Dammit, I hit reply instead of edit, anyways....
Sorry for the bad language but I did write 4 episodes of Beavis and Butthead.
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Choke
TV: Ahoy, I got me finger stuck in me bowels, O-hoy, I should never had listen to that lil'knot ball if I rather die, and now I got me finger stuck in me bowels
[Beavis and Butthead are eating chicken, Butthead starts choking on chicken]
TV: Miss, Miss, I got me finger' stuck in me bowels
Butthead: [choking] Beavis, Beavis [Beavis Laughs]
Beavis: yeah Butthead?
Butthead: I'm..[choking sound]..I'm..[choking sound, Beavis does nothing]
Beavis: I hate this stupid game [eats piece of chicken, Butthead gabs Beavis neck] Um, choking, your choking
[Butthead with one hand holds hi neck, with the other his pointing to a box of chick-n-bits]
Beavis: Your chicken, your choking your chicken? [laughs] Choking your chicken [laughs] yeah [laughs]
Butthead: [choking, grabbing his neck] Beavis...I'm....choking
Beavis: Oh yeah, What you want me to do about it?
Butthead: [choking] Call 9-1-1
Beavis: Why don't you call, your closer
Butthead: [choking, points to the right with one hand] Your closer...dumbass
Beavis: Oh yeah [laughs, gets up and goes to the phone] Uhmm
Operator: If you like to make a call, please hang up and dial again
[Butthead grabs the phone and dials 9-1-1, gives phone to Beavis, and falls to the floor]
phone: Emergency Services
Beavis: Hi, uh, me and Butthead were watching this show [laughs] this guy had his finger in his butt [laughs] and he was saying [continues laughing]
phone: Whats your emergency? [Beavis continues laughing] Is there an emergency sir?
Beavis: Uh, yeah, Butthead's choking Hehe on chicken
phone: Listen carefully have you perform the heimlich?
Beavis: Is this like one of those 9-7-6 numbers, Uhm, what you wearing?
phone: I repeat, have you heimliched the victim?
Beavis: Have I licked his rectum, NO WAY! uh but one time me and Butthead were playing truth or dare and uh
phone: Sir please, if you want to save your friends life, you need to perform the heimlich manouver
Beavis: He's not really my friend
phone: Sir, do you know what the hiemlich manouver is? every restaurant in this city has a sign posted describing the preceder
Beavis: oh yeah, thank you, got it through [laughs]
[Beavis drops the phone, and walks out. We see some poop on the street, Beavis sees this]
Beavis: Whoa, that dog must've been sick [he remembers about Butthead] oh yeah, Butthead choking his chicken [lauhgs, camara back to Butthead whos is trying to get on the couch, grabs the control and changes the chanel]
Butthead: [Red from the lack of oxygen] This sucks!
Beavis: [Camara back to Beavis as he walks on the street] Heimlich - him licked, him licked manure, manure [sees a bug walking on the sidewalk] Hey Freeze! jaywalker, uhm, I sentence you to this! [squashes the bug with his foot, laughs] Nachos! yeah hehe Nachos
[Camara back to Butthead, controler on his hand, changes chanel, camara back to Beavis who is watching a bunch of kids playing basketball, they are saying something that sounds like "choke"]
Beavis: [screaming] Yeah, yeah, choke, yeah choke, choke! [remembers that Butthead is choking] uhm, oh yeah yeah, nachos! nachos! [walks off]
[Butthead tries to eat another piece of chicken, it falls from his mouth, Camara back to Beavis, he is sitting in front of a store eating nachos]
Stewart: [walks next to beavis] Hi Beavis, [looks around] where's Butthead?
Beavis: [eating nachos] oh yeah, I better go
Stewart: Hey Can I have some nachos?
Beavis: OK, gimme a dollar
[Stewart reaches into his pocket, Camara to Butthead falls on top of the chicken, Camara back to Beavis walking into Burger World]
Beavis: um, do we have any signs around here?
