Jokes!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter DQuaN
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Halarious!!

Now where is that wife 1.0 joke?

that would go well in the next post..
 
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me please?

Thanks,

Joe

——————————————————–
Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

(me: I thought that the husband 1.0 joke was considerably more funny.)
 
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
 
Whats big red and likes to eat rocks?

























A big red rock-eating thing.



No im being serious its a joke, I got it out of a xmas cracker!
 
That was truly terrible. I'd demand my money back for the cracker! :lol:
 
TB
That was truly terrible. I'd demand my money back for the cracker! :lol:

That joke from the cracker was better than most jokes from TheCracker...:sly:
 
What do you call an Indian girl with pink hair?


Gandhi Floss.
 
What do you call an Indian girl with pink hair?


Cotton Gandhi.
 
Its called candy floss over here, though ive watched enough movies to also know that cotton candy is another name for it.
 
what's green, red, and moves at +100 mph?

a frog in a blender.

what's black and white and read all over?

a newspaper.

what's green, yellow, with orange polka dots?

you got me.


How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator?

you open the door and put the giraffe in the fridge and close it.

how do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?

you open the door take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close it.


The lion king called all the animals to his animal meeting. All the animals came except one. which one?

the elephant, he's still in the fridge.



an explorer wants to cross an alligator infested river, he has no tools. how does he do it?

he swims across, the alligators are at the meeting.
 
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began running unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Monday Night football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program.

Can you help me please?

Thanks,

Joe

——————————————————–
Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Jewelry 2.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

(me: I thought that the husband 1.0 joke was considerably more funny.)



:lol:!!!
 
You already said that.

:eek: since when? you mean I not only posted something already posted but I postified something that i already posticated? i believe that validates my undertaking of a postage class. where i will be able to postify strongly with posts that aren't already posted.
 
The American CIA, French GIGN and Soviet KGB are all assigned a test to see which of them is the best intelligence service in the world. A duck is tagged and released into a thick forest twenty-four hours before the test begins: the objective is for each of the agencies to find it was quickly as possible.

The CIA go into the forest and immediately start dividing the whole thing up into a vast grid and go over absolutely everything with a fine-toothed comb. They emerge two weeks later and state with the utmost certainty that the duck might have been there.

The GIGN are the next to go in, and start looking in every imagineable place for the duck. However, after two days and no results, the French burn the entire forest and everything in it to the ground. They're fairly certain they got the duck because the damn thing had it coming.

Then it's the KGB's turn, and the Russians immedaitely head deep into the forest. Everyone is on edge because of their reputation; after all, national pride is at stake here. Two hours after the enter, the KGB re-appear with a very bruised bear in tow shouting "Alright, alright, I'm a duck! I'm a duck!"
 
Two girls sitting on a bench in a park...

Girl 1: Uhm, excuse me miss...

Girl 2: Hmm??

G1: Would you wear earrings if you had no ears??

G2: No, that would be silly!

G1: Or how about slippers if you had no feet??

G2: Just what are you trying to point out?!

G1: Uhmm...



















Why are you wearing bras??
 
Not mine but this one really tickled me, if you want to know it was off QI christmas special.

Darth: Luke I KNOW what your getting for christmas

Luke: But thats just not possible

Darth: I KNOW what you are getting for christmas luke

Luke:You can't possibly know

Darth: I KNOW what you are getting

Luke: But HOW?

Darth: I've felt your presence
 
I dunno where this is from but i got this text the other day on my phone...

"Someone snitched on us! their looking for a sexy mother****** and a retard. They already got me so take your crayons and run little buddy!"
 

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