loss of a mate - need you help

  • Thread starter Thread starter kikkoman
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kikkoman

kikkoman

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hey all.

sorry if this thread would bore you but ive got a question that i would like to ask you people.

how are you usually meant to deal with a loss of a person that you knew?

what can you do to make yourself feel better?

what can you do if you cant really think of anything else but that loss?

the reason i am asking you all this is because in the early hours of sunday morning, a few of my school mates were out cruising in thier mums SUV. and then suddenly, somehow the car that they were in rolled a few times and one of the four people in the car had died last night(Monday).

the driver of the SUV won't talk much, so i dont really have the real deal of what really went on.

and now, i just cant stop thinking about how precious and fraglie life is.

im currently studying my last year at highschool where marks go towards the final thing which is really important for my future. ie.future job, future university/college

so if you have gone through something simmilar as this case please help me get over this loss and on with my life by leaving some helpful points or even similar stories and how you over came them.

its really hard for me atm.

i cant even think straight.

er, i think ive written enough.

sorry about this guys.

thanks in advance.
 
My dad's best friend died when I saw him last, it really made me sad because he was very good to me. It took me a week or morevto grasp that I was never going to see him again. What's worse we had a semi fall-out and I hadn't forgiven him and I felt really guilty when he died.

That's just me though, I can't imagine how my dad must've felt.

Iwas thinking how fragile life is and I was wondering the point of life. It got me quite depressed and I gave up on religion. I sort of didn't know why I should bother at anything if I was in the end just going to die.

I just got over it by trying to do things as normally as possible.

I've probably typed too much and it probably won't help you but it got some things off my chest if nothing else.
 
I don't know what I can say, I guess their isn't much I could do to help. Try to keep your life going. I know you will think about it a lot, but the mourning proccess is natural. Hopefully you'll get over it in time, just wait and see. I'm a Jehovah's Witness myself, but I don't know if you believe in God. I can't say much to help, but ry to stick together with your friends. They are the people you know well, and you'll cope better with other people. Talk to anyone you want, try to get things off your chest, and hopefully you'll get over it.
Remember, you can't afford to waste your whole life, try to keep going.
 
Originally posted by Party for GT4
I can't say much to help, but ry to stick together with your friends. They are the people you know well, and you'll cope better with other people. Talk to anyone you want, try to get things off your chest, and hopefully you'll get over it.
Remember, you can't afford to waste your whole life, try to keep going.
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I agree with this all the way. I have recently lost a close friend and my grandfather. Just keep them alive inyour heart and they will never really be dead. just keep the memory going man thats about all i can say
 
There's really not a lot you can do in these circumstances except that make sure you do talk about it. That might be difficult, as no-one else may be interested in talking about such an unpleasant thing, and if that's the case seek counselling. It's important to realise that what you're feeling is most likely normal, as guilt can build up from what at times can seem weird and selfish emotions.

Otherwise, the only healer is time. Sorry for your loss.
 
Originally posted by J3CD3R
I agree with this all the way. I have recently lost a close friend and my grandfather. Just keep them alive inyour heart and they will never really be dead. just keep the memory going man thats about all i can say
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Very true words. If he was a friend, the pain will eventually fade, but the memory won't. I still miss my father and still think of him every day, but the pain of his death has gone.

Life moves on because it must. But the friend's effect on your life will still be around.
 
Same thing happened to me when I was a kid.. My grandpa left me with cancer. They're right.. Time is the best healer... for now.. there isn't much you can do but work into your daily routine.. hopefully, the activities will keep you from thinking those thoughts. Sorry.
 
I have never had a loved one die, yet. My grandfather will not likely finish the year, though. He was very imortant to me growing up and is a big part of who I am today, probably more than my dad. It already hurts to see him slowly slip away and succomb to congestive heart failure. Maybe when he goes I'll feel relieved that his suffering is over.

