looking through me mail once ahh gayun (planet f1 stuff)

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Talentless

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Three in a row for Schumacher?

Michael Schumacher is being tipped for an Australian GP hat-trick next March
25/11/01

Michael Schumacher is shooting for a third successive Melbourne victory at the 2002 Foster's Australian Grand Prix - and the Ferrari superstar has a 31.1 per cent chance of achieving it, according to the sports statistics unit at the city's Swinburne University.

That's twice as good a chance as any other driver in the race, Swinburne mathematicians Jonathan Lowe and Stephen Clarke say, with McLaren's David Coulthard the next best hope at 14.5 per cent.

Schumacher is a better than 60 per cent chance of a podium finish (top three) at Albert Park on March 3, while his chances of finishing in the top six are almost 76 per cent.

Swinburne has already run the Grand Prix more than 20,000 times in computer simulations, representing more than 1.16 million laps and more than 6.15 million kilometres around the Albert Park circuit! It has also simulated the entire 2002 F1 world championship season more than 1,000 times - and found Schumacher to be a 72.8 per cent chance to win the crown again.

If the mathematicians are right, that will be the German's fifth world title, equaling the record of the legendary Juan-Manuel Fangio.

Schumacher has already won more GPs (53) than any other driver in F1 history and scored more world championship points (801).

Coulthard is given the second best chance of becoming world champion next season by Swinburne - at 10.5 per cent.

The simulations found that Ferrari has almost an 80 per cent chance of taking the constructors' title next year, with McLaren and Williams the only other teams that could topple the Italian stable.

Apart from Schumacher and Coulthard, only two other drivers are given more than a 10 per cent chance of winning the Foster's Australian Grand Prix. They are Ralf Schumacher in the Williams team and Rubens Barrichello in the second Ferrari, while they rate McLaren's new driver, Kimi Raikkonen – a star on his F1 debut in Melbourne this year with the Sauber team - a 9.4 per cent chance of victory at Albert Park in 2002.

They rate the other Williams driver, Juan Pablo Montoya, only a 6.7 per cent chance of winning in Melbourne in March - and a 39.5 per cent chance of not finishing.

However, the mathematicians emphasise that these predictions are based solely on past performance and cannot take account of any likely improvement by drivers as they gain experience, of any improvements in new-model cars for 2002, or pre-season testing form.

They give Raikkonen a 30.2 per cent chance (the fifth best) of a podium finish at his first race for McLaren, and almost a 58 per cent chance of finishing in the top six and repeating the world championship point he scored in Melbourne in 2001 at his first GP.

They rate Olivier Panis' hopes in Melbourne ahead of his British American Racing teammate and 1997 world champion Jacques Villeneuve.

They give 11 of the drivers in the field less than a 1 per cent chance of winning, but Jordan's Japanese rookie Takuma Sato and Sauber newcomer Felipe Massa better chances than that.

Sato has the same chance as Jaguar's Eddie Irvine, they say, but Massa not as good.

The computer simulations rate Ferrari a 42.2 per cent chance of winning in Melbourne, which would be its fourth victory in a row in the city, and a 77 per cent chance to have a driver on the podium.

New entrant Toyota is given more chance in the race than perennial tail-end team Minardi, which will be entering its second season under Australian Paul Stoddart's ownership. That is based largely on Toyota driver Mika Salo's record in his previous 93 GPs. Nonetheless, they give Minardi an 8.1 per cent chance of scoring a world championship point - something it has done only once in the past six seasons.

The mathematicians found that only eight drivers could become the 2002 world champion - but they gave three of them (Montoya, Irvine and Sauber's Nick Heidfeld) only 1 per cent or less chance. That trio ranked behind Michael Schumacher (72.8 per cent), Coulthard (10.5 per cent), Barrichello (5.6 per cent), Ralf Schumacher (5.0 per cent), and Raikkonen (4.7 per cent).

