So let's start with the basics. The car is built up around a carbon-fibre monocoque so stiff and strong that Bugatti's engineers say it has no need for side airbags. All the panels are carbon fibre too, except the wings and doors, whose shapes are too complex to be manufactured easily in carbon, so make do with aluminium instead.
The car naturally uses double wishbone suspension at each corner and, of course, the brakes are massive and made from carbon ceramic material. They'll stop the Veyron from 250mph in less than ten seconds. The tyres are unique Michelin PAX run-flats and, with a 365 section at the back, are by far the fattest ever to be used on a road car. The exhaust system is titanium.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
Engine capable of over 980bhp
But this, I suspect, is not what you really want to know. You're more interested in the monster responsible for its 987bhp power output and, having savoured it, I cannot say I blame you.
Astonishingly, the engine that's conceptually closest to this 8.3-litre, quad turbo 16-cylinder beast can be found in the humble Volkswagen Passat. Remember the Passat W8, the astonishingly slow-selling top-of-the-range from the last generation Passat? Well, in very broad terms, the Veyron engine is two of those joined together and boosted into the stratosphere courtesy of four turbochargers provided by Mitsubishi. And while most cars are happy with just the one radiator, keeping the engine, transmission and subsystems cool on a Veyron takes 10.
More incredible even than this is that Bugatti is actually being somewhat economical with the truth over its power output. The claimed 987bhp was measured, as are all VW power outputs, at an ambient outside temperature of over 40° C, where the air is thin, starving the turbos of the oxygen they need to develop full boost. At a more normal temperature, say 20° C, its output is nearer 1035bhp.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
The Veyron has no rivals
Then there's the torque. When you accelerate, it is torque, not power that you feel. The Veyron has 922lb ft of the stuff: to put that into perspective, the only other car ever made to even approach the Veyron's performance, the McLaren F1, had 479lb ft of torque. So you have to understand, before you understand anything about the Veyron that this car has no rivals: it is a new dimension.
Then again, for 1,000,000 (£839,285 in the UK) before local taxes, so it should be for its price is another in the growing list of Veyron ultimates: nobody, not even McLaren has ever had the temerity to put a car on sale for anything approaching this kind of money.
Nor should you expect this money to buy you a perfect car; in fact and as we shall see, the Veyron is rather flawed. Even before you take on the mighty challenge of actually driving the thing, you have to come to terms with its massive width, the offset driving position, the non-existent over-the-shoulder visibility and the inability to see any of its corners.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
No plastic to be seen inside
Then the luggage space in the nose is, frankly, a joke. You'd be lucky to squeeze even an overnight bag into the Veyron. Then again, if you can afford a Veyron, you can almost certainly also afford the staff to take your luggage to the hotel in another car.
Getting aboard is not easy if you are, shall I say, generously proportioned. By far the most efficient, if not the most dignified, way is to aim your backside at the deeply dished bucket seat and fall backwards into the car, remembering to duck under the roof as you do. Then you can simply scoop your legs into the car and contemplate an interior that looks fully in keeping with the car's colossal price.
There is no plastic to be seen anywhere, just leather, milled aluminium and Alcantara. The ignition key is a disappointment - much too closely related to that of a VW Golf: you'd think for this kind of money, a keyless system would not be too much to ask. You might be surprised too to learn that both the seat and steering wheel require manual adjustment, though they require little effort and the absent electric motors keep a few kilos off the waistline of what is already a very heavy car.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
Veyron isn't keyless
Bugatti's official claim states that it weighs 1,888kg but admit this is a dry weight and that with oil and fuel on board it weighs 1950kg. So by the time anyone other than the skinniest of drivers has positioned themselves at the wheel, the Veyron is a fully subscribed two tonner. A McLaren F1, by very stark contrast, weighs less than 1200kg.
But now it's time to drive, so you push the little silver button and hear the gargantuan 16-cylinder motor stir with a deep-chested growl. The Veyron is fitted with a seven-speed semi-automatic DSG gearbox but, for now, we'll just nudge the lever into D and gently, slowly try to find out what this car's about.
