Looking for advice on moving out

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eMadman
I've been away from GTP for a long time now and it's mostly because the past few months have been incredibly hectic. I wound up getting a job the month before a MAJOR certification exam that I spent the previous 3 months preparing for and still wasn't ready. I passed, but barely. The week after the test, my sister's wedding. Two weeks later, my brother is moving out.

Without going into details, I've been getting a lot of crap at home from the parents and it's only been getting worse. I've already been called a failure and an embarrasment for reasons I still can't comprehend. Eventually, they'll push my patience and I'll blow my top and tell them what I really think of everything they've been saying to me. Chances are extremely high that I'd be out of a home the day that happens .

I've known the day would come for quite some time and I've been preparing both myself and my bank account for it. I'm looking at getting a job outside of this city if at all possible. If not, then I'll be needing to move out within the next few months if I still want to be get away just to keep myself from saying something drastic.

Now, here I am. I've been raised a sheltered life where everything I ever needed was handed to me and same for most of what I wanted. When I got this job, I decided to try becoming independant. I tried refusing the money they used to give me to cover tuition and expenses, but they won't stop until I have something more permanent for work. That money and half my paychecks have been put aside so far over the past 4 months and I'll have about $12000 set aside by the end of this month. As an absolute worst case scenario, I also have a 10,000 line of credit through the bank that I've never touched and have no plans on touching if I can help it.

All said and done, that 12 grand should, in theory last me at least 6 jobless months if I spend it wisely. That's assuming $700/month for rent on a 1 bedroom apartment and another $900 on living expenses like food, utilities, internet, phone, and misc. expenses.

Problem is, I've never been off on my own. I can't cook and I've never really learned to do laundry or anything. I'm responsible enough with my spending that I never let myself spend more than I make and over the past few months, I've managed to survive the expenses of the wedding, certification exam, and my brother's housewarming without going into the red at any time at all...of course. Besides that... i've got nothing - no clue what I'm getting myself into, and my knowledge of rental law in Toronto is next to nothing.

That's why I'm here - any advice would be appreciated

Thanks
 
First of all, you've got a great attitude about this. You're looking ahead, constantly planning for contingencies that you think are likely, and you're asking for advice to help cover scenarios you haven't considered. That kind of thinking will get you really far, and it makes me want to mentally stamp the words "He'll Be Fine!" over your post and go read something else.

I'd say the first gotcha to consider is health insurance. Sure, you're young and you're healthy - but you never know. Now, I don't know if Canada has a universal system for that - in which case no worries - but in the US it's something that a lot of young people rely on their parents for. If, for some reason, it isn't covered - you can probably find a good plan through your university.

Another gotcha that a lot of people struggle with is your lack of credit at such a young age. I'd recommend getting a credit card and never running a balance on it. Simply having one and putting a few bills on it and paying them off at the end of each month will help you build credit. You might want to get 2 actually.

The reason you need credit of course is to be able to find a good apartment. When I was 21 I had some trouble getting an apartment without getting my parents to cosign the lease. Some of them have some seriously arbitrary rules about how much money you have to make before they'll lease a place to you. So you have to be careful about that. You might be able to talk them out of that rule with a larger deposit. When I first got married the place where we wanted to live tried to reject us on the grounds that I didn't make enough money and we nearly had to offer to pay all 12 months of the lease up front (which we totally would have done).

Tuition is probably not a major concern. In the US, if you're not getting any assistance from your parents and they can't claim you on their taxes then you have all kinds of financial aid programs to help you out. I'm sure Canada is similar in that regard.

Do you have a car? Is the title in your name? Can you make the insurance payments?

I think your estimate of $900/month on living expenses is probably a little generous. You can most likely do better than that - but better safe than sorry with the budget.

Anyway I think you're in good shape. Those are the things that come to mind immediately. Sorry that your parents are giving you a hard time recently, it sounds like you're doing the right thing by getting some distance. I don't even want to get started on what my parents did to me as I was going through college. I was very happy the day I no longer relied on them for anything financial.
 
I 'm not sure if you're making the right decision here...but then again, I barely know your background. Remember that living under someone else's roof is often related to resisting critics and demands that you may not be happy with, but that cannot be changed. So if you really think this is the only way out, then go for it and do not look back. Get your ideas together first and have a specific goal everytime. Remember that you're going out to the "real world", where the bigger eats the smaller...