Montoya, in particular, might take issue with that when the season gets underway in Melbourne on the first weekend of March.
 
"When testing, he hasn't got much patience to check through datasheets
with the engineers, to study the next day's programs or to discuss things he
doesn't like in the car," Head said. "Juan does all that and thus has acquired
a better understanding for the car."

Interesting
 
South African F1 coverage to run without advertising breaks... Formula One fans
in Africa are in for a treat, according to the company that has acquired the
television rights to the Formula One World Championship. SuperSport now has the
rights to cover F1 in almost 50 countries across Africa, in a deal that includes
satellite along with exclusive English television coverage for the sub-Saharan
territories. Local fans will be able to watch the action on SuperSport2 on DStv.
“This significant development further enhances our strategy to give viewers the
ultimate choice on three dedicated channels: SuperSport 1 featuring mainly rugby
and golf, SuperSport 2 concentrating on motorsport, cricket and tennis, and
SuperSport 3 showcasing soccer, athletics and boxing,” commented SuperSport CEO
Heinrich Enslin. He also assured race fans that they will
be able to enjoy race action without the interruption of advertising breaks.

:bawling: :bawling: :bawling:
 
20 Headlines You Won't See In 2002

JUST a bit of fun ... Formula One headlines which we guarantee won't be appearing anywhere soon.

Local Residents Campaign For Brands F1 Status
Ralf Insists He's No.2 At Williams
Raikkonen To Get His Own Chat Show
Niki Lauda: No Comment
Jenson Button Confesses, "I Fancy Jarno Trulli "
Minardi Test Team Strike Over Excess Hours
"I'll do it for free" Says Eddie Irvine
Swiss Villagers Welcome Michael Schumacher's Heliport
Ecclestone Spotted On Public Transport
Ron And Adrian Announce Stand-Up Comedy Tour
Toyota: Money Is Not The Answer
Villeneuve Wins Canadian Grand Prix
Prost Lands Last-Minute BMW Deal
Alex Yoong Turns Down Ferrari Seat
Sunseeker Goes On Sale To Fund Jordan Factory Improvements
Barrichello Insists On Ferrari Team Orders
Montoya: I Fear Ralf Schumacher
Silverstone GP Roads Chaos Fails To Materialise
Shocks In Geneva As Pollock Ousts Mosley At FIA
Beckham Copies Dave Richards' Haircut
With thanks to Frank Hopkinson

Got any of your own unlikely headlines? Well what are you waiting for, send them in. Mail us.

Readers' Contributions - Thanks for these, some of them even made us giggle!

From Michael Cosgrove

Niki Lauda appears in public without his Parmalat hat
Ron Dennis wipes `optimise' from his vocabulary
ARROWS team wins first F1 race
Osella planning F1 return
Finnish to become official language of F1
Formula One ticket prices slashed
Afghanistan to host GP in 2003
Michael Schumacher wipes `honestly' from his vocabulary
British GP traffic problems solved; 2002 race will be held in Gibraltar
Vegemite to sponsor Minardi team
From Kylie Bull

David Coulthard: "This Year Is Not Mine"
From Tom and Judy Richardson

Schumacher and Villeneuve: Friends Forever
From Hilary Smith

DC claims "This won't be my year and I'm not as fit as I have been"
From JT

Coulthard writes off title hopes
Dennis confirms Coulthard as No.1 and Raikkonen as No.2 drivers
Ferrari abolish team orders
Moseley introduces new measures to increase overtaking opportunities
Ecclestone in rift with Michael Schumacher
Briatore gives up playboy lifestyle
Villenueve to take on bulk of BAR PR work
Jordan in race to try to sign Frentzen
Brawn blasts Ferrari pit strategy
FIA to consult fans on circuit changes
From Nick Bates

