What would you do if you were in this position?

  • Thread starter Thread starter wee_man
  • 44 comments
  • 1,277 views
Yeah, I know what you mean. A lot of people in our age bracket simply aren't equipped to handle dispensing advice in situations like this... that's not to say I am, but I can at least promise to take the situation seriously and give you balanced advice.
 
wee_man,

Title fixed. As for advise? That's tough man, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your dad. It's hard to say man, I mean he's definately has a lot of trust to regain from you I'm sure. Something thats hard to realize, but yes, our parents are human also, fully capable of making mistakes. Guys? Guys are mostly horndogs, I mean, don't take me wrong, I'm not justifying what happened in the past, present, or future, but keep in mind that your dad is guy like every other guy. If what he told you was true, then that's great, and sometimes your better off not knowing what's up.

Anyhow, I hope that you guys make it through this and that this new information that you doesn't destroy your relationship with your day.

Don't know if I can be of any help, but I'm here if I can.

~Peace
 
Thanks for the advice and changing the name of the thread Pako.:)
When I talked to him even though I was angry that's what I kept in mindm that he's just like a bloke like you and me. He also told me that pretty much all our family freinds have had affairs on their partners at some stage of their relationship , which I was quite shucked about, because he trusted me and wanted to get my trust back (which I won't have for a long time) or so he said.
I suppose the thing that kind of hurt the most and most got to me was the fact at the end of the day they were staying together for me and my sister, but they were also wasting there lives in doing it (if you get what I mean), which I just thought was unfair. I said to him I wouldn't of minded if he had split up with mum and then done it, but it didn't happen. So just trying to rebuild my trust in him :rolleyes: .
Thanks
WM
 
My family is having problems as well, most of it is due to my dads drinking. He isn't a full on alcoholic, but it's costing us enough money to cuase problems.

His procrastination also pisses me off, our house has been in a state of stripped wallpaper for over a year now, we should've been painting a long time ago.

I can't bring myself to talk to him, whenever I want to have serious talks with my parents, I choke and start crying (not waaaaa crying, but sort of like, pissed off tears, I can feel my eyes burning as I type), and that completely screws up my chance, because he'll capotilise on that, and use his voice and temper on me, at which I wont be able to continue, he get's pissed off easily, and I'm sure if I stood up to him, he's get violent, either to me, or to our possetions (sp??) like he might come in here and use my computer usage against me, most likely he'd put a foot into the computer. He is such a wanker.

Although he's going to get it soon, I've lost all trust and what not for him, if I had the guts, I'd stand up, but as soon as I get into an arguement, he raises his voice and I whimper away like an abused dog, it sickens me that I'm 16 and I can't even stand up to my own father, but I'm sure soon something is going to happen.

He's said he's going to cut down on his drinking, but he never does, like I said, procrastination. I'm going to get a job soon, so he would be forced to come home instead of to the pub, so I can use his car to get to work and back. But I don't think it would be enough, I want to do something drastic, but I know he would use his temper to resolve the situation his way, and thats another thing, he's a power-freak, he isn't happy until something is done his way, and he doesn't like it when he's pushed, so I guess I'm doomed when it comes to change, but like I said, something will go pop soon.

Anyway, my mum keeps saying she'll go out to the hardware store and get names and prices for finishing the house off herself, my sister and I both support her and push her, but she just doesn't do it, I guess she forgets?

Sigh, I can't wait to get out of this house.

Anyway, sorry for filling your thread with my problem W_M, but I needed to get that off of my chest.
 
wee_man: I'm glad to hear that things went reasonably well for you. Remember that rebuilding trust takes time, and you should keep your guard up for a while, but let things relax gradually. I would say that the worst thing you can do is to bring up the incident in social situations, because then you'll get into a point-scoring contest that will only keep the wounds open longer.

Just quietly keep an eye on things, maybe the odd raised eyebrow from time to time should be used just to let your father know that you're still watching out.

I wonder why people never delete their e-mails...

Cobraboy: Wow, you're in a tough one. Not to say that Wee_Man's wasn't tough, but you really are in a hard situation. Is your Father working? If not, that's probably why he's drinking.

Don't forget that he's probably at least as aware of his failings as you are, and that when you ask your mum to sort stuff, you're adding to the pressure that she's under. Remember: the guy she married and loves is losing his grip on his life, and her children, who are becoming adults, are putting pressure on to fix stuff. That all means that her life is tough at the moment too.

The fact that you start the tear-less crying as soon as you start thinking about this is because you have so much emotion invested in the situation, plus the fact that at your age, hormones are decreasing your ability to control your emotions. It's tough to suggest a course of action that is positive, but since your issue is with home improvements, there is definitely scope for you to contribute to the state of the house in an active way.

I would say that you should go to the library and look for DIY books which cover the areas that you feel need improvement. Read through the relevant chapters, and decide what you want to do to the room. Create a list of targets, and from that a plan of action. The plan will give you a list of things you need to buy.

Then ask your Mum to take you to the store, and pay for the stuff that you buy.

