You might be a redneck if...

G

GranTurismoRacer

Messages
181
-you consider 5th grade your senior year
-you buy a watermelon for something other than eating
-you have a working tv sitting on top of a non-working one (that's me :P)
-Winn-Dixie catered your wedding
-you've ever been in a custody fight over a hunting dog
-you consider 5th grade the best 6 years of your life
-one of your kids was born on a pool table
-you think the last 3 words of the national anthem are "start your engines"
 
-you have to use your plunger every day
-you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels
-your truck has curtains, but your house doesnt
-you think fast food is hitting a possum at 62 mph
-you carry a fishing pole to sea world
-you think a quarter horse is a ride outside of wal*mart
-you mow your lawn and find a car


- you play the saxophone (sax players would know this- theyre neck gets all red after they play- its from the neckstrap)
 
here's a huge list... have fun!

you might be a redneck if...

1. Your Truck Doubles As A Tool Shed
2. Your Truck Is "Raised"
3. You Truck Has "True Duals"
4. You Plan When Your Getting Drunk
5. You Can Tell Who Is Pulling In Your Drive Way By The Sound Of There Exchaust
6. Your On First Name Basis With The Police Department
7. The Police Dont Even Bother Pulling You Over, They Just Mail The Citation
8. It Takes At Least 4 People To Change The Oil On A Veichle
9. You Have To Make More Than One Beer Run A Night
10. You Swear By Old Milwaukee, Or Pabst Blue Ribbon
11. You Know What EEEYeah Means, And How To Pronouce It
12. You Are Proud Of Your Double Wide
13. You Regularly Get In To Chevy vs. Ford Arguments
14. You Feel The Need To Hook 'Up Then Bumper To Bumper To See Whose Truck Will Pull Whos
14. You Brag About Your Trucks Brake Stand Capabilities
15. You Can't Wait For Winter So You Can Jump Snow Banks With Your Truck
16. One Of Your Friends Drives Amature Late Model Racing
17. You Always Carry A Chain, "Just In Case"
18. You Know What "Chancey" Really Means
20. If Your Hard Pressed For Cash And Need A Cigarrete, You Will Smoke Something Called "All Star Smokes"
21. Your Truck Tires Are At Least R16x9x30
22. You Chance The $2000 fine And Cut Your Catalitic Converters Off, So You Rapp'em Better
23. You Purposely Drive Into the Ditch To See If You Can Get Out.
24. After You Get Out You Try It Again.
25. You Belive Rudolth Really Has cousin Named "Leroy"
26. You Get Gas At A Place Named "Bob's 64"
27. You Stay An BS At Bob's For Over An Hour.
28. You Have a Scrapped Out Car Sitting In The Front Yard
29. If The "Little Woman" Plants Flowers Around It too
30. You Enjoy Coon Hunting At 2 am
31. During White Tail Deer Season You Drink More Than Hunt
32. Your Truck Has That Odd "Beer" Smell All The Time
33. You Know How To Hide Beer In Your Truck Very Well
34. Beer, Coffee, All The Same!
35. You Have Come Home On The Last Day Of Deer Season And Smoked A Deer On The Freeway By "Accident"
36. You Then Field Dressed It And Taken It All Home
37. You Go Over To "Ma's" House Every Weekend, And Holiday
38. You Have More Than 3 Ex Wives, And You Still have The Same Inlaws.
39. When A Woman Asks If You Have Protection Before The Deed, And You Tell Here You Left Your Shotgun In Your Truck
40. You Have A Gun Rack In Your Truck
41. You Leave Your Guns In Your Gun Rack Loaded
42. You Have A Rebel Flag Licence Plate/ and/or Back Window Decal
43. You Go To The Barber Shop Every Day, Even If You Don't Need A Haircut
44. Your Never Outta Ammo.
45. You Get A Craving For Liver `n Onions Twice A Day.
46. You Love Your Grits.
47. You Have Ridden In The Back Of A Truck Down A Highway
48. You Feel Its Time To Get A Haircut When It Grows Over Your Eyes
49. You Could Easily Build A Small House With All The Junk, And Tools In Your Truck
50. More Beer Gets Drank In Your Garage, Than Trucks Get Worked On.
51. You have a mullet.
52. You can climb up a tree faster than a cat.
53. Them dang varmints keep knocking your garbage cans over...
54. Football is god, and communion is Tostitos and nacho cheese.
55. If it ain't rusty, it ain't a real truck.
56. You can pick out a Michigan accent.
57. The best mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
58. You've caught a fish in lake michigan and it glows in the dark.
59. You can pick out a Illinois driver without seeing the license plate.
60. Gotta kill them deer...
61. ...and make sausage
62. You think grammer is one of you parents mothers.
63. Your home is mobil, and you have 3 cars/trucks that are not.
64. You Party By The Light Of The Moon, And Wake Up Next To A Girl You Don't Remember.
65. She Ends Up Being Your Cousin!
66. You Then Realize You Must Be From Arkansa...
 
--you consider Alabama your home state even though you were born in Tenneesse
--Animal Control consists of you, your buddy Earl, and a double-barrel shotgun
--instead of bird feeders, you have squirrel feeders
--your wife grew up in the same house as you
--your inlaws are in jail
 
You ever cut your grass and found a car.

You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren''t.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You''ve ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman''s anatomy.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in."

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You''ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.

Someone asks, "Where''s your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She''s at home with the kids."

Your wife''s job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

You have the local taxidermist''s number on speed dial.

You''ve ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

You''ve ever given rat traps as gifts.

You clean your fingernails with a stick.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

You''ve totaled every car you''ve ever owned.

There are more than five McDonald''s bags currently on the floorboard of your car.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

You''ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

You''ve ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You''ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You''re considered an expert on wormbeds.

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

You''ve ever bought a used cap.

Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

You picked your false teeth from a catalog.

You''ve ever financed a tattoo.

You''ve ever stolen toilet paper.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

You go to a stock car race and don''t need a program.

Your source for toilet paper has page numbers on it.

MOTEL 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.

You own a denim leisure suit.

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

Your family tree does not branch.

You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.

You show your boyfriend you really love him by carving his name on your arm.

You''ve ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.

You''ve ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time call...."

You ever hit on somebody in a V.D. clinic.

Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you''re at work.

After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

All of your four letter words are two syllables.

You''ve ever been too drunk to fish.

You cut your toenails in front of company.

You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Hitchhikers won''t get in the car with you.

You''ve ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.

Your house doesn''t have curtains but your truck does.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You have grease under your toenails.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You''ve ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You''ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

You''ve ever cleaned fish in your living room.

You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

Your father walks you to school because you and he are in the same grade.

Your house has wheels and your car doesn''t.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

You''ve ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You think the French Riviera is foreign car.

Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."

Your wife''s hairdo has been caught in the ceiling fan at least once.

You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.

You own a 3 pound belt buckle.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

You have more than two relatives named "Bubba" or "Junior".

You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
 
I'm not going to read all those, so apologies if all 2 of mine have already been said.:D
- Your dog passes gas and you claim it
- You see a sign that says, "Just say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.


:p
 

Latest Posts

Back