Is Anyone here Married?

[Zrow]

I see what you're saying, Dan, and I'm extremely happy that it worked out so great for you, but I also think there's some great reasons to NOT get married before you're 25.

Namely your career situation. I feel like when you just get out of college, and are really trying to find a career, you want to be able to go wherever is best for you. Having a wife who also is searching for the same thing could really throw a wrench in this - you or her may miss some great opportunity because the job is three states away and her dream job where you are now. See what I mean?

Also, I've always thought it'd be best to wait until you were >25 for financial reasons: by then you'd a have a career and you've started accruing some real wealth, and being single you wouldn't have had too many expenses. How true is this?



EDIT: I'm 20, by the way, so I'm not speaking from any experience and am actually curious about it.

 

[Sage]

Having a wife who also is searching for the same thing could really throw a wrench in this - you or her may miss some great opportunity because the job is three states away and her dream job where you are now. See what I mean?

What’s funny is that his dream job was indeed exactly three states away.

I’m going to disagree with both of you (oh look, another kid with no experience) and say that time is mostly irrelevant. I know just enough about Mrs. Danoff to know that she was probably nothing short of perfectly compatible with him – thus, early marriage worked out fine. Most people take longer though to find somebody who fits all of their personal requirements. I mean, fooling around in the meantime is fine, but to seriously get married to somebody I think you have to agree on all of the major issues, because you’re going to find enough little things to disagree with on a day-to-day basis.

 

[Azuremen]

Its work. But its great. I do miss my married days.

I'm probably one of the youngest people on the board with a divorce, but I don't really regret the marriage. I just realize I was too young for it at the time, and didn't know enough about what I wanted out of life yet.

Just remember - when the going gets rough, stick with and don't give up; things will get better. I made the mistake of giving up and I do wonder often if I made the right choice.

 

[Silverzone]

Been married over two months now. Still enjoying the hell out of it. I know it's weird for someone my age to get married (18) but I really love it. I feel like it helps getting through these hard years being with someone you love and working together. Helps keep the depression away.

 

[Joey D]

Wow I guess I should probably get married soon by the looks of it. I've been going with the same girl, off and on (more on though) for almost 7 years now. We have talked about getting married quite a bit and I am not opposed to the idea one bit. I think I just want us to get out of school first and have some sort of financial income. Could I afford to live on my own? Sure, but I see no reason to rush out of my parents house when I can continue to save more for a better house.

I think the whole off and on thing worked pretty well, we took breaks when we were younger and it made us see that we were right for each other. I don't think it would have been healthy for our relationship just to date seven years straight and never have at least "played the field" a bit.

 

[TB]

Been married over two months now. Still enjoying the hell out of it.

Congrats, Silver! Keep that attitude and you'll be fine.

 

[slowman]

I've been married for six months.... we actually got married on the 5th anniversary of our first date. Edit: I'm 22, and my wife is 21. We we're 21 and 20 respectively at the time. October is a busy month for us! Chris Columbus day... we celebrate the HELL out of that... ahem... anyway, 10/11 is our anniversary. Her birthday is 10/20, and mine is 10/30. We usually do something silly on Halloween too.

We work so well together, so I don't really feel that much changed after we got married. We had lived together for two years, and been together for five before we did get married, so everything was pretty well worked out. I noticed that we get more back on our taxes!

My wife: "We really enjoy being together, but personal time is more important now as well."

I concur. Balancing together time and personal time is a very important thing. Done correctly, it can make you want to be with each other more.

As far as the actual process of getting married? F that... I did it once, I will not do it again. The whole wedding and reception process is just a parade where you're stuck around a whole bunch of people that all want to talk to you at the same time. My wife and I are both socially awkward (weird how that works out like that), and we both agree that having to talk to 35 people at once for 5 hours is a horrible experience that we never want to go through again.

Edit: 5.5 years on... and here we are right now making weird sounds at each other through an empty paper towel tube. The joys of marriage.

 

[Danster]

Dream Job? I'm a trainee marine biologist, Thats my dream. Hoping to move to Vancouver, BC and work at the aquarium there.

 

[TB]

Edit: 5.5 years on... and here we are right now making weird sounds at each other through an empty paper towel tube. The joys of marriage.