Premature deaths of young people are especially sad. The victims parents have my sympathy, as does the driver, who must live with this until his last day. Very sad, indeed.
 
It's been two and a half years since I lost my 15 year old sister in a car crash and it still hurts as much today as it did when it first happened. The shock is gone, but the ache in my heart is something that will probably never go away.

Some people get over it and are able to move on, some people (like me) will never have that luxury.

Sorry for your loss.
 
My mother passed away when I was seven when birthing my sister in childbirth. My sister never got one look at her face.........
 
Originally posted by kikkoman
how are you usually meant to deal with a loss of a person that you knew?
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Everyone deals with it differently. . . Some Cry, some drink, some resort to voilence, some output although what I listed was mainy negatives. There are also positive things you can do with your emotions, make something out of it, clean something, build something, workout, study, talk with friends, etc. Unfortunately, in my case I resorted to drinking. . .


what can you do to make yourself feel better?
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read above

what can you do if you cant really think of anything else but that loss?
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Keep yourself busy! That is the key, if you give yourself enough time to ponder over thougths, you will drive yourself insane.

the reason i am asking you all this is because in the early hours of sunday morning, a few of my school mates were out cruising in thier mums SUV. and then suddenly, somehow the car that they were in rolled a few times and one of the four people in the car had died last night(Monday).

the driver of the SUV won't talk much, so i dont really have the real deal of what really went on.
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You need to confront this person, but have to do it in a fashion where you don't hinder or upset that person. If you are balling or he/she is, that is the perfect time. Both of you should release your emotions at the same time and in the middle of it ask "what happened if you don't mind talking about it".


and now, i just cant stop thinking about how precious and fraglie life is.
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I realize this everyday, and the more experienced I get everyday it becomes more precious.


so if you have gone through something simmilar as this case please help me get over this loss and on with my life by leaving some helpful points or even similar stories and how you over came them.
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Well, I sold my motorcycle to a friend after graduating High School. The moment I was handing him the keys to it, I told him I really did not want to give him the keys for some reason. . . two months later he killed himself on that bike. . . How I dealt with it was the total wrong way of dealing with it. I drank myself to sleep, I got invovled with drugs that would surppress my emotions, everything negative you could try I did. 7 years later and I am still getting over it, little things dwindle out and it sucks. . .
 
Only advice I can give is to not do the full-blown "push it out of your mind" kind of thing, because that's just silly, and easily falls into the category of "denial". Nonetheless, don't mull over it too much... remember some of the happy times, remember their impact on your life, but don't focus on "if they were still alive", because that just makes things worse (unless you do it well into the future, for reflective purposes, but not now). Just think about the fulfilling lives they already had, and what an honor it was to be friends with them, and that you'll honor them by keeping a high chin and recognizing their importance to you. 👍
 
I lost my uncle last month, he was a very nice guy and i miss him a lot. He was a guy that everyone could get along with because he just lights up the whole place when he is there. At his funeral, I cant forget what the pastor said about him leaving the earth and moving to heaven. He said death was not to be mourned, it was a time to celebrate his life because he is now in heaven and is happier up there.
 
Like most people have said it takes time and talk to some close friends about it as well. I lost a mate, cousin and family friend in 2001 and my school mates sista just pasted away. Its always a tragic thing, but remeber the good times and remeber they have mostly likely gone to a better place (well depends on religion)

may your mates R.I.P :(
 
Ya man just remember the good times you guys had together, all those memories, don't keep thinking about him being dead it just makes things worse, well for me it did, I just kept sticking to the thought of him being somewhere else, Just around 1 month ago my good friend was killed by a street racer hitting the car he was in, thanks to this his mother is still in critical condition. Well I feel sorry for ya pal, but it'll get better
 
It starts to get easier eventually. My Dad just all of a sudden had a massive heart attack and died while we were watching a movie on new years eve 1998. I was only 8 at the time and its still the scariest thing i ever saw. I still havent really got over it but its getting better. I hope you get over it soon.
 

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