My insanely* funny/weird online race piccies!

SkylineObsession

SkylineObsession

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SkylineObsession
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* If you aren't already insane, you likely won't see the humour. But we can work on that... :mischievous:

Hello there.

Long story short (or short story long, depends on your opinion of how long it seems), i have been designated as the weekly race reporter (picture version, and it's not a race report topic that needs to be in that specific forum since i don't take it that seriously) by other racers in the Thursday night NZGamer.com online race events.

I usually only take pics from one of the three official races we hold, as otherwise i'd spend the whole week taking photos. :/

Mods/admins can remove this sentence if they feel it is advertising, but the weekly NZGamer.com races are held every Thursday with practice starting at 8pm or earlier and races starting at 8:30pm. We have three official races (usually four or so laps, with no driving aids other than abs) every time and then the remaining racers usually vote on tracks to race on until the numbers dwindle away/people go to bed. Only NZ based gamers can enter, and it is held in a private room (have to add room host as a friend). And racing is clean.

Here's another boring line of text, that isn't a picture.

All photos are edited in-game only.
 
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Here are some photos of the first NZGamer Thursday night race night race (say that ten times fast) i entered, after i got told about them. It is usually close, clean racing with lots of funny banter between those who have microphones and even my wife races with us now too.

These are when we were racing the Civic Touring car at Autumn Ring reverse.

Reverse Grid Start (i screwed up in the previous race and lost the front pack), me in the reddy/pinky car, wifey in the army greenish coloured car (worst colour she could find for it).


Everyone had slight traction problems


Not sure if engine blowd up or


We were still there at night time


And the next morning too. Don't buy cheap Chinese tyres...


Cameraman/woman had time to walk behind the cars before most of us had passed the start line to start the race


Bunching up around the second corner
 
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One of the guys in his orange car suffered mechanical issues and wasn't up the front for very long


Always one tail dragging in his taildragger


Everyone seemed to get through cleanly. Well, me and my wife anyway by the time this pic was taken.


Angle parking


More colourful version


Most of the field was still bunched up


Woodnt you know, i was still in the lead
 
Harassing the birdlife were these cars


Onto the second lap i went


Everyone pushing hard. The orange cars' Vtec was depleting at a rapid rate.


Me turning the car in before the corner (because doing so after would be too late)


The battle continues on the last corner heading into the 3rd lap


Which then became a three way battle for a while


The fastest guy (normally) was now in second, and pushing hard - can he catch me?
 
So hard that he forced the colour back into the game


And almost took off into outer space


To no avail however, as SkylineObsession (that's me) had secretly installed an NSX V6 engine into his Civic just before the race


Which subsequently destroyed itself right at the finish line on the last lap, causing the car to go into a wild spin
 
WEEK TWO

Eight of us joined the lobby on this night, with a new guy who i invited along.

First race was at Laguna Seca. I pulled out the quickest qualifying lap out of my secret pocket (didn't even know i had a secret pocket, oddly enough) so started at the front of the pack. But lost the lead not long after...

To confuse and disorientate my enemi..... uhhh, opponents, i created a smoke screen


It didn't work sadly. They were still right behind me. :(


They ran out of Lexus helmets, so this guy went for the next best thing


While these fellas opted for the cone challenge instead


Due to a faulty decal (peeling off), i had lost a lot of hp (it was a Type R sticker obviously) and was rapidly being caught


Further back, another player had spotted a lost cat just as he was heading up the hill towards the corkscrew, so quickly pulled over to save it - thus sacrificing his race. The cat community thanked him for his efforts, and they passed on a message to him for helping it: "Meow, mrowl!". Think that means "Thanks bro."?


Sadly, on the run up the hill my decals suddenly came off the car at an absurd rate (last time i use PVA glue) and they even tore off the paint and pretty much everything else on the car too, to the point where i had no steering, no braking, no engine, no cookies, no sound and no way to get home (map dissolved as well). You could say i was i was a ghost.
 
The race had a new leader, and they were all following him. Those are the rules, remember?


His garage got a great deal on yellow paint


Heading into lap two, this guy suddenly slammed his brakes on and came to a complete stop on the front straight when he saw another players Lexus evaporating away on the side of the track. Almost instantaneously though, the prospect of not getting first place forced him back into the race leaving the semi visible car to it's own.


