If bobs could talk, what would they say

  • Thread starter nascar49
  • 120 comments
  • 10,907 views
MarsSpork
ME: Overtake
BOB: That means I can drive through the car in front of me, right?
ME: No, that means go around.
BOB: Ok. I tried driving through the car in front and that didn't work. Now what?
ME: You can't drive through - go AROUND it.
BOB: I tried hitting the car in front reeaaaallly hard this time. Still didn't work, boss.
ME: Don't hit it, turn the steering wheel, then accelerate.
BOB: Steering wheel?
ME: #*%@
Click to expand...

:lol: :lol: 👍
 
Me: Ok M. Jordan! I need you to win me that Dream Car championship!
M. Jordan: But isn't this the 35th time we done this?
Me: Ah quit your whining. You ARE using an X2010, remember?
M. Jordan: But remember last time? Dang FTO Super Touring Car nearly killed me!
Me: That's cause you slammed into him at 300 MPH!
M. Jordan: Oh right... *facepalm*
Me: And why were there Redbull cans inside the cockpit?
M. Jordan: I thought it would give me wings! Plus it's our sponsor!
Me: *sigh* This is why you'll never be able to drive the Proto X2010.
M. Jordan: T_T
 
Bob: I wish i could d-lock the team owner. he :censored:makes me drive 24/7. the 🤬 ....!!!!!!!!!!!

Owner: Heard that, get your P45, next time you pit!
 
All of my bobs: "Can you keep sharing us online with your friends? It's such a relief to drive without you telling us to pace up every three seconds. Oh and by the way, the red paint you put on the RM Corvette is ugly, just saying."
 
DA__dogg
All of my bobs: "Can you keep sharing us online with your friends? It's such a relief to drive without you telling us to pace up every three seconds. Oh and by the way, the red paint you put on the RM Corvette is ugly, just saying."
Click to expand...
"yeah about that paint, im trying my level best to remove it, everytime i corner and smash a barrier".

"don't say i am not helping?"
 
Biobunny
M.Shumacher "Concentrate,Concentrate"
Click to expand...

Heh, mine's J. Shumacher - maybe they're brothers?

Anyhow,-

Bob: I'm almost dead from stress! Why must you keep making me do all this work? I mean, just this morning, you made me do 6 laps of Madrid in a RenaultSport Clio V6 Cup Car; then 2 laps of de la Sarthe in a 1200hp Veyron - JUST FOR A :censored:ing ALPINE A110. Then you gave it to a :censored:ing friend, you :censored:ing MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Because I can get money and cars, while I sit around doing nothing and taking advantage of my garage of rather good performance cars. Got me.

Bob: I quit.

Me: You can't. I control you.

DIFFERENT CONVERSATION:

Me: Yo, Shumacher, I want a word!

Bob: Huh?

Me: I blew ALL my money on tuning my Murciélago SV for the Lamborghini Exclusive, and all you seem to be able to do is ram the back end of a priceless Miura prototype.

Bob: Aww, give up man, it's a narrow track.

Me: SO? You have a steering wheel, don't you?

Bob: I do?

Me: [sighs] This is gonna take more explanation than I expected...
 
"Aaah!!! There's a car in front of me and I don't want to ram into it! I'll cause damage to my car that won't even affect me at all! And - oh god, another one's got past me."
 
'If Bobs could talk..'

Well, it depends on which one it was. I have some absolute heros who I'd love to have a chat with, perhaps a beer, talk about girls and sport, listen to them wax lyrical about holding off the opposition time and time again to earn me cash, yet taking nothing for himself... you know the sort of thing.

And then there are all the others who I would just walk up to, silently and swifty, and then smash them repeatedly about the face and neck, firstly with a DS3, the a PS3 and then finally a large plank of wood (about 4 feet long and 6" thick) with the words 'JUST OVERTAKE NOW YOU IDIOT!!!' in huge flaming letters down the side.

Phew... I think I need to lie down now... :ill:
 
Bob #1 - P. Barre
Bob: "What's a chicane? I can just go across the grass - it's faster!"
Me: "No it F#^@&*^ ISN'T!!"
Bob: "Is that why I spin out and go from 2nd to 12th?"
Me: "Yes. Yes it is."
Bob: "I don't understand."

Bob #2: S. Fukuda
Bob: "Ramming is totally the same as overtaking!"
Me: "Just shut up."

Bob #3: C. Klein
Bob: "I know I'm better than the rest of them, but 11 nights of 9hr races in a row is just too much.
Me: "Well...you can do that or go back in your G^%$&* crate...your choice."
Bob: "I'll be good."
 
