Mopar Muscles Guide to Getting Some Ass!

[Mopar Muscle]

Originally posted by Tazio
What I meant, was: Just don't let a girl's appearance intimidate you.

Its not as intimidating as it looks. it lets her know that you like what you see. open your damn eyes.

 

[boombexus]

Just stipulate that items 1-4 should take you no longer than 5 minutes to accomplish.

That should clear everything up I would suppose.

 

[Mopar Muscle]

Originally posted by Gil
They actually like it if you seem a bit nervous, like talking to her is the most important thing in your world at the moment, and you don't want to screw it up.👍

THANK YOU! that Tazio guy is driving me nuts! he doesn't have the experience.

 

[the_cobbinator]

Mopar, I think you are a genius! I will try to use this, although I do wish it had come right before my freshman year.

 

[Mopar Muscle]

Originally posted by the_cobbinator
Mopar, I think you are a genius! I will try to use this, although I do wish it had come right before my freshman year.

Thankyou. I'm flattered. I wish i knew this before my freshman year also. oh well. theres always college!

 

[1X83Z]

What the **** happened to walking up to a girl and asking her on a date?

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Get with the times.

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by Rumple Foreskin
Get with the times.

If 'getting with the times' means becoming a whiny, girl-afraid punk who needs to use tactics and strategies to get girls to like him then... no.

 

[Klostrophobic]

Dude, you have a Subaru. You don't need game.

 

[boombexus]

Originally posted by boombexus
I just skip all those steps and hop in my car and meet Klos at Fifth and Main. No foreplay, just $20.

But really, why bother with all those steps? If I see something I like, I go and get it. Just walk up to her and start a conversation. What's the deal with all this eye contact crapola? Wasting time in my opinion.

Find someone you like and approach her. You get shot down, oh well, move on to the next and you've wasted less of your time.

 

[Klostrophobic]

Nice avatar. Oh, and I think that post is better when read the thirty-seventh time. At least it was for me.

Originally posted by boombexus
I just skip all those steps and hop in my car and meet Klos at Fifth and Main. No foreplay, just $20.

But really, why bother with all those steps? If I see something I like, I go and get it. Just walk up to her and start a conversation. What's the deal with all this eye contact crapola? Wasting time in my opinion.

Find someone you like and approach her. You get shot down, oh well, move on to the next and you've wasted less of your time.

 

[boombexus]

Yeah, but somehow Douglas missed it.

 

[Klostrophobic]

That's because his eyes only pick up words like "ass" "oil" "subaru" "Bangle" "BMW" "premature".

It's true.

I'm sure he'll see this post and his brain will explode from overstimulation. You just wait and see.

 

[11646]

Originally posted by Klostrophobic
I'm sure he'll see this post and his brain will explode from overstimulation. You just wait and see. [/B]

Now would he really go that far?

 

[sn00pie]

Originally posted by Mopar Muscle
Chapter one: Girls you see daily.

If you see some ass that you want to get around your school, work, or neighborhood follow these guidelines:

Ass? Okay.

First off, let someone introduce you, It gets rid of the nervousness that you may have that might fumble your speech, if that luxory is not avalible, you must then hunt for your meal:

Friend: Hey, this is my friend, his name is __, he does __ for a living!

Ass: Hello friend!

You: Hello ass!

Ass: So...

You: Your ass? Awesome!

Can't speak without fumbling (fumbling)? Don't bother, you suck, go away.

HUNT FOR YOUR MEAL!!! Hunt it good.

1. Stake her out. look at her whenever possible (DONT stare damn you!) but don't let her catch you. Doing this allows her friends to see you looking, and there for tell her "OOooOOO! that guy is looking at you insert name !"

Friends: Effing perv is looking at you. Too much of a stupid-ass to come over and actually talk to you. Let's eat his face.

2. Make eye contact. Once her friends tell her you are enjoyin the view, she is bound to look up to see who. make quick eye contact and turn away shyly to talk to a friend (if a friend is not present, grab your cell phone and look at it. Just pretend to be caught up in something else.

She's not Edinburgh, you're not enjoying ANY view.

And what?

3. Longer eye contact. Knowing that you are there, she will probably look back after a whyle to see if she can catch you looking at her ('cause she wants it too.) Make eye contact for about 2-3 seconds with a shy smile on your face.

A what on whose face?

4. The move.

Uh oh.

When you start to make eye contact again, begin moving towards her.

Like... lean in the directions she's standing?

when she sees you coming over,

Oh, we're walking. Okay.

she will be sure not to turn her back on you because greeting someone from beking their back is almost always awkward.

So now you've been staking her out, enjoying her ass (the view), you've made sure she noticed you have -- and her friends have. You're now classified as a perv with a stupid smile (a shy one!).

