Still, it's not all sunshine and flowers. I wish I got to properly say goodbye to the cats, and I even promised Ben Ben extra treats the day I left, and I never got to fulfil that promise. Even though I didn't do it out of expectation of reciprocation, I'm still nonetheless deeply hurt by the fact that none of the other volunteers reached out to me to ask if I'm okay, when I reached out to someone else that got "fired" like me prior. But most of all perhaps is the fact that, throughout every phase of my life, I've been met with either people clearly not right in the head, or just people hostile towards me for no reason I can discern. Having met with yet another person clearly not right in the head at this volunteer gig has really discouraged me from wanting to put myself out there again. Again, this is not something I can really explain at all, but I just get this feeling that so, so many people in society are down with some sort of illness of the mind that's too common to fit into a DSM, and it's something that feels manufacturered and baked into our lifestyles and expectations. I know I did my best. I know I did good work. I know I wasn't causing problems for anyone. I know I was amicible. And yet, I'm "fired" anyway, with nothing to show for it. There'll forever be a part of me that begrudges the fact that I'm the one on medications to adjust to this sick world, and not the other way around. I'll admit it's an arrogance I've had for a very long time now, and I don't super know where it came from. I just "know" I'm in the right. I "know" I'm the only sane person in a room full of insane people. But if I'm the only sane person in the room, then does that make me the sane one, or the insane one?
