I've read bits and pieces in this thread. I don't really know where to begin. I will say this; high school covers some of the most awkward years of anyone's life. Middle school only leads you into those years. In no other part of my life have groups been so polarized in such a small community. That's saying something as I went to a high school of almost 3,000 young adults and I know there are larger schools.
Young adults, such as yourself, struggle with identity as did I at that age. Everything is an extreme. You have jocks, nerds, various ethnic groups, stoners, goths, a hip-hop crowd, popular folks and everything else under the sun. Each group is very defined. One is almost forced into a slot, not even of their own doing. We as people are curious creatures though and such a rigid structure doesn't play to our advantage. Outside of such defined roles there is plenty of room to thrive in the intermediary/transitional places. I've always loved sports and being active, but some more cerebral endeavors (geography, history, poetry, mechanics or art) have been very gratifying as well. The point is this, high school tries to define things very specifically and rigidly, but in the end people are far more curious and diverse than it may allow.
I would then say, be honest with yourself. In the end you have to live with who you know yourself to be. This isnt a heavy topic laden with guilt, but rather a way to be happiest. Just be reflective and conscious and you should be fine. Make sure you know what things truly stir your soul and if you dont, keep digging because at some point you will find them. There is no time to waste in following the things that speak to your heart. Postponement is ok, but never let vital parts of who you are get left behind.
GT5_Prologue, you have a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you care deeply for your friends and it sounds as though you have a great inner dialogue about how things are going in life, albeit sometimes a bit too much so. Weve all had nights where we stay up longer than we had wished because we couldnt shut the brain off. Cest la vie. As far as your home life is concerned, it needs some fixing and you never know, but as much as it pains us, family might be able to help. Dont pass on that opportunity without first seeing whats there.
Also, remember to enjoy yourself and when interacting with people make the things you love fun for others to experience whether in conversation or in action. It isnt always easy, but it dramatically affects relationships. Oh, and keep coming back to this thread. You have an audience after all.
So then my mom calls the police on us AFTER she lies about hitting her kids and the cop tells ME THAT IF I DO IT AGAIN I'M! ON PROBATION. I didn't go to bed until 2 in the morning, and I was tired as complete crap all day. What the **** is wrong with my life!!!!