Ecclestone goes public on his bank balance
Schumacher admits to cheating
Eddie Jordan sells team to fund own own band
Eddie Jordan wins Grammy award
F1 Television rights drop 50 percent
South Africa gets Grand Prix slot
Tomas Scheckter signed by Ferrari
Kimi Raikkonen wins season opener
Hakkinen to return in 2003 - at Ferrari alongside Schumacher
From Jukka Hirvonen

All drivers praise new Hockenheim track layout
Max Mosley: "Let`s get rid of grooved tyres"
From Neil

David Coulthard Prediction: "2002 is not my year to be champion"
Ralf Wants Coin Toss to Decide Who is No.1 at Williams
Schumacher Issues Apology Over Ecclestone/Warhol Comparison
DC Backs Raikkonen for Driver's Title
Montoya New Year's Resolution: "I will go easy on the engine and tyres"
Pollock: "I will convince Jacques to leave BAR. He is weak and stupid"
 
:rotfl:

Excellent headlines!

How about some more:

McLaren Pit Call Helps DC
Lauda says Arrows Melbourne Qualifying Performance Not An Embarrassment
Lauda Says Irvine Not An Embarrassment (no, wait, he would say that)
GP Drivers Say Barcelona Race Needs More Laps
Barrichello in "Got Over Senna's Death" Admission
Barrichello: "I couldn't beat Michael even if the team would let me"
Actually We Had Fun In F1 Say Peugeot Sport Boss
 
Third Rock From The Pitlane

fia_aliens350x214.jpg


There are so many 'What ifs…' in Formula 1. What if Hakkinen had left McLaren and gone to Minardi ..? What if Schumi hadn't broken his leg in 1999 ..? What if they took the chicanes out at Monza ..? So what if aliens invaded the bodies of F1 personnel at an FIA press conference - a little bit like Third Rock From The Sun.

Here's how you'd notice ...

Q: Ron Dennis, what are your views on the new Ferrari transmission?
RD: It's a very interesting development. When Adrian and I heard about it we were chuckling away. What a really great idea. I wish them all the luck with it, it's going to be tough to make it reliable, but if anybody can do it then Ross Brawn is the man

Q: You don't think it contravenes the 'spirit of the regulations'?
RD: Well…maybe a little. But you can't get hung up on those. There's a lot of give and take in F1 and Ferrari have given the sport so much.

Q: Juan Pablo Montoya, Michael Schumacher's had some biting things to say about your on-track behaviour in the past.
JPM: That worries me very much. Deeply. I always study what Michael says very closely. Normally when I'm working out in the gym.

Q: How's your relationship with Ralf going?
JPM: Really good. We're taking it in turns to play practical jokes on Patrick Head.

Q: David Coulthard. How are you finding the balance of the MP4-17 this season?
DC: The balance is perfect, it's a real pleasure to drive. And so easy to dial in too.

Q: Do you think this is your year?
DC: No.

Q: Michael Schumacher. What was you reaction to the first corner incident when Juan Pablo Montoya turned straight into you to stop you getting past?
MS: It was so funny. I was thinking, 'Oh no, here we go again!'

Q: So no hard feelings that he put you into the gravel and went on to win the race?
MS: I have so many trophies at home it's becoming embarrassing. And to be honest I'm getting a bit fed up of podiums every single race. Podiums, podiums podiums. All those steps.

Q: Eddie Irvine. Your Malaysian Grand Prix qualifying must have been a new low-point in your career at Jaguar.
EI: Yes. I had a word with Gunther afterwards and asked him to pay me the same as Pedro from now on. It's not fair that he drives so much quicker and gets so much less.

Q: Will you be selling you yacht the Anaconda?
EI: I believe the Buddhist faith has a lot to offer a modern F1 driver.

Q: Jean Todt, how are the Bridgestone tyres working this year?
JT: They're a pile of ****. It's only because Michael drives the wheels off his car that we're making any progress.

Q: And how is Rubens getting on with the team?
JT: Rubens who?
 
