Fatmouse: Because there is a 'me' in 'team'

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mike Rotch
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pupik
People who walk slowly.
Fine for National Parks, but evil at all other places. Don't move to Florida, then.

People who talk loudly.
Don't move to Florida, then.
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To these two, add:


  • People who talk slowly, drive slowly, or eat quickly.
  • Webpages that contain the text "under construction." They suck even more if they have an animated gif of someone digging.
  • Menus more than 2 levels deep.
  • Cars with touchy brakes.
  • Any emoticon taking up more than 2 characters.
  • People who harass you on the street, asking for some sort of support, when you clearly have something to do.
  • Forms with triplicate copy or greater. The carbon never makes its way down more than one level.
  • People who expect you to interpret a "look." You have a mouth and vocal chords for a reason.
  • Emails containing nonstandard fonts or images.
  • Word wrap in Notepad.
  • Nonstandard shortcuts for cut, copy, or paste.
  • Small Post-it page markers for books.
  • Packaging that requires more than your hands to open.
  • "Free stuff" that has a big logo plastered over it. T-shirts are the worst. Mugs and pens are the least offensive offenders.
  • Ignoramuses who will not shut up. (I'm sure it's been said, but worth restating.)
  • Sun keyboards that swap the "backspace" and "`" keys.
  • People who think outward organization will bring mental orgainization.
  • People who write everything down but never do anything.
  • Cashiers who card arbitrarily.
  • People who take too long at the ATM.
  • People who mumble when announcing something over an intercom.
I'm sure I can come up with more.
 
People who you constantly give to but get nothing in return

People who think - and constantly boast - they're geniouses but constantly prove otherwise

People who want the world without considering anyone else

How'd I do? :dunce:
 
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Firstly, I'd like to point out our new Chancellor of the Registry - pupik. He embodies Fatmousian principles. Read and learn.
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Bits 'n Bobs

pimpin_t: A bit rough around the edges. One out of three means you'll have to step up your game for your last attempt 👍
ALPHA: Above average, even for someone who hearts Nazengi. A Dole man.
donbenni: Proves his entry was no fluke, promoted to a desk 👍
the_cobbinator: Good observations. Needs to pick a good university. *Dole*
skip0110: Another one who rises from the pack. Good job, and keep em coming.

Err, Omnis. Nicetrybut. If this were a cartoon, the shadow of an anvil would be dangerously close to you. There is always next year ;)

VV: Definitely 1/3. First one showed promise that wasnt carried through. One last attempt to generate 2 more.
 
Also, we need some Gravy Train-ers :grumpy: The lower divisions are getting a bit packed.

If you are interested, remember, "Less is more" :)
 
M5Power
This problem's been considered by manufacturers and altered, but there's one other problem: fog lights only operate with full headlights on, so saying people who drive with their fog lights on are stupid is the SAME as saying people who drive with full headlights on are stupid at dusk. Also, you'll be happy to know that my fog lights and the fog lights of most new cars point to the ground (though even if they didn't I'd use them, indeed, because it looks cool and I probably paid extra for them).
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I drive with my full (dipped) headlights on at dusk. However, I don't feel the need to reach down to the centre console and flick the front foglights on as well. Foglights only come on with full headlights IF the foglight switch is in the "on" position.

Foglights do indeed point to the ground, or they wouldn't be much use. The purpose of them is to illuminate the road beneath the fog, as opposed to headlights which illuminate the road ahead but which get reflected and refracted by fog.

They are still illegal to use, in the UK, when it isn't actually foggy though.
 
Mike Rotch
Err, Omnis. Nicetrybut. If this were a cartoon, the shadow of an anvil would be dangerously close to you. There is always next year ;)
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i hate people like you. :grumpy:


:sly:
 
donbenni
The way you're other half gets mad at you and upon questioning cannot say why.
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That's because you know why. At least, that's what they say. At least, you would know if you had her head on your body. And her thoughts and experiences. Likely mankind's (this sort of thing never vexes the fairer sex, paradoxically) oldest vexation.

Might I mention the uncanny ability that people want you to read their minds, even when they are showing a complete poker face; thus you look stupid no matter how you were supposed to act?
 
Next door neighbours who spend all day working in the gardens doing DIY, digging up the lawn, building extensions, creating a whole load of noise but without even mentioning anything to us or apologising for the disturbance.

That question "Why do you smoke?"

That question "Have you got a spare cigarette?" Followed by "Sorry, can i use your lighter?"
Christ, do you want me to smoke it for you as well?
 
People who use the abbreviation "Weds" for "Wednesday".
 
It highlights it. Where is the "s" in "Wednesday"? It's not after the "d", that's for sure. In fact, they use it as an abbreviation when it's really a concatenation. Fools.