[Camara back to Butthead, who is still lying on top of the chicken, purple from the lack of oxygen, falls on the ground, turning white, Beavis slams the door]
Beavis: [reading a sign] Hey Butthead, I got a sign that says we gotta wash our hands before returning [steps on Butthead's stomach, spitting out the chicken] Hey What are you doin' on the floor assmunch, I almost tripped. [Butthead gets oxygen, turns back to normal color, Beavis sees the saliva-covered chicken, and puts it in his mouth, Beavis starts choking, Butthead laughs. End of Episode]
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Patsies
PATs: And finally, we promise to reach out to making the team, and lead by example
PAT 1: Amen
Gram: Now, don't say Amen in school son
PAT 1: Sorry dad
Gram: Kids, we had a real terrific year, we cleared 15 pounds of broken bottles from the student parking lot, we sang carols for senior citizens
Ryan: That old men hit me in the throat with his cane
Gram: We was old and confuse Ryan, and we gathered twelve cans of food for the poor, I'd say that deserves a big PAT cheer, how'bout it?
PAT: Yaay!
Gram: But theres still one group who needs positivety more than anyone, your fellow teens, so today I want us to go over to detention and help some kids in need of help
PAT: Yaay!
[Buzzcut is sitting in the detention hall writing on a paper, Beavis and Butthead, are sleeping in the desk, Gram and the PAT walk inside]
Gram: Greetings Coach! The Positive Acting Teens and I were wondering if you let us take these boys of your hands for a little positive rehabilitation
[Beavis and Butthead start to wake up]
Butthead: Uh, uhuhuhu Hands! [Beavis and Butthead laugh]
Buzzcut: Rehabilitation? [Laughs, turns to Beavis and Butthead who have woke up] Beavis and Butthead, do you wish to be rehabilitated?
Beavis: Um, NO!
Buzzcut: Well that too bad, because I ORDER! you to follow Mr. Gram, and his so called Positive Acting Teens the hell outta here NOW!!
PAT: Yaay!
PAT 1: but what if you could go into the future and either give Geority his mortal sight back, or make data a real human beign, which whould you do?
Butthead: [thinking PAT 1 said...] Wood!
[They laugh]
Beavis: yeah, Born!
Ryan: I'd fix Geordies eyes, because data is just an android, and he wont actually miss not beign a human, but Geordy knows what its like to see, so he misses it the most
PAT 1: No way, I'd make data a human beign, because Geordy sees better without real eyes anyways
Ryan: Yeah, but thats besides... [inturrupted]
PAT 1: No its not!
Ryan: Your such a dummy man!
PAT 1: Your the dummy!
Ryan: Shut up!
[Trying to fight, but held back by the seat bealts]
Beavis: [Looking excited] Yeah,c'mon fight! yeah fight!
Butthead: [also looking excited] Yeah, kick his ass
PAT 1: Dad?!!
Gram: Hey guys cool it, ok
PAT 1: [relaxed] Thats my dad, but don't worry he's cool
Butthead: Really? uhuhu He doesn't look cool
Gram: So!, Beavis and Butthead, you boys ready to do something positive?
Butthead: Uh No!
Beavis: Yeah, no thanks!
Gram: Well, we understand, don't we kids, its real hard to get jazzed up about positivity until you tried it, but beign a Postive Acting Teen its all about new experiences, open mindesness, and change
Beavis: Uhm Change sucks!
Gram: So, now were going to change a littered stretched of highway, to a clean stretch of highway
PAT: [Cheering] Yeey!
PAT 1: C'mon guys, high five?
PAT: [Singing] Michael rowed the boat to shore, halleluja
Michael rowed the boat to shore, halleluja
Sister helps to trim the sail, halleluja
[PAT continue singing while Beavis and Butthead talk]
Beavis: Hey Butthead check it out, a hubcap
Butthead: COOL! Throw it here Beavis
[Beavis and Butthead throw the hubcap around, while the PAT continue singing, A truck is seen crossing the road, Butthead throws the hubcup, bounces off the truck and hits Gram on the head]
Gram: Ahhhh!