"Ok haven't heard from race control in a while,, I guess that means I should relax, slow down and let the other cars catch up.."
 
Pre-race pep talk ahead of the NASCAR event at Grand Valley Speedway with my driver E. Vermeulen:

Me: "OK Eddie [don't know why, but Eddie Vermeulen sounded right], this is probably the toughest race in the championship, because as we know, these cars get a lot of wheelspin out of the slow corners. Furthermore, as you heard in Jeff Gordon's introduction lessons, the car is heavy. So, I'm more than happy for you to give it the beans down the pit straight, but be nice and gentle on the throttle for the rest of the lap, especially coming out of those tight, twisty hairpins. Do that, your tyres'll stay fresh, and we'll be just fine. Got that?"
Eddie: *Stuffs a pastry in his mouth* "Yeah, sure boss, give it the beans. Ooh, gotta go, they're calling me to the grid..."
Me: "No, wait! Only give it the beans down the straight...! Too late..."

----<During the race>----

Eddie: "Plan's not working boss! I'm flooring it, but all I'm getting is wheelspin!"
Me: :banghead:"I told you, only floor it down the main straight! Gently through those hairpins!!"
Eddie: "What? Can't hear you over the squealing tyres and over-revving engine... Oh, and my tyres haven't got any grip left..."
Me: :banghead::banghead:
 
Bob: " I feel physicaly and mentaly drained
Yet you ask me to do another 170 laps of this suzuka circuit". Thanks a ****ing lot.

ME: increase pace.
 
Bobs are like children and farts. You can only tolerate your own.

J.French: Eeek 200km/hr in a Samba bus! *hits brakes*
Me: F$$king hell Bob, it's a straight and you've still got 900m before the braking zone. Pace up. And while you're coming to terms with going faster than 200km/hr, man the f$$k up before I send you back to the Bob farm.
 
MarsSpork
ME: Overtake
BOB: That means I can drive through the car in front of me, right?
ME: No, that means go around.
BOB: Ok. I tried driving through the car in front and that didn't work. Now what?
ME: You can't drive through - go AROUND it.
BOB: I tried hitting the car in front reeaaaallly hard this time. Still didn't work, boss.
ME: Don't hit it, turn the steering wheel, then accelerate.
BOB: Steering wheel?
ME: #*%@@
___

ME: Pace up.
BOB: [yawn] What? Did you say "spin out on the next turn"?
ME: No, speed up, but don't spin out.
BOB: Spin out? Now?
ME: No, no, no... just speed up a little. DO NOT spin out.
BOB: Ok, I spun out, now what?
ME: #*%@@
BOB: Geez, why are you always so mad?
____

ME: Pace down.
BOB: WHAT? I'M REALLY EXCITED!!!! I'M NEAR OTHER CARS!!!!!
ME: Calm down, slow down, pace down.
BOB: WHAT? I'M TOO EXCITED!!!! ARE YOU TELLING ME TO SPIN OUT? YOU GOT MAD LAST TIME!!!!!
ME: [sigh] Does your door handle work? Please jump out and roll into traffic.
BOB: OK!!!! I SPUN OUT!!!! OOOH LOOK, I DID IT AGAIN!!! COOL! SPIN, SPIN, SPINNY!!!!
ME: [Holds down PS button]
Click to expand...


These are the best :lol:
 
If my BOB could talk, he'll probably throw a chair at me...

Me : Here are the keys to a FGT, please do NOT crash in it. Now get ready, race starts soon.
Bob : OH A NEW CAR! Lets hope I don't spin out okay?
Me : Don't jinx it and go.
Bob : Okay boss!
Me : 3,2,1..GO! OVERTAKE!
Bob : Okay! *Crashes in front of the other cars and gets stuck in the sand*
Me : Sigh...*Face palm*
 
"Driving with sports hard tires is too hard." Me: Too bad PACE UP/OVERTAKE S. Bridges: I CAN'T I SPIN OUT EVERY TIME! *Hear gun shots* Me: How the hell did he get a gun in the car? Bridges??????
 
V. Sexton: I hit whoever's behind I want.
A. Happenhiemer: [He's a hot-headed rapper, need I say more?]
B. Bright: I'm the original B-spec Bob!
T. Snow: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! [real name is The Snow :P]
T. Sharp: DIEEEEEEEEEEE!
J. Hammond: I can't drive... why am I here?
 

Latest Posts

Back