First things first: Get a job in the city where you want to live. Six months to find a job is way too risky; many times nothing goes according to what was planned. So get the most important thing out of the way, you don't wanna find yourself with a thousand dollars left on your bank account and still unemployed, so my advice is to start looking now and try to seal it before you leave home (If you haven't left that is).

Trust in yourself and expect the worse, that way you'll be more prepared to what's coming, and always have a back up plan, that goes for everything, from getting a job to renting a place. Always find alternatives, do not stick with the first great offer that you find, because $50 less a month on a rent can mean survival or going back to your parent's house with your tail between your legs...

Damn, sorry but I have to leave now, I'll be back later for more...


EDIT: and what danoff said above 👍
 
First of all, you've got a great attitude about this. You're looking ahead, constantly planning for contingencies that you think are likely, and you're asking for advice to help cover scenarios you haven't considered. That kind of thinking will get you really far, and it makes me want to mentally stamp the words "He'll Be Fine!" over your post and go read something else.
I second that 👍

Moving away from home may be the biggest step a person can take towards being an adult. The amount of responsibility and discipline it requires is unbelievable, but it's a very worthwhile move. It sounds like you've got a plan, which is more than 90% of people in your situation can say. Just be prepared for expenses that you never thought about before, and keep the freezer full of Hot Pockets :).

As for your parents, one of two things will happen. They'll either come to the realization that their child is moving away (and they'll be much nicer to you), or they'll get on you harder. If the latter happens, they'll at least be barking at you from a distance, over the phone. If you can prove yourself responsible enough to be on your own, they have no argument, and you can tell them where to stick it.

Lastly, just be sure to always have some source of income. If you go back asking for money, you lose :).
 
I commend you for actually going though with moving out. I've wanted to for I don't know how long but it's just not feasable for me in my situation. I don't think the decision is hard but having to potentially lose my family would be my problem even though they are the ones driving me crazy. Hope everything goes well.

Without going into details, I've been getting a lot of crap at home from the parents and it's only been getting worse. I've already been called a failure and an embarrasment for reasons I still can't comprehend.

Yeah... For some reason they think we LIKE shooting ourselves in the foot repeatedly. I love school soo much, I don't care if I'm wasting money and time. :rolleyes:
 
Good luck, Emad. Leaving home is fun as it might seem scary. Trust me, it's a hoot. Meals are easy. Laundry is super easy. No worries. They ONLY thing you need to worry about is the JOB. You need a job BEFORE you leave. And, have it for a while to make sure you don't lose it. Also, look to share an apartment with one or two others who already have the apartment. Getting one on your own at your age with little work background will be impossible.

Your meals in the beginning should be Raman noodles with ketchup or bologna sandwiches and cereal. Everybody here in the US goes through that phase. It's like a right of passage kind of thing. Soon, you'll upgrade to large meals like spaghetti, meatloaf, lasagna, casseroles that you can create several meals stored in the freezer and use whenever.

Clothes are easy. Whites (includes bed sheets and bath towels no matter what color they are) in hot with detergent and bleach, colors in warm with just detergent. Use double rinse cycle to get rid of all the soap. Fabric softener during last rinse cycle. Use dryer sheets in the dryer. Easy stuff. I'm sure people at the laundry mat will help you with that.

Here in the states, college kids on their own can apply and receive Social Security supplemental payments to help out with payments for rent, school, etc. I think Canada should have the same thing, knowing how well you guys are cared for.

You don't need health insurance, since you're a Canadian.

Car insurance. This will cost you. So, make it easy on yourself. Only drive a car, or best bet is a truck (trust me), that has less than 150HP. Any more than that, and your insurance will go a lot higher.

I know you're Muslim, so I don't have to tell you not to buy booze. Booze, was half of what I spent my money on. When I left home, '87-88, I had over 6,000 clams, which is about 12,000 in today's money, and it lasted me two years, along with a part time job and gigging as a musician. Two years goes by quickly. Spend the money wisely. No partying hardy, which will happen a lot when you leave home. Just take it easy.