20 Headlines You Won't See In 2002

JUST a bit of fun ... Formula One headlines which we guarantee won't be appearing anywhere soon.

Local Residents Campaign For Brands F1 Status
Ralf Insists He's No.2 At Williams
Raikkonen To Get His Own Chat Show
Niki Lauda: No Comment
Jenson Button Confesses, "I Fancy Jarno Trulli "
Minardi Test Team Strike Over Excess Hours
"I'll do it for free" Says Eddie Irvine
Swiss Villagers Welcome Michael Schumacher's Heliport
Ecclestone Spotted On Public Transport
Ron And Adrian Announce Stand-Up Comedy Tour
Toyota: Money Is Not The Answer
Villeneuve Wins Canadian Grand Prix
Prost Lands Last-Minute BMW Deal
Alex Yoong Turns Down Ferrari Seat
Sunseeker Goes On Sale To Fund Jordan Factory Improvements
Barrichello Insists On Ferrari Team Orders
Montoya: I Fear Ralf Schumacher
Silverstone GP Roads Chaos Fails To Materialise
Shocks In Geneva As Pollock Ousts Mosley At FIA
Beckham Copies Dave Richards' Haircut
With thanks to Frank Hopkinson

Got any of your own unlikely headlines? Well what are you waiting for, send them in. Mail us.

Readers' Contributions - Thanks for these, some of them even made us giggle!

From Michael Cosgrove

Niki Lauda appears in public without his Parmalat hat
Ron Dennis wipes `optimise' from his vocabulary
ARROWS team wins first F1 race
Osella planning F1 return
Finnish to become official language of F1
Formula One ticket prices slashed
Afghanistan to host GP in 2003
Michael Schumacher wipes `honestly' from his vocabulary
British GP traffic problems solved; 2002 race will be held in Gibraltar
Vegemite to sponsor Minardi team
From Kylie Bull

David Coulthard: "This Year Is Not Mine"
From Tom and Judy Richardson

Schumacher and Villeneuve: Friends Forever
From Hilary Smith

DC claims "This won't be my year and I'm not as fit as I have been"
From JT

Coulthard writes off title hopes
Dennis confirms Coulthard as No.1 and Raikkonen as No.2 drivers
Ferrari abolish team orders
Moseley introduces new measures to increase overtaking opportunities
Ecclestone in rift with Michael Schumacher
Briatore gives up playboy lifestyle
Villenueve to take on bulk of BAR PR work
Jordan in race to try to sign Frentzen
Brawn blasts Ferrari pit strategy
FIA to consult fans on circuit changes
From Nick Bates

Ecclestone goes public on his bank balance
Schumacher admits to cheating
Eddie Jordan sells team to fund own own band
Eddie Jordan wins Grammy award
F1 Television rights drop 50 percent
South Africa gets Grand Prix slot
Tomas Scheckter signed by Ferrari
Kimi Raikkonen wins season opener
Hakkinen to return in 2003 - at Ferrari alongside Schumacher
From Jukka Hirvonen

All drivers praise new Hockenheim track layout
Max Mosley: "Let`s get rid of grooved tyres"
From Neil

David Coulthard Prediction: "2002 is not my year to be champion"
Ralf Wants Coin Toss to Decide Who is No.1 at Williams
Schumacher Issues Apology Over Ecclestone/Warhol Comparison
DC Backs Raikkonen for Driver's Title
Montoya New Year's Resolution: "I will go easy on the engine and tyres"
Pollock: "I will convince Jacques to leave BAR. He is weak and stupid"
 
MS: No matter what, if Rubens beats me fair and square he deserves the win!

RB: They said I don't have to pull over anymore...

JT: Rubens is the best #2 driver in the world! [wait, JT did say that. Oh never mind.]

:lol: :lol:
 
HAHAHAHAHA i personally like "Irvine says he'll do it for free" and "Tomas Scheckter signed by Ferrari" I would like to see schecckter in F1 though really.
 