[Falls to the ground unconsious, the PAT, Beavis and Butthead goes near him]
PAT 1: Dad? dad? what happened? Oh my god! dad?
Butthead: Whoa! Is he dead?
Pat 1: You killed him [starts crying]
Beavis: It was the trucks fault
[Butthead looks to the ground and sees Gram's wallet, picks it up]
Butthead: You guys like, go be positive and stuff, Me and Beavis are gonna go notify the next of skin
PAT 1: I am the next of Kin, he's my dad remember?
Butthead: Oh yeah, your dad's dead
Beavis: It wasn't our fault, it was the truck's fault
[PAT 1 is still crying]
Butthead: So uh, I guess he won't mind if we go now, c'mon Beavis
Beavis: Yeah, what a crybaby
[The camara goes to Buzzcut who is controlling the PAT]
Buzzcut: For today's positive activity, your gonna wash my wagoneer
PAT 1: um, thats not what my dad says we were gonna do
Buzzcut: Your dad's not here boy, and for the tenth time, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna positively kill you
[We now go to Gram sitting in the detention room with Beavis and Butthead]
Gram: Are you sure?
Butthead: Uh I'm positive, [Laughs]
Gram: Well you just better start to remember, Mr. Buzzcut says I can keep you in detention for as long as it takes, Beavis you held-fond do you know where my credit cards are?
Beavis: um, No sir, positively not
Butthead: Positive
[They laugh, end of episode]
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Bus Trip
[Vandriessen is getting the students on board the bus]
Vandriessen: Morgendorfur, Sanchez, Sancker
Bus Driver: Is that it?
Vandriessen: Well it should be, but I don't see Beavis and Butthead, they usually don't miss fieldtrips
[camara inside the class, Beavis and Butthead are seating down, no one is inside]
Butthead: Uh, Somethings wrong! uhuhuhu
Beavis: Oh yeah, ehehehe, Maybe were late or something hehehe
Butthead: eh Maybe, uhuhuhu
Beavis: So uh, like what should we do?
Butthead: Uh uhuhu Lets write big butt on the chalkboard
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
Beavis: Cool!
[They walk up to the chalkboard, Beavis has an eraser, and starts erasing the message on the board]
Butthead: Wait a minute, Beavis, I think its trying to tell us somthing. [laughs, tries to read] uh, Field Tit? Teraip? Tod uh
[Running outside, to the bus]
Butthead: Hey! Stop the bus!
Beavis: Hey! don't leave! dammit! wait for us!
[Vandriessen is about to get on the bus, he sees them and gets off]
Butthead: That was close!
Beavis: Next time tell us, butt-hole
[They get on the bus, the bus leaves Highland High, ]
Vandriessen: Ok people, I hope were ready for our hike down beautiful Mount Perdido
Butthead: [laughs] Mount
[Beavis and Butthead laugh]
Vandriessen: Now class, even though theres an abondence of breath-taking, rock-formations and fascinating plantlife, I have to warn you that this hike will be quait a work out, n-kay
Butthead: I got a rock-formation in my pants
Beavis: Oh yeah [Beavis and Butthead continue laughing]
Vandriessen: To pass the time, I thought that we might enjoy some music [reaches for his guitar] any requests?
Dean: Like 99 botles of Beer?
Vandriessen: Good Dean, but beer and driving don't mix o-kay, how about 99 botles of tea on the wall, So lets try sorth of a different arrangement o-kay
[plays the guitar, car keep honking their horns]
Vandriessen: Whats going on? Why is everybody honking?
Beavis: Peek-a-boo!!! [Beavis and Butthead are showing their butts out the back-window]
Vandriessen: Hey! Hey! Beavis and Butthead NO! Come on!