What are two Lexus cars called? Lexus's? Lexii? Tlexus?


Three corners later, the yellow and gold cars were still driving side by side. Perhaps not realising it was a race? Or both guys were feeling over courteous and always wanted to let the other guy take the corner first. Who knows. Not us. Not them. And not that old guy you saw today either.


1 lap later and still in the lead. Orange is the new red it seems.


At the new back of the field (remember the invisible green car, and the good samartian helping the kitty cat) SkylineObsession had retrieved his stickers/paint/cookies and put them all back on the car with a nailgun full of screws (???), and was starting to eat his way through the field. And the cookies.
Here, you will observe him in front of the newcomer. Notice the damage to the front of Skylines' car though - turns out some stickers needed a bit more 'persuasion' to stay on the car. And have you also noticed that my descriptions for these images are particularly long today?
 
In a sudden fit of insanity, the leader appeared to try take a shortcut, but milliseconds later (after this image was taken) he wisely changed his mind and turned back onto the track, still keeping the lead from a stunned second place racer.


A whole lap later the driver of the gold chrome ISF eventually had enough of being courteous and planted it. Perhaps the approaching screwed up damaged grey Lexus played a part in that decision.


The leaders's cars were starting to look angry. Not sure why, but red can be an aggressive colour. However, there is a chance that the cars have always looked this angry because that is how the designers made them, but to be honest that's just hearsay.


Clearly angry. So i'm not sure why they are now attempting the courteous approach earlier made by other players.


Out of the blue came the grey Lexus, but the yellow Lexus wasn't giving up without a fight. The chrome gold one though was nowhere to be seen


The track managers and a few mechanics idling about the track treated the hero to a free car service for saving the fluffy widdle kitty cat.


The rest stood shoulder to shoulder in a guard of honour. We're all animal lovers, deep down. :)
 
OH COME ON!!! Enough of this courteous rubbish, just pass him! Or you pass him. Not not you, you.


Oooohhhh, i see. Orange was fooling red. Right before the finish line on the last lap he suddenly gunned it and won the race. Sneaky...


Dirty screwy Lexus was still attempting to pass the yellow bumblebee. Could he do so now that they were on the finish straight? Surely not! He's dreaming! :D


What the i don't even. This is what 0.007 looks like. "Lexus. James Lexus".


After adjusting the set, the result was the same.


Somehow the gold ISF had stopped and hidden somewhere when he saw the approaching grey damaged Lexus, and he finished that far ahead of the newcomers orange Lexus.


Madness.
 
And here's a wee blurb from the second race of that night;

Well all the racers who were with us on Laguna Seca decided to come back and try it all again on another track, this time at Willow Springs early in the morning.

No-one could be bothered lining up properly on the starting grid however, so it looked a bit haphazard and as you can see a few cars still hadn't warmed up yet (smoke).


We're all equal when you take away colours and other distinguishing features. Peace to all you brothers (and sisters and second cousins)


Six and a half cars wide at one point. Some needed more racing room than others, so made their own track.


Sadly, this was the beginning of the end. This green car retired shortly after. As did every other car in the race eventually - NO-ONE, finished...


In the west part of the track, the springs in the green car suddenly uncoiled themselves and damaged the car too much to continue. DNF #1 of 8


The black car for some reason decided to drive away into the sunset. Despite it being morning only a few corners back. DNF #2 of 8


Yet again i suffered a huge engine failure, which locked the back wheels and put me into a fast and dangerous backwards slide. DNF #3 of 8
 
The driver of this car broke the GOLDen rule... DNF #4 of 8


Whereas this guy completely lost focus. Last seen heading towards Belgium. DNF #5 of 8


An excessive amount of downforce spelled the end of the race for this guy, since he lost the ability to steer with wheels in the air - the pic is right there, if you actually care. To be fair, he had no fear, of the pear right here that appears to hear what you sheer for hair and gear the tier and ........ i'm running out of rhyming words - thank me later, this coulda gone on for a while. DNF#6 of 8


If you thought things were already a bit absurd, what about this guy and his alien abduction? DNF #7 of 8


Finally, the sole remaining racer got spooked off and out of the race by the ghost of the green Lexus, and since ghosts can fly, there was no escaping it. DNF #8 of 8


Let us never speak of this again...
 
