Jokes!!
- Thread starter DQuaN
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- Ostend, Belgium
- Speedy6543
- 28,406
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind as it hits a fast-moving car's windscreen on the motorway?
Its bum...
Its bum...
Pete05
Premium
- 6,963
- Melbourne, Australia
It's asshole.
- 28,406
- Glasgow
- GTP_Mars
I was in Dubai recently and someone offered me 40 Camels for my wife. I normally smoke Marlboros but a good deal is a good deal.
- 16,479
- Grea'er Laandan
- UKMikeyA
- UKMikeyA
Meanwhile, these were judged the ten best one-liners from the Edinburgh Festival:
1 Masai Graham: I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.
2 Mark Simmons: Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next-day delivery.
3 Olaf Falafel: My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.
4 Hannah Fairweather: By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I — but it is the same house and it is the same family.
5 Will Mars: I hate funerals — I’m not a mourning person.
6 Olaf Falafel: I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.
7 Richard Pulsford: I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.
8 Tim Vine: I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.
9 Sophie Duker: Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
10 Will Duggan: I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days.
1 Masai Graham: I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.
2 Mark Simmons: Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next-day delivery.
3 Olaf Falafel: My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.
4 Hannah Fairweather: By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I — but it is the same house and it is the same family.
5 Will Mars: I hate funerals — I’m not a mourning person.
6 Olaf Falafel: I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.
7 Richard Pulsford: I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.
8 Tim Vine: I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.
9 Sophie Duker: Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
10 Will Duggan: I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days.
