How to Spot A Hacker!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Blackbird.
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As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA.
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When articles begin like that it gives you ample time to prepare for the lunacy

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".
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and thus beggins the insanity, two of those are spyware/adware, one of them is a programming tool used for presentations and basic games.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.
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???

I thought AMD were an American company that made processors far superior to Intels. Oh well, I better remove all of the processors in my house (except a lone laptop) wouldn't want to be involved in hacking.

Oh well, I guess I can just laugh off the idiocy. I wonder if it's a prank, seriously I can't say I've seen anyone that stupid since I attended a notoriously homophobic church in Jersey.

Edit: my suspicions that it was indeed a joke have been confirmed.
 
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government.
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This is the most bizarre part in the whole story... what is Lunix? I only know Linux, so it is a hacker software? There are lots of hacker companies in the world then! Who the hell is this Soviet computer hacker Linyos Torovoltos? The last time I heard from him, he was called Linus Torvalds and was a Finnish software engineer. And last but not the least, if Unix ("xenix") was written by Microsoft for the US government, there is a damn big conspiracy going on somewhere. :lol:

Hmm... I just bought an AMD processor, from a store... I think I'll go to call the cops, the store keeper must be a hacker. :D

Seriously, what kind of lunatic has written that story? :odd:
 
:lol:

Good find, some people are just tragically ill-informed.
 
I've seen this before, but i'm still undecided wether this is a joke or a REALLY over-cautious parent..

As soon as this guy starts recommending AOL though I just can't stop laughing

Using that, apparently im 40% a hacker...
 
It's a joke. Check the FAQ *language warning*
 
Ahahahahahaaaaaaa!

I love how the father says he has the finest family in America and then his son turns out to be a hacker. First of all, the irony is hilarious. Second, so your son is a hacker. So what?
 
AMD is american, but their product isn't any better than Intel's, nor is it worse. There are about 15 different commonly used versions of the Linux OS--it's a free and customizable OS in which you can rewrite code and share with others--and all those he named as "hacker operating systems" are different forms of Linux. And anyone who refers to a computer as a "device" or a "machine" obviously is not "enlightened".
I really don't know why people write stuff like this. It's a joke to us, but to people who don't have a clue what those programs are, it is fact. Then they become scared to use IE and Google to search for the true answers. If my parents were this insane I'd slap them and run away.
 
This guy is obiously high on somthing. If AMD is what he says, all of are 6 computers accept are Laptop. Must go, and i must exchange my AMD 64 for some Intel crap. Next hes going to say that Antec must go also... *sigh*
I personally thought that was the worst father. OMG HE HAS SPYWARE ON HIS COMPUTER!! GROUNDED FOR LIFE!
 
9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.
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WTF? :lol:

Changing your appearence means nothing. It's a phase all teenagers go through. I went through it, and the whole
"More than 30 minutes a day" is bs.

Struggling in school means you hack? I thought hacking took a great deal of intelligence so something has to be backwards there.

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.
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Typical....That has nothing to do with hacking. If a child becomes disapproving of someone else, it doesn't mean he's spent too much time in the virtual world.


And how in god's name is asking for better computer equipment anywhere near hacking? I know hackers sometimes need it, but if I need a faster video card or better sound card, it's for games.
 
Come to think of it, maybe the author of this is a hacker :lol:

I mean if he knows so much about hackers....
Or is it all one inference?
 
That's one of the funniest things I've ever read.... :lol:
 
niky
That's one of the funniest things I've ever read.... :lol:
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I dunno, I find it funnier to read the responses of the GTPers who actually think the article is serious. :lol:
 
Yeah...:lol:
 
Yeah, I've seen this before. It's quite funny actually. I like how it seems as though it's "All enclusive" about hacking traits, but in reality there's probably 90% of the traits missed.
 
How 'bout that. And I guess Unix came before Linux, as it's cited on Linux.org in the first line of text. "Linux is a free Unix-type operating system..." I'd never even heard of Unix before. Of course, all I know about these systems is what I read online, while I was hacking.
 
Oh now I read the FAQ and I know its a joke

AHHHHH!! IM GONNA DIE FROM ELECTROMAGNETIC RADIATION CAUSE I SPEND MORE THAN 5 HOURS ON COMPUTER EVERY DAY!! SOMEONE HELP MEE!!! :lol:
 
As soon as i read the title, this is what came to mind

31337_haxoor_roolz.jpg


:lol:

Brilliant read!!.
 

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