Making the effort with others

[GTPVenomZombie]

So I`ve been talking to this girl for quite a long time now, and it feels like she just doesn't care anymore. I get taken for granted. We are suppose to be best friends, but she acts like she doesn't want anything to do with me. She tells me she cares, but she makes no effort to show it. For example, I`ll send her a paragraph of something that's upset me and she`ll reply with `Aw okay`. Or sometimes, `aw hope you feel better`. When its her in that situation I`ll send her a big paragraph of how amazing she is and why she shouldn't need to feel like that(the way she was feeling if its bad). She says things, that is obvious she doesnt mean. Just playing with my emotions. What should I do? Should I just silence her? Or tell her how I feel or just not text her anymore? I`d of put this in the relationship thread, but its not really a relationship its a friendship and I don't know what to do anymore. Someone give me some advice or what would you do? Please.

 

[Danny]

One thing you'll learn in life is that all people are essentially awful (no exceptions) and will just take turns to disappoint you one by one.

But outside this, maybe you're over-thinking it. She might have things going on in her own life? It seems a little silly to break off the friendship because she doesn't send you paragraphs. Maybe meet up more often in person?

 

[Dan]

I'd say just drop it. If she isn't making an effort about caring for you, then it's not worth your time. You clearly care about her, but she doesn't. Give the same amount of care you gave her to someone else that would do the same for you.

 

[Blood Eagle]

Friend zone. Bailout.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

One thing you'll learn in life is that all people are essentially awful (no exceptions) and will just take turns to disappoint you one by one.

But outside this, maybe you're over-thinking it. She might have things going on in her own life? It seems a little silly to break off the friendship because she doesn't send you paragraphs. Maybe meet up more often in person?

It`s not because she is not sending me paragraphs, its the fact I put load of effort in and I get it all thrown back in my face. Its not about just some silly paragraphs, its the fact she`s making no effort and she isn't really showing she cares and she calls me her `best friend`. She does have stuff going on, and I`m always the one who is making the effort to try and cheer her up, giving her advice and stuff. But when its me, she doesn't give a monkeys.

 

[lbpomg95]

It`s not because she is not sending me paragraphs, its the fact I put load of effort in and I get it all thrown back in my face. Its not about just some silly paragraphs, its the fact she`s making no effort and she isn't really showing she cares and she calls me her `best friend`. She does have stuff going on, and I`m always the one who is making the effort to try and cheer her up, giving her advice and stuff. But when its me, she doesn't give a monkeys.

The reality is people everywhere will try to get more than they give. People you once considered friends will never speak to you unless they need something. It's cruel but there's no escaping it.

As for your situation, I was in a similar one. There was a girl - I liked her, had a crush on her too. It wasn't until someone else pointed out that she was a narcissist that I realised I was being taken for granted. I messaged her daily on Facebook prior. Haven't spoken to her for a year now. All the better - if she valued our 'friendship', she'd message me for once.

What I would do, put in your position is think to myself 'who starts these conversations? Me or her?' If you're the one who always says 'hello' or 'morning' or whatever on Facebook (assuming that's what you chat on), thus being the one starting the conversation, try not doing so for a while. That gives her a chance to contact you off her own back. There's one of two things will happen; either she gives a furry rat's backside and asks how you are and wants to know what you've been up to, OR; she complains about something or she's annoyed or feeling down etc., at which point you know she just wants attention from you.

More than anything I'd just stop trying as hard. If you're not satisfied with your relationship with her there's no need to be supportive, especially if she doesn't extend the same courtesy. Give what you get. You'll find a proper friend (or two) one day, who will appreciate your existence, the fact that you're there and they will help you when you're down yourself. When you find them, keep them close.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

The reality is people everywhere will try to get more than they give. People you once considered friends will never speak to you unless they need something. It's cruel but there's no escaping it.

As for your situation, I was in a similar one. There was a girl - I liked her, had a crush on her too. It wasn't until someone else pointed out that she was a narcissist that I realised I was being taken for granted. I messaged her daily on Facebook prior. Haven't spoken to her for a year now. All the better - if she valued our 'friendship', she'd message me for once.

What I would do, put in your position is think to myself 'who starts these conversations? Me or her?' If you're the one who always says 'hello' or 'morning' or whatever on Facebook (assuming that's what you chat on), thus being the one starting the conversation, try not doing so for a while. That gives her a chance to contact you off her own back. There's one of two things will happen; either she gives a furry rat's backside and asks how you are and wants to know what you've been up to, OR; she complains about something or she's annoyed or feeling down etc., at which point you know she just wants attention from you.

More than anything I'd just stop trying as hard. If you're not satisfied with your relationship with her there's no need to be supportive, especially if she doesn't extend the same courtesy. Give what you get. You'll find a proper friend (or two) one day, who will appreciate your existence, the fact that you're there and they will help you when you're down yourself. When you find them, keep them close.