F1 Gets All Arty!

Jaguar chassis to be painted by Damien Hirst and JV reveals he wouldn't want his portrait at home
18/04/02

British installation artist Damien Hirst has been commissioned to paint a Formula One Jaguar car. The controversial modern artist, whose past works have included lambs and sharks in tanks of formaldehyde, won’t need a canvas. Or a tank.

Jaguar have given him an unpainted F1 chassis on which to work his tortured muse.

Fresh back from that hotbed of artistic classicism, northern Italy, Jaguar Press Chief Nav Sidhu explained how it would work. “All the paint has been taken off a Formula One car and he has been given it as a blank sheet. The car will never go on the track but will be featured in an exhibition.”

Long-time Jaguar sponsor Becks introduced Hirst to the motor racing company. Becks has backed many of Hirsts exhibitions in the past and saw the opportunity to get two of its partners together.

"This is a first for a Formula One car, Jaguar and Damien Hirst,” said Sidhu. “The three parts have come together and he agreed to do the project quite recently.”

Meanwhile British American Racing and title sponsors Lucky Strike have revealed themselves as patrons of the arts. Jacques Villeneuve attended the launch of a new art initiative called Tribe In A Box, a touring exhibition generated by photographers, film-makers and BAR itself.

Among the exhibits is a mechanical shark made out of F1 car parts that's been lovingly assembled by BAR's chief mechanic Alastair Gibson, and four 25-foot portraits of BAR drivers Villeneuve and Olivier Panis by Julian Opie, best known for creating the artwork for the Best of Blur album.

Villeneuve, who's not a regular on the art circuit said: "It's probably the first exhibition I've ever seen as it's not something I normally do, so I can't compare it to anything else."

"But there's some interesting stuff here. I certainly know the Blur album cover well. That's clever art, and it was fun to have my portrait done by the same guy. But I don't think I would want the original in my own house."

"Not when it's 25 feet tall."
 
http://www.planet-f1.com/features/guest/guest.html/f1/ENG?guest0001=guest0063


Michael Schumacher: He's A Secret Hippy

By Arlo Freelove III

Something’s happened at Ferrari, man. The World Champion, dude, Michael Schumacher has come over all new-age. You don’t believe me. The evidence is there staring you in the face. By the time the season ends you’re gonna see incense burning in the Ferrari pit and that big red mother of an F1 car go pyschedelic. Don’t believe me? Well here’s the reasons why:

* The name itself - Schumacher. He’s a guy who’s descended from a long line of guys who made their own shoes. Every self-respecting hippy wants to shake off the capitalist footwear industry and make his own sandals. Michael’s ancestor dudes were way ahead of their time.

* What’s yours is mine. He’s not into the 'mine, mine mine' culture. Like I heard at Imola, Michael gave Rubens his race car and took Ruben’s. He shares, man. He shares.

* He’s into lentils. It is way obvious. How do you get to be that thin if you’re not on a vegetarian diet? Take a look at the bro, Ralf. Ralf looks like he’s a large burger, extra fries and king-size cola kinda guy. Michael loves animals too much to make them lunch. He's a bean curd pilaf and lentil casserole man, man.

* He’s said no to nuclear power. Who was it who gave us ‘Atomkraft Nien Danke’ (Nuclear Power No Thanks) Yeah, the Germans. And Michael has made it way clear that he’s not prepared to drive a nuclear-powered Ferrari.

* He wants to live in Switzerland. How cool is that. He wants to live in the country that’s known for it’s peace-loving, anti-nuclear policies.

* He’s not into negative vibes. No way will he resort to *****in’ up the other drivers. Like the dude Montoya has a way bad karma and complains about him. What does Michael do? He just smiles the smile of inner peace. He has it, man. He has it.