Just as long as those "weird sounds" aren't something along the lines of "How could you have slept with..." and "Get the hell out of my house" it's all good.

 

[Boundary Layer]

Being married without children is a great opportunity for building your relationship so that you can know each other well before a child tries to decipher differences between you.

...and here I thought you were supposed to get to know each other, and all that, before you get married. Well silly me.

 

[Danoff]

I see what you're saying, Dan, and I'm extremely happy that it worked out so great for you, but I also think there's some great reasons to NOT get married before you're 25.

Namely your career situation. I feel like when you just get out of college, and are really trying to find a career, you want to be able to go wherever is best for you. Having a wife who also is searching for the same thing could really throw a wrench in this - you or her may miss some great opportunity because the job is three states away and her dream job where you are now. See what I mean?

I see. I guess that's just a personal difference. I'd never let any job get in the way of my relationship with my wife. So the career was a non-issue.

Also, I've always thought it'd be best to wait until you were >25 for financial reasons: by then you'd a have a career and you've started accruing some real wealth, and being single you wouldn't have had too many expenses. How true is this?

Getting married saves you money. You save on rent, electricity, water, etc.

...and here I thought you were supposed to get to know each other, and all that, before you get married. Well silly me.

You'll be getting to know each other your whole lives. Given my views on careers etc., I think once it's clear that she's the right one, there's no reason to wait another minute.

 

[Duke]

Wow I guess I should probably get married soon by the looks of it. I've been going with the same girl, off and on (more on though) for almost 7 years now. We have talked about getting married quite a bit and I am not opposed to the idea one bit. I think I just want us to get out of school first and have some sort of financial income.

We went out for 3 years during college, pretty much continuously and definitely monogamously. Then we got engaged and moved in together for 3 more years wheil I was in grad school. After I got out, we took a year or so to plan and prepare, then tied the knot. I was 25.

That 3 years of living together, commitedly, but not LEGALLY BOUND, were crucial. It was a practice run to see how we would work together. It was also crucial to have that safety valve of knowing we could split without getting lawyers involved. If we had been married then, we'd probably be divorced now.

 

[Dave A]

Just wan't to know. I'm getting married in May (I'm just 22)
Is it a good experience?

Congratulations on the commitment. I'm not married, I've been with my partner for over3 years and we'll have been living together for most of that time. Though I'm not married I'm thinking about it and not just passing any thoughs off as fast as I can anymore, I am actually thinking about it. I scared myself the other week, I was in Stockport and I saw some rings in a Jewelers window and I was trying to figure which one she'd like the most.

I've been scared of the commitment I think, living together as partners never bothered me but someone says marriage and I'd change the subject quick enough. But we're happy together and I have no interest in going off with anyone else. It's coming, not right away, but it's coming.

I see what you're saying, Dan, and I'm extremely happy that it worked out so great for you, but I also think there's some great reasons to NOT get married before you're 25.

Namely your career situation. I feel like when you just get out of college, and are really trying to find a career, you want to be able to go wherever is best for you. Having a wife who also is searching for the same thing could really throw a wrench in this - you or her may miss some great opportunity because the job is three states away and her dream job where you are now. See what I mean?

Also, I've always thought it'd be best to wait until you were >25 for financial reasons: by then you'd a have a career and you've started accruing some real wealth, and being single you wouldn't have had too many expenses. How true is this?



EDIT: I'm 20, by the way, so I'm not speaking from any experience and am actually curious about it.

Money isn't the be all and end all of anything, certainly not happiness. You have to go for what makes you happy, not what makes you the best off financially. Money does not equal happiness, or security. Whatever you earn, as long as you live within your means you can be happy and as secure as you can be in this world. Sure you can be well off and happy and secure but the happiness and security don't depend on greater wealth.

 

[Zrow]

Money isn't the be all and end all of anything, certainly not happiness. You have to go for what makes you happy, not what makes you the best off financially. Money does not equal happiness, or security. Whatever you earn, as long as you live within your means you can be happy and as secure as you can be in this world. Sure you can be well off and happy and secure but the happiness and security don't depend on greater wealth.

Financial problems are a major cause of divorce, so I think it's at least something to consider.