5. Get t know her. The hard part is behind you. Just talk to her for not too long (about 5 min.)

You can't get to know people in 5 minutes. When you get to know people you ask them about their life, it's very annoying when people you've just met do that. (let alone people who have been staking you out, smiled at you stupidly, walked over in a ridiculously stupid fashion)

And don't call her the same night if you get a number!

Oh no, you don't want to let her know you like her. Just stake her out some more.

Like eight months.

Chapter two:

We were doing chapters?

girls

I believe "ass" was the terminology at hand.

you see walking at the mall/other public places.

Public places, gotcha!

Ok, there are three ways of going about this.

1. The Pass. When you see a girl walking with her friend(s) try to walk by her so you pass on eachother's right side. This opens up the window for quick eye contact and a fast handshake. say something like "Hey how's it going? whats your name?" Begin to talk to her, ask her other stuff like "are you from around here?" or "what school do you go to?" Ask her if she wants to hang out for a whyle and if she bites youre set!

2. standing in line / waiting. Look at #2 in chapter one, this can be done in a short period of time. Walk over and begin your chatting like mensioned in #1, Ch.2 above.

3. She catches you. If you are lucky, or just a stud, you have probably been approached by a girl lookin for some ss for herself. Let her ask the questions (don't forget to answer!) she is picking you up. Enjoy the ride... any girl that picks you up is probably outgoing or just plain "horny." Don't waste time, make you move.

Commentary: Don't be afraid to make a move, who cares if you get shut down,* You will never see her again.

*this does not apply to chapter one.

Quoting and unquoting is making my fingers sore.

I give you no points for this chapter.

Chapter three: the moves!

1. Holding hands. This ones simple, when you are walking beside her, walk in such a way so that her hand bumps into yours, and then literally into yours. Another way, if you are sitting beside her (or walking) and you notice she has a ring on her finger, Just kinda toutch the ring with your finger and kindof play with it, next thing you know, you are holding hands.

Uh huh. Do you also realize how stupid you look when you're holding hands?

2. The kiss. This is kinda difficult, you have to just know how. Not much of what i tell you can prep. you for this. It can happen at any time. don't make it sudden, though, that makes it .... too sudden and thus: not good. be sure to look into her eyes as you move in. then do your thing. If you cannot see her eyes, like you are holding her from behind, rub your cheek (ugh, i don't like the word cheek) with hers and make your nose touch her cheek. she will more than likely turn her head for the cheese.

Cheese is good. What's with the nose?

3. The good-bye. Sometimes you have to wait for the good-bye to get some. heres how. give her a hug, when you begin to separate, rub your cheek with hers, and look into her eyes and do your thing.

Bye!

4. Getting more than a kiss.
not going to get into that here, pm me.

You take her/his clothes off.

You have sex with her/him.

And, very importantly:

Put clothes back on.

If theres anything else you want to know, just ask.
If theres anything you wish to add, let me know.

👍

Thanks, buddy!

 

[darklegion_ca]

 

[the_cobbinator]

So cynical...

Actually on looking at this more I think I like M5Powers idea. I think if she's going to go out with you you have to be aggressive. While bits and pieces of this "guide" will work, some probably wont.

 

[Attila_Da_Hun]

Originally posted by sn00pie
Ass? Okay.


Friend: Hey, this is my friend, his name is __, he does __ for a living!

Ass: Hello friend!

You: Hello ass!

Ass: So...

You: Your ass? Awesome!

Can't speak without fumbling (fumbling)? Don't bother, you suck, go away.

HUNT FOR YOUR MEAL!!! Hunt it good.


Friends: Effing perv is looking at you. Too much of a stupid-ass to come over and actually talk to you. Let's eat his face.


She's not Edinburgh, you're not enjoying ANY view.

And what?


A what on whose face?


Uh oh.

Like... lean in the directions she's standing?


Oh, we're walking. Okay.


So now you've been staking her out, enjoying her ass (the view), you've made sure she noticed you have -- and her friends have. You're now classified as a perv with a stupid smile (a shy one!).


You can't get to know people in 5 minutes. When you get to know people you ask them about their life, it's very annoying when people you've just met do that. (let alone people who have been staking you out, smiled at you stupidly, walked over in a ridiculously stupid fashion) Oh no, you don't want to let her know you like her. Just stake her out some more.

Like eight months.


We were doing chapters?


I believe "ass" was the terminology at hand.


Public places, gotcha!


Quoting and unquoting is making my fingers sore.

I give you no points for this chapter.

Uh huh. Do you also realize how stupid you look when you're holding hands?

Cheese is good. What's with the nose?


Bye!


You take her/his clothes off.

You have sex with her/him.

And, very importantly:

Put clothes back on.