Good luck, and have fun! 👍
 
I'm sorry to hear about your situation at home, emad(you too, Nick :D). Sounds like you are good to go as far as the mindset and finance go for sure. On the stuff about rental, etc., that you mentioned:

Apartment: For me, it's all about the location. How close is it to your work, places you usually go. With apartment that's close to work/school, you could save so much time on your commute. Also, washer/dryer is huge. Laundromats are pain, and it is very time consuming. Be on good terms with the management. You never know when you might need their help.

Food: You might want to start learning how to cook now, while you are still living at home. :p I'm not even a decent cook, but I can manage to fix up something I'd enjoy eating. I highly recommend the Foreman Grill too. It's handy, it's very cheap. Try to eat balanced meal. As much vegetables as you can, and french fries don't count. Wendy's side salad is a deal though. :sly:

That's about all I got now. I really do think it will be best to learn little bit about cooking and laundry from your mom, now. Cooking especially will be tricky to learn, unless you have a friend or two who can maybe help show you in that department. Maybe even online support from the Solid Lifters!

It's sad that you moving out might depend on the rocky relation with your parents. I'll just say that even if you end up storming out of your parents house, most people I know, they eventually reconcile. My observation, it seems like the parents put up a fight, more fight, more fight, but once they finally lose, or let go, they finally start treating you like a grown up. It's like a transitional phase going from treating you like a little kid, to treating you like another adult. And from our perspective, that's all we wanted in the first place. Most scars will be healed in a year or two, as long as you don't burn their house down or something. That got long. Good luck! 👍
 
Good luck with that man. I'm going to have to move out soon as well. It's whatever though because I already do everything by myself anyway.
 
Clothes are easy. Whites (includes bed sheets and bath towels no matter what color they are) in hot with detergent and bleach, colors in warm with just detergent.
I'd wash towels separately or you'll end up with fluff over other stuff and especially don't wash coloured towels with anything white. I have red towels and have ended up with quite a few pink items of clothing that started off white.

Wendy's side salad is a deal though. :sly:
My hamburgers a really good and I also do a damn good roast lamb :)

But seriously it seems like you have the important thing sorted out -money. Cooking and cleaning can be learnt.......well maybe not cleaning or in Jack's case cooking as well.
Just buy foods you like and experiment. It ain't hard to cook a piece of meat, you may over cook or under cook the first few times but you quickly figure that out. Throw in a few vegies, they are very easy, few minutes in the microwave or lightly steam or boil and you have something that's healthy and won't taste like crap. Once you have that figured out you can then try adding different herbs and spices to add more flavour. A George Forman Grill is a good buy, makes cooking any meat easy and quick plus its easy to clean. One of those and a microwave and you can make loads of things. Buy packet flavour bases that tell you what ingredients you need and how long to cook, you can find - caseroles, tacos, chile which you can cook up a batch and freeze for later.

Laundry isn't hard, one chore I have actually managed to teach my son. Buy a packet of laundry powder/liquid and it tells you how much to use ( I always use a little less than they say) there'll be some button or dial on the machine that says wash and thats pretty much all you need but there should be more comprehensive intructions at the laundromat. If you use a dryer then make sure you fold/hang your clothes straight away and you pretty much will never need to know how to use that evil appliance called an iron.
 
Some steady advice from people who have been there and done that, so to speak. Since you're 21 already, it seems to me like a natural time to get out there on your own - the harsh reality is, your circumstances probably ain't going to get any better if you stayed put (even if you wanted to)... moving out and becoming financially and emotionally independent is something you simply have to do eventually...

Solid's right about the food and householdy stuff - it's a doddle, and the best bit is you can choose how much effort you put into it ;) I only iron clothes for weddings, interviews, funerals and the occasional court appearance, otherwise it's pret a porter straight from the washing line :p And although I'm no Michelin-star chef, I haven't poisoned myself yet - I leave that to my local Chinese takeaway :sick:

It looks like you've got a budget sorted, and that's a really good thing to have - I've never been great at budgeting, but I apply 'fuzzy logic' to my banking and it works pretty well - I always know how much money I have in my account to within about £100. Keep a good track of what you're spending and you can't go too far wrong.

Living on your own might come as something of a shock to you - not only can it get a bit lonely at times, it's also easily the most expensive way of doing things. However, if you have budgeted right and your job allows you to do it, then it's still the best option, IMO. That said, I have always shared, since despite the fact that I could afford to live on my own, I'm preferring to share and save money to eventually enable me to buy my own place rather than pay over the odds for rent. House-sharing can be great, and it's a good way of learning how to become more sociable etc., but it can be risky if you end up living with an asshole (or asshol-ess in my case!)... take your time and have a long, good look at what's available and within your price range, and try to keep an open mind about where you want to go...