Yes, I AM suggesting that you do the work yourself. You say the walls are stripped: all you need to do is pick a colour, and paint. A fresh-painted room looks excellent and is really easy to do (I know, I did it recently). It will cost you a total of approximately £50 (UK Pounds) to paint a 15' x 12' room, including dust sheets, brushes, rollers, paint trays and paint. It will take you about 4 hours to do.

What you're going to do here is:
a) Actively contribute to the running of the house and the improvement of the house's situation, and
b) Show your parents that these things aren't hard, and that all they need is a little motivation.

Once a person in your Dad's situation starts to rebuild their motivation, they can quickly get onto an upward spiral. It will take time and work, but it's not unrecoverable. Just try to steer clear of confrontations, and try not to complain too much about your Dad to your Mum.

Oh, and painting is enormously theraputic if you're carrying a lot of stress - I know that from personal experience too.
 
If I were you, I'd kick my dads azz, I mean I'd beat him within an inch of his life, then hit yourself a bit, and call the cops saying he tried to fight you in a drunken stupor and you defended yourself.
 
Originally posted by Driftster
If I were you, I'd kick my dads azz, I mean I'd beat him within an inch of his life, then hit yourself a bit, and call the cops saying he tried to fight you in a drunken stupor and you defended yourself.
Click to expand...

And then what? You're a dummy.
 
Then what is he'd get disowned by his mother, and he'd lose both parents. Way to go Driftster!

Cretin.
 
I'm sorry to hear that Cobraboy. Feel free to take this thread if you want. I think it's onyl fair if other people who are having problems or need advice comondeare (<::::spelling) this thread.
Well I wish I could help you but I don't know what advice really to give. Gile's did sound like the best and if I was you I would go along with it.
I had a freind whoose mum turned into an alcoholic. It got soo bad and he got so fed up in the end that he managed to get her to go along to a clinic and seemed to get her off the booze. What piece of advice I could suggest is (as stupid as this may sound) try and find out how he's getting and paying for the alcohol. It has been done before where you can go into the shop where the person (or in your case you dad) is getting the booze and tell the people who are selling it to him to cease selling it to him. I know it's not as simple as that and it needs a bit of working but people have done it before. Just a thought.
Well I hope it gets better and you manage to get it sorted soon. Good luck
WM
 
It's a pain in the arse, I try to get him to do something, he can't take being pushed and gets all defensive and pissed off. Hmph.

And yes, my Dad is working, but he is sort of self-centred, and he doesn't like coming home to hearing me talk about school or something, he works hard and he just wants to come home and relax, but he can't so he goes to the pub.

He cleared (as in after tax) $60,000 last year, and with him and my mum's wages put together they'd be pulling in around $100,000 a year, but with bills and other paymetns etc, that number shrinks dramatically, then the rest of it is chewed up my his beer. We're not struggling or anything, we can afford to live where we are, but we don't have much cash afterwards to spend.

The home improvements, they are just an example, we have heaps of unfinished projects around the place. We recently redid the bathroom (recently = about 1 year ago) and we still have got the basin fixed to the wall, you can pull it a good 4" away from the wall, not to mention the rubber seals around the bath are all screwy and wonky. Then there's the tractor, the tractor that in supposed to be used to launch our boat down the public ramp up at our holiday home. We've had it sitting in the back yard for 2+ years, it needs a complete overhaul and whatnot. Don't get me started on the holiday home, it's 20 years old and the majority of the walls haven't even been gibbed up.

But maybe my post came around the wrong way, we aren't a broken family, we are happy where we are and what we're doing in our lives, it's just that my dad has not motivation to do something, and when pushed, he turns nasty.
 
Maby thats why your always putting me down?

Anyway baout my dad, him and my mom had been together for 13 years and my dad cheater on her for 5 of those years, he lied to me and said that he loved my mom, i hate him to this day for it. He is a sicko, always getting drunk, one tme he frogot to pick me up from school (i live 20 miles away) so i had to walk home. He is suck a "wanker".
 
Originally posted by w00tness
Maby thats why your always putting me down?
Click to expand...

No, I put you down in the same way that I put my friends down, maybe we have different tolerance's for insulting here then what some people do in the states.
 
I must be privilaged to have parents that have been married for 27 years, happily.

I think that if I found out that they were gonna break up, sometimes I think that it would just kill me, other times I think that it might not be so bad. Either way, I think it's best now.

Sorry to hear about that...I'd confront everyone. Tell everyone what everyone else is doing and who they are screwing. I'd also make it really evident that the situation's emotional stress is doing harm to you.
 
Well Cobraboy the only way I'd think I could get the situation better is to push my dad and stand up to him. To be honest I can't really give that as a serious and honest suggestion, because I don't know what your dad is like when he gets "pushed". Maybe if your whole family was to stand up to him he might not be so bad....:confused:

w00tness: e probably does love your mum but just not in the same way he used to, but I do feel and compensate with you anger. Though I've been trying to block mine out for the past week/days now and to get on with my life.
 
I don't really have to much advice to give to you seeing I have never been in that kind of situation and never will be seeing my father really has never been in my life but I really hope things get better for you and wish you all the luck...NO person deserves that.. Good Luck! Try to :)
 
Back