👍

Thanks, buddy!

👍

 

[skylineGTR_guy]

@ sn00pie

 

[Mopar Muscle]

Originally posted by M5Power
If 'getting with the times' means becoming a whiny, girl-afraid punk who needs to use tactics and strategies to get girls to like him then... no.

Was that a chickenchit shot at me? I'm going to assume it's not since i'm not a whiney, girl-afraid punk.

Read up man, it sounds like you
do need to get with the times.

 

[Mopar Muscle]

to Sn00pie:

Although i did find you ridicule humorous, I would like to ask how you think that it could be better (not that it can't be better). So since you know how to do things so much better than me lets hear some of them.

My tactics work just fine. I rarely face rejection, or lonelyness.

I'm just curious as to how your ways of picking up girls are better.

 

[Mopar Muscle]

to Sn00pie:

Although i did find you ridicule humorous, I would like to ask how you think that it could be better (not that it can't be better). So since you know how to do things so much better than me lets hear some of them.

My tactics work just fine. I rarely face rejection, or loneliness.

I'm just curious as to how your ways of picking up girls are better.

 

[sn00pie]

Originally posted by Mopar Muscle
to Sn00pie:

Although i did find you ridicule humorous, I would like to ask how you think that it could be better (not that it can't be better). So since you know how to do things so much better than me lets hear some of them.

My tactics work just fine. I rarely face rejection, or lonelyness.

I'm just curious as to how your ways of picking up girls are better.

All right.

Ask yourself, who are the people you see using tactics to pick up girls? Now, ask yourself, who are the girls who respond to these tactics?

It's all so stupid! There aren't any rules of engagement, and you're being so detailed...

But I would like to distribute my advice!

Girl? --> Speak!

Just don't be so damn focused on wanting to pick up every girl you see. Unless you're betting for it.

 

[milefile]

Originally posted by Mopar Muscle
Was that a chickenchit shot at me? I'm going to assume it's not since i'm not a whiney, girl-afraid punk.

Read up man, it sounds like you
do need to get with the times.

Yeah Doug. Get with the times, man. You gotta have a plan, you gotta have tactics. It's brutal out there. All the ass goes to the man with the plan. //uncontrollable laughter starts here

 

[1X83Z]

Originally posted by Mopar Muscle
Was that a chickenchit shot at me? I'm going to assume it's not since i'm not a whiney, girl-afraid punk.

Read up man, it sounds like you
do need to get with the times.

You and anybody who needs to use these tactics to actually get a date.

Dude, you have a Subaru. You don't need game.

I tell the girls it's the most expensive Subaru ever sold on the continent... and they tell me that unless I use rubbish tactics that have been planned out and involve several awkward, time-consuming steps, I'm not getting any.

 

[2ez2KiLL]

STICKY PLEEZ!!!!!

 

[the_cobbinator]

Originally posted by milefile
Yeah Doug. Get with the times, man. You gotta have a plan, you gotta have tactics. It's brutal out there. All the ass goes to the man with the plan. //uncontrollable laughter starts here

You should do a home video with that as the trailer. It'd be golden, I tell you, GOLDEN!!

 

[2ez2KiLL]

Originally posted by Mopar Muscle
3.

1. The Pass. When you see a girl walking with her friend(s) try to walk by her so you pass on eachother's right side. This opens up the window for quick eye contact and a fast handshake. say something like "Hey how's it going? whats your name?" Begin to talk to her, ask her other stuff like "are you from around here?" or "what school do you go to?" Ask her if she wants to hang out for a whyle and if she bites youre set!

I just got slapped trying this technique at the mall

i tried to grab the girls hand and TRIED to do a handshake and she yelled @ me and i got slapped O.O??

(note: this technique doesnt work)

 

[darklegion_ca]

Originally posted by 2ez2KiLL
I just got slapped trying this technique at the mall

i tried to grab the girls hand and TRIED to do a handshake and she yelled @ me and i got slapped O.O??

(note: this technique doesnt work)

 

[Jpec07]

I must say that is a very by-the-book guide (assuming everything's the same for all girls and circumstances will always be perfect). I must say that you don't get to know a person just to get laid (added bonus for most people if that winds up happening), you get to know them so that you will have more friends (expanding upon your own little sea of potential girlfriends). If your goal is ultimately having sex with the girl, then you are a dirty pervert who doesn't deserve it. (BTW, this is speaking from knowledge handed down to me from my dad...). I personally have made no such gestures toward that particular goal (mainly because I am a firm believer in the "good things come to those who wait..." theory). oh well, inaccurate guide with a false motive. I can predict that it will rarely result in a relationship, and even more rarely in getting the desired effect. It is a good guide to introduing yourself to someone you like, but It's practically impossible to use it to "get some a**"...