- 13,827
- Down under
It has been one entire year since the glorious entity was borne. It is now time for the great creaking door to be forced open once more. In the silence during the year between admissions, existing member status' have been shuffled in order to reflect various occurances, foreseen and unforeseen, that have transpired in that period. Admission will for a limited time period only, whereupon the great door will be shouldered closed, and the bolts locked for another year. Welcome to Fatmouse.
For initiates: Fatmouse exists in many guises, in many places. Fatmouse GTP is one such guise. All guises of Fatmouse adopt four founding principles:
The Purpose of Fatmouse
Fatmouse GTP is dedicated to bringing cynics together. To rant. Cynically, about anything they choose.
What is a cynic?
Quoted:
Telling the truth can get you into hot water. As much as the world needs its cynics, it still doesn't REALIZE that it needs them. Cynics today are habitually castigated by politicians, corporate chieftains and other productive citizens with tidy lawns; they know that we're on to them, so they lump us with the lowest of the low. We're generally cast as the heavies in
the black hats, counterproductive miscreants who broil babies when we're not spray-painting obscenities on public monuments. We're portrayed as masters of chicanery and intrigue, untrusting and untrustworthy. Since we're neither leaders nor followers, we're expected to get out of the way -- and the tidy-lawn folks get furious when we don't. Nobody loves a cynic, except maybe another cynic.
Even the dictionary definition of a cynic makes us look like scoundrels:
"a faultfinding captious critic; esp. one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest."
Aside from casting us in a negative light, Webster & Co. miss the point by half a mile. Where's the hint of lost ideals, the rueful humor, the wounded childlike soul that lurks behind the cynic's sarcasm?
What a sadly maligned and misunderstood tribe we are! Cynicism, after all, springs not from cruelty or viciousness, but from precisely the opposite: a fatal love of virtue. If we were mere realists, we'd have no need for cynicism; the world would never disappoint us because we'd expect so little of it. But the best cynics are still idealists under their scarred hides. We wanted the world to be a better place, and we can't shrug off the disappointment when it lets us down. Our cynicism gives us the painful power to behold life shorn of its sustaining illusions. Thus my own definition of a cynic:
"an idealist whose rose-colored glasses have been removed, snapped in two and stomped into the ground, immediately improving his vision."
If we were activists, we'd do something constructive about our discontentment. But we're smart enough to know that we won't prevail, and probably a little too lazy to attempt any labor that's predestined to fail. So we retaliate with our special brand of wounded wit. If we can't defeat our oppressors, at least we can mock them in good fellowship. That's about as
much justice as a cynic can expect.
How to join Fatmouse
Interested in joining Fatmouse? You do not become a cynic. You either are already a cynic. Or you are not a cynic. It is something you are, not what you become.
To be accepted into Fatmouse GTP, make three suggestions that could be added to the below list of vexations that a cynic recognises as being vexations. Based on those three suggestions, Fatmouse will decide on your authenticity as a cynic. If successful, your name will be placed on the Registry of Cynics. If unsuccessful, Fatmouse doesnt care.
It is possible for an existing member to uplift their standing withing Fatmouse in terms of status. One can move from On the Dole, to an Officeworker to Gravy Train with work over-and-above the call of duty. Inactivity by existing members will lead to those members being stricken from the Registry.
Vexations With added contributions from members of yore
Overwork
Unemployment.
"We'll keep your resume on file".
People whose cell phones ring at movies and funerals.
Being ridiculed by your inferiors.
Wondering if you're inferior to your inferiors.
Going bald, especially if you're a woman.
Getting stuck in a bad career.
Realizing that a bad career makes a bad life.
The demise of Western civilization.
The triumph of degeneracy, barbarism, evil, and MBAs.
Cheesy books that stay on the bestseller list for 187 weeks.
Chronic disappointment.
Eating bean sprouts and dying young anyway.
Eternal damnation as your final reward.
The phrase "There is no I in team".
The bastardization of the English language through, like, evasive superfluousness.
The redundant and circular "logic" of the free-floating, ornemental term "proactive".
People who simply do not get sarcasm and accuse sarcastic people of being "negative".
Small women who drive SUV's that have wheels taller thay they are.
People who ask me how I am. Just say hello, and I'll do the same. You don't really care how I am. And I don't really care to tell you. If you mind your business, you'll be too busy to mind mine.
People who laugh inappropriately loud and long over small, mundane things, as if their laughter is making it funny.
"The wrong promotion". It's "a challenging new position". This means more work, same pay.
Being told that your salary "will be reviewed in the near future" (why not just tell me I'm not getting a raise now).
"Our staff are our most valuable asset".
People who don't know what they're talking but insist on talking anyway.
People who mosey up to green lights knowing that they'll get through even if it goes yellow, but refuse to speed up that extra 4 mph that would mean you could get through it also.
People who are fat and blame it on everyone else.
Native "English" speakers who treat their language with so much disdain that people who learn it as an extra language are actually better at writing AND speaking it.
People who insist on being the first into an elevator, and then proceed to let the doors close on you as you enter.
People who walk slowly.
People who talk loudly.
People who walk into your sidemirrors in parking lots, leaving you with a reflection of your door handle when attempting a lane change on the motorway.
Word spell checks that want to replace "Fatmouse" with "Farmhouse".
People who put their email address in their Outlook signature.
Registry of Cynics
NEW List:
Chancellor of the Registry
Pupik
Gravy Train
Neon_Duke
donbenni
-
Office Workers
Giles Guthrie
Sage
Famine
Race Idiot
On the Dole
ALPHA
Zrow
Klostrophobic
Gil
jpmontoya
DQuaN
emad
the_cobbinator
skip0110
TB
pimpin_t
For initiates: Fatmouse exists in many guises, in many places. Fatmouse GTP is one such guise. All guises of Fatmouse adopt four founding principles:
- Fatmouse + you = Fatmouse.
