClarenDesign Premium

    Messages:
    5,785
    Location:
    United States
    Probably not even that high, lol.
     
  26. XDesperado67

    XDesperado67 Premium

    Messages:
    5,814
    Location:
    United States
    Is lobby open yet?
     
  27. XDesperado67

    XDesperado67 Premium

    Messages:
    5,814
    Location:
    United States
    Hey guys had a lot of fun running the Volvo's tonight.
    Sorry for Ol'Harvey Wallbanger's poor driving skills.:crazy:
    Actually found the 320PP races quite enjoyable even if they were a tad slow.:lol:
    Trying to run the max power car with no real tune on it was another story...:scared:
    Made me really appreciate my 450PP Audi S3 I've been tuning at the ring in races against the crew from my garage.
    You might be able to make the Volvo an okay 450PP car but it's never going to be a serious threat.:drool:
     
    McClarenDesign and un4givn85 like this.
  28. yabiggoose

    yabiggoose

    Messages:
    3,461
    Location:
    Australia
    I swear the 240 was more fun in GT4.
     
  29. Leonidae@MFT

    Leonidae@MFT Premium

    Messages:
    5,302
    Location:
    Finland
    IRL, mild/medium tune would mean 450-550bhp, aggressive up to 800bhp+ and mother of boost over 1000bhp with these slightly over-engineered motors.. Sadly, GT has to sandbag these beasts so that japanese and german wagons would look better than what they are. :p :lol:
     
    Flash_Sweden and XDesperado67 like this.
  30. un4givn85

    un4givn85

    Messages:
    134
    Location:
    United States
    was a lot of fun last night
    cant wait to see mc's vids
     
    McClarenDesign likes this.