The problem is exacerbated by the fact that I support Sheffield Wednesday. It's too long to fit on most results pages, so many places concatenate it to "Sheffield Weds" and it makes me want to kill.
 
People that take a television with them camping.

When your boss gives you a 6 hour project at 4:30pm on Friday.

When you see someone you haven't seen for while and they ask "Did you gain some weight?" 🤬

People that take on some extra responsibility and then complain about how much work it is.

People that think "ER" is accurate.

"Large" people with tiny cars.

Four words: Americas Funniest Home Videos.
 
Might I humbly add people who tailgate in the fast/left lane and you're already 5-7 over the speed limit. Would you kindly drive on around me so I can call in your license plate to the Highway patrol. You can keep them busy for me, while I roll on.
Or the idiot that goes flying around you like their head is on fire and their ass is catchin,' just to slam on the brakes in 50 yards. You can either plan better or leave your damn house ten minutes earlier so you don't feel compelled to drive like a fool.
Lastly on traffic, I drive a BRIGHT yellow pick-up. Why do people still insist on pulling out in front of me like they didn't see me? If you can't see something as large as a truck, you really shouldn't be driving. If that truck is eye searing yellow, you probably shouldn't even walk anywhere that cars go.

Might I also submit those people that walk up to you, and state in their ground glass voice, "my husband/wife is cold, GET THEM A BLANKET!" OR "GET ME THIS OR THAT!" Come to me polite, or get it your damn self!!
Just cause I'm a registered nurse, and have vowed to "do no harm", I am NOT slave labor, nor do I respond well to "requests" that are phrased like you are the "massa" and I'm the "slave". While I care about the comfort of my patients, do not treat me like a second class citizen. I learned to do harrm to my fellow man long before I learned to help them recover from aforementioned harm. Don't test my resolve to keep my vow. The only things that keeps me from jumping over the desk and down your throat are all the damn witnesses!:irked: And all the damn paperwork.
You know these people would be highly offended if addressed in the same manner.
Did your mama forget to teach you not to piss off the nearly 300lb black man? Shame on her!!!

Also, why is it that when you go someplace with "attentive" wait staff, they always ask you if everything is ok when you have a mouth full of food, and can do nothing but politely nod?
 
People who read shirts...out loud. Then laugh about it as if they made it up.
People who shop at hipster stores exclusively.
People who forward emails that were funny 3 years ago.
Ricers (sorry, but someone was eventually going to add it)
People who listen to Green Day, Yellowcard, and other such crap.
Anyone exhibiting Fanboyism.
People who have nothing better to do than tell people how to better themselves.
Anyone who thinks they are important. You arent, shut up.
 
People who like every reality show that Fox puts out. I swear, out of all the shows they put on there are total dog ****.

People who are too blind to see that it's almost damn near impossible to classify the genre of a band.

People who use Kazaa and are too stupid to know that Kazaa started sucking 3 years ago.

People who buy flashy cars (Esclades, Crappy Mercedes.) Not just to compensate for their small gentials.

Watching show offs who think they can go up a steep, icy hill with 4 wheel drive.

The New York Yankees.

People who wear too much Cologne/Perfume.

When someone gets into an accident with you when it's their fault, and they get out of the car looking at you as if it was your own fault.


Whew. I feel better.
 
Mike Rotch
Righty.
Placement as an Officeworker

Duke: On the precipice of promotion to greatness. Smition (?) or additional entries can increase levels of Fatmousianism.
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I've considered this and I've decided that the cynic in me is currently vexed by a large number of commonplace garden-variety vexations. Cel-phone drivers, noisy children, people who insist George Bush is retarded, and popular music do not warrant the efforts of a true cynic. These are banalities that are best ignored rather than skewered further.

My life is currently filled with tasks that sat dormant for months - even years - and then decided to become simlutaneously active and in a panic for completion. There is nothing as vexing as letting me sit, wasting my time and money, for three months and then suddenly deciding that you need those three months' worth of work in the next three weeks. With one project that is bad enough. I have had it happen to me with no less than FOUR projects in the last month... and these are just they paying projects.

Add to that a manager who requires me to do a lot of detailed analysis and planning of my studio's financial situation, yet places a very strict limit on the number of non-billable overhead hours we can submit... and yells when projects are less profitable due to all those hours being billed rather than absorbed as they should be. The proverbial 'have your cake and eat it too' situation, frosted with a smattering of 'do as I say, not as I do' for good measure. Most vexing indeed...

I am skirting the dangerous edge of Dilbertism, I realize, but this is indeed the true state of my vexation rather than an off-the-shelf, premanufactured vexation that can be used as 'cynical shorthand' in much the same way as mediocre standup comics use 'humor shorthand', relying on easy targets such as airline travel, customer service stories, and faceless corporations.
 