Beavis: Peek-a-Boo!!!
Vandriessen: I'm sorry but obiously you boys can't be trusted to be by yourselves in the back, I want you to come up here right now and swith sits with me, o-kay.
Butthead: Uh, we'll be better
Beavis: Yeah [laughs] we'll give 'em a prest-fruitbowl
Vandriessen: I mean boys, come on, get up here right now [Beavis and Butthead walk up front with their shorts down] and please pull your pants up.
Beavis: oh!
Butthead: Oh yeah!
[they laugh, the bus goes around a corner]
Vandriessen: Now I hope you guys understand why I'm making you seat up here, there are rules on the bus and their for your own good, Now try to behave, I'm gonna go seat in the back, o-kay
Butthead: Rules Suck!
Beavis: Yeah!
[a car cuts in front of the bus]
Bus Driver: Stay in your lane you son of a *****, this isn't the indie you moron!
Beavis: Cool!!
Butthead: that dude's pissed!
Beavis: Yeah Really! How come he gets to like flip of cars and stuff, but then, when we do it, we have to come sit up here
Butthead: Uh, I think its like if your in front of that line then you get to do all that stuff?
Beavis: Whoa! really! We can like scream at people and give 'em the finger? ye-e-e-ah, lets go!
Butthead: [talking to the bus driver] Hey dude
Bus Driver: Hey! Sit the hell down!
Beavis: yeah, yeah, [Butthead laughs at what Beavis is saying] get out of the way you son of a *****, or we'll kick your ass, bastard, yeah watch where your going, ye-ye-yeah!
Vandriessen: Uh, whats got into those two now
Beavis: Get the hell out of my way you son of a *****
Bus Driver: Sit Down! Or I'm stopping this bus
[Vandriessen stands next to Butthead]
Butthead: [talking to Vandriessen] Yean, that means you two
Beavis: Yeah, watch where your going
Vandriessen: [Vandriessen makes Butthead sit down] Alright thats it Butthead, sit down, you too Beavis
Beavis: NO Way!! I'm in fron of the white line, dammit, now shut up and sit down you son of a *****
[The bus driver throws Beavis into the seat, Butthead just laughs]
Vandriessen: Ok people, its obious were all a little over excited, I think I'll cool things down with a little song I wrote, its called "Touch a Mountain"
Children of the earth rejoice
Everyday we have our choices
So touch a mountain
Climb a mountain
Feel a mountain
Bus Driver: Oh Dammit, I missed the turn
[Slams on the brakes, Vandriessen is thrown out the window down a canyon]
Butthead: Whoa!!! That was cool!!!
Beavis: yeah
[Helicopter is rescuing Vandriessen, who picking him up]
Butthead: This was a pretty cool field trip!
Beavis: its like, I really learn something
["Touch a Mountain" can still be heard]
Dean: Mr. Vandriessen is that you, are you ok,
Police officer: Don't look son, he may be dead
[The helicopter accidenty slides Vandriessen and smashes into an ambulance, and breaks the windshield of the patrol car, Vandriessen screms in pain, Beavis and Butthead just laugh, End of episode]
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Blood Pressure
[Beavis and Butthead are laughing, inside a store while looking at condoms]
Butthead: Whoa! I just like, thought of something Beavis, some day, everyone of these is going to be in a weiner
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah!
Butthead: And then you know where its going to be after that
[They continue laughing, Beavis points to a blood pressure machine]
Beavis: Whoa! check it out Butthead, what is this thing?
Butthead: Uh, I think its a ride or something
Beavis: [laughing] This is gonna be cool [Beavis puts his hand inside the cup] How come I'm not moving?
Butthead: You like have to start it first, dumbass, this is gonna be cool
Beavis: Here we go!