Yeah, I was always the one to start the conversations and I stopped messaging her yesterday. Until around 5:15pm she inboxed me saying `Hey xx` and I replied with the same, then I realised her conversation with me was a lot more than what she use to text me. But yea I`ll follow your advice properly, thank you! I just don't get why she did it, same situation for you like we try but in the end it all gets thrown back in our face. Getting that one reply saying `Aw okay` is just so aggravating for me, I never know how to respond but usually start a new convo.

 

[lbpomg95]

Yeah, I was always the one to start the conversations and I stopped messaging her yesterday. Until around 5:15pm she inboxed me saying `Hey xx` and I replied with the same, then I realised her conversation with me was a lot more than what she use to text me. But yea I`ll follow your advice properly, thank you! I just don't get why she did it, same situation for you like we try but in the end it all gets thrown back in our face. Getting that one reply saying `Aw okay` is just so aggravating for me, I never know how to respond but usually start a new convo.

I went for weeks without messaging my 'friend'. They turned to months - the next time she spoke to me was regarding a wager which I already paid her for. So, basically, she was asking me for money. Some people make me sick.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

I went for weeks without messaging my 'friend'. They turned to months - the next time she spoke to me was regarding a wager which I already paid her for. So, basically, she was asking me for money. Some people make me sick.

I think I`ll just not send her any messages anymore, its her own fault for treating me like I`m not relevant anymore. Taken me for granted, just not on when she calls me her `best friend`.

 

[lbpomg95]

I think I`ll just not send her any messages anymore, its her own fault for treating me like I`m not relevant anymore. Taken me for granted, just not on when she calls me her `best friend`.

If you are her best friend, she'll make the effort when she realises you won't crawl to her anymore.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

If you are her best friend, she'll make the effort when she realises you won't crawl to her anymore.

It hurts me to do this, but I guess I`m not going to be taken for a mug.

 

[JockeP22]

You're both still alive. 👍

There are some things I wish I could say today,
but she's not here anymore.
I think good or bad you should tell her what you feel
for tomorrow it might be too late.

 

[lbpomg95]

You're both still alive. 👍

There are some things I wish I could say today,
but she's not here anymore.
I think good or bad you should tell her what you feel
for tomorrow it might be too late.

I did. Things got worse

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

So... Any other tactics?

 

[Omnis]

Forget tactics. What is your strategy? What makes you want to be involved with women?

 

[lbpomg95]

So... Any other tactics?

Depends - do you want to be her friend, more than that, or less than that?

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

Depends - do you want to be her friend, more than that, or less than that?

Yeah I do want to be her friend, but I don't want to be taken for a mug and let her just take me for granted like this.

 

[Hollow]

Is this girl currently dating anyone? Because most girls tend to put their boyfriends first when it comes to sharing things rather than their friends.

 

[GTPVenomZombie]

Is this girl currently dating anyone? Because most girls tend to put their boyfriends first when it comes to sharing things rather than their friends.

No she isn't. Unless their is something she is hiding from me..

 

[Hollow]

No she isn't. Unless their is something she is hiding from me..

Maybe she is single, but is just interested in someone right now and is putting all her effort and time into that.

 

[Joey D]

I feel like this is what's happening here:

From what it looks like from your posts, you care about her in more than just a "friends" sort of a way and she's picking up on it.

Girls that I'm friends with and have been friends with for ages, I've always just treated like one of the guys.

 

[BobK]

@GTPVenomZombie, have you by any chance tried discussing this with her?

 

[phillgt2002]

Don't feel bad, this has happened to many of us.. Including me.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Friend zone.

That's the least-helpful and most misogynistic thing you could have said. The "friend zone" implies that a woman's worth can only be measured by her willingness to sleep with you.

 

[lbpomg95]

That's the least-helpful and most misogynistic thing you could have said. The "friend zone" implies that a woman's worth can only be measured by her willingness to sleep with you.

Who said anything about sex?

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Who said anything about sex?

Blood Eagle. That's what the "friend zone" is.

 

[lbpomg95]

Blood Eagle. That's what the "friend zone" is.

Friend zone doesn't have to be just sexual and I doubt Blood Eagle meant it that way. He may have figured that GTPVenom simply wanted something more than friendship (which is understandable).

 

[Joey D]

The "friend zone" implies that a woman's worth can only be measured by her willingness to sleep with you.

It actually doesn't. Friend zone means she wants to be your friend not your girlfriend. Being someone's significant other is more than just about sex, it's about having a relationship.

 

[prisonermonkeys]

Doesn't make it any less misogynistic - it still tries to measure a woman's worth by her willingness to have a relationship with you.

 

[Joey D]

Doesn't make it any less misogynistic - it still tries to measure a woman's worth by her willingness to have a relationship with you.

It really doesn't it. How on earth do you get a hatered of women for wanting a relationship with them?

Wanting to be more than a friend isn't measuring them by their willingness to have a relationship either. If you have attraction to a person and you care enough about them to want to be in a relationship, it's not a bad thing.