* He’s not competitive. His life force is freedom and speed. That bad karma dude Montoya goes to pass him in Brazil and Michael says ‘Hey, I’ll jump out of the way, dude’ and moves over. Except Montoya gets it all wrong.

* He’s totally into festivals. Michael had a word with F1 head honcho Bernie and said no way will I drive if there’s a freakin’ grand prix the weekend of June 29th/30th, “that’s Glastonbury, man.” And he totally dug Bernie when Bernie said, “Yo, fixed it, man.”

*Ferrari – it’s a world party. They got French, Italian German, South African, British and Swiss dudes hangin’ out. It’s like a beautiful rainbow nation coming together. How stoked does Michael feel working there. Like I’d say, totally stoked, dude.
 
heh

The BMW-Williams engineers got straight on the radio
to Juan and told him to watch out for the deer.
There was a strange silence from Juan’s car.
“It’s like a horse with horns,” the engineers explained.
Click to expand...
 
Features



THE (VERY) SILLY SEASON
Ralf to Sauber, Sato to BAR, JV to Toyota and DC to Ecurie Ecosse...


In F1 there is 'the silly season' when speculation about driver moves is rife and rumours spread through the paddock like wildfire. The drivers fuel it themselves because nothing helps negotiations with the current employer more than the thought that a driver might be off to join a rival team. Frank Hopkinson takes a look at what might happen if you took the rumours one stage further and made it 'the very silly season'. In 2003 it could be the case of themed superteams all round...
FERRARI
Michael Schumacher retires from F1 at the end of the 2002 season after becoming a five-times world champion. He goes on to head Ferrari's new Le Mans challenge, taking Ross Brawn - who used to work on the Jaguar sports proto-type with him. Michael will spend the next five years establishing Ferrari as the best all-round motor racing team ever.
He is replaced at Maranello by Felipe Massa, who along with Rubens Barrichello, will make up an all-Brazilian Ferrari super-team.

MCLAREN
With Schumacher gone, Mika Hakkinen will do an Alain Prost and come back for one final season. David Coulthard will make way for Mika and Kimi to form an all- Scandinavian superteam. McLären. Kimi Raikkonen will adopt joint Finnish/Swedish nationality as a concession to the team's new backers. The team will be known as Team IKEA McLären-Mercedes.

WILLIAMS
By the end of 2002 the pressure will have told on Ralf Schumacher and he will be sacked by an increasingly grumpy Patrick Head. Also, with Ferrari going for an all-Brazilian line-up and McLären going for an all-Scändinavian line-up, Frank Williams will be tempted to follow suit and he'll delight sponsors Petrobras by selecting jungle boy, (cheeky monkey-faced) Antonio Pizzonia to form an all-South American superteam with Juan-Pablo.

RENAULT
The chances of forming an all-French superteam are severely hampered by the fact that there's only Olivier Panis who's any good now that Jean Alesi has retired. Jenson Button and Jarno Trulli will stay where they are, but be encouraged to take a more French view of the world. In reponse Jarno and Jenson go on strike for higher wages, then take a Renault truck and block the entrance to the Enstone factory demanding that the management act now.

SAUBER
With Felipe Massa gone from his team, Peter Sauber has very little room for manouevre. He's gone on record as saying that Rubens Barrichello is too old - so Mika Salo, Irv, JV and DC aren't needed in Switzeland. Enrique Bernoldi, who has Red Bull backing, is much taller than Nick Heidfeld so he would be a nightmare for the engineers to install. In fact it turns out everyone in the pitlane, with the exception of Felipe Massa, Kylie, Frankie Dettori and Grid Girl No.11 is much taller than Nick Heidfeld.
So instead Peter Sauber forms a Germanic super-team by hiring Ralf Schumacher and Alexander Wurz. Nick moves to Toyota.

