///M-Spec
Staff Emeritus
- 4,928
Owning and driving a car should be made as difficult and dangerous as possible. This way, anyone who isn't 110% committed to operating a car is either a) barred from getting in the driver's seat or b) instantly purged from the gene pool for their transgressions.
People should be be trained from birth to operate automobiles. In fact, the minimum driving age should be 30 and the maximum driving age should be 35. 30 years is a good starting age because everyone should be required to earn doctorate degrees in Automobile Operation and become SAE certified Master Technicians before they're even allowed to apply for a license. After 35, people should be banned from driving, because old people are shown to prefer big comfortable cars with lots of features. This means they're clearly not serious enough drivers to allow on the road.
Cars should be shipped completely disassembled to their owners. DOT inspectors are to arrive at your house (where you are required to keep a full set of tools --metric and standard of course-- and a lift) and observe owners assemble their new automobile by hand. To further ensure mechanical competency, assembly is timed. If the owner cannot assemble the car within the allowed time, the car will be crushed and the owner will need to go back to school. After all, if you're not serious about understanding how cars operate, you shouldn't be driving one.
We should combat weight and complexity gains by completely removing all safety and comfort features from automobiles. After all, if you are properly trained, you will never make a mistake. In fact, sensors should be installed on various points of cars so that if it detects an impact of any sort (which is obviously a mistake on your part), a carbon fiber projectile will be ejected from the steering wheel (in the place where the airbag was formally located) and impale the driver, causing instant death. Because if you make a mistake, you should obviously pay the price. Allowing people to get away with errors will simply encourage them!
Body panels should be made of soda can grade aluminum sheets and unit body structures of plastic reinforced paper and bamboo. Because performance is more important than anything else. All creature comforts and conveniences of any kind should be banned. This includes seats. Because comfort = laziness. And laziness kills. Beginning with you. In fact, let's get rid of other labor saving devices, like the steering wheel. Drivers will be required to drive the car by sitting on a (super light weight) carpet pad and holding onto each tie rod. Ultimate road feel!
Each car should weigh no more than the arbitrary and completely meaningless figure of 1,309 lbs. and 3 ounces. Legislation should be passed so that manufacturers are required to reduce weight by 10% every year until cars weigh exactly nothing at all. Car manufacturers can do this by making cars out of compressed smoke.
All these changes will make driving better for everyone, getting all the inept, uncommitted and unskilled drivers off the road. We should make them now.
M
People should be be trained from birth to operate automobiles. In fact, the minimum driving age should be 30 and the maximum driving age should be 35. 30 years is a good starting age because everyone should be required to earn doctorate degrees in Automobile Operation and become SAE certified Master Technicians before they're even allowed to apply for a license. After 35, people should be banned from driving, because old people are shown to prefer big comfortable cars with lots of features. This means they're clearly not serious enough drivers to allow on the road.
Cars should be shipped completely disassembled to their owners. DOT inspectors are to arrive at your house (where you are required to keep a full set of tools --metric and standard of course-- and a lift) and observe owners assemble their new automobile by hand. To further ensure mechanical competency, assembly is timed. If the owner cannot assemble the car within the allowed time, the car will be crushed and the owner will need to go back to school. After all, if you're not serious about understanding how cars operate, you shouldn't be driving one.
We should combat weight and complexity gains by completely removing all safety and comfort features from automobiles. After all, if you are properly trained, you will never make a mistake. In fact, sensors should be installed on various points of cars so that if it detects an impact of any sort (which is obviously a mistake on your part), a carbon fiber projectile will be ejected from the steering wheel (in the place where the airbag was formally located) and impale the driver, causing instant death. Because if you make a mistake, you should obviously pay the price. Allowing people to get away with errors will simply encourage them!
Body panels should be made of soda can grade aluminum sheets and unit body structures of plastic reinforced paper and bamboo. Because performance is more important than anything else. All creature comforts and conveniences of any kind should be banned. This includes seats. Because comfort = laziness. And laziness kills. Beginning with you. In fact, let's get rid of other labor saving devices, like the steering wheel. Drivers will be required to drive the car by sitting on a (super light weight) carpet pad and holding onto each tie rod. Ultimate road feel!
Each car should weigh no more than the arbitrary and completely meaningless figure of 1,309 lbs. and 3 ounces. Legislation should be passed so that manufacturers are required to reduce weight by 10% every year until cars weigh exactly nothing at all. Car manufacturers can do this by making cars out of compressed smoke.
All these changes will make driving better for everyone, getting all the inept, uncommitted and unskilled drivers off the road. We should make them now.
M
I used to have cars with manual seats. That was great until I let my girlfriend drive my car. Then I could never seem to get my seat back into the right position without spending 10 minutes fiddling with it. So is it worth the 50-75 pound weight penalty to me so my significant other can drive my car and not mess up my seat position? Totally.