I'm not saying that your career is more important than the love of your life - if you meet that special someone and you are willing to do what it takes to stay together and marry, then go for it.

Personally, I'm 20 and I still feel like a kid - I don't think I know exactly what I want to do career-wise, and I definitely don't think I have enough years or experience under my belt to get married. It's gonna take a few years for me to get on track with everything, but in the meantime I want the freedom to go where I have to and do what I want.

 

[TheCracker]

Been married for 4 (or 5 ) years this July (or June ), but we'd lived together for 8 years before hand. Like others have said, it's this living together bit that is crucial for a marriage to be successful in the long term. It also helps if you are a little bit older too, this way you've probably both 'found yourself' fully. and are less likely to naturally grow apart.

I've known so many people get married for all the wrong reasons and have since divorced. You get married because you want to be with your partner for the rest of your life. Not so you can have a nice dress and a big party and not because you think your relationship isn't going anywhere and marriage seems like a good way to keep you together. If it feels like a big step, it's probably not the right time.

You can't just sit back and relax once you've tied the knot, marriage is something you need to keep working on.

 

[Duke]

If it feels like a big step, it's probably not the right time.

You can't just sit back and relax once you've tied the knot, marriage is something you need to keep working on.

Quoted for truth! Both excellent words of advice.

 

[Small_Fryz]

My parents meet at 17, married at 24 and have been together since (20 years now).

Me personally well i havnt had a proper gf yet, let alone being married lol.

 

[TB]

Like others have said, it's this living together bit that is crucial for a marriage to be successful in the long term.

Chalk me up as an anomaly then. We dated for 6 months before we decided to get married, never lived together and were married about 9 months after we met. Like I already said - that was 9 years ago and I'd gladly do it over without changing anything.

Besides waiting a year to get the Civic with leather.

 

[TheCracker]

Me personally well i havnt had a proper gf yet, let alone being married lol.

You're only 19 Dion, you've got plenty of time yet. Being young and single is under-rated IMO.

 

[Mark T]

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years, since I was 18. We bought our first place together two years ago and everything so far is good. Many of our friends have got engaged and moved in together after a year or so and have now split.

We're not considering marriage yet. The UK economy isn't too good at the moment so we're trying to save as much as possible. I work in property management and although my job is secure, I'm being cautious.

You really need to live with someone for a few years before considering marriage. There are so many small arguments that can form from living with someone.

 

[Josh]

I'm married. Currently 22 years old, and my wife is 23. We have a 21 month old daughter, and a 2 week old son. We're absolutely loving every minute of every day!

 

[Danoff]

I'm also going to have to go out on a limb and disagree with the folks who say living together is essential. I guess it depends on what type of person you are, but it certainly is not essential for everyone. I believe the statistics show that the divorce rate is higher for folks who moved in together before getting married. I imagine that's a correlation rather than cause and effect. Folks who move in together are less likely to be certain of their commitment than folks who skip it and tie the knot - and that lack of certainty shows up in the divorce statistics.

As with the career thing, I just think that there isn't anything about living with the person that should make you change your mind about whether they're "the one". It's not like you can't go to their place and see how they live. If you know yourself well enough, that really ought to be sufficient. I just think if you know it's right you should get married. If you don't know it's right, get more information.

Perhaps I'm the exception to a lot of these "rules", but I got married at a very young age and never lived with my wife before marriage - and I don't regret it one bit.

 

[FoolKiller]

I'm going to disagree here. My (then future-) wife and I planned everything ourselves, together. We designed the wedding dress, we picked the pattern for the bridesmaid's suits; we bought yards of raw silk, silk habotai, and silk charmeuse. We dyed the silk for the suits (4 different deep jewel tones, one for each bridesmaid). She sewed the suits and her dress; I did her train. Tradition dictated morning suits for the men, given that we got married at 3:30p.

We sampled different reception venues and picked our menu. We hired the DJ, told her what to play, and asked her not to say anthing all night. But we did it all ourselves, together.

Here is how my involvement went:

Me: Hey, what do you guys think of....
Wife/mother-in-law: No.
Me: I just saw this great idea for....
Wife/mother-in-law: No.
Me: I know we're having trouble finding a reception hall and I wonder if you all thought about.....
Wife/mother-in-law: Looked at it. No.
Me: Is there anything I can help with?
Wife/mother-in-law: No.
Me: I'll just be over here playing GT4 then.
Wife/mother-in-law: OK.
Me: Let me know if I can do anything.
Wife/mother-in-law: You're fine. Just be there on time.