The first thing you discover is that, apart from the intimidation of its sheer size on narrow roads, the Veyron is no more difficult to drive than a luxury limousine. The engine doesn't attack you if you do more than brush the throttle; it is entirely progressive, docile and predictable. The steering lock is predictably poor, but the helm is beautifully weighted and precise, while the carbon ceramic brakes work perfectly and silently from rest, even when stone cold.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
Rear aerofoil can also act as an airbrake at high speeds
So much for going slowly. This is Sicily on a Sunday morning, the autostradas are deserted and the local police are in what can best be described as an understanding mood. Just before I flattened the throttle for the first time, I felt something I usually only ever feel when competing on a race track: a small but discernible twang of fear, deep in my gut. I decide to start the show in third gear.
When I finally stopped accelerating I had to slow down and do it all over again, just to make sure I hadn't been dreaming. Whatever your definition of fast, be it defined by Porsche 911, Ferrari F430 or Mercedes SLR McLaren, the Veyron will take it and, in one instant, burn it before your eyes. Time and distance fuse into one unintelligible fog in your head. In the public road environment, there has never been anything like this.
The gearbox adds to the relentlessness. Other cars that, until now, vied to be the fastest in the world at least gave you the briefest of rests between gears: the Veyron doesn't. With the twin-clutch DSG gearbox, changes are so fast the human brain cannot actually discern any pause at all between shifts. It is also seamlessly smooth, so the effect, particularly if you don't bother with the paddles at all and let the electronics change up at peak power for you, is that the engine has no gearbox, but a limitless flood of power, hurling you at the horizon, an inexorable, untameable force of nature for which your mind has no data, no reference point at all.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
Electronically limited top speed because of the tyres
I still don't know when it would have stopped had the instinct for self-preservation not taken over: I drove it faster than I've ever driven any car on the public road and, at that speed, it was still accelerating like most conventionally quick cars do in their middle gears. What I do know is that its top speed of 407km/h (253mph) is electronically limited because of the tyres. Nobody really knows how fast it will go completely unrestricted.
It is fair to say, however, that the Veyron was never going to struggle in a straight-line, not with a thousand or more horses under rein. What was of at least as much interest to me was how his two-tonne car behaved once we left the autostrada and headed for the hills.
Here another fundamental difference between it and the likes of the Ferrari Enzo and Porsche Carrera GT emerges. You may be disappointed to hear it but, by ultimate standards, the Veyron is not agile; no car of this weight ever could be. It lacks the interaction and feel of a lightweight road racer and feels much more like a feral Mercedes SLR in its responses.
To be fair, it disguises its weight as much as a two-tonne car ever could, but the simple truth is that if you're looking for a car that behaves as if it were born for the race track, you should buy yourself a racing car.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
Despite the power, the Veyron is very much a road car
The Veyron, for all its speed, massive grip and crushing braking power, is as far from being a track car as a Formula One car is from being a road car. One is not right and other wrong, they are just different.
However, there is a serious point here: the comparative lack of interaction offered by the Veyron relative to the most communicative supercars of all time - in my mind the McLaren F1 and Ferrari F40 - does damage its overall appeal and, if I could have one of the three as a device purely for imparting total driving pleasure, it would be the Ferrari, slowest by far, that I would chose. If I have to cross Europe however, I'd probably take the Veyron.
I am not going to descend into the political debate about the rights and wrongs of making a car like the Veyron available for use on the public road. My role is simply to tell you what it's like to drive and if you think it's irrelevant, there will be little I can say to convince you otherwise - not least because quite a lot of me agrees with you. Nor will I be drawn to say whether it is irresponsible, other than to note that any car in the wrong set of hands is a potentially lethal weapon.
All I know is I want to savour the thrill of being pushed down the road by one thousand horsepower one more time: it may be childish, but it's no less a thrill for that. Bugatti even gives you a gauge so you can see the moment the four-figure output is reached, though your time would probably be more sensibly spent watching the road.
Bugatti Veyron (2005-)
Veyron: a true ultimate
OK, so that does not qualify it as the finest car ever made and, perhaps, given that it is the most expensive car ever made, it should be. But as a piece of engineering, I am in awe of the Veyron and feel privileged beyond words to have made its acquaintance.
In the simplest terms, I'm just glad it exists. Any true ultimate is intrinsically interesting, as is anything that can do things that have never been done before. And the real scale of the Veyron's achievement is not so much that it does things beyond the scope of any other road car, but that it does them without really trying.
Meow! (='.'=)