[Butthead pushes Start, and the suction starts]
Beavis: [he starts complaining, Butthead just laughs] Uhm, wait a second, I think its starting to hurt Butthead Ow hey, Dammit, this is freaking me out, ow, its squeezing my arm, Butthead, ow, this sucks [Warning Says: Hold arm still, injury may occur]
Ah, let go, get it off Butthead
Butthead: Get it off, uh lets see, uh E-mer, uh I-mer-ja, this sucks
Beavis: Butthead, go get something to cut this thing of [Butthead pulls Beavis's finger] OW, ah
Butthead: Uh Don't go anywhere Beavis, I'll be back
Beavis; [in pain] OW!! Ah!! ah!!!
Vender: Hi, would you like to try a slice for a party pizza today?
Butthead: uh Is it free?
Vender: Yes, its a free sample
Butthad: Cool!
Vender: Here you go
Butthead: Uh, Is that all? What a rip-off, are you gonna make some more?, cause, I like like pepperoni and stuff, and big slices too
[Butthead walks down to the diaper section, he sees diapers for adults, he laughs, walks next to Beavis whos is still struggling with the blood pressure machine]
Butthead: Hey Beavis, check it out, a diaper for old people
Beavis: Oh yeah, OOWW!!! C'mon Butthead, get me outta here
Butthead: Some guy is gonna take a dump in these
Beavis: Oh yeah, OWW!!!, c'mon Butthead, help me!
Butthead: You look like a dork
Beavis: Go get something to cut this thing off!
Butthead: UH, oh yeah! [walks off, sees a couple of screws on the shelf] Screws! [Laughs]
Staff: Hey looking for a tool?
Butthead: Tool! [laugs]
Staff: Uh yeah, haha
Butthead: Eh, I need something sharp to like cut something off
Staff: Um, You mean, like a pair of scissors?
Butthead: Uh, NO, do you have like a chainsaw
Staff: We don't have any of those, but we have some of these small woodsaws
Butthead: Uh, ok, I'll trade you for these diapers, you can poop in 'em
Staff: Um ok, I'll just put these back for you
[Back to Beavis who's struggling with the blood pressure machine]
Butthead: OK Beavis
Beavis: c'mon Butthead, hurry up, I'm gonna die
Butthead: Hold still Beavis, its only gonna hurt for a second, [positions the woodsaw in various places] uh lets see
Beavis: [Looks terrefied] OW Ah! Not my arm, Butthead, OH no, no I'm gonna die, Help!!! ah, ah ow
Pharmasist: Whoa, whoa hey [presses the Emergency Release button, Beavis takes out his arm, Beavis says Thanks] you Ok there buddy?
Beavis: Um NO!
Butthead: You should stick your wiener in there Beavis
Beavis: Oh yeah
Pharmasist: [Looking at Beavis's Blood Pressure] Your Blood Pressure is dangerously high [Blood Pressure Level: 400/300] for a boy your age
Beavis: Really? Cool
Pharmasist: Hey hey, this ain't joking around ok, I whant you to see a doctor right away, now in the mean time I'm gonna give you some pills that should help your high blood pressure, now its important that you avoid any stressful situations, try to relax, maybe stay home, watch a little tv [is inturrepted in a very rude way]
Beavis: [interrupts rudely] yeah, yeah, gimme the pills, gimme the pills, NOW!! [Outside the store] Yeah, lets just get this open here [cannot open the bottle] dammit open, open, ah, dammit, son of a ***** open
Butthead: Settle Down, buttmunch
Beavis: [throws the pills to the floor, steps on them, kicks them] Dammit, c'mon, open, I'll kick your ass [pills goes down a drain] AH!! no, no [reaches down, gets them, but cannot pull them out because he has both hands around them and the drain is to small] I got it!, I got it! ah my arms stuck
Butthead: You need to relax Beavis [laughs]
[Beavis is trying to pull the pills out, Butthead is just laughing at him, End of Episode]
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I'll writte more later and post them.
! I think if I am remebering the episode correctly that he sung it while he was watching a Primus video.