And now for the pictures that didn't make the cut (weren't good enough for my story).

It was a colourful day in Dullsville, OH.


An orange car. It isn't turquoise.


Cornering around a corner. Later on he straighted down a straight.


And another pic, incase you missed it the first time.


Five or six races into our three race weekly event, the final four had a massive one lap battle on the Nordschleife. Don't know what made it 'massive', but it sounds good when you say it.


Two corners after this shot was taken, the green car headed into the deep dark forest never to be seen again. Everyone else just carried on like nothing happened.
 
Thanks everyone. :)

Hopefully i don't run out of funny (if i don't find it funny, then i don't think it is funny - funny that).

The more times i write the word funny, the weirder the word funny actually looks.

What?

Oh, yeah the pix.

Right. You can get a pretty accurate sense of how things may turn out when you're racing NASCAR's on a track with more than two or three corners.

They call out the National Guard...


Which is understandable, even the cars themselves are a wild clash of colours, numbers, logos and African Wild Hamsters. And don't get me started on the drivers... (mainly because i wouldn't know where to start).


GUESS WHAT. The race has just started. SkylineObsession is spinning his wheels. If you just said 'thats nothing new/typical', you win a prize.


This Ford had the brightest chance of winning the race. The driver is a colourful character.


Me sideways yet again. I swear i've never seen a straight line in my life. ~~~~~~~~


In a fit of pure rage, the blue Chevy driver shot out one of my rear tyres because he was getting sick of driving through my smokescreen around every corner.


The tone of the race had just turned very dark, and colour was riding in the back seat. Welcome to NASCAR. Jeff Gordon car 1 of 3 took the opportunity to pass a wildly laughing (formerly) blue Chevy due to SkylineObsession's massive loss of control.
 
With the colour slowly returning the rest of the field was still relatively close.


Well, most of us. Car 88 had some urgent business to attend to which delayed his race start; Fourteen people 'liked' his Facebook status declaring the race had started.


Wifey tried to take a shortcut, but used the wrong side of the track to do so. The Ford was really trying not to laugh.


Jeff Gordon cars number 1 and 3 were trying to make a blue Chevrolet sandwich, while in the background 'you know who' was just coming onto the front straight in his usual fashion.


The fire crews at the track constantly rushed to the protected forest by the main straight, but the smoke was being caused by something else, every. single. lap.


Meanwhile, not much had changed at the front. There were still three cars ahead of the guy in fourth place.


These guys weren't driving to end hunger, they were frantically trying to get as far away as possible from the smokescreen that was following them. Lest we forget those who remained behind it. They're in there somewhere. Poor souls.
 
A strong desire for M&M's meant SkylineObsession was pushing the car really hard to catch the colourful treats which were somehow attached to the car ahead of him. And really, really big.


Things were a bit bland at the front of the pack.


The M&Mmobile and the Farmableford suddenly reverted back to oval track spec NASCAR's, and refused to turn even the slightest of uncambered curves.


The Ford was taking no prisoners, so the M&M's were pushed to the side - this was a race, no time for snacks.
Translation on the sign reads: Wkid effi khdnswi oue udjs je~! (sorry, i'm not too good at reading Japanese :( )


JG 1 of 3 was still triumphantly ahead of blueChev. He's got it. There is nothing at all that could go wrong now, the win is his! Why are you getting so suspicious that the next image will be of a Jeff Gordon car spinning? There are three of them in this race remember, what are the chances of it being the one right at the front!


Oh. Quite a good chance apparently. I can now see why you had suspicions that this may occur. Oh well, the race had a new leader now!


Elsewhere on the track the Camry was quite unused to braking and cornering, so much so that a fire started to develop around the front wheels. The only express service this car was going to get was being sprayed with 11 small fire extinguishers.
 
