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I was there, at the peak, in the late 90s!
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- Thread starter TexRex
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Joey D
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It's weird that online dating still gets a bad rap. I met my wife online and it was perfect because I didn't really know where to meet women. Online took out the guess work, allowed us to talk, and we figured out if we were somewhat compatible before the first date.
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- TexRex72
ThEy'Re dOiNg iT wRoNg!
So I met my wife in college and it's worked out for us. That doesn't mean it works for everyone or it's the right way.
I guarantee you somewhere in there is the insistence that this chart demonstrates reduced personal relationships in the areas where people are less frequently meeting their partners, but that's idiotic. The only thing the chart demonstrates--and it does so only if you take it at face value--is how people are meetng their partners. Anything else is conjecture. There's nothing in there about any other relationships just as there's nothing in there about how strong either kind of relationship is.
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Seems like a weird citation. Just the name and authors of the study. No journal listed, let alone a page number.
Still, I don’t get why online dating is so popular, whereas I tried multiple apps for two years and considered myself lucky to even get a match. I’ve never been able to go on a date with someone I met online, and I’m convinced they all just want your money by keeping you frustrated and on the apps.
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I’m fine with someone having exes and not necessarily being Jewish, as I’m very secular. But I feel like the whole concept of online dating is very superficial. Also, isn’t the whole point of online dating is to look for someone who’s single?
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McLaren
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I mean, depending on the app's purpose, sure. But, the user behind it can be a completely different story & may lead you along like their partner.
As a guy, that's just how it goes for us in general. You just, really, either have to keep at it or explore a different avenue. Sometimes, it could be something in your bio/pictures that's holding you back; there's advice out there on how to make your presentation of yourself more desirable to a match.
Just don't give up. I'm still surprised some of the people I know met through POF rather than one of the more popular apps.
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Because I can’t explain why I didn’t get anywhere by using the apps for two years other than by considering that I’m just not attractive enough. Or that I’m not in the “right” area, not wearing the “right” clothes in my photos, not striking the “right” poses in the “right” locales. I’m not sorry that the last time I was able to travel internationally - to one of the aforementioned exotic locales - was over eight years ago, whereas tons of women’s profiles I see have them somewhere in Italy or whatever. Good for them, I guess.
If it’s not that superficial, then why didn’t I get any attention?
Already have. They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I’m done with online dating, but I’m still a but upset that it’s worked for various relatives of mine - to the extent that I’ve been to two weddings for relatives that met someone via an app - whereas I never got any matches, let alone dates.
I just don’t think a faceless, publicly-traded corporation that now has a $500/month Tinder trim has your best interests at heart.
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- TexRex72
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Sayings aren't statements of fact. For everyone one of them, you can find another that contradicts it. If you roll a dice multiple times, then different results would the expectation. Also consider what "the same thing" actually means. Different sites may try to attract different people, so your experience may vary greatly depending on which site you use. You've used multiple, but a quick online search suggests the number is in the thousands. If you used 100 different services, that's still at the most only 10% exposure.
Have you asked them about their experience? Have you compared it to yours? If you want to succeed in something it helps to understand it. If online dating is working for other people, that can be a strong indication that something is different between you and them.
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Online dating and having met someone online aren't necessarily the same thing. The original graph showed the origin of how people first met, not how they spend or spent their time together.
It's not 1999. It's not like as though people are in "relationships" exclusively in an online setting like Runescape or Second Life. It's 2023; hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions, make a connection with someone online then meet in person.
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Hey daddy could you pwease tell me a bedtime story about Mexican twannies at the bowder - this guy's wet dream, by the sounds of it.
McLaren
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I tried pretty much every app for two years with no results. Why do you assume anything would change if I tried again now?
I mean, maybe it’s because one relative lives on Long Island, another in NYC, and another was in Washington DC. I don’t live in a big city, or even a city of any sort at the moment.
EDIT: And just because I only fit the definition of “incel” if taken in the solely literal sense, doesn’t mean I identify as one myself - let alone relate to the incredibly daft beliefs they have on women and themselves, like “the blackpill,” “looks-maxxing,” or whatever.
But I do believe that women that use online dating are just in a different environment than if I were to say, try meeting a woman through volunteering or a shared interest like film. I don’t even think online dating is a great time for them, either, as they probably get tons of likes/matches at the cost of most of said likes/matches being unable to behave themselves. But I do think that in online dating, your photos are most important, whereas IRL, you can actually exhibit your personality. You can’t do that with online dating unless someone determines you’re attractive enough to be worth talking to. You can get dismissed in a matter of seconds at most. It’s all very alienating.
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I'm not assuming any outcome, I can't and I don't really know your specific situation. It's not impossible for a person to change in two years though, which is already a potential start to getting better results. I'm sure that dealing with something that doesn't seem to be working for you can be frustrating and feel like it's dragging on forever, but I also doubt that two years is enough to have tried everything. You can do whatever you feel is right for you, but giving up is one of the most effective ways to narrow down your potential outcomes, usually in a bad way.
That could be related, but I wouldn't think it's a huge hurdle since people find matches outside of cities. Some people even hate cities. If you do want to go through with a comparison between other people's experiences and your own, do it thoroughly.
I've seen people connect online without photos being involved at all. You can express your personality online too. I expect that most dating sites encourage photos, but there may be some that focus on other things. I do know for certain that dating sites aren't the only option for meeting people online.
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And I think that’s what I keep forgetting. A couple that “met online” does not necessarily mean a couple that “met via Tinder, Hinge, etc.” It can, but like you’ve pointed out, perhaps even something like an online class taught over Zoom, or a simple email correspondence could technically count.
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