Jokes!!

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And Audis. Maybe it’s the same bloke and he’s terrible at his job and they’re all defective.
 
What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind as it hits a fast-moving car's windscreen on the motorway?

Its bum...
 
I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals!

IM LIVID.
 
Jimlaad43
I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals!

IM LIVID.
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I think XD would be an appropriate response to this joke.
 
I was in Dubai recently and someone offered me 40 Camels for my wife. I normally smoke Marlboros but a good deal is a good deal.
 
One of the funniest videos I've seen in a while.

 
I've got a joke about trickle down economics but 99% of you won't get it.
 
Meanwhile, these were judged the ten best one-liners from the Edinburgh Festival:

1 Masai Graham: I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.

2 Mark Simmons: Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next-day delivery.

3 Olaf Falafel: My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.

4 Hannah Fairweather: By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I — but it is the same house and it is the same family.

5 Will Mars: I hate funerals — I’m not a mourning person.

6 Olaf Falafel: I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.

7 Richard Pulsford: I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.

8 Tim Vine: I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.

9 Sophie Duker: Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.

10 Will Duggan: I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days.
 
I've been using the joke at number one with a slightly modified setup for years. It does get a laugh but I wouldn't say it's the best one.
 
Liquid
I've been using the joke at number one with a slightly modified setup for years. It does get a laugh but I wouldn't say it's the best one.
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Ever, or at that particular festival?
 
Liquid
From that list. The funeral, cutlery and apathy jokes are top three for me.
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Vine is an old hand at this.
 
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