The Jeff Gordon car 3 of 3's newly acquired second position in The Amazing Race was now in Jeopardy, with the Wheels Of Fortune not looking too flash, and would likely result in the Sale Of The Century when the car is sold to Spongebob Squarepants later on, surely adding to the Fear Factor of the upcoming 'Spin City' which you'll see beginning below this comment.
(my original comment for this pic was going to be how he's taking a shortcut to get into 1st, but that comment was the Weakest Link and wouldn't make it to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, especially since he isn't hosting it anymore, so i took it Step By Step to avoid a Full House of Angry Birds giving me and my F.r.i.e.n.d.s 60 Minutes to restore some sort of Law and Order to The Bold And The Beautiful world of the Lost Community of Ice Road Truckers. Who have nothing to do with GT6 by the way)


I decided to try some dirty driving, only problem was that i was the only one around me, so it didn't really do any good.


Ford vs Holden, the American version. Mr Chevy was determined to keep Mr Ford behind him.


But it wasn't to be, the Ford was just so much more awesome than the Holde.... Chevrolet. I'm not a Ford fan either. Not at all.


Even though it was the Camry on fire, the strange thing was that all the smoke was coming from Jeff Gordon car 2 of 3. It baffled the scientists watching the race more than the pure bafflement they had as to why they were there in the first place. And scientists are very smrt. Smart.


At this point the firefighters had had enough of all the false alarms, and had returned home.


Knowing the Ford was better than his Hol... Chevrolet, the non-Ford driver decided that he had no choice other than to take drastic (but completely normal for NASCAR) action, and helped the Ford return to the farmland.


And finally, SkylineObsession was getting so extreme with his drift angles that he ended up drifting backwards over the start finish line on the last lap. Fourty new tyre companies started up just for this race, and they all ended up profitable.
 
So..i like visit other people gallery because its giving me a idea how to make my photos and you help me with some NASCAR actions. I like in second NASCAR gallery last photos - great shot. keep the good work.
 
Thanks everyone. I also enjoy reading my posts. :D

Another week has passed, so here are more photos. If you like playing golf you'll especially like these photos of Golfs. :)

This is where we started the race from. They call this odd formation a 'starting grid'.


The ground camera was quite dirty.


Only a few of us opted to paint our race numbers on in black paint, the rest annoyingly used invisible ink. So as a payback i used invisible ink when it came time to writing down their payment for racing! Which mea... Hold on a sec, getting a message through the intercom from race control. ... What? ... Are you sure? ... So. ... Well. Turns out we didn't actually pay anyone for entering/racing, so obviously couldn't have written their pay amount in invisible ink. What did i write with it then?

*At my 21st birthday party later that night*

Why has no-one turned up? It started two and a half hours ago! I'm sure i wrote down the right directions, even have the pen right he.... OH CRAP!!


There was an excessive amount of magpies during the race, and they even resulted in the race starting an hour and 45 minutes later than normal (if it normally started an hour and 45 minutes after 8:30pm, but it doesn't, so the race started at 8:30 again). This was eventually put down to the three silver chrome cars in the race, aaaand also the billionaires poker game being held in the clubrooms.


This flower was not chrome however, so the magpies and the billionaires left it alone.


During the shiney race, the chrome was reflected in a shine for chromey bling with lots of reflect.


While the track zig zagged up the hill in the background, the cars simply went straight past the camera.
 
This shiny chrome car was up the front of the field, blinding everyone else behind because of the clean, shiny reflections from this shiny car.


Actually no. It was following a cleaner, shinier, chromier, reflectier car which was much more shiny, or rather in the lead because of its chrome shine.


It was... shineier even than the sky... and the sky was even shinier when it ... was reflected on the shiney ... chrome car which was ... incredibly shine.


And... i... for shiney ... and where... reflections and ... huh? I ... um ........ for the thing ... chromeyshineflect ... carrot ..... raceyshiner .... ... .. .


AAAAAGGHH!!! Where did this completely unshiney car come from!! It's got no chrome at all! What's the deal!! *takes a few breaths* Humblest apologies people, these chrome cars just mesmerized me to the point of losing concentration on everything. Poor magpies have it tough. As does my drool covered keyboard. :(


Back at the front, things were moving. Well truth be told, they have been since the race started, but my point is that they were STILL moving.


So fast that the ground was being forced towards the Golf's's's's like a vacuum effect.
 
Seventeen wide into a tight 90 degree or so chicane simply doesn't work. Especially when you can only have 16 car fields, and only four or five were approaching this corner at the same time.