- Fatmouse can make you a winner. Fatmouse can make you a loser. Fatmouse doesnt care to make you a winner or a loser.
- Fatmouse is unmoved.
- Fatmouse + ridiculer = smite.
The Purpose of Fatmouse
Fatmouse GTP is dedicated to bringing cynics together. To rant. Cynically, about anything they choose.
What is a cynic?
Quoted:
Telling the truth can get you into hot water. As much as the world needs its cynics, it still doesn't REALIZE that it needs them. Cynics today are habitually castigated by politicians, corporate chieftains and other productive citizens with tidy lawns; they know that we're on to them, so they lump us with the lowest of the low. We're generally cast as the heavies in
the black hats, counterproductive miscreants who broil babies when we're not spray-painting obscenities on public monuments. We're portrayed as masters of chicanery and intrigue, untrusting and untrustworthy. Since we're neither leaders nor followers, we're expected to get out of the way -- and the tidy-lawn folks get furious when we don't. Nobody loves a cynic, except maybe another cynic.
Even the dictionary definition of a cynic makes us look like scoundrels:
"a faultfinding captious critic; esp. one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest."
Aside from casting us in a negative light, Webster & Co. miss the point by half a mile. Where's the hint of lost ideals, the rueful humor, the wounded childlike soul that lurks behind the cynic's sarcasm?
What a sadly maligned and misunderstood tribe we are! Cynicism, after all, springs not from cruelty or viciousness, but from precisely the opposite: a fatal love of virtue. If we were mere realists, we'd have no need for cynicism; the world would never disappoint us because we'd expect so little of it. But the best cynics are still idealists under their scarred hides. We wanted the world to be a better place, and we can't shrug off the disappointment when it lets us down. Our cynicism gives us the painful power to behold life shorn of its sustaining illusions. Thus my own definition of a cynic:
"an idealist whose rose-colored glasses have been removed, snapped in two and stomped into the ground, immediately improving his vision."
If we were activists, we'd do something constructive about our discontentment. But we're smart enough to know that we won't prevail, and probably a little too lazy to attempt any labor that's predestined to fail. So we retaliate with our special brand of wounded wit. If we can't defeat our oppressors, at least we can mock them in good fellowship. That's about as
much justice as a cynic can expect.
How to join Fatmouse
Interested in joining Fatmouse? You do not become a cynic. You either are already a cynic. Or you are not a cynic. It is something you are, not what you become.
To be accepted into Fatmouse GTP, make three suggestions that could be added to the below list of vexations that a cynic recognises as being vexations. Based on those three suggestions, Fatmouse will decide on your authenticity as a cynic. If successful, your name will be placed on the Registry of Cynics. If unsuccessful, Fatmouse doesnt care.
It is possible for an existing member to uplift their standing withing Fatmouse in terms of status. One can move from On the Dole, to an Officeworker to Gravy Train with work over-and-above the call of duty. Inactivity by existing members will lead to those members being stricken from the Registry.
Vexations With added contributions from members of yore
Overwork
Unemployment.
"We'll keep your resume on file".
People whose cell phones ring at movies and funerals.
Being ridiculed by your inferiors.
Wondering if you're inferior to your inferiors.
Going bald, especially if you're a woman.
Getting stuck in a bad career.
Realizing that a bad career makes a bad life.
The demise of Western civilization.
The triumph of degeneracy, barbarism, evil, and MBAs.
Cheesy books that stay on the bestseller list for 187 weeks.
Chronic disappointment.
Eating bean sprouts and dying young anyway.
Eternal damnation as your final reward.
The phrase "There is no I in team".
The bastardization of the English language through, like, evasive superfluousness.
The redundant and circular "logic" of the free-floating, ornemental term "proactive".
People who simply do not get sarcasm and accuse sarcastic people of being "negative".
Small women who drive SUV's that have wheels taller thay they are.
People who ask me how I am. Just say hello, and I'll do the same. You don't really care how I am. And I don't really care to tell you. If you mind your business, you'll be too busy to mind mine.
People who laugh inappropriately loud and long over small, mundane things, as if their laughter is making it funny.
"The wrong promotion". It's "a challenging new position". This means more work, same pay.
Being told that your salary "will be reviewed in the near future" (why not just tell me I'm not getting a raise now).
"Our staff are our most valuable asset".
People who don't know what they're talking but insist on talking anyway.
People who mosey up to green lights knowing that they'll get through even if it goes yellow, but refuse to speed up that extra 4 mph that would mean you could get through it also.
People who are fat and blame it on everyone else.
Native "English" speakers who treat their language with so much disdain that people who learn it as an extra language are actually better at writing AND speaking it.
People who insist on being the first into an elevator, and then proceed to let the doors close on you as you enter.
People who walk slowly.
People who talk loudly.
People who walk into your sidemirrors in parking lots, leaving you with a reflection of your door handle when attempting a lane change on the motorway.
Word spell checks that want to replace "Fatmouse" with "Farmhouse".
People who put their email address in their Outlook signature.
Registry of Cynics
NEW List:
Chancellor of the Registry
Pupik
Gravy Train
Neon_Duke
donbenni
-
Office Workers
Giles Guthrie
Sage
Famine
Race Idiot
On the Dole
ALPHA
Zrow
Klostrophobic
Gil
jpmontoya
DQuaN
emad
the_cobbinator
skip0110
TB
pimpin_t
. Why do I find that funny? 