JAGUAR
Irv undergoes a religious conversion to Buddhism after the Japanese Grand Prix and renounces all worldly goods. He sells his boat the Anaconda, and enrolls in a Tibetan monastry to dedicate himself to prayer, simple living and a life of chastity. He writes to Rubens Barrichello and says he is profoundly sorry he called him ugly after the San Marino GP of 2002. He is now of the opinion that all human life is beautiful, even if it does make you recoil a little bit.
Niki Lauda needs a young gun who is fast and will still give Jaguar that 'edgy' feel for the Jag PR guys. So he hires Fernando Alonso alongside PdlR. And before he knows it, he's got himself a Spanish superteam: El Felino Grande.
Sales of Jaguars in Spain soar. Nearly six are sold in the first quarter.

ARROWS
Red Bull owner Dieter Mateschitz buys Morgan Grenfell's share of the team and converts it into an all-American, stars'n'stripes, rootin', tootin' shootin' outfit. He hires fast American drivers Bart Finkelstein who's a talented rookie from the IRL (but who has issues) and hardened old pro NASCAR driver, Billy-Bob Doorbender. He sells the movie rights to Tom Cruise and Paul Newman.
Heinz-Harald Frentzen takes him to court for breach of contract, but Dieter dismisses him as having lost the plot.

TOYOTA
Jacques Villeneuve moves to Toyota after the team discovers Mika Salo has a Honda motorbike. Mika Salo moves to IKEA McLären as their third Scändinavian driver. At the same time Rön Dennis forces Adrian Newey to change his name to Olaf Newey and a pair of horns is inserted into the roof of the new McLären communications centre.

BAR
Takuma Sato joins Olivier Panis at David Richards' resurgent team. By now Takuma's no-claims bonus is a far distant memory and he is reduced to traveling everywhere by moped. On his farewell from Jordan, Eddie presents him with a display case: Gravel From Around The World, a memento from every single run-off he visited in 2002. The display weighs about 1.4 tonnes in total.

JORDAN
Eddie signs a deal to take Cosworth engines and the EJ14 (for superstition's sake they skip EJ13) is instantly faster than both the Arrows and Jaguar cars. Fisi wins the 2003 Monaco grand prix and to celebrate EJ cracks open a whole crate of EJ-10, the hypotonic new energy drink from Jordan and lavishes the caffeine-free beverage upon the team. At the next race, Montreal, Fisi is leading by forty-five seconds and looks to have the race in the bag. However on the last lap he mysteriously slows down and lets Juan-Pablo Montoya overtake him just before the line.

MINARDI
Alex Yoong continues at the Ledbury scuderia, Mark Webber moves to Renault as test driver and Aussie glamour model, Sarah-Jane, who figured prominently in Melbourne, steps in as Yoong's No.2. Though it's a nice idea by Paul Stoddart the team have to face getting only one car within 107% of the pole time in qualifying, until by the British Grand Prix enough is enough and Yoong is replaced by Sid Watkins.

MEDICAL CAR
Heinz-Harald Frentzen, who is desperate to stay in F1, offers to drive the medical car for nothing and if necessary, bring his own sandwiches to races.

ECURIE ECOSSE
David Coulthard, Allan McNish along with Tom Walkinshaw and Jackie Stewart combine to reform that most evocative of motorsport team names, Ecurie Ecosse. An all-Scottish superteam, driven by the Braveheart spirit, they design and build the car in Scotland, recruit all-Scottish engineers and set some dazzling lap times in testing. They are about to take the F1 world by storm when on the eve of the 2003 Australian Grand Prix, someone asks "Which football team do you support, Rangers or Celtic?" When the red lights go out for the start of the race, the fight is still going on in their pit garage.
 
Features



The Secret Diary of Michael Schumacher

Planet-F1 is proud to bring you the very first part of a ground-breaking new series. Using our inside connections at Maranello we have obtained exclusive access to the thoughts of the man who is unquestionably the leading driver of his generation. We can now publish for the first time, a transcript the whole of the F1 media circus has been trying to get hold of, The Secret Diary Of Michael Schumacher.
Part One: At last we have found the tortoise!

