Ok, here it is 
X
Fatal Gaga
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your co-pilot speaking.” The speakers sounded. “We are now entering European airspace. And some unpronounceable volcano in Iceland hasn’t erupted, so we are expecting clear skies and quick flying. It will be about 9pm Paris time when we stop over in Paris to refuel and drop off and pick up passengers. To you who are moving on to Geneva, the plane will leave from Charles du Gaulle at approximately 3am, which is 6pm Oakland Time.”
To be honest, I quite like being Jet-lagged. The fact that it’s in the middle of the day and you’re falling asleep. Or that it’s in the early hours of the morning and you’re energetic.
I laid back to listen to the next song. And someone must’ve pushed the button to change the radio station, because the next thing I was listening to was: Let’s have some fun, this beat it sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.
Let’s ha-
No, it can’t be. I’m listening to.. to… her.
“Noooooo!!!!” I ripped off the godforsaken headphones and threw them on the floor like they’d just burnt me. Everyone was looking at me like I’d awaken from a nightmare. Which it was – trust me.
I was sitting there in shock when a stewardess ran frantically up to me with “Sir, are you alright? Sir, what happened?”
It took me a while to regain my meaning of still living. And my senses. “Sorry. Lady Gaga was playing on the radio.”
Everyone around me started murmuring about how we’re all going to die. I even heard one guy talking about jumping out of the plane instead of listening to that crap.
“Oh my God,” The hostess said. “Would you like anything: A hot towel? A drink? A psychiatrist?”
I replied – shaken up, “No thanks. Some earplugs might be nice though.”
I stood up, woozy. And started to walk to the bathroom, the line of people immediately let me through to the front of the queue. I went into the tiny cubicle and splashed my face with some cold water. This isn’t a good start to Euroupe, I thought as I pulled down my fly.
I flushed the toilet and let the high-pressure motor do the rest. I washed my hands of Lady Gaga’s imaginary blood and stepped out. A steward walked up with a small bag and handed them to me.
“We’re terribly sorry about your – incident. If you need anyth-“
I shook my head, “I should be fine now.” I started staggering back to my seat – and someone caught my eye: The young woman behind me. She looked up and said, “that must have been a frightening experie- hey, would I know you from somewhere?”
I studied her more carefully: Tall. Brown Hair. A slightly German accent. “What’s your name? I must’ve forgotten, or I don’t actually know you.” I laughed.
She stood up and greeted me, “Guten Tag, Mr. Bosch – again. My name is Viktoria.”
This wasn’t as bad as the shock the song gave me, but it was still a bit of shock. The seatbelt light went on and I sat down to fumble with my seatbelt.
As it was going on into the early hours of the morning, Viktoria and I decided to stick together just around Charles du Gaulle Airport. Even though I wanted to go sightseeing.
“It’s three in the morning, Tom! Why do you want to go sightseeing?” she’d said.
Dad had asked me to send him an e-mail the minute I am able to. So I went to the first cybercafé I could find.
“Bonjour, Dix minutes coûts quoi?” I asked when I got inside the cafè.
The elderly woman at the counter laughed. “You’re saying it wrong – it’s ‘Combien ça coûte pour 10 minutes?’” she said with a New Zealand accent – surprising.
I chuckled, “Ok, thanks. So what’s a Kiwi doing in Paris running an internet cafè?”
“Just about to ask that to you. Minus the cafè bit. Helping supply my pension. Don’t worry, I’m the Cyber part of this marriage. My husband’s the cafè bit.”
“I’m moving to Switzerland – I’m in the I.T. area as well – getting ready to teach at a school in Geneva,” I said. “So, can I have 10 minutes and a bacon, cheese and onion omelette? With some cholcolat chaud, s'il vous plaît .” I like the chocolate.
“De rien.” she smiled, “You’re on computer Seven. It’s got Counter-Strike, but that costs more, I’m afraid.”
“Don’t worry, I hate CS.”
I walked over to computer seven and popped in the code while Viktoria ordered a tart de la viande.
First things first – Bacon Smoothie. I quickly searched it up and got what I wanted. Sent the link to David and cackled quietly to myself. I then sent the e-mail to Dad, Saying I’m safe at Paris Airport at the moment and am leaving at 3am (local time).
“Here’s your eggs, mate.” The cook came out with the eggs and coffee.
I looked at him. No, it couldn’t be…
“Bert MacMillan?”
The man looked puzzled, “How do you know my name?”
I replied – awestruck, “The Mighty MacMillan: New Zealand’s greatest rally driver of the late 20th Century. Won the Rally of Otago twice.”
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MacMillan looked quite surprised, for someone my age knowing about him. “How’s a twenty-something recognize me? I retired in the Eighties. And it’s three times, by the way.” He laughed
“My Mum had a whole shrine in her bedroom – but she’s an alcoholic so my dad and I left her for America.”
“When did you leave?” he asked.
I tried to remember, “About… 2000, 2001.”
He laughed, “I moved to Paris, with Marion about then… Christmas ’00.”
“Where’d you live in New Zealand?” I asked.
“The land of the wise – South Auckland,” MacMillan answered.
I chuckled, “Probably so you were close to Deep Forest and Pukekohe?”
“Yeah mate. I heard Pukekohe’s been replaced by a street course for the V8s.”
“Yeah, Bert. Bloody Hamilton’s got a street circuit now. And there’s a racetrack somewhere in the Bombay Hills, too.”
“By God, I can’t keep up with it all.”
This seemed like a pretty productive. I almost had a heart attack after listening to Lady Gaga on a crowded airplane. I’m gonna make my cousin drink a Bacon smoothie, and I re-met a German-Swiss woman whom I’d last seen half-a-year ago.
Vive la Suisse!
Just hang on, getting so close to actual action (other than the Gaga Situation
)!
Last edited: Aug 16, 2010