Best of luck 👍
 
I'd wash towels separately or you'll end up with fluff over other stuff and especially don't wash coloured towels with anything white. I have red towels and have ended up with quite a few pink items of clothing that started off white.

I'm not saying he should wash all these items together; just in hot water with detergent and bleach. I think he knows not to mix colored items with whites. 👍

However, old colored items severely faded are OK to mix in with whites, but only if they are to be washed with hot water and bleach. I do it all the time. 👍
 
Come to Brazil, 12 grand will last you almost two years over here. :p

But seriously, good luck with your moving out. I hope everything works fine! 👍
 
I 'm not sure if you're making the right decision here...
Spoken like a true Italian boy!

emad, I don't have much to offer that isn't already covered well above. However, I do want to wish you the best of luck in your move, and remember, we're here to advise any way we can. It sounds like you've got a good head start - the right attitude and thought process.
 
Thanks for the advice everyone, i'll be keeping this list aside for a while :D

@ Danoff
- I have 2 credit cards - one a junker student card with a pitiful limit that I got when I was 18, and another one with a good $2000 on it. I use them to buy everything I can so long as I know I can pay it back the same month without accumulating interest.

- Car - I have one but the title is under dad's name because insurance at my age and in my province is a hefty $1800/yr for minimal coverage - a good 1/3 of the value of my car. If I move out before saying something stupid, I'll be able to keep the car. Otherwise, i'll be out of luck there. Not that it matters. Parking downtown is VERY expensive and I'll be able to get to/from work a lot faster by transit anyways. Weekends are another story in that I'd be limited to my town.

- Tuition - I just graduated, but I'll probably be going in and out of schools all my life to stay up to par with IT trends. Right now, i have no plans on going back for another 6-8 months anyways. If I go back, it'll be for French lessons.

-Food - it's a shame apartments don't all allow bbqs... I spent last summer just living off my grill while my mom was out in Pakistan :p

- @ Solid - I stopped considering myself to be a Muslim a bit over a year ago... I've been drinking for a while longer than that. Now, I don't like to drink so much that I wake up hung over, but I do drink sometimes. I know myself well enough to comfortable with the fact and to be able to control my spending on the stuff.

The religious differences are what's driving me out. I can't make myself believe in and worship an abstract concept. My parents literally threatened to cut off all tuition, take away my car, and throw out my public transit passes last year when I wasn't going to pray for 2+ hours a day at a mosque or to the quran studies classes during Ramadan - all this when I had a consulting project that was eating a good 20+ hours a week of my time OUTSIDE of school Of course, Ramadan is coming up reaaaaally soon. My only saving point here is that I've already made up my mind that I won't be fasting at all this year. Last year resulted in me fainting on campus a few times and having a horrible temper that caused me to come within a hair's width of spilling my guts to them. Self Induced malnourishment is a terrible thing... especially when you don't believe in any of the reasons behind it.
 
I'd never let religious beliefs, or any other, get between me and my kids. Hey, if my sons want to start dating guys, I'd say, "Don't bring home any jerks, or I'll kick the crap out of them." I'd never let anything get between me and my boys.

Sorry to hear you're having such troubles. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll all work out. You'd be surprised what time can do to people's feelings.

Now, that BBQ issue, I've gotten around that with a Smoker. Smoker's don't burn with flames like BBQs. It's the FIRE that apartments are worried about. Mostly, it's the insurance contracts that ban them, but not smokers since there is no flame involved. You can build one from two large terra cotta planters, a replacement grill grate and a hot plate. I have one and it's fantastic. But, only if you like smoked foods like brisket, Boston butts, picnic shoulders, ribs, chicken, etc.

If you ever live on your own, don't hesitate to ask for recipes. I've got a lot of them that you'll eat cheap and good.
 