All nine racers are visible in this shot. Most of them are turning left. No, your right, my left. No not your left, my left but your right which is right by the left side of your right hand. Alright? Oh... you've left.


OI! Stop, so i can get a better photo! I can't magically hang over you forever!


Thank you. Much better. See, wasn't so hard, was it? You can go now. I need to fall to the ground.


The chromers were busy reflecting on their race progress thus far, which enabled a couple of the non chrombies to take the lead.


However it appeared the chromemeisters had something up their sleeve, they were starting to drive together as a group...


Still sitting back, biding their time. Waiting for an opportune moment to dazzle the leaders with 'The Chrome Effect', their secret weapon which became not so secret after they'd leaked to Wikipedia during the race which is how i know about it already, before they've had the chance to implement it.
 
*CHROZAM!!*

The Chrome Effect was suddenly used with full force, projecting one of the chromefidels up a few places, straight into the lead! This could have serious consequences for the race results! Someone contact the authorities!!


NOW things are getting interesting, somehow the blue and gold Golfs have broken through The Chrome Effect affected leader and regained their places at the front. They're fighting back, the chromeblasters won't be happy about this!


OOoooohhh, wait a sec. They have almost completely surrounded the Golf Gold! Uh, i mean gold Golf. Could they be resorting to The Chrome Effect II? Surely not - that was banned decades ago for the sheer destruction it caused! Can they do this?! The orangy red Golf appears to be trying to block their attempt, will this blocking maneuver be enough?!?!


Number 7 is driving as close as possible! Protecting number 5 from The Chrome Effect II's sheer danger!! Lets hope this works out people, the last time this happened, in 1979, the world was left in shock and some countries are still cleaning up the mess!!! We can't allow this to happen again!!!!


IT WORKED!!! Number 7, the orangeyred Golf has averted disaster and the race is back on again! One of the chromeboogeys has even developed the common 'chromeshow.exe' error (which affects the chrome vehicles contact ability) and is driving right through another chromemishmasher! If this error continues, The Chrome Effect II cannot work, as it needs three chrome cars with full contact ability! They must have really been going for it if they managed to force this error!


It has left the leader feeling a bit blue (da ba dee, da ba die), but he'll surely be thinking of his fellow non chromians and of ways to combat the chromejesters' potential future attacks!


Back into formation again. The chromebalites are likely thinking of their next move, but it won't take much at all for Chrome Effect II to be re-attempted, given the position of the yellow Golf!
 
Just tuned in? They are still traversing around this really long radius corner. Wait a few seconds and they should be almost clear of it.


*CHROZAMbzzt!!*

WOAAHHH, they used The Chrome Effect for a second time!! But wait, it appears that it was a partially faulty application as the gold Golf got bought up the front instead of the third chromeagillyians car! This error has only been seen twice before, and the diagnoses both times was that 'TCE' was used at over 100% of its recommended force! These chromesingsongers are furiously battling for the win! This is nuts!! I need something better than popcorn for this!!!


Yep, clear as day from another angle - the overloaded Chrome Effect definitely caused the wrong car to be transported! They will not be happy!


End of the race! The chromepeicebenders fail in their 1 2 3 attempt and get 1st, 3rd and 5th instead! You have to give credit where credit is due though, they definitely gave it a shot at a podium chromefest, but crafty opponents and a still faulty Chrome Effect system just let them down too much. Next time then guys, but please - don't attempt Chrome Effect II ever again. You're too young to remember what it did last time but i can assure you that those chromeexploders would have regretted that decision had they lived to see what it did.


Having been left behind from the shockwaves of The Chrome Effect, the number 7 Golf finished in 6th place, this far behind the leaders;


The second blue Golf was wary of the three chromealabasters from the first time he laid eyes on them, so kept a steady pace near the back of the field. In hindsight it was a good choice, as he didn't get caught up in the chaos at the front of the field.


While right at the back, SkylineObsession in the matte green Golf had been off the pace for a few laps, while searching the pits and sides of the track for the purple number 83 Golf which hadn't been seen for ages.


Suspicions and a post race investigation discovered some shocking news as to the whereabouts of the purple Golf. The chromesplashbackers had removed it from the race, with the dangerous Chrome Effect IV...
 

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