I may aswell give this a crack. I've never seen or even heard of this before. I still hardly even know what this is about. Peoples posts were too long :indiff: I hope it's not too late for me.

Medical Chemists spending millions on keeping Old people "happy", "Energised" You know what I'm getting at.

People who skip class and still pass their subjects. All without getting caught, when If I were to do it. I'd land myself in detention and fail my subjects.

People who think dirty things, even when you are trying to be serious.

As I said I didn't get to read all posts, so if any of yours were in there. I'm sorry and Don't hurt me....... Please??? I'll wait until next year to try this.
 
The friggin human race should die..I hate the world. I must get a job in customer service ..that is my calling..you morons. Drop dead the lot of you. Tell the fat mouse to go on a diet the friggin lazy bastard. Bite me.
 
Latest market movements 👍

TB - a new entrant on the Dole. Will need some lessons to enhance status.
Gil - Locks up his position for this year.
donbenni - Great work. If Fatmouse kept records, this would be one.
DrogoGTO - 👎 :(
DRIFT - Sorry chum, Fatmouse doesnt do homework ;)
Duke - Nice new angle. Cynical about superficial cynicism 👍
pimpin_t - Nice improvement. See TB's comment.
xAkirax - Potential, but too much specialist stuff. Unless he is talking about a Yankee cricket team :)
ledled - "Fatmouse is unmoved".
 
People who say their life sucks when they have twice as much money than me, twice as many cars than me, a house twice as big as mine, and twice as much money than me..

The fact that I have twice as much money than them, twice as many cars than them, a house twice as big than theirs and someone looks up at me and hates me because I say my life sucks.

well, i gave it my best shot. If fatmouse doesn't like it, Ill give him a big-ass hunk of cheese as a bribe! ;) j/k
 
People with mullets.
Morons who drive the speedlimit on the interstate.
People who drop N-bombs every other word.
People who think they know more than me.
People who think they know more than everyone.
People who say they're 'from the hood' when they're from the rich part of town.
Mac computers in general.
Mac owners who swear PCs are horrible.
People who go to sporting events and sit on the side of the team they're cheering against.
People who you can smell from twenty feet away and insist on sitting RIGHT beside you.
Large people eating fast food .. stacker 2 is a hell of a drug.

I think I feel better already.
 
Guess I'll give this a go.

People who come late to class on test days then ask if you've got an extra pencil, right after asking if they can "borrow a scan-tron."

People who have walkie talkie cell phones.

People who drag their feet when they walk.

People who talk through their teeth.

People who think it's OK to fart in crowded elevators.
 
  • That the word colour is really spelt with a u. The American English version saves 1 key stroke and doesn’t burn 20 kilojoules and leads to mass obesity.
  • That the rule "I before E except after C" is obsolete because of so many exceptions so that "except when said 'ay' as in 'neighbour' and 'weigh'" got tacked on the end. It defeats the point of having a rule, rules are made to be broken.
  • The word isthmus, it isn’t appropriate to describe a narrow strip or passage connecting two organs or land masses, it’s a word catered for people with lisps, why can’t I have a word specially catered for me?
  • People who worry over their clothes on the washing line if they are going to get wet or not, it’s what that thing called your clothes drier is for.
  • People who wait to cross roads 10 metres away from pedestrian crossings. And then are still standing on the same side waiting to cross when you’re already down the other end of the street and on the opposite side.
  • Pedestrian crossings that only last until your only halfway across the road to keep the traffic moving. Instead the traffic has to wait anyway because old Mrs Stevenson can’t walk briskly across the last two lanes of traffic.
  • Pokemon, there isn’t anything monster like about them, they have cutey cutey, Hiya :D :O :lol: Meow! (='.'=) anime eyes that……look stupid!
  • Large flash animations that don't have a percentage loaded or progression bar but instead a cheesy looping animation so that you can't tell how long it'll take to download.

Oh and Mike, BTW it's Nanzenji :p
 
ALPHA
Hiya :D :O :lol: Meow! (='.'=)
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Yeah i hate to have personal vexations and all, but i really do dislike that girl's usage of that in every post followed by trash interspersed with more :O
 
Event - Confused Fatmouse. More so than, well, stuff and , er, other stuff :grumpy:
tabs: Whats a scan-tron? Also, doesnt seem like your heart was in it :(
ALPHA - makes a strong push for promotion. Secures top(ish) Dole berth.
donbenni - spot on.

Well, as stated, this entry period was a limited time only offer. The week is up, and the response has been of quality and in healthy quantities.

Fatmouse thanks you all. :)

However, now the door must be closed once more so that we may all reflect of the irritations in life, having hopefully found comfort that you aren't the only person who finds this or that rolleyesable.

Until next year, be strong in the face of naggers and incompetants. ;)
 
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