Feeding yourself is all about staples plus fruit. Make sure that you understand the fundamentals of potatoes, rice and pasta. You'll find food budgeting much easier if you have a freezer, as this will allow you to buy larger packets, portion up and freeze. The larger packets are (as TM alluded to earlier) cheaper per unit. You should be able to feed yourself for in the region of $60US per week, all-in, with a couple of luxury items. Don't get into microwave meals, although things like Ramen Noodles often make a good "staple" in addition to some cheap meat. Buy fruit & vegetables that are in season, as they will be cheaper and more abundant - also it's a way to a more varied diet and better for the planet. Most vegetables should be cooked as little as possible, as the cooking process destroys the flavour and the nutrients. Try not to microwave anything ever as this too destroys the flavour and the nutrients. You can microwave a "baked" potato though in around 10 minutes for a fist-sized spud, which will save you a heap of time and energy. If you combine this with salt, pepper, butter and cheese you have a tasty snack with protein and carbs inside 15 minutes and for around $1US. Chicken thighs and drumsticks are tasty and cheap: fry one or two in a little oil in a 7" pan until outside is browned. Add onion and garlic. Then cover with water and cook so the fluid bubbles gently for around 10 minutes. Then pour in a cup of rice and continue to bubble until the rice is cooked. Again, this is meat and carb for a dollar. Add carrots/peas/sweetcorn for flavour, interest and vitamins.

There are plenty of "student cookbooks" that can get you started.

Good luck with it.

Oh, it might be worth you pre-empting the "blow-out" conversation. Just say something in conversation like "I've been looking at flats in town". You may find that a gentle initiation of the topic of you fleeing the nest might provoke a positive general response. If it looks like going pear-shaped, just kill it with something like "Meh, they're all too expensive" or "I'm not quite sure yet". Test the water. It's quite possible that your parents are reacting poorly to a minor irritant and are not truly aware of how much they're antagonising you. Of course, if you're differing over religious beliefs, then the chances are that they won't budge, in which case you should try to make the departure as amicable as possible.
 
Now, that BBQ issue, I've gotten around that with a Smoker. Smoker's don't burn with flames like BBQs. It's the FIRE that apartments are worried about.
I had to get by with an electric grill for 3 years; steak and burgers didn't taste as good as a real barbecue, but fish, lamb, pork, and veal cooked quite nice and tender with it. You might think lamb and veal are expensive, but they're surprisingly inexpensive when you buy your own in the supermarket; still far cheaper than a burger with all the fixings at most restaurants.

Eating healthy is also cheaper on your budget, especially produce items and regular stapes rather than pre-cooked or frozen foods; from my experience as a supermarket employee and the occasional changes in my diet.

Most parents are secretly thrilled that you're leaving their nest as long as you aren't siphoning off their funds. On the other hand, a difference in religious tolerance or beliefs can make things shaky.
 
Most parents are secretly thrilled that you're leaving their nest as long as you aren't siphoning off their funds. On the other hand, a difference in religious tolerance or beliefs can make things shaky.

In the western world, they are. Not in the Pakistani world, where it's not uncommon for a man to live with his parents until he's 30+.... and continue to live with them after getting married and having kids....
 
Well, not making a new thread about the same question but backwards.

Being Sheltered like him( I think), I'm also planning to move out of my house due to several reasons:

I don't want to bother my dad with my bills( I have a job and been keeping it for 5 months now)

My brother's family has moved in ( though seems cool at times), Im the only one who hasn't left the house since I am the youngest one and in college. Though it is hard to save money because of bills, I have been wanting to move out for some personal reasons that people have told me not to move out because of it. My original planned was to move this winter but money troubles and being to cowardly to move without my family, it seems that I have just been pushing it. I have a plan on saving two grand to get a apartment but most of my thinking is saying that Im going to work two jobs to afford bills. I don't know when to save or what to do..is it just me?
 
Start saving right now. The thing is, those savings have to be considered as "cushion" rather than "what I'll live on", because if you factor them into your monthly budget, sooner or later, of course, they will be gone. They can also be used for one-time purchases like furniture and housewares.

Practice now, living carefully and paying all your own living/driving expenses except rent, and see how much money you can put away each month. See if that amount is enough to cover the cost of a small apartment (with utilities) in your area. If it is, then you can move out if you keep living carefully.
 
Well, the Living expenses where I want to go is supposedly to be"cheaper" in a way than in the Central Valley. Lately,I have been living on my own expenses(since my dad is gone for one more week) but with FASA coming in, I can probably get my refund for how much I paid for my school and save that amount and do small tune ups on my car.
 