I am still so very angry about what happened at the A1-Ring.
Willi is telling me not to read the newspapers - which I am not - and Sabine is keeping the dog-pack at the bay, but I am still filled up with anger about the press conference. The question that is sticking most in my mind?
'What is the championship worth if you win it now?'
That is not a correct question. How would I know. It could be worth between $20m and $50m, only Willi knows the answers to that. But what a time and place to be asking about money.

It is a relief to be back in the factory and talking to 'Father' Rory Byrne. I must explain about this. I once was thinking when I was looking at him, that if you put him into a priest's uniform, he would look just like a traditional Irish countryside priest. And since that time we are having this enormous joke where I call him 'Father' and he is calling me, 'my son'. Nigel Stepney is in on our joke also with 'Father Byrne'. He is saying to Rory, "Can you fix that Father, to be sure, to be sure," and they are both laughing a long time. I do not know why. Perhaps I will use that funny line also "to be sure, to be sure".

I am having a phone call from Ralf in the week asking why I did not come over to see him, Cora and little David in Spielberg. In all things between us we can talk openly and plainly except when it comes to Cora. I deflected his enquiries with counter questions about his hairstyle. This story, that the colour was a 'bad mistake' by a hairdresser, not for a second do I believe. I am sure that it is Cora who is wanting to change his looks and image. And what a disaster she has caused. He was wearing one of his 'oh no, I've broken the go-kart again' faces all weekend, that I know so well from our childhood.



It is not a good time for me with either the Austrians or the Swiss after the environmental party turn down our plans for a ranch - the reason they say is that the land is for agriculture. I am wanting to say back to them in a very loud voice - what are horses then, a chemical works? I do not think horses are industrial, they are as green as the leaves on the trees. I believe the reason they are saying no is because motor-racing is not green or they are McLaren fans. It is a big disappointment because Corinna loves horses so much. She even calls me mein kleines pferde gesicht at our moments of great passion.

However the good news is that we have found Gunther, the tortoise Mika Hakkinen gave us. We had so much fun last year with Gunther, but just after hibernation we put him in the garden and the little fellow made a break for it. Lucky for us our neighbour found him. She said she knew he had to be ours because it was the only tortoise she'd ever seen painted with a 'Deutsche Vermögensberatung' logo.

On Thursday I have to confess I had my fourth chocolate biscuit of 2002. It was a lapse in concentration, a moment when I was not being focused and I just reached out and took it from a plate in the middle of a table. I do not intend to repeat this act of madness until the championship is won. To make up for it, I spent an extra hour in the gym, running an extra 20 kms. I do not think Jean, will notice when he gives me my weekly massage.

As for Monaco, I am looking forward to the race extremely. Our tifosis will be camped on the hillside for the race and I will thank them for their understanding and dedicate the race victory to them. Somebody said that I have won at Monaco so many times that if I win the race one more time I should keep the trophy, but I do not believe this is possible.

I am not looking forward to the questions by the Juan Montoya-loving press room. They are like jackals after meat and I do not want to play the lonely wildebeest that is getting separated from the herd. I have been looking in the mirror and practicing 'I'm very sorry' faces. That will have to do.

© Planet-F1 2002
 
erm question: y did u bump it back up when no-one has written for nearly 3 years??
 
Bee
erm question: y did u bump it back up when no-one has written for nearly 3 years??
Click to expand...

Because I thought people might like seeing it given that there is a funny pictures thread. Note the comedy relation.
 
Amazing, simply amazing. Off all the things to comment on. Was the possibility that some might not have seen this and that I was trying to show something I thought people might find enjoyable ever present in the heads of some of you? Or do some of you often like to make criticisms about irrelevant things?

"The thread is old, why bump it?"

Simply obnoxious.
 
I also brought it up again because the funny picture thread inspired me, not simply out of ego.
 

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