I'm also going to have to go out on a limb and disagree with the folks who say living together is essential.

I agree. My wife and I lived 30 miles apart until we got married. Living together beforehand is not a make or break deal, but if you are doing it as a test then maybe it is a bad idea. If it is the right thing to do why do you need to test it?

 

[Duke]

Because I've known plenty of people who were truly, deeply in love... until they lived with the person on a daily basis. Then, either things changed as a result of the actual cohabitation, or they learned things that were not apparent until some elapsed time of cohabitation.

FK; sorry about your wedding experience. It's not uncommon, I suppose, but it was very different from mine.

 

[FoolKiller]

FK; sorry about your wedding experience. It's not uncommon, I suppose, but it was very different from mine.

I would have preferred mine to have gone like yours, but once her mother got involved no one else had a good idea. Then she would complain about the cost, when it was all her plans.

 

[Dave A]

Financial problems are a major cause of divorce, so I think it's at least something to consider.

I'm not saying that your career is more important than the love of your life - if you meet that special someone and you are willing to do what it takes to stay together and marry, then go for it.

I never said you shouldn't consider them, I'm just saying that the pursuit of money does not = happiness and imo should not take priority. Ofcourse finances are important, but if you manage what you earn sensibly you shouldn't have any problems. Too many people do stupid things with the money they earn, that makes up the bulk of money related divorces, things like gambling or spending too much on drugs and alcahol that you can't afford the rent etc. Not earning enough and spending more than you earn are two different things. It's not that hard to earn enough, it's easier to spend more than you earn though. Thats not to say you shouldn't pursue your career, but if you have a choice between which comes first, someone you love or the career what would you choose. I'm not refuting the importance of finances, simply that there are more important thigns in life.

Personally, I'm 20 and I still feel like a kid - I don't think I know exactly what I want to do career-wise, and I definitely don't think I have enough years or experience under my belt to get married. It's gonna take a few years for me to get on track with everything, but in the meantime I want the freedom to go where I have to and do what I want.

Well that's personal, tbh at 20 I never though about getting married, infact I'm only thinking about it now and I'm 25. Different people will be ready and responsible enough for it at different ages, there's no right or wrong age.

 

[Mrs. Famine]

I don't regret it one bit.

That's what you have to say when Mrs Danoff is sat behind you. How do you really feel?

 

[Casio]

Me: I'll just be over here playing GT4 then.
Wife/mother-in-law: OK.

Sounds like the perfect relationship to me!

 

[Holdenhsvgtsr]

Ye, we live in a house in a place called Falkirk

you know i just happen to know a really good company in falkirk that do wedding cars

 

[GilesGuthrie]

I've been married for nearly 8 years. We have two children, one nearly four, the other nearly two. We'd known each other as friends for about 6 years before we got together, and when we did, I was so sure it was right, I asked her to marry me within 6 months. We had a 2-year engagement, during which time the women went off into another dimension planning the wedding. We lived together at the time, and I think we got all of the major rows out of the way then.

Our wedding largely planned itself, in terms of the venues, who the key participants were etc. Almost everything else I let slide. I decided what I cared about, and my wife's family got what they wanted on everything else. But I made sure that the bits I cared about I got my way on. Fortunately it seemed as if I was the only one who cared about those parts of the arrangement.

We took three years to have our first child from the wedding. It was the best of times, and now that we're so constrained by our parental responsibilities, it's great to look back at the way we made the most of our freedoms as DINKs.

Since being married we've had a lot of great times and quite a few really ****ty times too. One of the things that amazes me about our marriage is that we disagree on most of the small stuff: she hates my music, I hate hers. She doesn't get technology, I don't care about clothes. But when the chips have been down (as they have been a few times), we're so aligned it's frightening. We'll stress and fight about kitchen floor tiles for weeks, but in the last hours of our son's life and the days following we had an almost empathic connection over the arrangements and decisions.

My advice to someone getting married now would be this:
Decide what you care about, and fight for it. Everything else, let go.