Bumpity Bump.

I'm movin' out, too. The security deposit's been paid, and I take posession of a rental suite in a little over two weeks.

I'm looking for advice, tips, and warnings.

I've budgeted according to my current expenses, plus rent and food, and should have about $500 a month to "play" with. I've got a limited amount of furniture (TV, couches, bed, desk, coffee table, etc), but I'm lacking anything and everything in the kitchen department.

So, I'm trying to come up with some sort of shopping list. My skills in the kitchen are limited, but I'm ready and willing to learn.

From those who have moved out to someone who hasn't: What should I be getting (For both kitchen and everything else) that I probably haven't thought of? Would you reccomend getting quality things upfront, or cheap stuff with the intent to replace?

Are there any other tips or warnings that are warranted?


Thanks a million for any advice. I'm fairly sure of my decision, but always looking for more knowledge.
 
I'd go with cheap stuff to start and then uprgade as it wears out and you have more money. That way you can also figure out what you will use and what you won't without wasting good money on something you never use.

Must have's are:
Plates
cutlery
can opener, kitchen tongs, egg slice are the main utensils you will need but you can usually get a set of 5 or 6 items.
at least one good sharp knife
cheese/vegetable grater
saucepans 1 small and 1 medium size - with lids
frypan
a few tupperware type storage containers for leftovers in the fridge. I actually use cheap disposable type that usually last a while but can be chucked away if you find a science experiment growing in them at the back of the fridge.

There's loads of other stuff you can get but that will allow you to cook some simple meals and figure out what other things you might need or want.
 
Cutting board!

Also, you can get a small 4-cup rice cooker for pretty damn cheap.
 
Actually, you can make due with a large plate instead of a cutting board.

Don't skimp with cheapo dishware, though. They usually crack after the first couple of washes. If you need to be cheap, I suggest plastic instead.

Also, a good pot or pan will last you a lifetime. If you're going to cook at home a lot, treat yourself here as well.

Don't forget to ask family for donations. I'd imagine most people have a bunch of extra stuff they don't use.
 
I second the suggestion to ask for donations. I have a bunch of cookware that I would give a family member if they were moving out. IKEA also used to offer "kitchen in a box" packages that included all the basics you need to start a small kitchen for about $100US. They seemed like a good assortment of items of decent quality.

For dishes buy a set of plain white Corel, and get service for 8 at least if not 12. That gives you some leeway on how often you need to do dishes, and also lets you have friends over for dinner. Corel is inexpensive china that is nearly unbreakable, and is in fact warranted against breakage. Resist the temptation to get something with a pattern and get simple, elegant plain white or black instead - it will look much more expensive than it is. Corel is in the neighborhood of $20 for a full service of 4.

If you have to economize a little, buy lower-quality pots and pans in order to afford more expensive knives. Do NOT buy $5 cooking knives - the kind stamped out of shiny polished stainless steel. They will never hold an edge and they will be unendingly annoying to work with. Look for a starter set of Wusthoff or Henckels or one of the newer Japanese brands that offers 3-5 different knives and is in the $150 range. You want high-carbon steel, a thick tang that runs all the way through the handle, and a sturdy bolster right were the blade joins the handle.
 
Some sort of peeling device would be useful if you intend to cook at home rarely often.

a few tupperware type storage containers for leftovers in the fridge. I actually use cheap disposable type that usually last a while but can be chucked away if you find a science experiment growing in them at the back of the fridge.

If you ever eat Chinese, keep those little plastic tubs they come in for exactly that purpose. For the really cheap, margarine tubs would probably work in the interim too.

I knew I missed something. Cutting boards are cheap, get a couple, I have 5 and that never seems enough (mainly cos someone hasn't unpacked the dishwasher)

:lol:
 
Although I do consider myself a good cook, I think there are some pretty basic things you're going to want:

- A large-ish frying pan for making sandwiches and browning meat. Go with the smooth surface, you can do more with that.
- A medium-sized saucepan, something big enough to do a medium helping of rice or half a box of noodles.
- Quality knives for cutting meat and fruits/vegetables
- Nice looking, but cheap, silverware
- And similar, preferably *matching* plates in various sizes (figure three of small, medium, and large sizes).
 
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